The Every Once in Awhile Dad

I'm not in the same boat but I wouldn't let your son overnight with someone he sees as a stranger. My younger son (8 months) has stranger anxiety and my mom wants SO badly to have him spend the night with her. But, she knows that he's not comfortable with it yet. And she sees him at least twice a week!

I would tell your ex that if he wants to spend more time with his son you welcome it. But until he establishes a consitent relationship with him, he won't be spending the night.

Good luck.

Being hesitant to do overnights is different than denying the dad from seeing his son. I had to learn that one. He has had plenty of opportunities I assume, to see his child, so saying "no" to certain circumstances is not denying him. Does that make sense?

My ex tried to guilt me into believeing I denied him, when it was him, just like your ex, who was the absent disappearing dad, sceduling the visits on his time when it was convenient, etc.

You are the custodian I assume so you ned to set the ground rules on what is OK for your son. You do have that power. I would think that until he is a consistent dad and presence, then you could start considering doing overnights. Overnight entail routines, and he hasn't established any with your son yet.

I know it's hard. They've had the chance to get involved...like as soon as they know they were going to be dad. Why is taking this long? And are they really coming around? I think maybe it's best-- and I am talking to myself as well as to you--to let them practice a little consistency and consdieration for awhile bfore they get the privelege of being the caretaker dad.

I get upset about this, and I'm sorry to hear you are going thru this too. It's just plain hard!

(Oh my gosh, your son is only 6 months old!!! I would put my foot down. It's so primal, I know, but the baby needs to be with the mom for awhile. I breastfed til my son was 2 and at 17 months the dad guilted me into letting our son stay with him for 2 days. He told me to just pump, and didn't even care how it would impact our son and his expectations. I regret to this day still for letting him to do that to me and my son.)

I agree with the other posters, A.. My five children never do overnights with their Grandma even, until they turned four. This man is a stranger to your little boy and he needs you. What in the world is this man going to do with a six month old all night?

I also think he should show consistency in visiting and just plain caring about his son. I know it must be hard at this age for him to know what to do, or to even connect with an infant he isn't around much, but that is the touch part of being a parent, putting in the time, like you do, every single day. I mean, let's say it like it is, if you hadn't fallen in love with him already, you would just be babysitting.

Good luck! I know it is tough, but put your son's needs first and I think the answers will be easier.

I guess my opinion differs a bit from the others... I trust my son's father immensely. He's been spending the night (even a month in Hawaii once!) with his Dad since he was a couple of weeks old (even though I breastfed). He was there at the birth but in & out of town a lot, so he doesn't see him on a regular basis. Yet, there is this unbelievable bond between them. My little guy (now 17 mos.) can go for weeks, even a month without seeing his father & as soon as he sees him he's overjoyed, & just forgets about me! Even if he's asleep & hears his voice, he gets up right away & is absolutely ecstatic! It used to bother me a bit because I'd sometimes feel left out. Like, I'm here for you day in & day out, & this guy comes in & I'm pushed to the side =( I got over that (for the most part) but it is such a joy to see my son so happy... I don't know if this helps any but I do WISH U LUCK! =)

i think you kinda already know the answer to that question. you didn't give us any info on if you trust this guy, how long you have known him, or even if you are still in somekind of relationship, or how long was your relationship with him. but your first instinct was to not let him stay over, so y take a stranger's advice on what you should or shouldn't do? i think you should go with your gut.....my kids didn't stay overnight at anyones house until they were about 4yo or so.....but if me and my husband weren't together, they probably would. but i see my husband as a loving father.....someone i could really trust even if we weren't together anymore. you should use the instincts that God gave you and make your own decision......ur the only one who knows your child and his father well enough. good luck

Even if he consistently sees your son, I wouldn't recommend overnighters until your son is a bit older. My daughter's father has always seen her basically every other weekend since she was born, but she has only been spending the night for a little over a year. She's almost five. It takes time for a child to be comfortable spending the night away from Mom. I can't imagine your son would enjoy it. Tell him he's welcome to return the next day to spend time with him, but your son remains with you to sleep. Good luck.

hi there i am a single mom of a little girl who is 21months old and i have to say i totally understand why you would be uncomfortable with your son spending the night. my daughter's father has never seen her and if he ever did want to see her i would never let him take her for the day alone let alone overnight. if your son's father does want to spend time with him you should meet him at a neutral kid friendly place (a park, play area, etc) and let your son meet him and become familar with him while you are there. NO WAY should you let him take your son overnight right away. good luck !!