Teacher Is Suggesting My 5 Yr Old Repeat Kindergarten

I, personally, would not push him through to first grade. Waiting is almost always the best thing to do!! Life will be harder on him if he is one of the smallest boys in his class. Imagine middle school... His kindergarten teacher has seen this many times and I think that you should trust her judgement.

Hi R.,

You may have made your decision by now but I felt I would like to tell you my advice and observations with my experience. My daughter is 22 now and just graduating college. My daughter was a 5 year old turning 6 in Oct when she finished kindergarden and I also had concerns when it was suggested she be held back by her Kindergarden teacher. I chose to push her forward against the teachers suggestion; but then the teacher did concur that she felt she would be fine either way. I always had second thoughts but felt she would be embarrassed if her friends went on and she did not. You see I was held back in 2nd grade (because of my age and maturity)and I remember being embarrased at that time. I don't know your son but I can only tell you that I never struggled (bookwise or emotionally) however as time went on my daughter did. I regret not holding her back because I think in Kindergarden kids really don't notice as much as you do. It was difficult for me always regretting this and having her struggle (not in all areas) and as time went on I even saw her gravitating to kids in the younger grades. She was the youngest to drive and throughout her entire schooling and graduating at 17 you just aren't ready to take on everything. I really think she would have only benefited from another year at that time. If you are concerned about what people will say and think or even what he may think, a suggestion I would recommend is to put him in with a different teacher or a different school for the 2nd year of K so that he gets a different experience. Hope this helps and good luck on your decision.

Hello there,
I have a struggling Junior in high school that was a September 2nd 5 year old Kindergarten student that had been suggested we hold another year back, due to some of the same concerns. My husband and I were about your age and were afraid of the stigma it may present to us and him if we held him back. I have to say if we could do it over again we would have held him back. Our son struggled all thru school and has been at the bottom of his class simply because he was not ready academic wise each year. Think of your son's future and him having it easier to learn later on than a struggle all the way thru. I am sure you are GREAT parents and will make the right choice for your child.

Hi R.,

I felt compelled to respond to this because I am a first grade teacher this year and was a kindergarten teacher last year. I have retained 2 students and sent 2 students on to 1st grade with fear they were not ready. The two I held were very young and immature and had a lot of other needs (both turned 5 in late november of Kidnergarten.) The two I sent on have really blossomed this year of 1st grade.

In your case I think it is really important that you TALK TO YOUR SON'S TEACHER. He isn't that young in comparrison to some children. Not knowing all the circumstances with your son, I would say sending him to 1st grade might be a struggle, but if you are willing to work with him he might really do okay. Letters, sounds, and site words are very important in 1st grade because of the focus on reading and writing. It sounds like you are really working toward his success that is the first step. Another year in Kinder may be a little too easy for him. If I had a child in this situation I think I would send him on to 1st grade and consider retention after 1st grade rather than Kinder. It is a full day and so repeating might make more of a difference.

I am wishing you the very best. Stay active in your son's education and he will be successful. Look to his teacher for advice on how to help. Maybe talk to a potential 1st grade teacher he might have next year and get his/her opinion. Talk to your son also. I know he is young, but they have opinions about things too and many understand and can give you more information than you would imagine. Feel free to contact me if you have anymore questions or need more ideas.

Have you tried Leapfrog Learning Videos (Letter Factory, Word Factory, Storybook Factory)? They are available at Costco currently. My son had a slow start at Reading, but has never repeated any grade level so far. We made sure that we read 20 minutes every day at bedtime(Start off with Picture books or Phonics Books like Spot, Dora, & Clifford or topics that he's interested in like Thomas the Tank Engine). These are available at Borders in the children's section. Borders and public libraries also have storytime available. He is now in the second grade and excelling in Reading.

Hi R.,
My birthday is late August so I was always one of the youngest. I was also a first grade teacher (before kids). I vote to follow your instincts and send him to first grade.

I liked the advice you received about talking to the teacher more in depth. Perhaps bring a friend or family member to the meeting. Discuss your child's strengths in all modalities (social, emotional, academic, physical...). The friend/family member may provide less-emotional insight to you. Physical size should not be a factor in school readiness (unless it is your dream for him to be the starting line-backer on the varsity team as a freshman...) Some people are tall and some are short.

