Sleeping All Night

At 4 months old? Absolutely not. Do what you want, but I would never let a 4 month old cry. That's just me.

Do you think he might be teething? That's painful and would cause him to cry. Have you tried the soft plastic toys that you keep in the freezer. It might lessen the discomfort.

you need a solid night time routine he can count on every night...i.e. bath, play time, bottle, bed worked for me...do it the same way and he will begin to expect it...then soothe him to a sleepy state however works best for you and simply lay him down...do not put him to sleep, he needs to acquire this skill himself...and walk out of the room...and do not go back in...at all...it's a lot easier said than done, but it does work...i have twins and i did it with them...it was so hard at times, but it had to be done to teach them they could do it on their own...the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child worked wonders for us...read it a little of the way and then implement what he suggests for day time and night...it works...good luck

I am a mother of a 6 month old now and I also have a wonderful husband and our baby is exceptionally "easy", but at 4 months she did the EXACT SAME THING (was sleeping through the night and then started waking up again)!! I started to feed mine just a bit more at her last feeding before bed to hold her over through the night (add cereal/oatmeal to breastmilk or formula for filler because too much formula can constipate). She did still wake up once in the night but I think it was mostly out of habit...I would go to her crib and pat her back or rub her belly and sing very softly to her for comfort-BUT WOULD NOT PICK HER UP-this is KEY...after about 5 to 10 minutes she would go back to sleep. After doing this for about a week she started sleeping completely though the night again without any bottles or waking up. Also keep in mind she might be in the early stages of teething so that may start to hurt in the night. I started using Baby Orajel and this stuff is like magic!! They have a daytime and night time formula (night time is a tad stronger to get them through the night). I highly suggest it...mine hates the taste for about 20 secs but then is as happy as can be. If you want something more organic there is a homeopathic brand as well-can't remember the name but its next to Baby Orajel in Walgreens-it works too but not as well or as fast but its an option. also there will be times he will have to cry it out and you should comfort him without picking him up. It hurts to hear it but it works (if mine cries for more than 20 minutes there is usually something else wrong), but this worked for me and I hope it helps. I understand how beautiful a good night sleep is for you and your family. Good Luck!

This is really an out of date way to handle your baby crying. He is way too young for you to ignore his needs. He needs you! Go to him. Reassure him. Even Dr. Ferber, one authority, and published author on babies crying, changed his long held views on this technique. You owe it to your baby to give him all the comfort he needs, especially in these first very special bonding months. Nothing compares to the touch and smell of a Mother to her baby! Sooth him, and he will respond by knowing he is secure, and eventually he will find his own way back to sleep. It worked for my two children. Good Luck.

We did it at 3 months. You might be able to do it without so much crying if you're willing to spend the time. We weaned ourselves after the feeding by backing off slowly what we were doing in there. We started with talking and rocking and feeding without turning on the lights. They we just did talking and rocking. Then we went to rocking with no words to just patting on the back, then just walking in the room. In the end, my husband spent a couple of nights on the floor to show his dedication and she was fine after that. Now she wakes up and plays and puts herself back to sleep. The whole process took 3 weeks and my husband did it all because I was nursing. I think it's the Sears' method and there's a video on babycenter.
Good luck and feel free to email if I can be of further help,
K.

I only let my son cry for 5 minutes at a time. If he's cried for 5 minutes I go in, make sure its not his diaper or anything, give him his pacifier and let him be. If he cries again the 5 minutes start over. I was told that this teaches him to self-soothe. It seems to work to an extent, I only have to actually get out of bed once now, usually around 5:30a.m. and by that time he's just hungry and goes right back to sleep afterwards.

Letting him crying hasn't been easy for me.
Good luck.

IMHO, I would never let my child "cry it out". Why would I do something that goes against every fiber in my being? Especially a 4 month old. You have a tiny baby. That baby needs to know that it can count on someone to meet its needs. You hear about people who resort to shutting themselves in a room and turning on appliances to drown out a baby's cry. Why in the world would you do that when everything in your heart is telling you NOT to do that? I read tons of different "sleep" books before my child was born and the one author that made the most sense to me was Dr. Sears. He is a big supporter of "Attachment Parenting" and co-sleeping. Our baby has been a great sleeper and I firmly believe it's because she feels safe and secure in knowing that her parents are there and will be there when she needs us. We're benefiting because we get a solid 8 hours, too!

Dear B.,

I don't know how "tough" you are about letting your son cry it out but I highly recommend the book "Good Night, Sleep Tight The Sleep Lady's Gentle guide to Helping your Child go to Sleep, Stay Asleep and Wake up Happy" by Kim West. My second child took forever to teach to sleep through the night. She was 10 months when I read the book and still not sleeping through the night. She will be 1 next week and she has been sleeping through the night for the last month and a half, unless she has an ear infection then she has a restless night but typically she will cry once during the night and find her pacifier then put herself back to sleep.

Good Luck,
H.

One of the most cruel of old wives' tales is that infants should be allowed to "cry it out," some feeling that it's a matter of establishing who's the boss. That's one of the most damaging of many damaging old folk tales.

My background is in mental health, sociology, psychology and have long been a student of human behavior, particularly thrilled about all the new information coming out about neurobiology, which is teaching us much.

In my studies, a fascinating nugget of information keeps popping up that I wish all mothers knew: a child is not capable of "deciding" to manipulate adults until that child is around the age of five or six years. That means until that age, whatever crying, fussing, acting out, etc. you see is the child's way of expressing discomfort, much of which we cannot understand. It is not a child trying to manipulate or a child throwing a temper tantrum but a child expressing pain or discomfort or fear in the only way it knows how.

