Snappy Reply to Rude Comments

You could say, We weren't thinking, we were having fun!" or you could say "Now, why in the world would you ask me that?"
I had my six children in ten years, but I guess people are ruder today, than back in the 70's, although I do remember many remarks from time to time about how many children we were having.
It's really no one's business, and I personally wouldn't hesitate to remind people of that if necessary.
Congratulations!

although in my heart i want desperately to respond like for like with a rude comment of my own, with family and friends I have to be a little more careful to avoid tensions... so I have two responses that I use that pretty much work for any situation.

"WHY would you ask me that?" Complete question with accompanying slightly shocked look with arched eyebrows and emphasis on the 'why'.

"Why do you want to know?" Complete question with accompanying frowning eyebrows and try to look at them with the same look you'd give if you just stepped in poo.

I've found most people realize very quickly how rude or intrusive they just were when you ask them to explain themselves (and they realize they can't!) and will either apologize or walk away quickly. If they persist after that - feel free to get as nasty as you want I say!

Just Reply "Yes it a true miracle" What are they going to say. And after all A child is a miracle.

I understand how you are feeling. Mine aren't SO close, but I had one period at about 8 months postpartum and got pregnant on the next cycle. I said this a lot:
"Yeah, I knew breastfeeding works really well for the first 6 months, but not after they sleep through the night, but we weren't very careful."

The truth is, I didn't get any REALLY rude comments. I probably would have responded rudely if someone had been rude. For some reason, people think that babies, conception, and their concept are public domain. If I were you, when someone asked "what were you thinking?" I'd just say "I was thinking I wanted to get some and I hoped the condom did it's job." Or maybe a little less biting, "I was thinking our contraception would work. It didn't."

Probably the nicest way to get your point across would be to say, "Well, I wasn't thinking about needing your approval, that's for sure."

Congratulations! Regardless of what we all think, God decides when we do or don't get pregnant. This happened to my parents, too. My mom was on the pill in '73/'74 but it was a LOT less effective back then, and 6 months after my little sister was born my parents became pregnant with my youngest sister. She was so worried about people saying the same things. No need to explain the private technicalities to rude/ignorant people.

Here are some ideas:
"Well, I said 'Merciful God, Thank You, but why NOW?' and He replied 'Because I said so!'".
If you want to shock some sense into them, or if you think they have a fun sense of humor, you could say "Well, my husband and I were both actually awake during some free time for once..."
or "We're having so much fun with our sleep deprivation experiment we wanted to try it with TWO babies!"

Congratulations! Having two children so close together may turn out to be a wonderful thing. Sure, they'll both be in diapers at the same time (which will be challenging but temporary) but, more importantly, they could grow up to be best friends. When I deliver next week, my children will be six years apart and I worry that they won't have much in common.

I tend to get defensive when I hear about people making critical remarks -- especially to a pregnant couple. I know it's easier said than done but I hope you are able to ignore their comments. A baby is a blessing -- no matter what the circumstances -- and they should leave it at that. I believe it is completely unreasonable for anyone to judge you. Who cares if the condom failed or if you planned the pregnancy? It's no one's business except yours and your husband's.

I know I am a complete and total stranger but I hope you have an easy pregnancy now and a happy, healthy family life moving forward. Best of luck!

Just tell them that sometimes, God has plans that we don't and since he knows better than we do, all we can do is be thankful for the blessings that our children are, because he won't give us anything we can't handle.
If they persist, tell them they are being rude. If they can't be nice, you shouldn't have to deal with them. Things happen, beyond our planning. I got pregnant with our youngest when his brother was 10 months. I was on birth control at the time, in fact, I've gotten pregnant with each of my children while on birth control, and not when I was on antibiotics!
Just ignore those naysayers, just because they have this false belief that you can completely control every aspect of your life, doesn't mean that you can. Enjoy your children. You don't need the stress of negative people.

