Weaning Dilema

Updated on March 09, 2008
K.E. asks from Plattsmouth, NE
40 answers

I have a 25 month old daughter who is still nursing. We have come very close to self weaning multiple times, but something always triggers her to revert back, and she ends up nursing like an infant. (usually the trigger is illness) I promised my husband she would be weaned by her 2nd birthday and that has come and gone. I want to wean her in the most natural, kind and loving way possible, but the self weaning isn't working. I'm so tired from all night nursing sessions and my husband is unsympathetic because he thinks I should stop cold turkey. When I refuse to nurse, she gets uncontrolably upset and it breaks my heart! Can anyone help? I don't want her to feel rejected, but I need my sleep (and boobs) back!

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So What Happened?

I want to thank everyone for the wonderful advice! I've never got such an out-pourring of response, it made me feel like I wasn't so isolated! I have since found out that I a pregnant with #4 and my breasts are so tender I'm down to 1-2 short( under 5 minute) nursing sessions a day. I do think I'm going to try some of the salsa of vinegar to hurry the process along a bit. I'm afraid if I don't wean her soon, she's going to be very jealous of the new baby. Thank you all once again!!!!!!!

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C.C.

answers from Des Moines on

I don't think I totally dried up until my daughter was nearly 3, but at 2, she was old enough to understand that she could only have Mama sometimes & had to settle for a sippy cup of water at other times. We sat & talked about it when she was in a GOOD mood & I rewarded her for being a BIG girl with prizes. Basically, I gave in when she was sick, upset, or otherwise in a foul mood. Good nights would get rewarded with an extra book at bedtime, perhaps I'd let her sleep in my bed till she fell asleep, or I'd promise we'd get a special treat the next day. I was NOT above bribery, and honestly, it gave me much less guilt letting us move away from bf gradually, but at a pace I could control.

HTH,

xtina

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T.F.

answers from Lincoln on

I know of a 6 year old still nursing. The mom just couldn't set boundries. He was the youngest of 7, the last child, and the mom just couldn't give it up. He never went to kindergarten. She was able to keep it a secret until some moms got together at her house one day, and he asked plainly for some "alone time" with his mom, she came back in the room buttoning her blouse.
Be careful. There is nothing "natural" about nursing past one year.

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J.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would suggest the book Good Night, Sleep Tight. She has a gently approach to weaning at night. So, you can get your sleep. I would give it a try. The book has worked great for us. I have a two year old girl.

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C.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

I'm in a similar boat - we're not nursing at night but my 21 month old wants to nurse morning, before nap, after nap, throughout the day and before bed! I nursed two other children both until 14 months or so and don't remember it being this hard to wean. They both sorta just stopped on their own. I feel like this is getting to be more nursing with these extra during the day business. He has a cold this week and wants to nurse several more times during the day. I'm not sure what to do either. Part of the problem is that I give in each time.

I need to work on weaning more seriously as I'm planning on being away from him for a long weekend at the end of March. I'm thinking of distraction and then doing a different routine when he gets up in the mornings. I may have my husband be the one to put him to bed more....although, he cries and cries for mommy - which is heartbreaking.

Good luck...I'll check back to see if anyone has any good tips. Thanks for posting this question.

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L.M.

answers from Des Moines on

K.,

You need to let her cry, she will grow out of it. You just letting her know she can have her way when she throws a fit. Yes, it hard but you are doing it to your self. I wish you the best.

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M.N.

answers from Green Bay on

I understand what you are going through. I breastfed my daughter Lydia until she was 2 years old and I just stopped with my 18 month old. What I did for both of them was just take away one feeding at a time. I work out of the home so they both pretty much just got fed when they woke up, after I came home from work and right before bed. So I first took away the one when I came home from work. They would pat the couch where I would usually sit and point to my chest or try lifting up my shirt but I would just keep saying you can have mommy's boobies at nini (night) time. Then I would try redirecting them to playing a game and with the second one I even replaced it with a piece of candy. I was afraid that this would start another big problem but I only had to do this about twice and she just kind of forgot about it. Then after she stopped showing an interest after work I then stopped the morning feed. I would bring her downstairs and give her a sippy cup with milk. Finally when both of those were done I would stop the nighttime feed. Basically I had my husband put her to bed instead of me. They would cry a little but you could tell that it was a manipulating cry and not a real cry. It broke my heart of course but I made sure to be consistent and not back down and now we are all happy and doing great! Good Luck!