Reading is really a readiness issue. I had a first grader who could barely write his name on the first day of school. With no outside support (besides reading at home), he was reading at grade level by Christmas and above grade level by June. He is a great example of how quickly a child who is ready learns. My opinion: we can spend years using basic phonic programs to teach our children until it sticks, or we can use the same programs for a few months when the children are truly developmentally ready.

In the same class I had a boy who would have benefited from an extra year in kindergarten. He couldn't manage his body (only using potty during recess, fine motor skills, sitting relatively still during stories). By the way, he could read and write at grade level at the beginning of first grade. His physical immaturity hindered him during the year. Note that this is different than being "small."

(Random thought: there's a book "The Maths Gene" that explains our brains are wired to do numbers and math before letters and reading.)

Here's a link to the State Content Standards (by grade level):
http://www.cde.ca.gov/be/st/ss/index.asp

Good luck!

First and foremost...breath! I know it's hard to hear.

I only wish my son's Kindergarten teacher recommended retention for my now first grader. My son is 6 yrs old and will not be 7 until June. He is the third youngest in the class. Most classmates turned 7 before Christmas. This means they too were held back or started a year later.

My son is bright & curious about life. He loves to use his imagination to play & loves space, geography, & animals. But something is not clicking when it comes to school. It came to a huge shock to my husband & I when his teacher recommended an assessment from the district Pathologist & Phycologist. Wanting the best for our son we agreed. Last week we found out that he is not where he needs to be as a first grader but he didn't score low enough to receive add'l help. Because he shows the ability to learn, retention was not recommended. The schools solution, more remedation outside of school.

My son is a great kid with NO behavior or maturity issues. At the end of Kindergarten he was able to perform all the task you said your son cannot do. First grade is so much harder! Longer school day, less play time, & fast pace. Please think long & hard about another year in Kindergarten. I would hate for you & your husband to have to make this decision next year when you son is another year older. Besides wouldn't you rather have your son at the top of his class than at the bottom always having to "catch up"?
Good Luck!

A couple of side notes: Studies have shown that most childern not held back when recommeded will be held but within the next year or two.
This summer, I'm spending it working with my son from a home-school cirrculum in HOPES to get him caught up.

P.S. Where did you find your tutor?

If it helps any, I was held back to repeat kindergarden and to this day I appreciate it. My teacher and my parents agreed that I could use another year mainly for maturity reasons. I clearly remember being more confident that second year, and for me, that was extremely useful both in social situations and in how I learned and processed information. Throughout my school years, I enjoyed being one of the older kids, even if it just meant that I was the first to get my license and drive my parent's big old station wagon. I was a perfectly normal kid in all aspects, but that extra year gave me a boost that has lasted a lifetime. It might be helpful for you to think of it that way. It's not just about this one year- the benefits will continue a long time out.

You have gotten so much good responses, but I too need feel a need to add a bit here.

If your son is already "behind" and needs so much extra help with summer school and a tutor, perhaps the best thing for him would be another year in Kindergarten. He's not even 6 yet, he is going to feel stressed soon with these pressures. I am one of those that believe kids need to be allowed to be kids as long as they can. The demands of school are incredible compared to when I was in school. I'm 38, I graduated at 17, I was SO YOUNG compared to my classmates. I have 3 spring babies, and 2 fall babies (all girls). My twins, fall babies, waited a year to start school...there are so many kids their age and older (they are now 16 y/o sophomore's in 10th grade). It's easier to retain them at a young age. We tried to retain my oldest in the 3rd grade, but the school didn't recommend it because it could psychologically harm her. She struggled and had to work for her grades. My other two spring babies are doing fine. My twins, one is doing very well and would have possibly done well starting a year earlier, but the other...she has to work hard for her grades...she's a bit lazy, so I have to work even harder to get her to work! Doing well in school is much more important then graduating with SOME kids the exact same age.
My twins have actually thanked me...seriously.

I graduated at 17 with mostly other kids that were 18 and 19. I would have much rather been one of the older then the youngest...there were things I was too young to participate in but my friend's could.

I wish you the best!

