When Do You Let a Child Quit a Sport?

My dd is 10 and is a level 8 gymnast....she has almost quit a few times, but she can't stay away. One thing we did is switched to a different league which is much less intense (it's a recreational league, but still very competitive). The USAG league (olympic league) usually has gyms that force kids to practice every day of the week....NO WAY!

We found a perfect balance...I'd look into a different league...they don't push as hard and they really embody what a sport should be...teamwork, fun, sportsmanship and yes, some competition.

End of season or end of contract .....is when we let the kids let go of their responsibility to themselves, their peers, & their coaches. :)

disclaimer: medical issues are game changers.

Since the sport is gymnastics I personally would let her quit. I don't think there are too many gymnast over the age of 15 anyway because girls bodies typically change so much making it difficult if not impossible to do the things they once did. Also, gymnast often have long term issues with their joints. I also had a friend in high school whose gymnast sister broke her back doing gymnastics.

Overall, I love the sport but would never make my child stick with it.

Fyi... I got my daughter's into theatre and piano because I wanted them to have an activity they could do there entire life.

Extracurricular activities are supposed to be FUN. If the kid isn't enjoying it anymore, it's time to quit.
Even if she doesn't immediately go on to another activity, that's fine too. Give her a break.

You know, for me, lack of interest is a good reason to stop a sport.
A sport does not have to be a lifelong discipline. Even if one is a 'natural'-- what if she just comes to hate it? The stakes are also very high for serious injury with the levels she is moving into now. It's also very demanding on the body and can have very real affects on the body's development, which is one reason a friend of mine moved her kids from tumbling and early gymnastics directly to dance; one has stuck with it, her other girl does pilates and is now interested in aerial arts. Honestly, if it were a sport less prone to these issues, like swimming, I'd be more prone to suggesting she ride it out a little longer, because this sport does not have the hard impact and stress on the body that gymnastics does.

Ultimately, I suppose my view is 'its their life'. My son thought he wanted to try soccer--until a week-long camp changed his views. (IMO, lousy coach, but what the heck...) I think kids generally may not always know what they want to do, but they can usually be very certain about what they *don't* want to do. It might be that your niece would enjoy some other physical activities like kayaking or dance team, who knows?

I would never force my child to continue a sport that she felt she just was no longer interested in pursuing, whether she was a 'natural' at it or not. Why does she need to come up with something that will immediately take the place of gymnastics? I would let those new interests evolve naturally.

My feelings on gymnastics (especially at the advanced level) are the same as my feelings on tackle football: It's a dangerous sport and you shouldn't be out there doing it unless you REALLY want to be doing it.

One bad fall, one bad break, one bad hit - that kid's life can be changed forever.

My son was a very good football player so I know the feeling. He had things that he wanted to accomplish in the sport. And once he was done he was done. He has no regrets and neither do we. If anything we now marvel at how long he did it without serious injury. More and more is becoming known about neurological consequences to football injuries.

All that being said, I read somewhere that Shawn Johnson wanted to quit gymnastics when she was about 14. I can't remember how her mom handled it, but if I remember correctly it was a low pressure approach. Perhaps google for that article (think it was in Guideposts). She's probably glad now that she didn't quit! But how many kids - realistically - are going to reach that level?

Good luck to your sister and her daughter!

ETA: I couldn't find the article I mentioned after a quick search but here is a great video about Shawn Johnson and her mom: http://www.gymnastike.org/speaker/1688-Shawn-Johnson/vide... .

If she is currently enrolled, finish this session. If she is about to sign her up.. Don't. This should be something that is fun, and when it stops being fun- you stop.

Gymnastics has no "season". It is year round. So it is hard to say "finish the season sweetie and then you can quit."

I would maybe find out if she is a month to month contract or 6 month or yearly. I would end after the contract is up.

Natural or not. If your heart isn't it it then performance goes down. Don't waste any more money on a sport or activity that your child has no more interest in.