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L.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

I went through something similar, but when my son was around 15 months. (He is now 25 months old.) Will she take a cup? My son would never take a bottle, but eventually started taking a sippy cup, and the only way we successfully weaned him was when my husband took over. When our son was tired and ready for bed, my husband would snuggle with him and give him his sippy. The first couple nights he got upset with the cup, but it got better each time. The timing worked out well too because shortly after this I had to be away for a weekend retreat and while I was away, they perfected their system and by the time I returned, he was successfully weaned. I would suggest taking it slow vs cold turkey. Try offering her a cup when she wants to nurse. Have daddy get involved in those moments if possible. I know it is so frustrating and seems like it will never happen but it will. You've obviously done a wonderful job so far! I wish you the best!

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A.

answers from Minneapolis on

I definitely don't have all the answers to this one, or else my 30 month old would be weaned. :) But I wanted to share what worked with my son, who nursed until about 25 months.

He had done overnight visits at his grandparents, so I knew that he could get to sleep on his own just fine if mom wasn't around, and he could find his nutrition and comfort elsewhere if he needed to. I needed to go out of town for 5 days, and a couple of weeks before I left we started talking about his nursing, and how soon he wouldn't nurse anymore but that he was a big boy and could drink from a cup and eat lots of different foods and had good teeth for chewing food. A few days before my trip I explained that when I got back, he wouldn't nurse anymore.

When I did return, he wanted to nurse, of course, but he was understanding when I reminded him he didn't nurse anymore. I rocked him and he used his pacifier and put a hand on my chest.

My daughter is much more stubborn about nursing. She's also been harder for other people to comfort. I'm trying to get her to a pacifier (she quit those when she was about 12 weeks) just for the transition. And I think I need a vacation! I have a trip coming up in April and am hoping that might be enough of a break to try this method again.

Good luck.

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M.G.

answers from Des Moines on

hey don't sweat it!
i nursed my son until he was 2 and i understand. i started weaning by only nursing in the morning and at bed time. this was our "special time" and when we did not nurse other times i would just rock him with his binkie. finally @ a month later we nursed only at bed time. this was the hardest time to stop. finally...our "special time" now is just rocking and snuggling together.
the night nursing sessions really need to stop now. he is not resting completely at night and neither are you. this is not healthy for either one of you. you need to be rested for yourself and your family.
good luck!
michelli

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C.M.

answers from Milwaukee on

She's probably old enough to understand what's going on. I would sit down and take her out for a big girl lunch and say you are not going to nurse anymore. Ask her what else she can do in the middle of the night to use for comfort. Maybe go out and buy a lovey / stuffed animal together.... Cold turkey is probably how I would do it. Or go to rocking her rather than nursing.

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E.N.

answers from Davenport on

I weaned both my children around at 2 1/2 years of age. The first time I had to wean because I was pregnant and having medical problems and needed meds which were not safe for my daughter. The second time I was just plumb worn out, sleep deprived, and sick of being kicked in bed by a demanding boy! Do you sleep with your toddler? It helped me first to get my children into their own beds. For my second child, it was most helpful to have him OUT of my room. He sleeps in his sister's room and it was very comforting to him not to be alone. I put the baby gate on the door and that was that. We have a bedtime routine for my first child and just incorporated him into that, so it's the same every night and he knows what to expect. My husband would comfort him just slightly if he was upset at night but I would not do so. That helped break the connection with night nursing. There were some tears but it had to be someone other than me to soothe him at night or else he expected mama milk each time. During the daytime I had success telling him he could nurse only at certain times, like right before a nap (which encouraged naptime!). It was fairly easy and getting regular sleep was- to me-like having my brain return! I was able to finish my sentences without struggling to find the right word. I did not realize how exhausted I had been.Having a plan made all the difference in the transition to weaning my children. Best of luck to you!

