I am desperately seeking advise. My husbadn came home from work yesterday with basically ultimatums and I don't know what to do. I have had the oppurtunity to be a stay at home mom for the last year because if I went back to work I would be working to pay for child care. My husgband works full time as a Plumber and absolutley hates his job. His heart is in the computer field and he wants out. I recently went back to work for about a month and it was horrible trying to balance work and a full time family. I had a babysitter in my home and my husband hated that too. In the end I turned in my notice and quit to be home with my kids again. Now to the unlimatum...my husband came through thr door and told me that I could go back to work full time and he was going to go to school. My biggest concern for that is that I can not pay all of our bills off of my income even if I return to my employer. Then he said he would work and go to school at night, but his boss is not going to work with him on his schedule and we can't afford for him to not have 40 hours. If he went to school full time in the evenings once I get home then he can't work either. I am so upside down right now...I don't know what to do. I feel like I am being selfish because I don't want to make sacrifices, like pulling my daughter out of competition dance. The way I look at it is, they are only kids once. He tells me that we can't help them in the future if we don't do something now. I know he has a point too. What have some of you done to equal out this balance? Are there an valid ways to get certificates out there without quiting his full time job? I have no family that will help us...it is only us..and even if they would he won't let them. I am open to any and all suggestions at this point.
After lots of research he has decided to hold off on the schooling and look into some other business options. I will continue the routine of Stay At Home mom but am now involved with The Body Shop At Home as a consultant. I feel like I can now contribute a little to the house, even if it is in small amounts, and also build a business that I think can do well. If anyone is interested please check out my website www.thebodyshopathome.com/web/mmarcic .
Is it possible for him to take classes online? That could be an option. And does he HAVE to go full-time? Can he do part time classes so he can work at the same time?
Other than that... I have no other suggestions! Sorry I couldn't be of more help!
Well, I now am also a stay at home mom...I have 3 year old triplets...I was a preschool teacher in NY now I am living in Citrus Springs....I hate it but made my husband move her so I can be near my family...He had to take a 1/2 pay cut...There is no way for us to afford family medical insurance and I have to keep paying out of pocket dental bills high ones for one of my 3 year olds...He also would love to have a different occupation but the pay here is terrible...for me to go back to work would not pay plus my husband will not let me even consider daycare...I feel your pain...Unfortunately there aren't many choices..You can go back to work, and he to school and work part time but can he definitely make money in his love interest for computers? How good is he? If he definitely can then you might have to let him try...My husband would also love to do something else but there is no money in it so he has to suck it up...I can't even complain because I dragged him here...in NY we both made well over $100,000 a year...Union,great benefits....Here we live week by week...I bring alot of my childrens clothes to consignment stores...sell on various sites...I usually just break even...I LOVE TO SHOP...anyway...Can you get a better paying full time job? Who can watch your children when you work...Obviously school starts again but your younger 2 are definitely not going to school. What courses can he take at night?..I know I wasn't much help but it helps me to vent so I am here if you wanta chat.
I think it sounds like you are both being unrealistic and too much into what you want then what is best for your family. I would love to stay at home with my girls and I cry everyday I take them to daycare but realistically we can't afford me not to work because of health care. If your husband is unhappy with work then you guys as a family need to decide a way to fix it. If it means you go back to work and he stay at home with the kids and go to school then do it. He needs to be happy too and if he isn't happy then neither are the kids or you. If you stop him from going to school then he will end up resenting you and your kids will more likely grow up without a father in the house. I could have told my husband I am staying at home you find another job and make it work but I know we wouldn't last. I had to think what is best for my girls. Yes staying at home with them is better then daycare but having a father around everyday and a family that is intact is better for them. Make a compromize. He goes to school part time and works or he stays at home with the kids and goes to night school. In the long run he will make more money and you will be able to provide more for your family. Paying for your kids school is so much better then dance lessons especially if you end up like me and are writing huge student loan checks every month. You need to get over the fact that you want to stay at home and think about what is better for the whole family and that includes your husband. Yes it probably is most mom's dreams to stay at home but not everyone can realisticly live their dreams and sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do that is what being a grown up is all about. Make out a plan. I applaud your husband for wanting something better for him and his family. You can't make more money or get further ahead without an education. Think about it and put aside your wants and do what is best in the long run for your whole family.
