When Should I Potty Train?

Updated on January 29, 2013
E.B. asks from Tacoma, WA
17 answers

Ok my two year old son has now started taking off his diaper every time i get one on him. I try getting him to leave them on by strapping onesie on him. Here is why. My mother in-law started pushing potty training him as soon as he turned one she even went as far as buying one of those potty chair things that make noise and have all the bells and whistles. All he did then was play with it he wouldnt sit on it to save my life. So then when he turned two more people started chiming in on the fact he should be potty training now. So i went out and purchaesed a seat that fits on the toliet. I bought a few books for my sanity and started sitting in the bathroom for thirty minutes at a time. He wont do anything. he will get a diaper put back on and wet it and take it off. He will even take it off to pee on my carpet but will not go on the big potty. WHAT DO I DO!!!!???? I am so exhausted of it already. Please if you have any advice I am at my wits end.

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So What Happened?

Thank you so much everyone for all of your great advice. My husband and I have decided That we are going to wait just a bit until the communication between our son and oursleves is a bit better. He is ready but speaking wise he just is not letting us know. we are working with him on getting down the phrases for letting us know and also what he should do when he needs too. So i guess we arent really waiting so much as just practicing with him right now too learn when he is ready.

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K.G.

answers from Seattle on

It sounds like he is simply not ready. Do what you can to keep the diaper on him and be patient. He needs to be the one wanting it, not anyone else unfortunately. It will be much less exhausting and frustrating when he is truly ready. I too wish my 18 mo old was ready.....

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L.L.

answers from Seattle on

First off, I would not let anyone else tell you when to potty train him. He will let you know when he is ready. If he is interested in playing with the toilet, that is a good sigh...just let him do it and take it one step at a time. My son just wanted to play with things and not try for the longest time. We just let him bring the chair into the livingroom and play with it. Sometimes he sat on it fully clothed. One thing that really helped get him interested was "elmo's potty time" dvd. The songs get stuck in your head, but is very good and catches their interest. My son will be 3 in a couple weeks and he is not completely potty trained. He is very good about first thing in the morning and right before bed...sometimes after a nap, but during the day for the most part, he either doesn't notice because he is distracted by playing or just doesnt' care. Another thing that helped my son was picking out his own potty chair...he chose his own toilet ring. It sounds like it's a little late for you, but you can still let him choose if he wants to use the chair or the ring...and you can take him to the store to pick out his very own training pants (i.e. pull ups, easy ups, generic disposable, or cloth). If he chooses the cloth variety make sure to tell him before you buy them that only big boys can wear them and until he shows you he is a big boy by using the potty, he can only wear them at home. If he simply seems to stressed out by it (you will know if he is) simply back off for a while and wait for him to start giving you more clues. Sometimes it is a whole step forward and half a step back. Good luck!

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A.I.

answers from Seattle on

I think you did the right thing, which I also ended up doing; postponing the need to get it done with until there are clear lines of communication back and forth with the toddler.
Honestly, it takes effort to reach the point of realizing that there are some milestones with our kids that need to be taken less seriously and more patiently than the outsider are pushing(parents, relatives, friends, close neighbors,mentors...etc)
The key is knowing the relation of who your own child's potential and what your own limits are.

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K.

answers from Portland on

I agree it needs to be fun! I potty trained my son when he turned three. I waited until he showed interest. Boys are normally older than girls to start the process. I bought cloth training pants so he could feel when he started to go. I used a regular kitchen timer, and set it for every 30 minutes where he goes to the regular toilet and tries. If he goes then he gets a small treat. I used baby marshmellows one each time he goes. Then reset the timer for thirty minutes. Put him in a diaper for nap and bed time. after he masters thirty minutes then you can move it up to 45 minutes and so on. I potty trained my son in a week and he didn't even need night time diapers after two weeks. But again he was ready to do it.
Hope this helps!

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A.P.

answers from Bellingham on

Wait, its too early for him. Pushing it before he is ready will only prolong the process.