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G.M.

answers from Madison on

Dear K.,
My daughter too was a late weaner. I had to wean her before she was ready, as I needed to go on some medication.
What I did was choose the weaning time she used the least and stop offering her the oppertunity to nurse. One thing I discovered is if I sat down in the chair where I used to nurse her she would take that as a sign to climb up and nurse. (Somedays I felt like I was playing musical chairs)
As she adjusted to going down to 3 nursings (I work full time)
I was able to choose the next least favorite time, and I did that until she was fully weaned. It took a good 2 months.
Also remember that if you quit cold turkey you my get mastitis which is NO FUN.
I also was able to talk Elizabeth to cuddle instead of nurse. She lays on my stomach and sucks her thumb to calm down. Best of luck.

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M.A.

answers from Cedar Rapids on

I will be no help, as I didn't get my little one weaned at 2. Like your daughter she would revert back whenever she was sick. The only I think could have helped her wean sooner was had I stayed home, instead of working parttime. I didn't have a set schedule and that was very upsetting to my little one.

Your husband is going to have to get over it, and get creative about spending time together with you.
They really do stop nursing when they are ready.

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S.T.

answers from Cedar Rapids on

K., I was in your situation two years ago. (See post "Weaning a Stubborn Mama's Boy" on 10/27/06). The majority of the advice I received was to do it cold turkey and I did. I was always so against the "cold turkey" approach. But it worked. And looking back, I really, honestly don't see any ill effects of the approach. Of course, I gave him extra love and affection during the transition. In retrospect, I feel like he was ready to wean and just needed my help to do it. It was a habit at that point. He did not need to do it for nutrition and it was appropriate for him to find another object to sooth himself other than my breast. Good luck. It is not a fun time but you can do it!

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T.S.

answers from Fargo on

I understand your dilema. We nursed for almost 2 years. However, I believe my milk had mostly dried up and it was beginning to be a bit painful for me.

She refused me (self weaning), and it broke my heart so badly that I cried and had to go downstairs to my bedroom to cry. My husband took over and comforted her (she was now crying for me). I allowed him to calm her down as I felt sorry for myself and that she didn't want me any more.

Anyways, after that ONE night, she didn't ask to nurse again. I wonder if I was the one pushing her to continue nursing when she really was ready for it.

As far as your hubby goes....just remind him that baby won't go to Kindergarten nursing or in diapers!

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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

I weaned my daughter at 14 months and I did it just by cutting feedings one at a time every other day to soften the blow on both me and the baby. The last one I cut was before bedtime and that was hard. She cried for a few nights but that was it. You just have to be strong and know that you're not hurting her by weaning. She obviously can't nurse forever. Just make sure you make time to spend cuddling just with her. That's probably what she wants anyway - special cuddle time with mom. You can do that other ways than nursing.

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L.

answers from Minneapolis on

The LLL has several books that disscuss gentle weaning. You might find good ideas from there books or attending a meeting (a lot of the Moms have experience with older nursers). I also have a daughter who is now 25 months and she is gradualy weaning also. Now she is down to ussualy 3 times a day, which is something that I am comfortable with but everyone is different about this. What helped us to cut back is disstraction. For example going for a walk or staying busy. Offering her something to eat or drink before she is really hungry. I realize also that I have inadvertently been doing a lot of "Don't offer and Don't refuse" with her. Which for us is easier and then I am able cut the nursing session short if I am not up for it (most of the time). Every child is different with different needs but you seem to be a really good Mom who is trying to do the best for her daughter, family and self.

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E.M.

answers from Madison on

K.,

Hi, my name is E., I'm 28 and nursed two kids until I just couldn't take it any more. My son, who is now 10, nursed until he was almost two, but he would always bite me, even though he knew better, so I just quit cold turkey with him. My daughter, who is now 4, nursed until she was almost 3. I was going to school every day and had her in the daycare on campus. She would through the uncontrollable fits and I would give in every time. Finally, I just told her that she was a big girl now and eating real food, so she didn't need to nurse any more. And then I just refused her attempts, reminded her that she was a big girl, and then let her throw her fit. After a few days, we didn't really have an issue. Every now and then she'd ask, but there were no more fits. Not about nursing, anyway.