Hi Rabecca,
If you don't feel that he needs to be held back and that he's learned enough to move on to the next grade then I'd let him go on to second grade. I think that because of his teacher recomending that he be heald back, that summer school and a tutor are a great idea. In my opinion being held back for an entire year, might be a bit much considering that he's a smart kid and will most likely catch up and learn a lot during the summer. Id talk to his tutor and see how they think he's progressing during the summer. They'll probably work with him on the area's that his teacher say's he needs improvment, so hopefully by the next school year, he'll be ready.
Good Luck :)

I would suggest speaking to his teacher more in depth about this. It is unusual to be held back due to a little bit of struggling - if that is the only reason then I would say to work with him over the summer and see how things are going in August. But she may be suggesting it due to maturity. Sometimes boys just need a little extra time - they have a hard time staying focused for extended periods of time - it has nothing to do with intelligence, and everything to do with how long they are able to pay attention, which comes with time. What with all the crazy skills kids have to know in Kindergarten and First Grade these days, you want to make sure you are setting him up for success. If he truly can't focus long enough to learn the more complex subjects (phonics, math, etc.) then he will struggle more in first grade - not that he isn't smart enough, just again that he can't focus for long enough yet. I would speak with the teacher more to find out where she's coming from with this, and if you do not agree, maybe have him assessed by a different teacher to get a second opinion. There are a lot of kids out there who repeat kindergarten; my daughter's class has a few kids who are turning 7 at this point in the year, both boys and girls.

I have not experienced this yet, however, my husband is a 6th grade teacher. He has also taught 3rd and 4th grade. From his observations, the older the child gets schools do not hold them back if they need further maturity or more studying. I would say hold your child back in kindergarten to prevent any problems in his older grades.

it is not uncommon to hold kids back at this young age. I'm currently learning that its not about if the kids "get it" its about the maturing of their brains... some things they just can't do/understand. I'm going to our first meeting with an O.T. (occupational therapist) for sensory issues. This is completely new to us as our daughter is not in any way "slow" or disabled. I guess only recently the educational field is recognizing and somewhat new disorder, sensory processing disorder, and 1 in 20 kids is affected. I would suggest that maybe you contact an O.T. in your area and see what they think, this particular one is wonderful and I would value her opinion over my daughter's teacher in a second

I see you have had lots of response to this but I feel like sharing my experience with you.

My son has a late birthday (November). Which meant he started Kindergarten at age 4 and turned 5 in Nov. At the end of Kindergarten I felt he should be held back but the teacher said to send him on and they would hold him back in 1st grade if needed. He started 1st grade way behind the other kids it was a constant struggle the whole year. At the end of the year the teacher passed him but said I could hold him back if I wanted...well at this time he has now made friends and of course did not want to stay back. He went to 2nd grade again struggled and finally at the end of this year he was retained. It was really hard but I think it was what was best because now he is at the top of his class instead of below the bottom. I still think it would have been easier if it had been done in Kindergarten. But of course you have to do what you think is best for your child and your family.

My daughter's preschool teacher suggested we hold back our daughter because of her late birthday and immaturity. My husband and his mother (who is a teacher) were against it and against my instinct we sent her on to kindergarten. She always seemed to struggle both maturity wise and academically.

Once she hit middle school the struggles became worse and we pulled her out and put her in private school. We also held her back a year. She has thrived since then. She is now in (private)high school and she is doing really well. Sometimes she comments on how the kids seem immature but overall it was the best decision we could have made. She is maturing at her own rate instead of trying to fit in where she didn't belong.

I wish we had held her back when she was younger. It has nothing to do with IQ and everything to do with respecting what is truly best for your child and the fact that every child is different.

Hi R..
I have been in this same situtaion. My son who is now in first grade, did two years of kindergarten. I too was skeptical about holding him back but I am glad that I did. He is doing really good in first grade now. In first grade they will expect a lot more out of your child. He needs to already know all the letter sounds and simple sight words. Your son is rather young. Most children in first grade are 7 yrs. old. It's better he repeat a grade now then to let him go on to first grade and struggle. It will be hard for him to see the other kids "get it" and he's still struggling with reading. Working with him at home and having him attend summer school is great. But one more year of kindergarten wouldn't hurt. It will just help become a more confidant reader