I'm not sure if Rude is the correct word, but I think people tend to overreact to other people's issues. Nosy Ninny's, so I would just turn your nose up at them and say you plan on teaching your children to take things in stride and to be polite! If you need help in any way with the babies, not sure where u live since you're A., feel free to leave a message for me. :) GOod luck!

That exact same thing happened to my sister many years ago. I was with her when a salesclerk said something very similar (What were you thinking?). I was blown away! My sister felt like crying but said "We weren't planning this so soon, but we know this baby will be a blessing, too." And he was. The two boys are extremely close and always have been. Don't pay attention to these stupid comments and just know that the sleepless nights pass before you know it. That is, until the teen years hit. And then it doesn't make a bit of difference HOW far apart they are. Enjoy this time of your life. It goes by so fast! Congratulations!

Just tell everyone the sex is so good you can't keep your hands off of each other. Just kidding. That only works with close friends and some family members. :) We have 5 children and two sets are very close together (#2 and #3 are 16 months apart. #4 and #5 are 15 months apart). When posed with the same questions (and I do still get them even though the baby is 10 months old), I just smile and say nothing. It works better than anything else.... unless it is my Mother in Law and then I use the sex one. :)

Good morning... you are having a set of "Irish Twins" - lol is your first a red head? I have a set of "Irish Twins" and they are actually both red heads, they are 15 months apart. My girl was 6 months old when I found out I was having the next... it was overwheming at the time we found out. I was really scard & unsure what to do... but we did imbrase him & and now the 2 of them are really close. They always wondering where the other is, half the time I find them both sleeping in the same bed in the morning(although they have differnet bedrooms), and they really seem to look out for eachother. My son is alway calling his sister "My Darbee" & they like to hug and call eachother best friends.

I do have a little one that is 2 yrs younger then them - we did plan him. But he seems to be "pushed" out of the picture sometimes. So, he plays by himself a lot. But the red heads will give him hugs if he asks, so I know they love him.

As for other people sorry but forget them. What happens under your roof is your business & if they aren't supporting you then what happens isn't their "problem". I understand you would like others to embrase the little one & believe me they will, the little guy/gal might have to be here before that happens though. But it will happen, just as it was a shock to you & your hubby it is to them also. Most will be happy for you sooner then later, but some it will take them looking into that little darlings eyes to see the gift that is being giving to you.

Currently I'm expecting #5 (we have an older daughter that doesn't live with us - I had her very young & she likes living with her grandparent & she is old enough to make her choose... despite my feelings about it all). Somepeople are ok with it yet others aren't... but it's my house, my family, and I pay our way... so if we choose to have it - we will take care of it. Just remember... as long as there is love - everything else falls into place.

As for come backs I'm not the best at them. But if you need a few helpful hints on how to get though two that close - I'm here to help!

Congratz on both your blessings!!! Take care!

I am honestly surprised that you are getting such comments from your family. I would think that they would know that neither you or your husband are irresponsible and that things happen. I have known a lot of people who have had an "oops".

I personally wouldn't take it from my family or his. I would either ignore them and if that doesn't work just say, it happens. I don't know if you are a believer but it's my belief that if you got pregnant a second time than it's meant to be. Especially since you guys weren't trying.

Your family should be there for you guys and give you support. If they want to say mean things to you then walk away because you aren't getting either from them.

Good Luck.

All I can say is to laugh it off. We have 2 1/2 year old twins, a 16 month old, and a 2 month old. The 16 month old was conceived b/c I was on a low-dose birth control when I was breast feeding the twins. Then the 2 month old was conceived while we were in the process of getting my husband's vasectomy (found out I was pregnant 3 days before the surgery). Anyway, I was shocked at the way people would so easily make comments about our situation - even complete strangers when we were out shopping and I was pregnant. We just had to chuckle and let it go and then laugh at the fact that people are so rude at times. Luckily, our family was very supportive and reminded us that God's plan is always the better plan even if it seems crazy or doesn't make sense. :) Good luck! If you ever need to talk to anyone who has been through/is going through a similar situation, just e-mail me.

