Very Tired 3 Year Old Who Will Not Fall Asleep - HELP!

Try Calms Forte For Kids. It is a homeopathic remedy to help take the edge off so a child can relax enough to fall asleep. It is chamomile based, like drinking a cup of tea, and it is none habit forming. It helps them relax just enough to allow sleep to come in. 3 small self-dissoving tablets into the cap, tossed into the mouth. Very easy, effective and homeopathic. I found them at Target a few weeks ago. For us it is not every night, only when sleep just won't come. There are nights in my house when I am so grateful for the people who work hard at their jobs to make these small white pills that allow my kids to fall asleep, so they can wake up refreshed after getting enough sleep, and that will help my kids not be cranky, which makes me feel saner, which makes my life more in balance, which makes me a better Mama. So I say Amen to the the men and women who make Calms Forte For Kids.

first: no show before bed. The TV is brain stimulating with changing lights and flickers, and is charging him up too much. Last show should probably be at least an hour before bedtime if not more. Don't worry about him laying still, he can fidget when you read to him, it's less important that his body is resting and more important that his brain is calming down.
second: the bedtime routine is too long and choppy. Bedtime should be the signal that it's time to sleep. Brush teeth, wash face, use potty, wash hands, get into bed and read, maybe sing or listen to soothing music. All that should be 20-30 minutes tops.
third: consider starting it all earlier. There is an actual chemical in the brain that is secreted when Sleepy is passed, as the brain thinks "i was ready to sleep, but since it's not happening I must stay awake." He's getting past the point of sleeping into the territory where the chemical is keeping him up. THAT'S the jerk awake you see, not that he doesn't want to miss anything fun, it's that he's actually fighting to sleep but his brain is not letting him. If you start earlier (for the longest time, my kids went to bed at 6:30, definitely at that age), then he may actually fall asleep before 8 and sleep through.
Also grab a copy of the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." It's awesome.

I have restless leg syndrome and do that to myself and I am 42. talk to his doc about it. its not he is misbehaving per se but wakes himself up when he twitches. I do it all the time and its very fustrating especially when you are so tired you just want to drop. you just start dropping off and you wake yourself up again and do it for hours. you wake up the next day exausted or wake up late whichever. this is not something he can control. If I cant control it you can't expect a 3 yr old to control it. he is pinching and hitting cause he is so exausted. not being a bad kid just so tired he can't express himself and doesn't know how to tell you what is going on.

No matter how hard you try to "break this behavior" you can't do it without medication. You can't teach him to keep himself relaxed enough its involuntary on his part. take him to the doctor in my opinion is the only "fix"

tv at night is something I would never do personally, i can tell you from experience with my kids nap needs to go, he is three he doesn't need to nap anymore. My children 3 and 5 for the older two, we noticed if they nap they fight bed for hours, if they don't nap they go right to bed. Our three year old still falls asleep ocassionally during the day which is fine but we know not to make a big deal then about night time sleep because we know he just isn't going to be tired at least when we want him to be. Our kids also listen to soothing music at night. He has been trained already which will make it hard to change but I can tell you one step at a time is the best and I would have the first step being no more naps, and then go from there.

I notice that you mention that he's sleeping in your room. That might be part of the problem. He doesn't have his own space to unwind at the end of the day, and your room has lots of fun stuff to get into.

We actually lock our 2yo in his room at bedtime. We go in if he's crying at the door or needs us, but otherwise, he's in his room at bedtime and it's time for sleep. We don't go in there. The only thing in his room of interest are his books, which I personally don't care if he chooses to stay up and "read" them. It doesn't last long.

Someone else mentioned RLS, and that might also be worth looking at. There may be something going on biologically that prevents him from drifting off normally.

But my first course of action would be to gate/lock him in his own room and let him form his own routine, since what you're doing isn't really working.

My almost four year old daughter fights her sleep like nobody's business! We have found that now that she is in a preschool setting (where she is busy and not bored) and we have her ready for be earlier at night she is settling down better. I have also found that there is a small window of her being tired enough and then too tired. I get her ready for bed just before the wind of being tired so she falls asleep before she is over tired. She doesn't "go to bed well" but we have her lay/settle down and then she drifts off. Good luck.

If he is over tired, try putting him down a little earlier. My son goes through phases of this, the most recent started because we reacted to him. We have been letting him go now and he may talk to himself for a little bit, but he knows that we won't come in even if he is screaming (if he is truly crying we will, but we can tell the difference when he is just yelling because he is mad we won't come in). He may now call out for about 15 minutes and is then quiet. That has been the biggest help to us.

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My daughter was very much the same way from infancy. I always said she was the only 3 month old with bags under her eyes! She's 5 now and each year it gets better, but we still struggle.

