Working Moms and After-School Activities

As a former stay at home mom, I LOVED NYMetromom, response! I was always willing to help out as long as I didn't feel taken advantage of. Because I was a stay at home mom, we didn't have a ton of disposable income, a gift card would have made my day!!! If you don't have the budget to support that, I would have also loved a break from time to time - an offer to watch my kids so my husband and I could have a date night, for example. And who doesn't love a good carpool?!

"If you're a considerate mom, word gets around." -- Absolutely!!!

In my house, if a good friend is playing and we can arrange a carpool (they drop off, I pick up), then he can join. If not, then yes, my son just has to miss out. That's life for us.

I carpool. I find out which of my sons friends are going to be participating in the same activity and ask the parents if my son can catch a ride there with them. I then pick them up and drive home. Most parents are more than happy not to have to drive both ways. I also try to look for activities after supper instead of right after school. My husband works evenings, so I have to get two boys to and from activities on my own.

REgister your son for whatever sports her wants to play - then when the roster comes out sned an email to all the parents asking if there's anyone willing to bring your son to practice and you will pick the kids up from practice. Or ask if any parent is willing to do so and be paid. When my kids were this age we had neighbors who could carpool with us - but I always worried that I might be putting someone out. So I became a giftgiver. When a mom would offer to drive my child numerous times in the season to come I'd get her a gift card for a mani-pedi in the area, or a local coffee shop, or even movie tickets. (Back in the day I used to get Blockbuster giftcards!).

If you're a considerate mom word gets around.

Finally, sometimes local retired people like to be involved this way - maybe ask around or talk to some seniors in your neighborhood or at church / temple.

Carpool. I teach high school and I can leave pretty early on the days that I'm not tutoring, but I get to school at 6:45 each day so it's tricky sometimes in the mornings when my husband can't take our youngest to school for some reason or other.

I've worked it out with another mom where she helps us out in the mornings when we need help, and I help out with after school activities that our boys participate in. It's easier now because my oldest is 17 and he helps out, too.

Through the years we've had to figure things out each year as school start and end times have changed and our boys' activities have changed. The best thing we've done is talk to other parents and work things out with them. We've found that other parents are usually very friendly and willing to help out, especially if it's a give and take situation.

A former neighbor was a single mom and did not have much family near that could help. She hired a high schooler that was able to get her daughter from school and take her to meetings/practice and stay with her for 2 hours after school a few days a week. This way she was able to participate and she did not miss out.

Honestly this is why it seems like more and more women I know cut back working as their kids get older. Some say stay home while they're young but schedules are way more complicated when they're older. I've seen parents alternate - they just tell their bosses x day a week I need to leave early. They each do it one time a week and then the two practices are covered. People definitely work out carpools. And then people hire someone for after school. Senior citizens and college kids can want those types of hours. Care.com has a lot of college girls around us.

The working parents at my son's school are always given help with transportation from the stay at home parents, but these are usually school sponsored sports and events. Anyone in these groups you can strike up a deal with?

Tough one. I am lucky in that I work from home one day and can arrange activities then. We also have most sports on the weekends with practices on weeknights at 6 or 7 (which is tough in and of itself when you're a working mom).

What I would try to do is email the coach and ask about getting your son to practice. Maybe he'd be willing to provide a ride there and you can do something to help him out. Or perhaps he can give you a list of other kids whose parents can give him a lift and you can pick up and drive home?

You'll see, if you strike up some bargains (you drive my kid on Tuesdays and I'll watch your kid on Sunday mornings) it might work out well.

Also, have you considered going in an hour earlier to work so you can get out earlier and take him? Not sure what you do or it that's an option.

When my son was around 12 he would get himself there and I would pick him up. He was just really responsible like that. His football practice wasn't near our home or his school but he did have a classmate on the same team so they would make the journey together often.

You may even consider hiring someone responsible to get your kid there and you pick him up from these practices. This is what my mom did for my sister when she was in stuff and I couldn't do it because my school was so much further away than her school and activities.

You either try to make it work or you find an activity that will work with all of the various logistics of the family and this advice is coming from a single parent. Also note I never bogged my kid down with activies during the school year. Good grades are more important than sports in my opinion and I know my kids' limitations.

Don't be frustated but do understand you may need to do something different that works for the entire family. It's not the end of the world not participating in every sport known to man.

I generally have the flexibility to work from home on early activity days but families I know who don't have this flexibility will either team up with another parent to cover transportation or will hire a sitter who can drive. I have a friend who has two separate afternoon drivers for her teenage girls, who need to be anywhere and everywhere after school to meet their competitive soccer commitments. Both parents work and sometimes travel so hiring help was the only way to get reliable coverage.

I am a SAHM, but all of our activities are at night--kinda late, in my opinion. One son has basketball from 6-7 on Tuesdays. My middle son has basketball from 7-8pm on Fridays. And, they all go to Sunday school on Wednesdays from 7-8:15.

You will have to sign him up for things that have practices when you can make them. I can't imagine a coach setting up a practice that early in the day. Here in the midwest practices for things like soccer, baseball, basketball etc are usually at 6pm. and on saturdays and sundays. have you checked into a carpool? that might be the only way to do it.