You cannot prevent people from making rude comments. BUT, you have to forestall the FUTURE rude comments or #2 will be told s/he was a "mistake". So, tell everyone that you are excited, which is true. And you look forward to the kids being in compatible stages of development because they will be so close in age. That is also true. The timing of the 2 kids is really no one else's business, you are right about that. So, keep "spinning" the excited aspect, and look forward to the chaos and fun!It could be the best thing in the world! In the future! If you live through the sleepless nights of newborns! LOL Best wishes on your old & new additions!

A simple, "We're so very blessed and thankful" would work quite nice, I think. You don't need to explain anything to anyone, unless you want to! Our 2nd was a surprise even though we were using natural family planning (commonly referred to as the rhythm method) and the response worked great. Enjoy your pregnancy!

Oh a question dear to my heart. I am a mother of 4. My daughter, followed 2.5 years later by twins, then 2.5 years later oops. so yes, I had 4 kids 5 and under for a while. The twins actually opened the door to the rude questions. as people can be very rude when asking about them. Such as are they natural, or did you have help. Sorry, what my husband and I do in the bedroom is not your business, So, when I got pregnant (God's plan) with my 4th I already had answers ready for most questions. The main question we got was "You do know what causes that, right? My answer,"Yes, and we must be pretty good at it." This one usually shut them up pretty quickly as in my mind it meant we were good at getting pregnant, but in their mind it was too much information, LOL. They didn't ask again. Any questions relating to how many or how soon, I would answer with "God had other plans for us". We also get "boy you've got your hands full", I always respond with at least 2 of them are. Kind of silly, but I realize they are not intending to be rude there so a little humor is good. You can also ask them when you can sign them up to babysit. Really, your best defense here is your reaction. Once you get over the shock yourself, lay it on thick. Be as excited about it as you can. Once they realize you are happy about it they really back off. "Yep two in diapers!!! It will be like an assembly line." Good luck. It will be work, but it truly is a blessing, and remember, God only gives us what we can handle, and you have two arms and legs for a reason...one for each baby. :-)

First of all congratulations!! People in general are quite rude, and very judgemental. I firmly believe you shouldn't judge someone unless you live a day in their shoes. Basically I would say to all of these people, "yes, we are just as surprised that this happened so soon, but we are just as happy and blessed. Obviously this baby was meant to be here, and we can only hope that everyone will be as happy as we are and supportive" Isn't that what family and true friends should do? I wouldn't worry too much about it. People always have opinions about anyone becoming parents, wether it's the first or 10th time. There are plenty of people who I'm sure have made irresponsible choices, and really don't have a leg to stand on! Enjoy your new baby, and the new one the way :)

"Hey what are we to say about what God plans for us : )"

"Atleast they will be close and can grow up buddies for life : )"

"We are so blessed that we can even have another child, some people try for years and can't get pregnant. So we are thankful."

Or just "how rude are you... are you our family planner now!"

It will be hard for you with kids so close, but it will kind of be like twins and they will be so close and playmates. Many people do it and are fine, and you will be too! My kids are 5 1/2 years apart (we had trouble getting pregnant) and it was hard for my oldest being by herself so much... it is a blessing... just try to remember that when you are up all night with two babies : )

Good luck to you!
S.

Dear Anon,

It's very very hard to respond to rudeness with grace, but that is what I suggest.

"A happy accident" "We're suckers for punnishment" "We're baby crazy" Just shrug people off. And if they insist on getting more information, simply ice up and respond "Did you really ask me that question?"

It's truly no one's business what and why it happened. Insist on a 'congratulations' and let them sit in their stupidity.

Congratulations!!
J.

I would not say a word. Stare blankly at them and do not say one word!!! They will feel completely uncomfortable by the silence and try to change the subject, walk away or whatever.

