Three Month Old Won't Sleep on His Own

You may have to let him cry. Sometimes, they will cry until they go to sleep. You probably have held him to much, and it does not take much to spoil them. I had the same trouble with my son a few months ago, and I had to let cry until he went to sleep. It was hard because I hated hearing him cry, but it worked and now he will go to sleep in his bed by himself. Hope this helps.

B.
www.workathomeunited.com/busymoma

I first want to clarify that I am not against co-sleeping as I do understand that for some people its the right choice.

Unfortunately, this is one of the issues with co-sleeping. Babies becine so dependent on having someone to cuddle with that they can't sleep without that. My son has never spent the entire night in our bed. There have been nights when part of it has been in our bed (ex: when he's got a cold and needs his head elevated).

My suggestion would be getting you son to sleep in his own bed (there are ones that attach to the side of your bed, but I don't know what their weight capacity is). When we decided it was time to train our son to go to sleep on his own, rather than being held until he's asleep, here's what we did:

We sleep trained our son at 5 months. I wanted to hold of on the Ferber method though and try other things first. The first, and most important, thing is to pick up on your baby's cues. That first eye-rub or yawn...before they get cranky...is your cue that they are ready to sleep. For my son (6 1/2 months), this "cue" occurs somewhere between 7 and 7:30.

At that cue, Cody gets his bath (if he's getting one that night), dry diaper, changed into his pjs, brush his gums, bottle and into the crib. We give him his binky (which stays in the crib), his blanky, turn on the mobile and tell him "its sleepy time" (and of course, "I love you"). Within 5-10 mins, he's sound asleep. We also do this with naps throughout the day. As soon as we see that cue, its diaper change and in the crib (sometimes bottle, depending on when he last ate).

When we decided it was time to work on getting Cody to go to sleep on his own, we did our normal routine, except we started putting him in the crib awake (before that we would hold him until we knew he was really completely out).

The first couple nights consisted of a lot of soothing (talking to him, patting his back, re-offering the binky). A few nights later, we stopped soothing before he was completely asleep. After a few nights of that, we stopped it early still. Gradually, after 2-3 nights of success at each stage, we spent less and less time soothing him.

During this process, we did allow him to fuss, and as L. as he would stop while we soothed him, we let him go. We started with 2 mins, then 5 mins, then 7 mins, then 10 mins between soothings. 10 mins was the longest we let him fuss. If he ever got into an all out cry, we'd scoop him up, calm him down and reassure him that we loved him and were nearby. As soon as the crying stopped, he was back into the crib and the soothing started over.

Yes, this is time consuming and no, it doesn't usually work overnight and it does take a commitment and consistency (it won't work if you do this one night but the next night dad rocks the baby to sleep).

It is SO worth it! My son sleeps so much more soundly throughout the night, he sleeps for longer periods of time throughout the night, and he is well-rested and happy from the moment he wakes up.

My son goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:15. Even when we are out to dinner, visiting friends, shopping, traveling, etc. he sticks to this routine. We travel a lot and it makes it easier because we take his blanky and his glowing seahorse and can put him to sleep anywhere the same as we do at home. (he spent the night at my parents' house 2 weeks ago, and followed his normal routine for them).

Our "rule" is that if Cody wakes before 5:30 he doesn't get a bottle. If he's not crying, we ignore him (he will sometimes wakes, play or talk in his crib and go back to sleep). If he is crying, we attempt our soothing for 30 mins. If he doesn't go back to sleep after 30 mins, we give him a bottle (hey, there are times I want a snack in the middle of the night, he's no different because he's a baby).

Most days Cody wakes between 6 and 7, drinks a bottle and goes back to sleep until 9 or 10. He gets up, gets dressed has another bottle. An hour later he gets "brunch", then generally goes down for a 60-90 min nap. He gets up from his nap, plays, has a bottle and goes down for another nap (approx 2 hours after waking from the first). That nap is 2 1/2 - 3 1/2 hrs. He wakes up from that, has a bottle and plays for about 2 hours. If he doesn't nap great during the day (we're running errands or something like that) he will take another 30-60 min nap in the early evening. He eats dinner around 6:30/7:00 and then we just play until he "tell" us that he's ready for bed.

there's some good advice here already, but the one thing I want to point out is that your son is only 3 mos old right now. even Weissbluth and Ferber say no sleep training/cry it out before about 5 mos, so you absolutely should not be leaving him to cry alone yet, if you're going to do it at all. all it does at this age is teach him that his efforts to communicate are futile and that his one sure protector, you, may not necessarily be there for him when he needs you. at 3 mos it's still perfectly acceptable (again, even according to the CIO experts) for him to sleep in your arms, in a swing, in a bouncy seat or car seat or wherever works. worry about developing sleep habits in another couple of months; right now he's learning about trust and developing his relationship with you.