I have worked 630-330 since my oldest started school so I was home to get her off the bus. This means we had a morning sitter to get them all ready in the morning and off to school.

Other times my husband and I were able to stagger our schedules so one of us was there in the morning and the other in the afternoon.

Now, my husband is unemployed right now, but when he goes back to work we will likely have to hire a sitter or stagger schedules again. We have to leave our house as early as 4 to get to dance practice on time, 3 days a week. No way we could get home any later than 345 and make practices.

Could you hire a sitter instead of after-school care? That way the sitter could drive him to his activities and you could meet there?

We both work, my parents pick him up from school and keep him at their home until 6:30 when we pick him up and bring him home. We have suggested after school activities for him, but they'd prefer to keep him at home, ride bikes, build legos, go to the local playground, cook, clean, rake, do laundry etc according to their whim, with him in tow, rather than have to taxi him to and from set activities on a set schedule.

Long story short, my son misses out.

Ask other parents, the school, coaches etc. whether there are any programs, ride shares etc in place for the likes of you. Maybe you can carpool with another parent, where they pick up from school and drive to the activity, and you pick up both kids and drive them home.

What will you do for aftercare should your kid not do those activities?

Best,
F. B.

I remember that my sister was hired to come in time to meet the children from the bus on days that they didn't stay after for some kind of club or sport. She'd pick them up from school when they stayed. She'd drive them to any extracurricular activities like you're talking about, and she'd sit them down once they were home and get them started on homework and a snack. She'd leave when one of the parents got home.

It worked out really well for that family and she enjoyed it. Maybe you could do this.

I hate when people answer with things that don't answer the question asked... and that's what I'm about to do, so I apologize! Even though I don't fall into the exact same category as you, I do often wonder a similar thing. I am extremely lucky that at the moment, my job is 9 to 3:30, so I have time to get my son off to school, my daughter where she's going for the day, and get to work. And I get home minutes after my son. So I am home to take him to his activities. I know how fortunate I am in this regard. But I do wonder what I'll do when my daughter becomes involved in activities... and this is going to be real soon. My husband works long hours, so transporting kids to wherever is always my responsibility. I don't know what I'll do when my kids have overlaps... that, and I figure I'll be running every single evening, and no time to do anything else. I don't know what the answer is...

I remember this being a problem for my parents, and my mom was a SAHM. But they had 4 kids and all 4 of us were in different activities and there always seemed to be some overlap.

Does he have a friend or classmate that's signed up for the same extra-curricular that could help you out? That's what we have done with my daughter and soccer. A friend of my daughter's plays soccer, which means my daughter wanted to play soccer too. But practices start at 4, and that just not possible for us. So I talked to the friends mom to see if she could help us out. On practice days my daughter goes home with her friend. They have enough time to have a snack and to play a little before getting to practice. Then I get to practice near then end and am able to take her home. I pack a snack for my daughter so the mom doesn't have to feed my kid, and I usually pack 2 snacks, one for my kid and one for her friend. There have been a few times where the friends mom needs transportation help for some other activity (girl scouts usually) and I have been able to help her out. So there is lots of give and take and it works out really well.

My son does sports through I9 Sports which has one practice immediately prior to one game a week on either Saturday or Sunday. There may be I9 sports or a similar league where you are. They are also big into sportsmanship and safety as well as affordable. My son's aftercare 3 days a week is at our local community center and they provide a bus from the school. I just have to pick him up at 6. The community center also offers basketball and soccer in the afternoons and kids can take the same bus. Have you checked into busing options locally?

Hire someone to work 3-6p or so a few days to help grandparents. Ask other parents to help but be sure to reciprocate.

You and me both wonder how anyone but SAHM can put their children in these types of activities for the majority of us that work 8a-5p. I am lucky that I am able to take my vacation time however I need in order to pick my boys 8 and 6 up from afterschool daycare and then to baseball last season and football this season. My husband has also talked to his boss and make arrangements to be off early on the days we have games or practice. Do you have any flexibility in your work hours? Can you go in early, work later on other days, etc? If my job was not flexible my kids too would miss out

Have both you and your husband asked if you can switch to an earlier schedule at work so you can get off earlier? That's where I would start. Good luck.

I have a friend who has 2 girls that were VERY active in sports. When they were in elementary school, my friend hired a college girl, to pick them up and deliver them to their activites. She also started their dinners and helped with homework.
Since both mom and dad did not get home until after 6:00, this worked great for them.

My three sons have swimming twice a week straight after school. For a while I left work early to take them, but I found I was just too busy to practically do this. So my mother now takes the boys. My husband doesn't work, but won't take them (depression etc). I also take my boys to their activities on the weekend. I'm hoping their school will set up some after-school extra-curricular activities also.

I can relate as a mom who works, with at least one daughter so far who is a "joiner".

Lucky for me, I can get off as early as 3:30 so that makes the stuff that starts at 4:30 do-able. But it has pushed some activities to the weekends only if they start too early.