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J.E.

answers from Seattle on

Hes to young! Ya some are ready at that time. But not him and he will be ready when hes ready. I went thru alittle of the same thing. Both my boys where just turning 3 when they finily cought on. It will happen. Look at it this way have you ever seen a man get married in a diaper? Writing his name, learning to read all that is comming too. Dont push it. He will do it watch you'll see!!!
Mom of 8&10 year old boys

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C.B.

answers from Seattle on

E.,

I seriously think we have the same Mother-in-law and the same potty chair! She started telling me that at about the same time (which was 1 year) and then gave us the potty chair for Christmas of all things! And continues to ask me if he is using the potty yet. I simply tell her no he is just not ready. I am in the same boat as you, my son is 2 and is really not interested in actually sitting on the toilet (eventhough he has a great time flushing it!) I don't have any helpful advice - I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. Just like everything else I am sure we will worry about it and after they are potty trained it will seem like it really was not that big of a deal after all. They will do it on their own time and if not we can pack plenty of diapers in their suitcase when they go off to college! :) Good Luck!

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L.Z.

answers from Anchorage on

I can't say that I have any experience except with housebreaking a dog. In this case, you never want them to become used to soiling their own space. This is exactly what one does when one uses diapers. So, it does not seem so strange that he wants to pee in his diaper because that is where he has been trained to go, against his own instincts. We are getting ready to enter into this venture (due in Oct) and have decided to do elimination communication. My mother said I was pretty much trained by 6 months. She did all of this without knowing that there was a big fancy name for it.

I would do a web search for elimination communication. There are a couple of books. I just bought my 2nd one tonight (the DiaperFree Baby by Christine Gross-Loh and it talks about ECing toddler as well as babies). The other book I got is Diaper Free-the Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene by Ingrid Bauer. There are also a lot of websites and support groups.

I would seriously think about ECing for your 6 month old especially if you are a SAHM, if not perhaps part-time just when you are at home. It is not too late. It might be a good thing for both of your kids to do this at the same time and perhaps avoid many of the same struggles that you are having another 2 years down the road. If the 6 month old is going on a potty, then the 2 year old might take an interest. With luck you could have them both potty trained.

HTH and Best wishes

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S.R.

answers from Seattle on

Well everyone always says to just wait until the child is ready and then start. I just don't agree totally with that perspective because I have seen people do it and there kids get to a point where they get really attached to the diaper and its harder to change their way of doing things.

When my son was 1.5 he started to show interest in my daughter using the potty. He was so little to sit on the big potty so I bought him a little one and he would sit on it and nothing would happen. The day before his 2nd bday he finally peed on it. Then a few days later he got up on the big potty and peed. For about a month I just let him do it whenever he felt like he wanted too and then when he was 26 months I decided to start giving him potty time every night. I would just take diapers away from him every night after I knew we were home for the night and would just let him run around with nothing on so he would really have to think about it before he did anything. He was completely potty trained during the day by the beginning of 27 months and now he is 33 months and doing good at night too.

So my advice is try letting him run around with no clothes on for a few hours a day until you have some progress on the potty. He may have some accidents at first but its to be expected. Try letting him sit backwards on the toilet too. My son does it all sorts of ways now lol but at first he would climb up there and face the tank so it could point straight in and didn't spray everywhere but its nice for them cause they feel more secure.

Good luck!

S.

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A.C.

answers from Eugene on

I can tell you, Your mother in law needs to way back off. He will let you know when he is ready to start. If you start now before he is ready the more he will dig in his heels in and refuse to go. My son is almost 4 and is finally getting potty trained. I have had so many people tell me he should be potty trained by now. Well anyone will tell you boys are harder to potty train than girls, and it takes longer. So just back off, let him tell you when hes ready. Pay attention to signs. Get some Pull ups that have the stuff on the front that dissapears when hes wet. If he starts staying dry for long periods of time, wakes up dry in the morning then start doing it, but pushing him before hes ready is only going to make this transition harder.

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G.B.

answers from Portland on

Hi E.,

I have 4 boys and 2 girls, boys are the hardest to potty train. I started training by kids at the age of 2. I introduced the potty seat, by letting them set on it take it apart. Then I would set then on the pottie while they watched tv or a movie. I would give them a sticker or treat when they pottied in the chair. About the age of 3 (most daycare wont take them if not potty trained at that age) I started putting them on the potty every 2 hours for about 15 minutes. I gave them crayons and paper or something they liked playing with. my youngest is 3.5 yrs old. we are still having to remind him and placing him on the potty. He gets to busy or lazy to go.
I would suggest, starting the potty training. He is showing the signs. You know your son best, do what feels right to you. I would just thank people for the advise and do what you feel is right.
Remember, he is learning how and his body is learning and developing as well. Please no punishment. Remember to breath and keep lots of old towels handy.
I can remember the first time my oldest went potty all by himself, he came into my bed room woke me you by showing me he had no underware on and the pee in the potty. we went to the store that day and I let him buy a small toy. Because he now a very big boy.
Please read and laugh at my advise.
good luck