Some kids never get the chance to take part in extra curricular activities and they turn out just fine. They have other interests they get to explore or get good at like riding a bike,making forts,reading books, building real life friendships instead of online ones and climbing trees.

Tell your sister to encourage her daughter to fulfill her dreams whatever it may be...instead of mom's desire to have her be an Olympic gymnast someday.

Our son is a very gifted and talented musician on multiple instruments. His private music instructors have counseled us multiple times that you should NEVER force a child to participate in an extra curricular activity sport or music if they don't want to. It sends the wrong message. Only education is a MUST.

Over the years we have seen how wise that counsel is. A child will put their heart and soul into what they love..and that is where you should put your money and encouragement.

At age 12 I think kids should be exposed to many different sports. Soccor, dance, baseball, basketball, tennis, track, etc. DId she enjoy gymnastics until this time?

Another thing that happens at this age is that teens get very self-conscious. They examine their body in comparison to everyone else's. For every manuevuer that she would just throw herself at while age 8 - 10, she didn't care much about how she looked - she just wanted to try it and master it. During puberty they are so convinced they're the worst at any given thing. They look at experts and talk themselves into believing they can't do it - or that they'll look stupid trying.

On the other hand, they may just discover that they're tired of it and just don't feel like working that hard at it. it use dto be fun - but now it's not. My son used to love football. He's always been the tallest kid in his grade and jsut had a ball playing on the recreational league from 1sts grade through 6th. Then 7th grade came and practice was every day, it was grueling. The school team played it very seriously. Meanwhile, my son just didn't have the competitive killer instinct. So he stopped football. He still plays baseball and basketball - but on the recreational leagues becuase he just wants to have fun. He's involved in other things, he volunteers with the kids' programs at our church, he's involved in youth group, he volunteers at a food pantry, etc. Once he got to a certain age he realized football wasn't his thing. My daughter on the other hand tried dance, flute, soccer, tennis, basketball, track, guitar and flagline (part of the marching band). Now she's back to dance and really loves it. She volunteers with a down-syndrome boy in our church, and she has a special way with senior citizens and toddlers. I expect she'll do something with physical or occupational therapy - she's a natural.

For your niece my suggestion would be to ask her leading questions - what's the thing you liked best about gymnastics, will you miss it? What's the worst thing about it? Do you feel intimadted by the scary maneuvers? (personalize it "I could never do those things on that narrow little beam" - "I can't even imagine hurling myself through the air and end up stading up with my arms in the air - how do you do that?" Ask about other activities - musci, dance, art, team sports, etc. My daughter liked basketball & soccer becuase she wasn't the only one that everyone was staring at - the pressure was shared.

It could be that she's just come to the point where she'd rather hangout with friends and "have a life" and or that she just doesn't "love it" anymore so it's not worth all the very serious effort it requires.

For my kids I always want them to do something - whether it's muscial, artistic, volunteering, sports, etc. I've always made them finish the season they signed up for (only once ever did we not finish a season - special circumstance) - but they know we will help them try just about anything (within financial reason) in order to find those things in life that they LOVE to do.

Personally, I'd let her quit after her current commitment is fulfilled. (If it's sign-up time, don't.) But I would require her to tell her coach (with your help, perhaps, but it needs to come from her). If she is old enough to make the decision, then she should (at this age, with support) be able to explain it. Learning how to exit gracefully and take responsibility for one's own decisions are life skills she'll need, and now would be a great time to develop them.

If your sister's concern is that her daughter keep moving, perhaps it is time to look at other physical activities, ones that could be carried forward into adulthood, something that her daughter finds pleasurable. For instance, is there a nearby rock-climbing gym? I'll bet a girl with gymnastics skills would find climbing fun and just challenging enough to stay interesting. Being roped in takes away a lot of the fear.

I know loads of 40 year old climbers. I don't know a single 40 year old gymnast.

I will preface my response by saying that it is worthwhile trying to help your child face fears and work through fears or a rough patch in their sport. But, after that, if your child still tells you s/he wants to quit --

You let a kid quit a sport when the session you have paid for is over and the kid says they want to quit.