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G.P.

answers from Appleton on

Please do not feel bad. I was in exactly the same situation with my older son. He was weaned at about 26-27 months. I had also promised his dad he would be weaned by 2 years. I know how hard it is, when they look at you and do not understand why they can not nurse anymore, and I too always gave in. I guess the only advice that I have is that eventually, though I would allow him to nurse, I would only let him nurse for a minute or two. Eventually when he would ask and I would say no he was okay with it. Be prepared though. Even months after he was weaned when he was sick, tired, sad, or got injured he would still ask to "hotchie", and telling him that we didn't do that anymore would break my heart, but extra cuddles and hugs seemed to make everything alright. Good Luck! This is a tough one.

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D.M.

answers from Cedar Rapids on

I definately feel for you. I have two boys, 10 and 4, and nursed them both until they were two. My 10-year old didn't have as much difficulty with weaning, but my 4-year old did. The older son had been in daycare since he was six-weeks old, and the younger one was home with his father during the days.
With my youngest son, I started weaning him at 20 months, thinking that at 24 months, we would stop. He did great, except for the evenings. He had gotten so used to nursing to sleep that he cried uncontrolably when I tried anything else. So, I completely understand how heartbreaking it is.
What finally helped was finding another "distraction" to fall asleep to. I introduced a lullaby tape while nursing and each night I shortened the amount of nursing time he got. It took another month, but he eventually equated sleep-time with the tape instead of nursing.
My husband also was not sympathetic. What I had to continue to explain was that our son will only be young for a short time - once he grows out of nursing, he will never go back. It's a blessing (the end of sore nipples) and a sorrow (the loss of that bond together). It's not just your daughter that is weaning, as a mother, you're going through the process, too.

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M.C.

answers from Iowa City on

I'm in the same dilema. only mine is compounded by the fact that a younger sibling is nursing too! I'm interested to hear what other moms say. If I don't nurse my 22 month old he'll scream until I do! We've tried, one day he cried for over 6 hours. Then I couldn't take it anymore and gave in to him.
My heart goes out to you!!

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B.G.

answers from Duluth on

I lived in California when I had an infant to wean. I was feeling quite overwhelmed. I lived next door to an awesome mexican grandma.(81)I was complaining to her one day " Petra, what did you do"? She said that she put some bitter tasting salsa on her nipple. She actually had some in her frig. When my daughter went to nurse I would put a small drop on and tell her that mommas milk was yucky! I had to do it three times, each time she would try it anyway. When she realized that it was yucky I would hand her a sippy cup full of milk. She was very happy with that until the next time. The next morning after the three times she had tried before she was going to take another chance. Again, I told her that mommas milk was yucky. Instead this time she gave them a kiss...As to say good-bye. It worked!!! I think what made the yucky taste was cilantro.I tried it, it was yucky! B. G

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G.K.

answers from Milwaukee on

I agree with your husband. You needto quit cold turkey. If you are still nursing during the night that is a problem. They should be able to make it through the night at 25 months. Not to mention tooth decay! You are the adult to you let your child how its going to be! Not the other way around. I did the cold turkey thing with my son for both his bottle and nuk. It was fine!

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J.G.

answers from Omaha on

I feel your pain my youngest was the same way. I finally did the cold turkey thing at 27 months. It was a very difficult (close to impossible) weekend but that was all it was. One weekend. Not what you wanted to hear, I KNOW!!! Good luck.

I also 3 great kids- 12 years, 6 years, and 4 years

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K.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

I know that I'm not an expert, but believe me...you daughter will get over this. My kiddos threw lots of fits as little ones, and now they know that those fits will get them NO WHERE! Sometimes, as hard as it is, we need to step up and be the parent. If we start letting them make those choices now at 2, then where do we go from there. I also feel that as a couple, you need to reconnect after you have a child. I always try to remember that if my husband and I have a healthy marriage(that includes sex), my kids can only benefit from it. It's very difficult to have a healthy marriage if you're always exhausted from nursing all night. A very wise women kind of put me in my place years ago. I was letting my 3 year old make a decision about going to the church child care, so my husband and I could go to a bible study together. I was so offended at first. My daughter had said she didn't want to go, then she changed her mind a couple times, and I was allowing this from her. This women said that sometimes we just need to make those decsions...stick with it, and if they see that we stand by what we have said, they will learn to trust us, and honor us as parents. It's putting way to much pressure on a child to let them start making what should be an adult decision. Good luck!