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D.G.

answers from Portland on

well good luck ..but i wouldnt push too hard...you dont wanna tramatize him into bedwetting or even worse wetting himself...my stepson was so bad about that ...his mom was a "NARD"...anyways...he had potty prollems because she pushed him outta the diapers too young ...so to make a long story short you dont want him goin to catch a pop-fly during a T-ball game ....with a wet spot in them baseball pants for everyone to see ...and YOU KNOW..the local newpaper guy is gonna foto that ...so do your kid a favor ....NO PRESSURE....it all clicks when it is time ....

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J.K.

answers from Atlanta on

With my son I just let him take the lead, but that's just my personal approach. When he started being able to control his bladder, understood why it's better to use the potty, etc & was able to communicate his need to use the potty, his Daddy would take him to tinkle( b/c he was big enough to face the big potty & pee, his aim was the only issue, lol) & I would take him to #2. I'm sure I could have done it earlier but I waited & it all happened very naturally, of course once you start you need to be consistent & rewards and/or a poster with stickers to track his progress (like whatever his favorite superhero is, like Spiderman, etc) are always good, although I personally didn't use them with my son, I may be with my Granddaughter. Ironically, my very much loved Mother-in-law told me this, (that they will let you know when they are ready) she raised 7 kids, may she RIP.

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K.S.

answers from Seattle on

Hi E.,

Once you begin potty training just be consistent. :) It sounds like your child is ready. The signs are taking off diapers and even talking about the potty. I say make it fun! I am getting ready to start again with our 18 month old. She watches me go, and wants to try it. I know that it is hard not to get frustrated...but i have learned if i get frustrated...she does. Actually, if your child has an accident on the carpet, that's ok. Maybe say, ok now next time we will use the potty. Also, we have stickers as a reward when she potties. Just breathe and it will work out. :) I have been where you are...in fact, am. I am pregnant with twins next month and the clock is ticking to get my daughter trained. I just bought some training pants...they are very helpful.

Blessings,

Katherine

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C.M.

answers from Eugene on

We are potty training our`18 month old right now. We watched for some signs like staying dry through nap times, having words for her pee and poo, telling us when she is wet or dirty, and pulling her pants up and down. She sits on her potty chair when she watches a move and we put crayons in the bathroom for her. We always clap and tell her she did a great job when she makes it in the toilet. We put her on it after every nap and every meal, when we get out of the car or before bed. All the times during the day that she may have to go. I also take her with me when I go, which is often these days as I am 33 weeks pregnant. She has had lots of accidents and it can be frustrating. I really think we were able to start so early because we use cloth diapers. It helps them feel their wet more. Every child is different her cousin did not train until almost 4. Just watch for him to be ready and get some great stain remover for your carpet. Hope this helps and good luck.

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A.H.

answers from Portland on

I got my son to use the potty for the first time at 2.5, but he wasn't fully potty trained until he was 3.5. You really just need to wait until your child is ready. If you push it on your son before he wants to it will never work. My son woke up one day (just a couple of weeks ago) and used the potty on his own. He hasn't had one accident since, one day it clicked on! I have no idea what happened, I tried treats, punishments, diapers, underwear, ignoring him, making him clean his own messes.. NOTHING WORKED! Just wait until your son shows an interest in the potty or you'll frustrate yourself. Most boys aren't ready until around 3 (from what I've seen). Don't worry about what other's say, keep the potty there and wait until he shows an interest. :)

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A.J.

answers from Portland on

Hi E. my name is A. a mother of 4 when I trained my kids to go potty the girls were alot easier then the boys i started potty training kids when they were almost 2 years old. this is what i did i taught them the words poo and pee, then I started taken my boys to the bathroom every hour and we would sit there for 10 mins what i would do is turn the water on cause it makes a sound like if you were actully going, now sometimes that gets old so after a few of those I would put cherrios or fruit loops and so he could pee he would have to aim at them that kind of sounds hard but it works and another method I used was treats and also i would take him to the store and buy a set of underwear that has a cartoon that was his fav. and have him where it like if he was outside so if he went he would realized he pee'ed on himself. i had a friend that had the same problem as you her son didn't want to go so instead of forcing him to and stressin her self out she slowly backed off some kids are all didn't there will let you know when they are ready. hope this helps A.

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