Whether we want to admit it or not, forcing a kid to continue in a sport is more about our dreams and aspirations for our kids, and very little to do with them. It's stage parenting, essentially.

Just a "phase?" If they don't want to do it, they don't want to do it.

By the way, I used to be a gymnast, and I can tell your sister that her daughter is not a "natural," because "natural" gymnasts are not afraid and want to quit when they get to back handsprings on the beam. "Natural" gymnasts are excited by those tricks and work to master them.

She needs to let her quit, and then if after quitting your niece reconsiders, she can start doing gymnastics again. It's highly unlikely she's going to the Olympics, and taking a break from the sport isn't going to derail her gymnastics career.

Sorry if I vented too much on this subject, but the older I get the crazier I get about hearing parents forcing their child to continue in a sport or activity the child has decided they don't want to do. How many of us would want someone to do this to us?

I think some kids get sick of the constant work required to be good at a particular sport, and others get stressed out over the increasing difficulty. You say your niece is afraid of the next level, and she could also be stressed out about the competition level.

At 12, I think it's okay to have them finish the term that's been paid for on the theory that they asked to join (rather than were forced by a parent). But if she's tired of it, what's the risk in having her quit? If she misses it and is miserable, why can't she go back at some point? Adults take vacations, teachers take sabbaticals, kids can take a hiatus.

Let her take a season and not do an organized sport. If she's a natural athlete, she may find something else. For example, some of the gymnasts in my son's high school did a season with track and field, discovering that their abilities made them good at hurdles, high jump and even pole vault (although a child who, right now, is afraid of the aerial stuff might not do pole vault!). But maybe something where she can see the obstacle (jumps, steeplechase, etc.) would be better. But that's all high school. Right now, she's in middle school, but maybe there's a cross country team where she can just run, stay in shape, and compete against her own personal record and the clock. A lot of kids in our town use XC and track to stay in shape for another sport, or find out they love it for its own sake.

Meantime, maybe she'd have a wonderful time in the drama club, the chorus, a dance group, French club, the community service club, the town recreation basketball program, etc. But I think giving her a few months off with nothing structured and nothing organized is really okay. Let her see what her friends are doing, let her just go hang out at another activity to explore gently with no pressure to sign up or commit.

My son didn't have anything in particular that he loved doing until high school, when he wandered over to the track team. He did a season or two of soccer, 2 of basketball (in the town rec programs), and spent a lot of time in neighborhood play dates and some independent growth opportunities (nature hikes, outdoor science experiments, building projects, and more). I think it helped him develop a wide range of interests.

My niece, by contrast, was pretty much forced into swimming because she was excellent at it and was in demand from the team as well as pushed by her parents. She did nothing but practice and spend every weekend in endless meets (huge teams = lots of heats = lots of waiting time). She finally maxed out of it and hasn't swum since, and has turned into a huge party girl. I think being forced into something kept her from finding herself.

A lot of parents really push their children to be experts at SOMETHING under the mistaken idea that it will help them get into college. Nonsense! Colleges don't just want the top debater, the top soccer player, the top math team whiz. They don't want someone who had a structured activity every single day on top of advanced placement classes and the Nobel Peace Prize. They want kids who explore, who are well-rounded, who adjust well to different experiences and challenges, and who know who they are so they can separate from their parents and their hometown environment, enjoy a lot of different people from different backgrounds, and rise to a variety of challenges.

Your niece is 12. If she were mine, I'd tell my sister to leave her alone. Short of spending all day watching TV and texting, it's okay for a 12 year old to be unsure of all of her interests and to take some time to find something she loves.

Let.her.quit.
This is not a career for her.
How many justifications, does a child need, to "prove" to their parent that they want to quit, something????
At some point, a child will either just hate... it more, or go along with it only because they have no choice and it is the parent's choice, or they will not learn anything about their OWN proclivities and cues for gauging themselves. They will not know, themselves. They will only know that they have no choice in conversing with their parents about anything.
And they may, shut down.