Yeah...it wasn't planned. So what. Maybe it was. How are they to know and why would you need their 'approval' as to when to have your next baby. One of my friends wanted their children close together in age (they are 13 mths apart). Just stare blankly at them (maybe even raise an eyebrow if you can do it!). Sometimes no response is the best:)
Congratulations on your family.
L.

You can always quote John Lennon: "life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans!"

You could also say you had some "technical difficulties" without entering into detail. Really, what business is it of them anyway and why should you care what they think?

Anyway you look at it, children are a blessing and things will work themselves out.

My husband and I found ourselves in a similar situation. My oldest daughter was only 9 months old when we got pregnant again. And we were on the birth control pill. Our families and friends were shocked! But this was always my response to them- Our plan was to wait God's plan was to send Emma a sibling sooner then expected. Or if you don't believe in God- then I would say- We had plans to wait but our child did not want to wait til later. So either way- we are happy with the second baby and very greatful that she has arrived. Make sure people know that you were just as stunned as they would be but be sure to tell them you are truly happy. It may change the way the approach the situation. Congrats on the second on.

I know how you feel! Our second daughter was only 3 months old when we found out our third was on the way. I was in shock for several weeks! Our third one came 2 weeks early, so our youngest two are only 11 months and 3 weeks apart. The comments drove me up the wall too! You can't let them get to you. The response I found myself using was "Yes, this is our surprise blessing!" That usually was enough to get people off my back.

I understand the panic you are feeling! We just had our littlest two weeks ago, so I am trying to figure out how everything is going to work with them so close. It's hard when they are both crying and you're not sure who to tend to first. It's also hard when you have to go out with everyone. I have the baby carrier in one arm and the one-year-old in the other ... very heavy! You might want to start lifting weights now to build up your muscles!:) However, it's not been as bad as I anticipated during my entire pregnancy. You will get everything figured out! You just have to be patient and don't get down on yourself if things don't go as you expect! Good luck!

My daughter is only 13 months younger then my son. When I had her, I was also raising my 2 stepdaughters and my sister's 4 kids so I had 7 kids ranging from 4 years down to newborn, plus a 7 yo. I heard a lot of the same issues, specially in the grocery store. I had one woman tell me that "people like me are the reason SHE has to pay so much in taxes, to support us and our welfare kids." Now, mind you I did get food stamps, but only for 4 of the kids since I didn't have legal custody of my sister's kids, but still! Not the point at all. Some ppl are just so rude. I just told that lady that I'd be sure then not to allow my taxes to support her once she hit medicare age and thanks for the warning.
I'd just tell ppl that yall are thrilled with the unexpected blessing yall have been handed and would they be so quick to judge or question if they'd won the lottery twice in the same year?

I would ask them how soon they would be willing to babysit. Maybe you need to find other people to hang around and if they are family limit your time with them.

Dear AC,
Just tell them that God has something special in store for your little one. All children are a gift from God! L. J

My first two children were 0ne year apart to the day. There was fifteen months between the second and the third and then three years between three and four. They are adults now with children of their own. Mt reply to all comments was that if God did not intend this to be it would not be. We are very Blessed to follow God's will. If you have a problem then you argue with God.

Ours are 3, 2 and 5 months. Totally planned and appreciated. But you don't have to answer to anyone. Just say you're thrilled to be welcoming a sibling for your little one.
Our first 2 are 15 months apart and it's great! True, the first is still waking for feedings, but he/she is also napping, so you can nap too if you are home. And, when the baby is born the youngest will be young enough to go with the flow and play inside while you care for the baby too. If the child were say, 3, (as we know!) they get more jealousy, and they are not content to play on the floor with toys all day. You'll be driving around to preschool, etc. 15 months apart worked out great!
Just getting them in and out of cars (until the oldest can follow you and walk) is a challenge at first.