as for your question about whether it's normal, yes, what's going on is very normal, and if you need to free yourself up during naps, go ahead and get a good carrier and let him sleep in your "arms" that way, so you can still move around and get stuff done.

good luck. sleep issues suck, but they're also pretty ubiquitous.

i think many of the mom's have given good advice already. i'm a first time mom of a 3 mo old boy as well. he does the same thing. when it comes to naps during the day. he sleeps very well at night on his own but during the day when i am home he sleeps only when i hold him. some sort of carrier you can wear is really good. i've done this a few times and my son will just sleep like that while freeing my hands so i can get stuff done around the house. also we use and amby for him to sleep in the few times i can lay him down and at night. you should look into it. it helps with reflux (which was a thought of one of the other mom's comments) and when he does wake and start moving it will rock/bounce him back to sleep. it's great! anyway, good luck with your son. hope you were able to get some good ideas to help out.

This is one of the hardest issues for a new mom, I think, at least it was for me. I think Kristen said it beautifully in her reply. My first thought when reading your question was wondering about reflux. That may still be an issue if you feed him right before nap. I learned to feed when he got up and NOT before naps.
I tried a swing, but I think it's just training them how you want them to go. You could try sounds to trigger sleep.... music or sound machine at night and the same one for naps. Put them down to nap at the first sign using the before bed routine...what ever that is. Then leave. I still have to come back for reassurance at least once for my 3 yr. old.. ha ha. Keep trying until you find something that works....and then he'll change! :)

Well in my opinion it's your prob. not his. It's easier to get a three month old to sleep alone than a big kid who can get up and talk back. What you need to do is put him in the bed at nap time or bed time and leave. He's going to yell that's a given. But it won't last long. If he yells more than 5min. go in "Don't pick him up" and pat him on the back for about a min to calm him down. Than leave. "in my opinion this works sometimes but you have to judge it to see if it's making it better or worse" Some kids do better if you just leave and don't go back. Because sometimes you going in and out is like teasing. But a baby can only yell for so long and he doesn't talk back. He will go to sleep when he's tired from yelling. good luck

I always had my kids sleep in their car seat for the first 4 or 5 months. They loved it and by the time they were sleeping more regularly, I transferred them to the crib. The first few nights I did that, they cried a little, but I just let them cry it out and they started sleeping more consistantly. Now they go down with no problem. You may want to double check with the doctor on any more signs as to what may be causing the crying like reflux. I'm not sure.

It sounds like you have a wonderfully normal baby. Some babies sleep better on their own than others. I have used slings for some of mine so that I could hold them and they could nap and for others I put something that smells like me next to them when I lay them down. This to shall pass. I think sleep is over rated. If you are sleeping well at night then that is great. I have found I get the most sleep by co sleeping

Perhaps you can try wrapping him tightly in a swaddling blanket and keep his crib warm so he will feel like he is in the comfort of your arms. Babies like small warm spaces. AF

Naps are the problem then? or just initiall going down?

Hang in there C.! Some babies just do this. My oldest (now 7) slept in my harms until she was 8 months old. The first day she took a nap in her crib I almost did cartwheels! When everything you try fails just remember - this will pass. Sometimes you just have to give up and make it through each day! Good luck. I definitely feel for you.

My son was the same way. We still co-sleep and he just turned 2 the end of September. Do you have a swing? My son did not like it at first. But, by two months he started to really like it. He would take two 3 hour naps a day in the swing. We did this until about 6 months because I decided he needed to learn to sleep without motion. At that point I would lay with him on our bed until he feel asleep and then leave him. This is still how we do naps and bedtime. He will wake at some point during the night and want me to come stay with him for the rest of the night.

I don't know how normal it is, but my only son was just like that. He slept in my arms at every single nap until he was 9 months old. Thank goodness for Netflix. It was kind of crazy at the time and exhuasted me, but I never really found any good answers. He's now three and sleeps through the night in his own bed so there is hope!

Hi C.. My daughter is almost 5 months old and did the same thing. Kristin gave you excellent advice. Are you a SAHM? It would help ALOT if you were, that way you could work on it during the day. It only took a few days for my daughter to get the hang of things. She fusses a little (maybe 5 minutes or so) and then she is out for about an hour at nap time. Our next hurdle is getting her to stay down a little longer so that she isnt still tired when she gets up. Good luck. He'll get there.