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H.F.

answers from Pocatello on

I really feel for you, I am having the same problem! My little girl is 2 1/2! She is so energetic and loves to be independent during the day, but at night it is like she reverts back to being a baby, she will wake up and cry unitl I nurse her, if I refuse her she crys and wakes up the whole family so I just give in. I too want weaning to be gentle and to happen when she is ready, but I really want her to be ready for weaning now! Just try to hang in there, encourage your daughter to be a big girl and reward big girl behavior like not nursing. We are trying a sticker chart, she gets a sticker for not nursing all day and is supposed to get one for not nursing all night, but so far she has earned only one night sticker! Other than that I don't know that there is much you can do, but at least you can feel good about the fact that your milk is still helping to strengthen your daughter's immune system. Good luck!

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M.F.

answers from Bismarck on

All 3 of my kids pretty much weaned themselves by age 3 or shortly after. From age 2-3 they were pretty much just nursing before naps & bedtime, or if they got upset. By age 2, I did try to help them learn to differentiate between whether they were really thirsty (I would offer them a drink from a cup then), or just wanted some Mom time. If it was just Mom time, I gave it to them, as felt that psychologically they needed that security. As they got closer to age 3, if they were just looking for Mom time, I would sit & cuddle &/or read with them first (when they asked to nurse). By the time we did that, sometimes they had "forgotten" about nursing (or gotten what they needed from the cuddle). If not, I let them nurse for a short time. The times they really insisted on nursing kept getting farther & farther apart, until they forgot about it completely. If was very painless for both of us that way. I really think that kids will wean when they are psychologically ready, & if they need that security/closeness to Mom, I choose to not withhold it.

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C.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

Morning K., I had a tough time weaning my daughter as well. I tried many things, from putting band-aids on my boobs, to just telling her no when she asked to nurse. The one thing that did work well for me was telling her that she "used" up all the milk and they were empty. She continued to ask to nurse for a few days, but I kept telling her that they were empty. After about a day of telling her they were empty, she would tell everyone that she used up all the milk in mommy's boobs and they were empty. Hope this gives you another option to try.

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A.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

I had the same with my oldest, but I had two nursing at night, so my milk supply was VERY plentiful and for awhile it was almost a relief.

We started by cutting down where and how often he was allowed to nurse. (It was easy, because his brother who was 19 months younger, weaned himself only a few months after, so I had a barometer of saneness.) First we said--only at home. Then it was only at bedtime (and he did not nap.) Then I cut him off at 3.75 years. He was old enough to talk about it and understand that he was done. He didn't like it, but it was a gentle transition.

I have since discovered that my son has Sensory Issues. (Well, I always knew there was something different, I just didn't know there was a name for it.) Basically, transitions are difficult for him, and there was no way that he was ever going to stop on his own. It was the same for potty training and giving up the family bed--it had to be parent (mommy) driven in order for it to be a loving transition. I was ridiculed by many people for all of it. (Especially my mother) But I know I did what was best for my son.

Good luck. This kind of thing is a dance, and tripping a bit and standing on toes in pretty much a given. (Sorry for the corny metaphor!)

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L.B.

answers from Fargo on

K.,
Just last week some women from church were discussing this very topic. One of the women said that she went away for a week end and left her children home with dad. She did this for each of her three children and it worked great. I would think that you will also have to be ready to let go of the nursing. Children know how to pull on our emotions.

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E.Z.

answers from Minneapolis on

I kinda understand where your husband is coming from and you as a mom myself. I have a few suggestions. Try giving her a 6 oz bottle when she trys latching on to you. But keep her in the somewhat same position she would for breastfeeding. It might be a comfort thing. I know with my oldest she loved to nurse but didnt have propre latch so we had to trick her in to thinking the bottle she was getting was me. IT was really hard and very stressful for all three of us. But in 2 weeks time she figured it was good to get food from momma as long as momma still huged her close to her heart. She still cuddles up and puts her ear to my heart when shes feeling ill or blue but shes 6 now. My youngest wasnt able to digest my milk so she was formula fed all the way and loves her cuddle times too. So give what I suggested a try and if you need to talk to your pediatrician, its what they are there for. And you could ask a lactation nurse if they have any suggestions too. Good luck and btw your not rejecting her she needs to learn shes becoming a big girl and can do some things on her own. Hugs and good luck