I debated writing to you, but I have to tell you that our situations are so similar! We also had a birth-control malfunction, although my son will be 18 months old when the next one comes along, which is a bit older than yours, but it is still very scary. I don't know what I would say to family (our family has, thankfully, been very supportive - although they know our situation), and no one has been so rude to us (but we also haven't told many people yet). Maybe I would go ahead and tell family the situation, but if you think it's too personal, I liked the response someone gave about "technical difficulties." Something my mother said to me when I told her we were expecting again really touched me (and I've been repeating it ever since) is that God doesn't always let us choose when we get our blessings. I am personally trying to think of my baby on the way this way. Good luck.

Well, if you are religious, you could just say "God decided we should be blessed with another child" or God decided we were doing such a good job with the first that he is entrusting us with another". Of if you are not religious, just substitute Nature for God.

As to them being so close together, relax. My children are 15 months apart by design. Yes, at first it can be a little stressful but I absolutely love it. They are now 3 (girl) and 4 (boy) and play together wonderfully. They share a bedroom (their decision) and are always looking out for each other. My husband and I are older parents (in our early 40's) so I hope this continues throughout their lifetime! We never explained to our son that he was getting a sister because he was just too young to understand. He did have his moments of jealousy but surprisingly when I needed to feed her he "understood" and didn't bother us. If your first child is over 3 months old, I would add some cereal (1 tsp) to their bedtime bottle to help keep their tummy full overnight. Our doctor approved this. For us, within 3 days of starting this our children slept through the night.

Best of luck to you and congratulations.

"Accidents happen. But we are very excited for our new family member!"

God has His own plan, and His plan is perfect.

Congratulations!!

We have 5 children, all grown now!
Our last 3 were born within 2 years and 10 months of each other. I just wanted to finish our quiver and be done with being pregnant. It was hard to manage at times but I don't regret it. They are very close and get along great. They talk to each other, support each other, have many of the same friends and rely on each other. It took a lot of hard work but it was worth it. When you go a week or two with little sleep just remember, "this to shall pass."

My husband always says; "We can't control what others think or say but we can control what we think, say and do. The only one we need to please is ourselves so don't worry about the others."

People can be very rude, mean, ignorant and nasty. Just stare at them and say nothing. Your situation is none of their business. They don't deserve an explaination from you nor do you owe them one so save your energy for the more important things.

Your future is-what-it-is. Smile, be happy and move on with it. God Bless and Best Wishes!

The Bible calls debt a curse and children a blessing. Why is it we reject the blessing and apply for the curse?

I'd probably say to the "what are you thinking" question: "We weren't thinking. Sex is more fun that way. Haven't you noticed that?"

I like the way you describe this as a blessing. I'd be careful with the advice about creating a family story about the baby being an accident. I have a friends who was really hurt by that growing up hearing that story thinking that her parents really didn't want her, they had just been stuck with her.

I read this recently:
My parents used this comeback a few times to the really rude: Rude person "You must be Catholic"
Parents "No, not Catholic"
Rude person "Mormon?"
Parents "No, not Mormon."
Rude person "Then why do you have so many kids?"... See More
Parents "We are just horny Christians."
Well that would shut them up real quick!

Hello 'who cares' don't let the rude people put you down. We had our daughter in 1961, our second was in 1970 and the third was in 1972. I went through so much to even get the second one and the third one was a shock. I had to have 17 shots to help me carry the second and the dr. told me I could never have any more. I finally convinced him to take a pg. test and yep I was pg. So you see if I could have had the second one like you are I would have been so happy but instead there were two miscarriages. Just say "well I wasn't expecting you to help take care of our baby" or "why did you say that" it will surprise them and hopefully apologize to you.

Speaking as "one of those children"...my parents were married in November, had me in October and then a year and two days later, had TWINS...three ligitimate kids in LESS than two years of marriage.....and no Huggies back then!

When you have taken steps to do what you can to prevent it, then no one should belittle you for trying to prevent it. The rest is in God's hands. God has a reason for this, obviously, so don't let others comments stress you out.