It may sound like he is being unreasonable with his demands in requesting you to get a fulltime job and him go to school full time but if he is truly unhappy in his job, that tends to come back to the home and he will eventually take it out on the family. So you have to put yourself in his position. The kids and their activities are all based around whether or not you have the money to do so. Your kids may love to do those things, but do you really want the man that you love doing something that he hates to do just so your kids can do the things that they want to do? That sound is what sounds selfish to me. As was already stated he could do online classes and work part time to help with expenses or he could go to a school and take classes but still work part time also. The degree's in computers will definitely make the family more money in the long run as opposed to just a certificate in a specific area. They want you specilized in all areas not just one to give you big money.
Hey M.,
FYI me an dmy husband both have a BS in Healthcare Management. Prior to living in St Mary's we lived in CA which I believe to be a very high paced place compared to here. He is in the military and on base they offer different colleges etc...He enrolled in school full time at SIU (Southern Illinois University) he went to school every other weekend on SAT and SUN from 8-5 sometimes the week doubled up depending on holidays. He worked full time as well M-F. I also went to school but I took a class here and there and then I went to SIU when he completed all his courses there. We also took online courses which you usually pick the time you go on to do your class work. We also at the time had 1 7 yr old at the time and I was pregnant the whole time I attened SIU my last day of school I went into labor so instead of taking a test for school I was challenged with the test of giving birth again LOL.....I guess what I am trying to say is that it is possible, but you two have to find a way that it works for both of you. Just because you go back to work that doesn't mean that that will be the most fisable solution. So instead of giving ultimatiums you both need to sit down and research different schools and online courses etc.....that will benifit the both of you....you may have to sacrafice a little which is understandable. I think now I am just babbling so I am going to end it on that note......
Good Luck to you...
There is definately a middle road here. I fully support your husband in wanting to make a change. If his heart is somewhere else in the working world, he needs to do it. Besides, computer training will end up paying very well in the end. Just do your research! There are tons of places that offer computer certificates aimed at working people. Just search on the internet to find them. University of Phoenix is in my head, I'm sure they have something. I'm sure you will find he can do online or go to actual classes, check out your community colleges. I really don't see why he can't keep his job while doing this. Life will be harder for you in the evenings without him, but it is worth it.
He probably had a horrible day and blurted out things as very black and white, we have all been there. He can do this in a more realistic way, you just need to research. The computer track is a very common way to go and I think you will find a lot of options. A friend of ours got a bunch of microsoft certificates going part time in the evenings (up in PA) while working as a landscaper. He immediately got a good paying job when he finished. Good luck to him and you!
I surely feel for your situation and would love for you to consider a wonderful opportunity to work out of your home for a Wellness Company that offers anything from non toxic cleaning products to the top of the line nutrition and vitamin line. IT IS NOT A PYRAMID skeam nor do you have to sell anything. I also live in Julington Creek and have struggled with the same things you are. I have belonged to this shopping club for 3 years now and absolutely love the products for both me, my home and my family. If you have just a few minutes, we could go over this opportunity online together, over the phone. There is no obligation, this would just be an information session.
Looking forward to talking with you.
M. ###-###-####
He sounds completely burned out and he's not happy with his career. I can perfectly understand that. I just think he needs to step back and thing logically, not desperately.
My husband works full-time and is going to college. He's doing the fast track program. I'm not sure where you are and where your husband is interested in going to college. But, there are lots of college programs out there for people who are going back to college. My husband has class every Tuesday night from 6:00 to 10:00. It's very hectic for him and he stays extremely busy between work and college. But, he graduates in December. So we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. LIke your husband, he was completely burned out. He owned his own business and sold it to work for somebody else while he goes to college.
In the program my husband is in, the classes last for one month. So instead of a class lasting 15 weeks, it's crammed into 4 weeks. That's why his classes last so long on Tuesday nights. Some months his class is on a Saturday all day. He's going into the ministry. I had some friends when I was teaching who did this in education. So have him check more into programs that are for people who work full-time.
Also, is there anything you can do from home to help? What about babysitting? I can understand why it wouldn't be worth it to work outside the home with paying for daycare.
So hang in there. We did a lot of praying before we made the jump. We did a lot of praying before we sold dh's business. It was a major move but so glad we did it. Even though my husband is not happy with work, he can deal with it because he knows it's temporary. He's working towards something and that really makes him happy again.
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I hate it when someone makes demands but has not plan on how to impliment a change. I think you need to sit him down and tell him that you are more than willing to work with him but that you need to come up with a practical solution. He may do the math and realize that what he's requiring may not work at that moment. Come up with a game plan that makes sense to both of you. But you have to do it together with an open mind and a calm demeanor.
Good Luck!
J.