Also lucky for me, my caretakers are grandparents, so if I need to I can have them meet me on the soccer field or the ballet studio parking lot for the 'exchange" if i can't get off work in time to get my kids where they need to be next.

But honestly, this is one of the reasons I think I will hire someone a few days a week next year. I feel bad expecting my mom and MIL to shlep my kids around everywhere. A college student nanny can just do all this driving around for us I think it would be worth it. If you pay for after school care anyway, you may as well pay an individual person to actually get your kid to the places he wants to be.

It is hard, I know. But could you arrange for another parent to pick him up from after school care and drive him with their child? Or, around here, there are child transportation businesses that do just this sort of thing - drive kids to after school activities. You live in LA - I bet there are such services there.

We had this problem when my son started little league and karate. The first year of little league (3 years later now) we did what we could to get to the weekly practices at 4-4:30. Karate he'd go Saturday's and a later night sessions, I had to find a place that offered a lot of time slots for his age. Most didn't accommodate and when I found the place had to make sure we liked it and we lucked out. Takes some leg work but u can make it happen. Now fast forward today, to baseball 2 practices a week and games on sat, I had to hire a sitter to get him there otherwise he'd miss out and wouldn't excel. They need to be committed at some point. So now our sitter takes him to ball and karate and whatever else. If I can be there I meet her there. It's not easy and I hate to impose on sahm just because I'm a working mom, but if you can find a mom to trade off with that could work too.

Most moms that work don't have the luxury of paying an additional caregiver to go pick their child up from child care to take them to activities.

I suggest you simply tell the coach that you work until XXpm and little guy can't be there until I pick him up and get him there.

We just can't do it. IF you want to give the coach, or another parent, permission to pick up the little guy up from child care on the day he practices then that's an option.

Otherwise you can hire a nanny to take care of your child after school.

A nanny is contract labor you DO not have to pay SS or vacation or anything like that. You simply pay them by the hour and then you pay them more on the days out of school and if they do extra things like cook dinner or do loads of laundry or other stuff you pay them per load or by meal a set rate.

If you want to do a daily rate for after school care and a daily rate for out of school days you tell them in the interview this is what I pay each day and you are responsible for picking him up at school and taking him to any and all after school activities that are on the calendar. Gasoline and wear and tear on your vehicle is $XXX per month.

When we've hired a part time person this way we told them they were responsible for about 4 hours per day on school days and they'd be driving about 6-8 miles per day and this was how much we paid for that travel. They'd need to have a snack prepared for him when they picked him up and I'd supply the food.

Some days, in the off season, they'd simply pick the kiddo up from school and bring them home to hang out and have a snack.

It was straight forward and written down so it wasn't confusing.

It will cost more than after school care since you're paying gasoline and other chores like cooking a snack and a bit more time.

So all in all I'd try to get a parent or coach to just pick him up or rearrange his classes to where you can get him there.

We have some grandparents pick kids up from school and then drop kids off at class. Moms or dads pick them up when they're over. Talking to the teachers and just putting kiddo in later classes is actually the most cost effective and best option.

Most of the time, the sports my SS did were through the school so we just had to pick him up after practice, though that often meant he waited til I got there if traffic was bad or whatever. He had his game boy and his phone and could hang out for a while. When I was a kid, I walked to the library to wait for my mom after clubs. Also, for sanity's sake, limit him to one thing per semester. My DD does dance not offered at the school, but that is the only non-school thing she does. If she does Garden Club, it will be at the school and I'll just have to pick her up later. Also, you can encourage him to be in clubs where you know other families so you can share carpooling. Some clubs also have activity buses or vanpools from local schools. You can ask about those, too.

Most working parents I know hire an older high school or college age student to do the after school running around, rather than traditional after school care.

I have a great boss and I know if I need to get out of here early to take the boys to practice, I can do so. Is there a possibility that you could come in an hour early on practice days so you could leave an hour early?

Not in your situation myself, but I notice that many of the martial arts schools in our area have vans that pick up kids at schools -- right there in the pickup lanes with the parent cars -- and take them to the martial arts place for classes and (they say) homework time. Not sure if that has to be a five-day-a-week deal or if you can just do it one day a week, for instance, since your child surely wouldn't start with more than a class a week and is already in after-school care. But I'd look into martial arts places that provide transportation from schools to classes, if you're comfortable with that.'

Also I would think you could locate a Saturday or Sunday martial arts class even if you can't find soccer or baseball that is only weekends.

Ff he's beginning soccer and not already a player, aren't there Saturday leagues in your area? Beginners here have a lot of options including ones that meet on weekends with rare added practices in the week. That does change, though, as kids move up.

Carpooling can be great (we did it last year for a dance class) though I'd be reluctant to just send out a message to parents I didn't know whose kids were listed on my kid's team or in my kid's class. Maybe if your son has a friend who can sign up for the same team/class at the same time, you can work with those parents from the start?

Do be aware that whatever you work out for this school year and summer, things will change if he continues with any activity and he'll be expected to do more days of it each week to improve and advance, so you'll have to rethink this each year or season.