Teacher Called Home!! My Preschooler Is Hitting!!

Two year olds tend to have separation anxiety which can lead to negative feelings. I would speak with him, reinforce positive behaviors and ask him why he hits. Sometimes you can be amazed at the answers! I w/consider it a minor conflict that can be worked out.

First of all, understand that the hitting has nothing to do with violence. He's not trying to be violent; he's trying to get attention in a pretty dramatic way so that people will react to him. So, even though there is zero violence in your house, understand that he isn't doing it to try to hurt anyone. He just wants his message (likely filled with frustration) to be heard loud and clear and in a way that will give him what he wants immediately!

Continue to be consistent with the timeouts and don't be so shocked that your child has been doing this. It's fairly normal, undesirable but normal. You may need to add another layer to the consequence of the timeout to give it some impact for your child. At home, if he is hitting over a toy, he gets the time out AND the toy gets taken away for the afternoon. If you are watching a show or a movie and he hits during that time, he gets a time out AND the movie/show is finished. Sometimes when kids learn that there is a loss of privilege associated with their behaviors (hitting in this case) they are forced to think twice before deciding to hit - they have to decide if the hitting is worth losing their toys, their treats, their privileges. It might take a while but eventually they make the decision that they'd rather have the 'nicer things' than make the decision to spiral out of control and lose them.

It's pretty common for boys and girls that age to go through a pushing or hitting or even biting. Not that it's ok, but you don't have to feel like it's necessarily something that means something for his future!

I don't know how much you can do at home (about the school behavior) other than discuss using words instead of hitting. At age 2.5, the reaction is going to have to be from the teacher in the moment. Punishing or giving rewards hours later will do no good (in my experience of my boys at that age.) So you can work with the teacher to make suggestions, but she's going to need to control her classroom. Keep you in the loop, yes. Expect you to 'fix it,' not gonna happen.

Think about whether anything has changed - is the teacher the same, things at home, etc. Spend some time volunteering in the classroom if you can, because watching what triggers are there is a lot more helpful than taking a guess. Ask the teacher to keep track of what happens - is it a particular time of day? Is it at transitions? Are there specific kids that he has problems with?

My husband volunteered in my son's preschool class after a new teacher came in and my son started having issues. We were shocked at the lack of control in the classroom this new teacher had (half the kids were hitting, kicking, pushing at some time during the day - it was nuts.)

Anyway, in short my advice is to gather information, look for patterns. Behavior in a 2.5 year old is their way of communicating information. That doesn't mean we have to put up with it, but it's a lot easier to manage if we listen for the issue first.

One more thought - for at home, take a look at the book 1-2-3 Magic for ideas.

Try putting his "lovie" (favorite comfort item) in time-out instead of him. Out of reach but still in plain sight.

that's the age time outs made things WORSE for my son. we found something he loved and enjoyed doing. if he EARNED it, by not hitting ALL DAY he got special time doing that.
(as apposed to taking it away)
he got 2 opportunities a day (and eventually one)
it worked almost immediately.
its finding the thing he loves to do the most and spending the time and even money to do it.
good luck! also, can he speak well? our son was early speak but also knew alot of sign and that can help frustration if that's an issue. never too late.

Boys will be boys.
I agree with post that he isn't being violent - he's reacting to something or trying to express something. The other thing is he may be hitting kids at day care who hit him first. And he's the one getting caught.
Kids are not always your perfect little angels and they will misbehave at home, at school, at the store, at church - wherever. When they get older they will make mistakes and learn from them. And that is something they have to go through to become the person they are supposed to be.
It doesn't mean we are parenting wrong or anything.
The most important thing is to love unconditionally, make sure the rules and expectations are age appropriate and realistic and be consistent.

How old is he?

It sounds like he's getting frustrated and taking his frustrations out physically. We picked our 3 year old up a few months ago from Day Care to learn he'd been wrestling with another little boy who'd gotten hurt.

He had to apologize to the little boy and his parents. We had several discussions regarding why it was inappropriate to do with his friends and at school. He also had some of his favorite things taken away (TV shows in the evening, favorite toys, etc).

Since time outs aren't effective, I'd recommend need to find what is really important to him and use that to leverage it into correcting bad behavior.

One thing I never hear parents saying on here, though, is praising their kids for their good behavior in addition to correcting the bad behavior. Both of our kids have gotten really good about saying please and thank you, excuse me, etc. We always make it a point to tell them that we are so proud of their good manners to accentuate the positive in addition to corrective action.

Time outs don't always work for us b/c my son will do something bad, then put himself in a time out. I think he's beginning to realize that sitting in chair for a couple of minutes isn't such a bad price to pay for a bad deed. We take toys away. We've also started to explain that if he doesn't want people hitting/pushing/biting him, then he shouldn't do it either. That is starting to sink in. Good luck.

My son didn't have this specific behavior issue, but he did have problems adjusting to a new school, getting ready in the morning, etc. So, his teacher put together a social story for him. This is a common intervention for kids with any number of issues. A social story is a little book which is put together for a specific child, with drawings downloaded. For instance, your child's social story might open with a picture of a preschool room with kids, and might read something like: We all love going to school and seeing our friends. Our friends play together and have a lot of fun. Sometimes we don't agree. When this happens, we use our words to tell our friends we are sad. We always talk to our friends using our words so that we can all try to get along." You get the idea...we found this to be very powerful for our own kid. In addition, the teacher may wish to establish a behavior chart with pictures, stickers, etc. This should be in addition to clear rules, clear consequences, a well-structured classroom, etc.

It's a rough age. You're right in zero tolerance. He understands more than you probably thnk. I would try encouraging using words to express feelings, rather than hitting( do this after timeout). Also, rewarding good behavior or preferred behavior(using words), is sometimes more effective than punishments. Try and identify the situations when he hits, and discuss this with the teacher to try to minimize those situations that cause him the frustrations. Good luck, you can do it!

Maybe try reading "Hands are not for hitting" to him. Also, find out WHY he is hitting and then give him the words to help him solve the problem that is causing the hitting.

From the time the kids are learning to talk, my daughter's daycare is very big on teaching the kids to voice their feelings instead of hitting, etc. For example, if one child grabs a toy from another child's hands, we teach them to say "I don't like it when you take my toy." The "stealing" child is then expected to apologize, and must sit in a chair for a few mins.

As far as punishments, time out quit working for us at home too. But one of my daughter's favorite things is to watch TV, or sometimes she has a new toy she loves to play with. If she is not listening at home, we tell her we will turn off her TV and she won't be able to watch her movie. A few times we have actually taken her TV completely out of her room. When she can listen & behave, she gets her TV back. Or we tell her she can't watch her movie until X is done (pick up toys, take a bath, etc.) This really gets her attention!

For several days when I picked her up from daycare, I was told she had not been listening to the teachers that day. This is where we really enforced the TV privileges. If she got a bad report for the day, she didn't get to watch TV that evening at all. She has gotten a lot better since, so I guess that did the trick!