She is 12.
A kid this age is changing SO much... physically and emotionally. They are on the cusp of being a Teen. And with school too, there are many changes and options.
And why, does she have to have another activity idea, in mind, right now??????????
Maybe the kid just needs a break. After all these years of gymnastics.
The school probably also has extracurricular things/activities/sports.
And maybe she just wants to do something like Art?
Or Digital Media?
Or Photography?
Or Track?
Who knows. But the girl wants to "try other things."
So let, her.

If my parents did not let me "try other things"... I would not have experienced life as I did. If they only had me do what THEY wanted me to do, then that would be so limiting.
Because, I would not be learning about MYSELF and my own, proclivities & talents. Only theirs and what THEY thought I was interested in.

My son is a natural at martial arts. But, HE is not interested. So we did not force him, into it. He did try it because my daughter takes it and loves it. Even the Sensei teachers all told us he is NATURAL at it and better than even kids older than him. But, my son does not want to take martial arts. HE chose, his own, sport. Which HE loves and is good at. Thus, it is enjoyable.
My son is also VERY athletic, and good at MANY sports. And many people have told us that. However, just because he is such a natural, that does not mean, we sign him up in all these sports and make him do it. We let him... choose. For himself. What HE loves. And my son, knows himself.

Whatever a child does, it should be ENJOYABLE and they should love it.
A child needs to learn about themselves.
And they do that by trying different things.
And a parent should not live through their child.
But see their child, for who they, are.
And see what makes their child, click. And hum. And love.

If she doesn't want to do it and she is scared, she should quit. How would your sister feel if she pushed her through and she fell and had a neurologic injury?

Focus on "making her work through" her school work. Anything else that she chooses to do, extracurricular, is a choice, don't force it.

I hear where you're coming from, but I would definitely let her quit as soon as her current round of lessons are finished.

That's what I've done with my kids and even though sometimes "I" wish they would have continued in various activities, they are very happy when I have let them "quit" and that's what really counts.

For example...my youngest daughter was in precompetitive gymnastics at 7 as she was really quite good at it and loved it for awhile, but was done when they started pushing her to learn back handsprings.

She had really loved it up to that point, but then it wasn't fun anymore for her.

My thinking is that kids have enough going on with the pressure of school, homework, friends, etc...that they should at least enjoy what they are doing for "fun".

If not, I think they would grow to resent it and the parents for pushing.

With gymnastics, I like it for little kids for the exercise and well-being of the body (balance, strength, stretching), but for older kids...it scares me. Injury rates are very, very high.

As a general rule (with some exceptions) we don't believe in letting them quit in the middle of a season or session they've signed up for, but other than that I think it should be primarily the child's choice. Our son quit hockey after two concussions. We were going to make him quit after a 2nd concussion so we are glad he came to the decision on his own. He ended up getting very involved in both theater and speech (interests he had before hockey, but wasn't fully able to pursue) and he has excelled in those and they are much better fits for his personality and skills than hockey was. I don't like to see kids quit to spend more time with the computer or video games, but maybe she'll find another interest?

I don't blame her for being scared and I would think fear would interfere with her ability to continue. After a certain level gymnastics is a surprisingly dangerous sport. I learned more than I ever wanted to know about concussions and gymnastics and cheerleading are right up there with hockey and football for concussions. If she would like to continue, but the fear is holding her back I suppose a sports psychologist is a possibility. I agree with the others who suggested that if the coach or coaches seem approachable this could be discussed with them (keeping in mind their bias to want her on the team). If she really just wants to quit I would let her quit and see if there's something else she wants to pursue.

We've seen kids who are good at sports quit over the years and wondered why, but after a certain point it doesn't make sense to spend the time and money on a sport or activity they don't have the passion for any longer.

Good luck!

