I've been struggling to strike the right balance between various activities in my 3.5 month old son's day. We would try to enage him almost all the time - reading to him, talking, singing, playing with him in his gym or swing, taking him for a stroll outside, tummy time, etc. His day is really full and he hardly ever spends any time alone (e.g. sitting quitely in his swing by himself, without an adult by his side). While every magazine you pick tells you to entertain and engage your child in a million different ways throughout the day, I have recently started to wonder if this is a right approach. I now feel almost guilty if my child is left to entertain himself, but I also realize that sensory overload is a real issue for some children. I have also noticed that my son has become somewhat more irritable and emotional lately and I keep wondering if this is developmental (i.e. he becomes more aware of his surrounding as well as his needs and wants and learns to express them more vividly) or a result of excessive activity. I've been trying to find some guidelines in literature regarding the right level of activity for different ages, but had no luck. Do you have suggestions about any good books I could read on this? What are your opinion on the issue?
My son is 3. I find that when he's too active (or stimulated), he becomes "fresh" and cranky. I stay home with him and there are days (especially rainy) when we are just "bums". We lounge around the house and watch Disney movies, make popcorn.
I think this "down" time is important for toddlers...and besides, they ADORE the one on one time and cuddling with mom.
Hi I.,
My daughter is 3.5 months old as well. We do engage her with many things throughout the day but she also has time to just play in her play gym for a bit while we are doing things around the house. She also swings during dinner and plays in her bouncy seat throughout the day. We also have a 5 year old and she spent every moment with us and it took her a LONG time to understand how to play by herself. The baby definitely stimulation from books, songs, toys, tummy time all that but I think that she also enjoys just some simple playing by herself time. Hope this helps! Good luck and congratulations!
Engaging with your child doesn't mean overstimulating your child. Babies need down time just like everyone else. If your baby is relaxing in the swing and seems happy to do so then there is no problem. Actually a 3 month old probably can only handle 30 minutes of activity at a time. They need time to process what they just experienced. Babies don't require entertainment to thrive.
Oy. OY.
A three month old newborn should NOT be left alone, but he doesn't need to be 'entertained' either. Newborns need to be with their mothers as they go about their day. Put him in a sling. He'll be safe and warm there. He'll sleep when he wants to, and when he's awake, he'll learn and absorb so much as you do what needs to be done. Talk to him as you go about your business. Love on him.
You do NOT need to dazzle him with books, toys, videos. That's crazy.
While it's good to give a baby stimulation, he needs down time just as anyone else does. He has to have time to figure out the world and process all the new information coming to him. So if he's happy on the floor or in a swing, let him be. You'll be teaching him to entertain himself, and that's an invaluable skill.
Engaging the child is a good thing -- in moderation. You do want your little one learning how to entertain himself at times! Can you imagine a 3 or 4 year old needing to be amused at all times! ACH!!! In addition to driving everyone else crazy.. it would drive YOU crazy!
entertaining themselves is a skill -- just like learning how to fall asleep without being rocked or held is a skill.
good luck!
He may be starting to have teething pains. The pain starts much earlier than the showing up of the teeth. If you give Tylenol or Motrin, and he is less fussy, than pain is most likely. Does he enjoy the books, the outings, the attention? It shouldn't be forced. He will let you know when he needs some down time.
My opinion is to relax and enjoy your son! He will sense the stress that you have trying to entertain him and this will cause his stress. Giving him some alone time (and that does not mean you are not near him) will allow him to watch and learn. As he gets older you will appreciate that he is able to play on his own and let his imagination grow. Good luck and just enjoy this time with him - it goes by way to fast. As long as you are a loving,nurturing mother he will be fine!
Try "Montessori from the Start" by Lillard and Jessen.
It helped me a lot!
My advice, as a mom of 2 boys, is never mind what the books say, or what other people say. Do what works for you and your baby. Sounds like you're stressing yourself out unnecessarily by worrying about how to fill his day. He's only 3 months old, give him some educational toys like those good old fashioned stacking rings, some soft blocks, some board books, and let him lead you as to what he's interested in. I think you're trying too hard. Let nature take its course. You'll soon figure out what he's ready for. Gosh, for the rest of his life his day will be structured all out for him, don't start doing it at this young age. Just my 2 cents from someone who's been there. Relax, don't worry, and let your baby show you what he needs. Enjoy watching him explore things as he's ready to.