I don't know that I have answers, but a few thoughts came to mind that might help:
- maybe he needs a chance to wind down/talk about his day/something else? If you get home, do dinner, only sometimes get playtime, then bath, etc., he may be overstimulated already and needs to get some of it out. Squeeze in a little of that free play, a walk or something else no matter how little time there seems to be or give him time to tell you about his day (if he's anything like my daughter, he won't just talk, he'll jump around and act out his day). It will help him wind down before you start the bedtime routine.
- change up the night routine. If it won't freak him out, do the same things, but in a slightly different order or add or subtract something. I think, at least with my daughter, doing the same routine every night, she knew what was coming. It was routine, no longer relaxing. Change it up just slightly.
- however you discipline, make it a behavioral issue. If he's getting out of bed and jumping around, he has disobeyed you. There should be a consequence. If you can get him to stay in bed, he may fall asleep a little sooner. Even if giving that consequence gets him more wound up on the first few nights, once he knows you expect it of him and he learns to obey, it won't be an issue anymore.
- does he have sleep sounds/sound machine? My daughter uses one. I think it helps filter out some noises, which gives her less to think about and less to disturb her as she falling asleep or sleeping.

I hope I was some help. If nothing is working, I'd also consider a visit with the pediatrician. It can't hurt to rule out physical issues that could be causing it.

Good luck!
B.

I would consult a doctor, I am a little surprised you lived long enough to be telling this story now. The mattress needs to go back into his room. If calm, soothing, tv viewing is not working-try the opposite-afterschool activity, lots of running around, no tv; begin talking about a new routine-where he will sleep in his own room-instead of focusing on getting him to go to sleep-try keeping him up. He must have some anxiety surrounding bedtime that needs to be addressed. Best of luck-this sounds very upsetting.

This sounds familiar. My son is now almost six but for his first 2 yrs he hardly slept a wink and had a hard time falling asleep especially at night.
Here are some "suggestion" and/or insights. It turned out (I was right) that my son suffered from sleep apnea and that at 20 or 40 minutes into his "sleep" he would jerk awake and refuse to go back to sleep. Even at a tender age gasping for air is quite jolting and can manifest in diff ways. Please observe his breathing patterns as he goes to sleep. REM can take place at 20 or 40 minutes and the brain goes into a diff rhythmic pattern and there are physiological changes that can be disruptive. My son's behavior was also an issue due to lack of sleep and oxygen dep to his young developing brain. Have you seen an ENT yet? check his adnoids and tonsil size. After my son had his removed, he started sleeping 10- 12 hours and it was a miracle and made many things easier.
A second thought is anxiety- b/c my son also suffers from anxieties but when he was 2 and 3 I did not know b/c he couldn't speak etc.. and he continues to be terrified by the dark, and by falling asleep- as if the idea of letting go- not seeing his mom or whoever is so terrifying that he cannot allow himself to surrender. My neuro-psyche explained that the limbic brian in infants can be "over reactive", sensitive to fear or separation issues and manifests in sleep time routines. They have such a hard time self soothing b/c they are naturally "brain hyper" so being alone and dealing w/ having to get to sleep- can be a terrifying experience especially for a 3 yr old. I STILL have to hang out w/ my son until he is asleep or close to it. It takes time for their rational minds to overcome the over active emotional part of the brain and going to sleep is usually when it shows up most. Naturally, medications will be brought up to help disengage him from thinking so much and helping him to sleep and I tried one and really enjoyed him falling asleep sooner and w/ less "worry" or drama, but it also made him more short tempered so I went back to warm milk at night. He also has severe eczema and Benadryl w/ the decongestant helps him get sleepier but I can't use that on a regular basis. A good test to try is if regular Benadryl makes him drowsy or hyper active. If its hyperactive then my sure bet is that his brain chemicals are distributed differently and its something you will be working w/ for a while.
Nothing wrong, just different- heck, think @ how many adults have trouble getting to and staying asleep. good luck :)

I would honestly try to exhaust him physically about 2 hours before bedtime. Lots of kids in the U.S. -- esp. very active little boys get lots of mental exercise, but maybe not enough physical exercise to really tire them out. So, he is perhaps sleepy, but not tired. You might just have a really high energy little boy who needs lots and lots of just physical activity. I used to take my kids to the YMCA to the pool, summer, winter, whenever at about 3 or 4 p.m. and have them swim and play in the water for 1 to 2 hours. Then it was a race against time to get them something to eat before they fell happily to sleep. I would try doing something like that for awhile until falling asleep easily becomes a habit for him and it begins to feel like a pleasure to sleep for him instead of a time when he can miss something. It could be a pool, a park, even a fast food play area. Just free highly physical playtime.

maybe he should drop his nap. when my son was 3 he was a champion napper but would howl for an hour before falling asleep. i talked to him for about a year about how to fall asleep -- i figured he needed training on how to lie still, close your eyes, sing a little song to yourself, count to twenty, etc. while that has helped him now that he is five, the minute we dropped the nap he would crash at night.

My son is the exact same way-- he will not sleep anywhere besides his crib in his own room for this very reason. It sounds like your son is incapable of shutting out stimuli to let himself fall asleep. Being in your room and you being with him is stimulating him and keeping him awake.