Mom of taylor 6 and jamie 3

Edit: Oh I forgot try adding some rice ceral in to her bottle since shes 2 starts with 1 tsp and work up every 3 days if she seems more content when her tummy is a bit fuller then normal. No its not cheating its called teaching her to sleep the night. With a full tummy

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C.D.

answers from La Crosse on

My youngest child was 22 months old when she finally weaned from the breast. I was totally fatigued from lack of sleep and I was desperate to start sleeping all night...which was the only pressure I felt to wean her. My husband thought the solution was for me to leave for the weekend, which I guess makes sense. However, all I could imagine was the scene upon my return! After all those months of attachment parenting with her, I didn't want to throw it all down the toilet just in order for the weaning to be easy on ME. I knew there just HAD to be a better, kinder way for both of us. Like my friend Julie suggested it turned out that painting a product called THUM on my nipples was the solution. She didn't like the taste and therefore didn't want to nurse after a while. I held her and rocked her and offered her a sippy cup while listening to music. Once weaned, she began sleeping through the night in her own bed and it has been two years and she has yet to show any signs of regression or distress. I am glad I did it gently, in a way which kept her feeling secure. I forgot to add that THUM is a product I could find in the pharmacy of Target and it is meant to be used for stopping thumb sucking and nail biting. It is in a .20 fl. oz. size bottle with a nail-brush topper.

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S.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

This sounds so familiar!! My son is now 2 1/2, and he was very difficult to wean. I took a step back and realized that he was not a very cuddly toddler and the only real time we spent cuddling was while he nursed. So, I talked to him about how he and Mama can cuddle anytime, not just when he was nursing and I also tried to cuddle with him more at other times. I really felt like the problem was giving up the cuddling, not the breastmilk. I also gradually lessened the nursing sessions down to naptime and bedtime (He slept through the night since 5 mos so I never had any all night feedings. After a while, we cut out the naptime feeding and replaced with extra cuddling, stories and songs. Eventually, we cut out the bedtime feeding and after a few nights, he didn't really care. Every once in while now, he seems to ask to nurse (though i am not sure he knows what he is asking for) and I just explain that he is a big boy now and doesn't do that anymore. Then I remind him of a couple of benefits of being a big boy so he doesn't think it is better to be a baby! The process took a couple of weeks and was fully weaned by about 25-26 mos. My daughter who is now five, weaned at 25 mos when I went out of town for the weekend. I came home and she'd lost interest! I think I was more sad then she! Sounds like you could use a weekend (and some sleep)away! Good luck!

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W.D.

answers from Des Moines on

I just want to say Yeah to all the people who extend nurse. It is so wonderful to hear more people giving advice in a positive way. Boo to those who say to quit cold turkey. Has your husband done any research on the benefits of nursing a toddler? There are many things you can watch for just to see if she is ready to stop weaning. Can she be put off or distracted when she asks to nurse? There is a wonderful book about weaning by la leche league international called How Weaning Happens. It's hard when you don't even get support from your spouse, but she will quit when she is ready, (and it will be before she is 10!). If it is something YOU really want, and not what your husband wants, then read that book, and that gives excellent advice about weaning naturally. Please don't listen to the stories of children nursing for a long time. They have a totally different situation than you, and as long as you are willing to set the boundries that works best for both of you, then it will be fine. A child who is 6 gets 6 years of breastmilk. Good for them. I am not saying I would even be comfortable with that, but some mothers are and there children do just fine and get the benefits of all the nutrients from breastmilk. I have a 30 month old and she is still nursing strong. Hopefully the support of knowing there are so many woman out there who are nursing toddlers helps you get support in what you are doing. Best of luck!

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J.J.

answers from Omaha on

Congratulations on doing what is best for your daughter! She will reap many benefits for this extended period of nursing. I've nursed all four on my children for long periods of time. I call myself a "marathon nurser" and those nice people out there who think it's crazy have no idea what a BF relationship with your child is.

I do understand that sometimes it gets rather old and you feel like a security blanket. I've dealt with those feelings many times. You need to set your boundries with her. I learned that many times my toddler would ask to nurse when she was hungry or thirsty. So, I found treats or foods she likes to offer her instead. Also, from experience I think you will find it's easier to wean her when it gets warm outside. It's just so much easier to distract them with play.