Children absolutely need time to be alone, to observe their surroundings in a natural state (rather than through activities), and to just BE. They need down time, they need time to think and to develop a good sense of self. There is such emphasis today on keeping kids engaged all the time. Some parents are even trying to potty train 1 year olds and get 2 year olds to write their names. Then, once they are in school, the kids are shuttled from one organized activity to another after school and on weekends. They cannot entertain themselves and are not at ease in their own skin. You already see that your child needs to spend time in the swing alone and quiet. You can face the swing towards the window so he can see the trees and maybe the birds - you could put up a feeder even, but at least it's not a structured activity. He can be in a play gym or something where HE is controlling what he does and what he looks at. He needs some things that are NOT at a frenetic pace. The early childhood and behavior experts will tell you that the children who have the toughest time in school are those who are unable to work independently, who cannot focus on an activity without adult supervision, and who need to be the center of attention. If your child is already showing signs of irritability, it could be connected to overstimulation. He needs time to process his day and his activities. Don't be pressured to do too much - allow him to slow down.
Our son was only allowed to have 2 structured activities in his early grades - he had religious school and one other activity of his choosing. He experimented with soccer, basketball, etc. - he got to try a bunch of different things at his own pace. The rest of the time, he played with kids in the neighborhood or occasionally a planned play date with someone from across town. Sometimes we went to a movie or a museum, but other times we just explored the neighborhood casually. He spent time hunting for toads in the yard, experimenting with building things from various toys he found around the house (mixing up things from different sets), and had time with his thoughts. He developed the ability to be creative and thoughtful. He has just entered an environmental engineering program which is a perfect mix of creative thought and structured discipline. We couldn't be more proud, and he couldn't be happier. He absolutely was not harmed by having fewer activities than the other kids, and he did better in school than most of the kids who had something different every day. Go with your gut!!!
First of all I want to commend you for the amount of dedication you've shown your son... so many parents these days rely on swings, exersaucers, and such to entertain their children and aren't engaging them themselves. But there is always a balance. There could many reasons that our child is starting to get fussy more often, and over stimulation can absolutely be one of them. Although there is no magic number of mintues/hours that a child should be engaged and entertained. Bascially you have to follow your child's cues. When you are playing just keep playing until he starts to look away from you, when he looks away from you sit back and stay quiet and let him calm himself and something else might catch his eye and interest him.... just relax close by until you notice that he's looking for you again, then you can continue playing. When a baby is getting overwhelmed they'll yell out (not nessisarily cry) and turn their head to the side, whatch for that cue) and when they are looking for you they'll most likely start scanning the area around them making grunting or squeeking noices. Bottom line you should absolutely start letting your child entertain himself at times... leave him in is swing with a small soft toy, let him lay on a blanket with a few toys or under a play gym. If you don't do this now, you'll have a very needy child on your hands as he gets older, who won't let you out of his sight.
Good Luck!!
I.,
I think at 3.5 months it is fine to keep him close to you. That's what a little baby needs, I believe. However, the time he is close doesn't need to mean that you should use each minute as "teaching" experience for him. Do you stuff, like laundry, computer, meeting friends, reading a book to yourself and when you take him along, he'll get enough stimulation. You do want him to have quiet time, babies can actually enjoy some time to themselves, and it will be good in the long run. But don't forget that he is still very young.
The crankyness could well stem from him being overstimulated, or teething, or tummy ache, or so many other things. It takes a while to figure these little ones out, and by the time you think you "know it", he'll be off to the next stage! Forget the books, and do what you think is right. As long as you don't sit on front of the TV with a cigarette on all day, he'll do fine.
Your son needs the opportunity to learn to entertain himself too. Think forward a couple of years. Do you want a toddler who is dependent on you, or one who can play independently? Being able to use your imagination is a learned skill and one that improves with practice. You will also need to be able to get tasks and chores done, and even more so if you have a second child.
Take a deep breath, relax, and find a happy balance without too much stress.
