Weaning off a 2 Year Old... Need Help

My daughter self-weaned... at about 2.5 years old.
For both my kids, I did self-weaning.
And I was a co-sleeper too.
And "I" was the ONLY one that my kids would go to bed with/for.

For me, I explained to my girl that she is a big girl and one day she won't have to nurse etc.
If she wanted to nurse, I would sometimes tell her "In a minute, Mommy is busy..." and I would make myself 'busy' and then she would get distracted and/or forget about it.

My friends, whose child was also still nursing at that age, simply put Band-Aids over their nipples and said "Mommy has an owie..." or, "Mommy's milk doesn't work anymore..." and they said this worked well for them and the child didn't anguish about it.

Your child, does not nurse a lot. Only once at bedtime. So, it will vanish one day. Give her a lovey to sleep with. Or something else to comfort with. Or your T-shirt etc.

My daughter, just one day told me "I don't drink from you anymore..." and then she giggled like she thought it was so silly. And that was it. No more did she nurse.

all the best,
Susan

Sounds like you've really tried to get her to eat other foods. I bet that if you can find something that is healthy and filling she'll sleep through the night. She's probably just getting up because she's hungry.

What I suggest to get her to sleep on her own is to let her learn to self sooth. It won't be easy to let her cry, but I bet that after a few nights of her crying herself to sleep she'll learn to sooth herself. I didn't move my first daughter out of our room till she was one and up to that point she would wake up all night. But once I put her into her own room we would go through a routine that she got used to, feed her, bath her, new diaper and put her in her crib and after two nights of crying herself to sleep she would go to sleep after a few cries. Good luck.

1. I would start with not letting her fall asleep while nursing.
2. Try slowly decreasing the amt of nursing time. If she wants 10 minutes, stop at 8 then slowly work your way down to none.

If you have a partner or someone else to help you, have them try putting her to sleep, or at least comforting her if she wakes up.

You can't expect behaviors that took 2 years to learn to be changed over night.

Good luck!

The problem for you is that you want to wean your daughter. You've already done that for the most part since you've got her down to just one feeding. Your problem is almost resolved, but now it's time to focus on your daughter's problem.
The problem for your daughter is that she can't go to sleep (at night) without nursing. If she takes a nap without nursing first, think about how you and she managed to accomplish that. Is there a specific routine that you do? Could you lengthen that routine for night sleep? I would try to make the two routines as similar as possible, even if it means adding a little more to her naptime routine.
I also used a lovie when weaning my son. He didn't pick a favorite on his own; I picked one of his teddy bears deliberately. For several weeks the bear went everywhere we did, was in the room all the time, was with me when I picked my son up after a fall, and was snuggled with us while I nursed my son before bed. The security object really helped, especially with reawakening.
It took awhile before my son learned how to go to sleep without nursing. There was a lot of crying for the first few nights, then just a little right after I laid him down for about a week. Then he went through a phase where he would play for almost an hour before finally dropping off! Finally, after about a month, he got it. Frankly, whenever he learns a big new skill it takes about a month for him to really polish it, so I wasn't too surprised.
It's going to be rough, but try to look at it from your daughter's perspective. She knows she's big, so she doesn't get to nurse. But she doesn't know how to sleep any other way. When you give in, instead of teaching her to sleep another way, you're teaching her that if she can just cry long enough and loud enough, she'll be able to (from her point of view) nurse and finally go to sleep. I know it feels terrible to go through, but once it's over, it'll fade from your memory just like the labor pains :) Good luck!

I am in the same boat with you and thanks Susan for your response. I do notice that if I feed mine a healthy meal/snack before bedtime, he sleeps longer and wakes maybe once for nursing. I then give a drink of water, but he has a hard time like yours to fall asleep on his own. I will talk to him, tell him no more mommy milk, he understands, gets frustrated, cries, I wait a while to see if he will soothe himself, but it goes on for a while, so then Mommy gives in because she works all day and tired and has to get up start a new day, so I am part of the problem, but I am trusting he self weans in time.

Hi G., Good for you for nursing so far. What an incredible momma.
I am no expert, but I will share what I have researched:

1. Your daughter is used to the comfort and closeness of bfeeding. To slowly wean her off is best, as you are doing. Continue to comfort and hold her a great deal so she does not feel she is losing you or your love.

2. You may want to start by holding her til she falls asleep.

3. Then slowly after a few days, hold her til she is about to sleep.

4. Then, after a few days, hold her, then put her down and keep a hand on her and rub her back.

etc....

5. Also, do you have a good nite time routine: bath, brush hair, story, sleep etc. Try to set one up that you stick to more or less. Routine i understand provides a source of comfort for toddlers.

6. Does your daughter have a lovey to sleep with? A comfortable blanket?

7. Experts to look up online for expert advice: elizabeth pantley; dr. laura markham www.ahaparenting.com ; and dr. jay gordon

I hope some of this helps. Keep us posted.

it's a hard habit to break after so long. one thing that stood out to me is that you say she'll play til she's ready to drop. kids are 10 times harder to get to sleep when they are overtired. the only time my daughter has a hard time going to sleep is when she's up way past her bedtime.

make sure she's going to sleep at an appropriate time. it is a myth that kids will get worn out and go to sleep better by missing a nap, etc. sleep begets sleep!

I went through something similar with my son. He too had allergies, and I chose to do extended nursing for the same reasons you have, so I know exactly where you are coming from.

In the end, I just had to accept that I was ready to wean him, and it was going to be rough. I kept waiting for it to be easy, but it took a while to get there. Just know that she is learning a whole new routine and after a while, not nursing to sleep will be the new routine.

Before weaning, my son's whole bedtime routine was simply nursing in bed and falling asleep. The nursing was what it revolved around. So, I just started holding him in my arms until he fell asleep. He cried for a while, but eventually, he got through it. It wasn't painless (it was actually really hard) but it didn't last forever, but over a year later, I can hardly remember it. Just have the conviction to stick through it, and you'll be good to go. For me, doing the fewer minutes of nursing at a time did not work because it felt almost cruel to me to let him nurse for a few minutes and then take it away. I preferred to not have him nurse at all, which will cement the change quicker too.

The other suggestions are really great as well. If you can incorporate a new routine to do every night, surely that will help as well.

Just know that it WILL get easier. It's hard now, but you're in the thick of it, and she will adapt soon enough.

You got alot of good advice below. She is going to cry. When I weaned my daughter if she cried in the middle of the night and wanted to nurse when trying to get her back to sleep I would not sit in the rocking chair like we typically did to nurse. and she'd try to reach toward my boobs and i'd hold her up. and if she wouldn't stop crying, I'd lay her back down in her crib. And soon she stopped waking up. You have to be strong though. If she cries and cries and you cave and feed her, then the next time she knows that if she cries long enough you'll feed her. So if you give in, it'll only be worse the next time. Good luck. I know it's hard.