So my son will be 3 in April. He has been successfully peeing in the potty for 8 months. He wears big boy undies all day even for naps and a diaper only at night. When he has to poop during the day he goes and grabs a diaper and asks me to put it on because its easier to poop in the diaper than in the potty. I resisted this for a few days and did the incentive thing and the timer thing but it only made him anxious and upset around pooping. I naturally backed off and gave him some time to come to it on his own. We have talked about it and he explained he doesn't like the feeling of pooping sitting down, he said he likes to stand when he poops because it's "easier" for him. I am now ready to try another approach. My suspicion is that he we do it when he wants, but if I can do anything to speed it up that would be great.
My son still poops kind of standing up. Check his poop, if he is constipated, even a little, sitting and pooping hurts. Miralax is your helper, it is over the counter poop softner and it is very save. Get him a potty he can sit on with well bended knees. That will help too. Good luck!
Your suspicion is right - if he is getting apprehensive about sitting on the potty, then backing off is a good idea. When he is comfortable, continue to practice with him sitting on the potty around the time he normally has a bm. You can teach him how it feels to gently push, etc. but dont force the issue if he cant produce in the potty. The first time he has a bm on the potty, the diaper thing will go by the wayside.
I just heard part of a radio show about potty-training and someone on it had a great suggestion. She mentioned that kids that have been pooping in a diaper are used to having the pressure on their bums so going in a toilet is hard. Her suggestion was to stretch a diaper over the toilet and cut a hole out in the middle. Then the child has the sensation of going in a diaper but you don't have the clean-up. Then just slowly make the hole bigger until you finally take the diaper away.
I haven't tried it myself since my daughter currently has no desire to work on potty-training, but it seems like a great idea. Hope it helps you!
Good luck!
I agree with Colleen's advice and just wanted to add one thing - make sure he has a comfortable place to sit on the potty. Sitting on a big potty with legs dangling can make pooping more difficult or uncomfortable. I would recommend a good potty seat (I love the Bjorn one) so he's not holding himself up and a step stool that's tall enough to rest his feet on. If he likes books, having him sit on the potty at the right time of day and reading some stories can help him relax and let it happen. You could even get a small stash of 'potty books' that are reserved just for potty time.
I agree that pushing the issue has a big potential to backfire - if you keep it positive and let it be his choice it will happen when he's ready!
There are three things you can't make a child do: eat, sleep or go pee or poops (sigh). Otherwise the mother is highly trained to wait on the child.
My son was four, and he trained (himself) in a day for something he wanted to do (be with his friends in pre kindergarten). It was a lot of diapers for me to change! but I choose what battles to fight in raising my children. Toilet training was not one of them.
The mistake you made was giving in when he first asked, now he thinks you will always give in if he just makes things difficult enough for you. Take away the diapers and tell him he is a big boy and they go in the potty, end of discussion. Do not give in. The first day my son wore big boy undies he had 13 accidence and was begging for his diaper. I said no. He figured out that he only had 2 choices, nasty pants or using the potty. The next day he had 2 accidence, and then none.
I understand your dilemma! Our son went through a similar phase in potty training because he thought it was easier. It's a learning process but you have to push a little to get them there. In our son's case it became a battle of wills for a bit because he insisted on using the diaper and we said "no more diapers" so he went in pull ups for awhile. Then we took pullups away and he deliberately stood in front of his father one day and pooped...he stopped pooping his pants that day because dad made him clean it up..helped him but made him do the work and the whole time made a big deal about how naughty it was to make so much work for other people when he was big enough to go himself. (Yes he did get some guilt for it..he was doing it because he got the individual attention from dad or mom when he got changed..takes longer to change a poopy diaper than a wet one). SO, Dad basically told him that no more..from now on he was going to deal with it himself and no more babying and changing diapers. When he understood his dad or I was not going to help him out with the diaper thing anymore..he quit pooping his pants. We had a couple of "incidents" after but simply led him to the bathroom and silently went about helping HIM clean it up. Sometimes that involved a bath or shower, and sometimes it took longer but we made no attempt to praise him for it, or punish him for it. He simply had to "deal " with it as a responsibility because he chose to do that. Time to hold HIM accountable it seems and make pooping in the potty part of his responsibilities as a young boy and not a baby anymore that needs diapering. Yes, you do still involve yourself in cleaning up the mess..sometimes it creates a little more work in fact but if you can do it and not have to deal with it for long...(work is hard and it is harder to get cleaned up from pooping a diaper than in the potty). If he knows this and has to do more than just "lie there" while you change him then he might get bored and start using the potty just to make it "easier" for him LOL. I don't know it worked for us..of course it did help that my son did something so drastic as to use it as "punishment" (lol) to us for something he didn't like and he did it in front of his dad...(even bigger lol..you shoulda seen the look on HIS face". That boy is lucky he isn't still scrubbing. (and he's 10 now..doing fine..) You can start more subtly perhaps and just start making a big deal about how nice it would be if he would poop in the potty because this is so much work (sigh, whine moan) and he's getting so big its hard to deal with, (sigh whine moan) and make it all in all a less pleasent experience for him getting changed. Do it as quickly as possible..or maybe not. If he wears disposables..make him get dressed himself..he is old enough to know how to stick his legs into the pants holes (if he wears pullups he should be putting those on himself too). Make him stand up and pull it all up and straighten it out for him. Then act (even if you are fit as a fiddle) as though the whole process is tiring for you and you must rest for a bit before doing something else with him. The first time he poops in the potty..when he's finished and dressed and all that find something to do with him that you often tell him "I don't have time" right now. That would be a great reward for him. Show him that the time you spend with him can be different time it doesn't have to be "no time" just because he's not in diapers..he can still have that time ...doing something more fun than a diaper change! Once my son learned that clean up was easier if done in the potty, and it took less time from the things he wanted to do..he was all for it really.