If you have made it clear that you took steps to prevent it and it happened anyway, then you have to believe that God has a reason for it. PERIOD. You don't have to go into detail, but let them know you did take steps, but God had a different plan......this happens ALOT, you know. We have our plans, but God has the final say......ALWAYS.

Congratulations! It's a lot of work, but as long as you're already doing it. . .really. I have 2 closer together and one 6 years later. It has been nice to savor our last a little more, but it's harder because there are "age groupings" for all kinds of classes, programs, sports, activities, shows, etc. for kids that can be a pain when you have one child old enough, another not, or one interested, one not, etc. Plus, I sometimes feel badly for my older one whose stuff always gets ruined or has to be put up high, etc. because the little one will get it. When they're both close in age the stuff will all get battered, and as they grow b/c they're so close in age, they can be buddies (even if they're girl/boy, like my older two).

Ultimately, it doesn't matter--close or far apart--they're a J., blessing, and they grow up SO FAST. Enjoy this time and forget the comments. . .just tell them you're so happy, know it will be a challenge, but that somehow you'll be up to it. If I could do it all over again, I'd have had more closer together.

J.

I love DC's replies...... i had 3 kids in 3 years& i just say i dont remember any of it...truth is i hated being pregnant so i had to hurry up before i came to my senses........best wishes & congrats

"This baby was unplanned but is a pleasant little blessing from God!"
if it is someone you are not close with (meaning who cares what they think) why explain anything at all. Family and friends should understand and acknowledge that you were not trying to have another baby already but you are and are happy about it by the above response.
My MIL has 10 children. Her youngest is only 4 years older than my youngest (so we have kids the same age) and she had 5 within 5 years... the older set and the younger set of 5. She never felt a need to explain to anyone (not even family)!
Only now when we all go out to eat (just us 5) and them with the younger 5... (so not even the whole family-Yikes!) we do sometimes have to explain who belongs to whom! But that is a different story.
Congraduations on the baby! Good luck :)

Unfortunately, people can be very narrow minded. One needs grace to view the whole picture. The truth is that as much as you and your husband are involved in bringing a child into the world, it is God who has the overall hand in this AND every situation so that HIS purposes will be accomplished. We cannot know His purposes in their entirety but we know that He does Bless in many ways.
God is very intentional. His creating THIS child made in His owm image with an eternal living soul is NO mistake.
I would encouage you and you husband to set your minds more on things above and not on earthly things. Realize that you don't have to be alone in dealing with all this but that you can ask God for His help. And then,perhaps the hurtful and ungracious comments you are hearing won't bother you as much.
I have found that return comments sprinkled with salt
(referencing God and His gracious working in my life)help to get people to start thinking outside the box and
show them how selfish their comments are. This too is in God's hands. I'll be praying for you.

Its hard enough to be a parent,but there are always people who say stupid things that can be hurtful. some of the ones I got were why did you have 6 years between your kids?, do they have the same father?, see what I mean? you should approach this kind of behavior with a sense of humor so you can laugh about it later. one time a elderly woman whom i had never seen before asked me and my best friend if our daughters were twins I laughed and said no but they have the same father. My husband wanted to know why she was looking at him odly after that. and we still laugh about it from time to time. Yes, it can be hurtful, turn it around, and if you can't think of something to say... say nothing your point will be taken,if you look them straight in the eye and say this conversation is over, that works too.

Updated

Its hard enough to be a parent,but there are always people who say stupid things that can be hurtful. some of the ones I got were why did you have 6 years between your kids?, do they have the same father?, see what I mean? you should approach this kind of behavior with a sense of humor so you can laugh about it later. one time a elderly woman whom i had never seen before asked me and my best friend if our daughters were twins I laughed and said no but they have the same father. My husband wanted to know why she was looking at him odly after that. and we still laugh about it from time to time. Yes, it can be hurtful, turn it around, and if you can't think of something to say... say nothing your point will be taken,if you look them straight in the eye and say this conversation is over, that works too.