Another suggestion - She's getting to the potty training stage. DO NOT try to potty train and wean at the same time. You will get very frustrated. That would not be good for your child. Personally speaking, nursing a toddler is much easier than potty training her. So, you need to make the decision as to which you will do first.

My oldest is 12 now and I remember thinking when he was little that these problems would last forever, but trust me, they don't, they grow up so fast! I've nursed one child until he was 2 1/2, the next one until he turned 4, and the next one when she was 5, and I'm currently nursing a 12 month old. Sounds crazy to do, but I have VERY good, confident, independent children. NO REGRETS!

Good luck!

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S.W.

answers from Iowa City on

I am currently nursing my almost 26 month old son. I know it can be very trying at times, but I fully believe in a child-led weaning. You should worry about your need as well too though & set limits. There are some really good books out there. I check out a bunch of them when my daughter was nursing at 2 1/2 & my son was 6 mos & tandem nursing. It was getting to be too much for me & I did wean her. Although at times I regretted it knowing she is a spirited child & would have benefited from doing it longer. I was not going to keep doing if I was resenting it though. I have now been breastfeeding straight for 4 years now & I have been having the feelings of wanting to have my body back. It is such a short time though & I just look ahead & know I will not be BF somebody forever. It is such a short special time & I do not feel in a rush to wean my son. You can make your BF whatever you want it to be. I night weaned at 18 months & my son has only nursed in the morning, before naptime & before bedtime for quite a long time now. I can leave him at bedtime & he is fine. (We just took our first night away a month ago & have another planned this weekend) I can tell he is gradually not needing it so much. Just remember you can make it whatever you want it to be! Read lots of books. One good one is "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" by Norma Baumgartner (sp?)
Brekka
PS My husband was not supportive with the first child either, but now he has not said a single word about it with my son. He actually encourages it. Educate your husband about the benefits of EBF & also the emotional relationship. It is something that is hard for men to understand. Also the thing about tooth decay is not accurate about breast milk as long as the teeth are brushed well before bed it does not cause decay . When there is food left behind that is what does.

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M.W.

answers from Milwaukee on

I stopped nursing my daughter (almost 25 months) two Fridays ago. She mostly would nurse for comfort or to fall asleep.
The first night she cried for 15 minutes, the next night 10, the next night 5, the following night, she got the point. The first few nights, while she cried I held her in my arms, with a teddy bear in one hand and a milk cup in the other. I also placed a pillow over my chest so she would not have easy access.
I was surprised at how easy it ended up being. Once I was able to get her to fall asleep after the 15 minute cry, and throughout the night when she would wake, it was a cakewalk to stick with it. During the day I just redirected her. If she came to me I'd offer her drinks, food etc. If she came to me because it was around nap time, I just set her on my lap, her back to my chest, and read to her, or play a calm cartoon, until she would doze off.
It is the closeness your daughter is afraid of letting go of, not the breast. You just have to teach her that you can still be close without it :)
Good Luck Mama!

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W.B.

answers from Lincoln on

WOW. 2 yrs old and still feeding. Sorry but thats crazy. Shes got u peged u need to nip it in the bud I breastfed too and its hard to just stop when they wanna keep it up but shes 2 and needs to be drinking outta a cup.and all nite feedings at 2 wow I feel for u. Sorry hubby is right I would just stop it will be hard for awhile maybe send her to a grandma or someone that can deal with the crying and wont give in. I know I may sound mean I am sorry but sometime ur going to have to get mean or u will still be attached to a 10 yr old..lol know what I mean.Good Luck.

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M.M.

answers from Milwaukee on

I had the exact same problem. I finally put band-aids on my nipples (the cloth kind that are the same color as your skin so they are kind of camouflaged) and told her she couldn't nurse because mommy had owies there and it hurt too much. She continued to ask for a few more weeks but she stopped throwing a fit about it when I told her no. She just said "OH" and bought the whole "owie" idea. And that was the end of it. Hope that helps!

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C.Y.

answers from La Crosse on

I have a friend who went thru a very similar situation. She finally would quick go into the kitchen and put vinegar on her nipples and I think she also told her daughter that Mommy was "broken", or something like that. Her daughter didn't like the taste and didn't fuss to not nurse. In a couple days, she didn't even ask any more. It's at least worth a try. Good luck.
C.

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