I agree with the folks who say that because it is gymnastics, I would let her stop.
Full disclosure: we have a son who would gladly quit his martial arts. He is a 2nd degree black belt, and has always enjoyed doing it, though has never been "enthusiastic" about it. He has a good time once he gets there. His personality is such that he would sit back and pretty much do nothing if we allowed it. He is now 15. Per my husband's point of view, boys are very different than girls at this age and how they handle "free time". Boys need to be busy in something constructive, otherwise, they will find ways to get into trouble. Girls, not so much... they will gravitate toward sitting around and gossiping and playing with hair/makeup/nails, and talking about boys. (in general, not every single one). Boys, will find dangerous life altering things to fill the time. They don't sit around and talk. They DO stuff. Usually DUMB stuff.

Son decided at the end of 9th grade that he wanted to be involved in wrestling. It's a little later than most boys start, but he's been doing jiu-jitsu in his martial arts, too, so it isn't like he is clueless. He wrestled over the summer. So long as he is involved in some sort of positive activity, (like wrestling, that he is actually very excited about and looks forward to) then he can skip the martial arts.

So... with that in mind, I say, your niece is 12. Her body is about to (if it isn't already) about to be changing dramatically, and that will affect her ability to do the sport. It isn't going to be a life long activity she can do forever. It also can be very dangerous. (I did it as a child, and there were some things that I was afraid of, but outside of gymnastics, not much scared me). If she wants to stop, I say let her. She will find something else that interests her. She's only in 7th grade, right?

This is the age where there are lots of school activities and clubs becoming available to them. Band. Jr. Beta. Science club. Chess club. Tennis team. Whatever.... she'll find something. If she has been motivated thus far with the gymnastics, then it is in her make up to be active, and she will find an outlet for it. My daughter is the same way. We have never had to encourage her to participate in anything. She always is eager to jump in and try something new. She's in martial arts now (her choice, she'd asked for some time but we put it off..), takes piano, plays a different instrument in the band, is in Jr Beta, has talked about joining Jazz Band, and who knows what else she'll be taking on before the year is out. She is also 12, and in 7th grade.

It's always a hard call, especially when there's an obvious natural talent and ability there.
I never let my kids just up and quit, but we made a deal, finish out the season, or session, or however it's structured, and then if they still wanted to quit, fine.
And as much as I love and admire organized sports and all the benefits they offer, I know there are many, many other ways for kids to stay busy and active, so quitting a single activity is not detrimental in the long run, not at all.

I am grateful my parents didn't push. And I think at 12, a kid is old enough to make sports decisions. If she is a true natural, she should be able to take a year off and decide if she wants to come back. If she does come back, she shouldn't miss a beat, or at least won't have to take many steps back.

All kids go through stages like this. Do NOT let her quit. Tell her that she is enrolled for now and after this you'll talk about it.

Kids go through this every couple of years then in a few months when she decides she wants to do it again, and they ALL do, they'll realize how much they've missed and how much harder they have to work.

If she's this good she needs a grown up to tell her she can't stop classes right now. She has to stay with it until Christmas then talk about it again. She'll have a light at the end of the tunnel, sort of, and she'll stop focusing on wanting to quit and will start enjoying it again.

I'd talk with the coaches. I guarantee that this isn't the first time they've seen this. And they, of anyone involved, will know best how to coach her through her fears. I wouldn't let her quit until the coaches also agree that they think she's not going to go any further.

For a team sport, any time not mid-season is an appropriate time to quit.

Even if she is a natural, if she doesn't enjoy it then it isn't worth doing. There is no value to the girl in forcing her to sign up for another season. She has to want it on her own.

My daughter has been doing dance for 8 years, she is 10. Last January/February she wanted to quit. Taking her was a fight and I was done too. It costs a small fortune to dance competitively, and I was tired of paying for her to be so miserable.

We met with the owner of the studio, talked out some issues, and my daughter was right back in her happy place. Talk to the people who work there, who teach her. Maybe it is time for her to try something else, and maybe she just needs the right frame of mind.

Also though, is it a year long commitment? Every 6 weeks? What is the timeline that she would have to continue if she isn't allowed to quit?

She has to finish what is paid for. Before she finishes, have her talk to the teacher. She might be able to alleviate her fears.