If you leave your son to cry it out, you may indeed find that he will finally stop "calling out for you" in the night. What you will have taught an infant frightened at waking alone that the world doesn't care, isn't responsive. That's not the lesson you want to give.

I hope you will continue to go in to him, reassure him that he's not alone, and most of all that there's someone who cares that he's frightened and is there for him whenever possible.

Luckily, by six months or so of age, he'll probably sleep through the night. Stick with him and help. Don't listen to those who tell you he's testing you. His brain will not be able to do that for years. And after a couple of decades, you'll catch up on your sleep and forget about how hard this is until you read about another mother who's going through it.

Have a heart, this child has been in the world 4 months. Sometime mothering isn't easy. How would you like it the next time you had a problem all your friend and relatives just let you cry it out. This baby has only you its mother to help him out. It sounds like you are overworked and need more time for yourself and your child.

My son is 12 months old now and sleeps great. We started to let him cry around 4.5 months. When he was crying during the night he didn't seem like he was really awake. His eyes would still be closed and he was just restless. When I picked him up he just cried more-I felt like I was disrupting his sleep more by picking him up. He actually went back to sleep easier and quicker if I left him alone. We never let him cry for more than 10min or let him get all worked up. It only took a few nights before he would only cry for 1-2 minutes or less before falling back to sleep. I do think they need to know we are there for them if they need us, but they also need to learn how to sooth themselves. We also took his pacifer away about this time and he never really seemed to miss it.
Just do what feels right for you and your baby.

At this age, I have no doubt that he is hungry. He may still need a bottle.

Either read "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" or "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems" both by Tracy Hogg. She doesn't recommend letting a baby cry it out for hours without a parent coming in. That really scares the baby because he honestly doesn't know if you're coming back or not. She'll advises that you let him cry but you NEVER leave the room during the cry. You'll comfort him but he'll learn to sleep without a prop (paci). Worked for my daughter and at least 7 other friends of mine! Good luck!

A 4 1/2 month baby is not expected to sleep more than 6 hours at a stretch and still needs to feed more often than 6-8 or 12 hours in the night. It is unreasonable to expect a baby of that young age to stretch sleep out to 8-12 hours before 6 months or so. Giving your child nutrition in the night and soothing hime to sleep with a pacifier and a pat on the tummy will result in a suitable nighttime routine until he stretches out his sleep naturally. He is not crying for no reason, and in fact his crying without attention will be harmful to him attaching to you and will break his trust in you and in life. Dr T Berry Brazelton online (Touchpoints) and the American Academy of Pediatrics are great resources for sleep assistinace.

Hello B....congratulations on your new baby, I'm a new Mom as well. This is a very exciting and wonderful time in our lives. In my opinion there is a time period where the baby is still establishing a safe and secure relationship with his care taker. If your baby is crying, he needs you to hold him and I feel you should do every thing to make sure he is conforted. There's a great book I read, "the happiest baby on the block", I found it to be very helpful. Maybe your little sweetit just needs to be swaddled etc... A new born is considered a new born up until 6 months. Gosh, I'm 43 and I still loved to be helded. Many blessing.

A little about me: Good marriage, 3 beautiful step daughters, (20, 13 & 13) and our little boy of 5 1/2 mo. (Still nursing and my goal is 1 year!):-)

He is at the perfect age to try what we used with our twins when they were 6 months. I bought a book called The Lullababy Sleep Plan. It was wonderful. It teaches YOU how to teach your baby to fall asleep in their crib and sleep through the night. There was no "crying it out."

The book was written by a pediatrician and mother of four. I recommend it to every women I know who is expecting. : )

Your baby is still way too young to let him "cry it out". My doctor told me that a baby does not yet know how to cry for any reason other than for something that he needs or discomfort. Responding to the cries will give him the security he needs at this age. Also, there may be a true problem...fever, cold, diaper, etc. So, keep doing what you are doing!!! I had a similar problem with one of my daughters. I know how taxing it is on everyone in the house. Hang in there...it will get better!!!! If you can, ask for help from your husband. We both worked full time jobs, so my husband would take the late shift (he is the night owl) until about 2:00 am and I would take any problems after around 2:00. It worked for us!!!

well my daughter is 16months. my sister helped me when my daughter was born since i am a first time mom also. she always told me that there is a 10 min rule. it gives you time to really see if the baby needs you or will go back to bed. i guess sometimes they just dont relize that it is not morning yet, but i did it and she stopped waking up in less then a month. if it is only noise and not crying then they dont need anything. every baby likes to test there parents and the less they see you after bedtime the better. they wake up more when you come in the room or they can see you. i hope that helps i know no mom likes to hear crying. its not mean they just need to know that it is sleep time.

Good luck, I couldn't do it. But, eventally they do sleep all night. I was zombie working fulltime plus call outs so sometime 12 to 14 hour shift. 4 months is to young. At 10 months she almost sleep through the whole night.

I strongly encourage you to NOT make your child cry himself to sleep! That's how my mother raised me and I really resented it. The message was that when it was dark I was on my own.
I have 5 children, I comforted all of them when they woke up at night when they were little. Now they are ages 10 up to 26, none ever were afraid of the dark or clung to a "mother substitute" like a teddy bear, and are very independent and well-adjusted. The three oldest are either in college or graduated with B.S. degrees and/or M.S. Treat your baby like he needs to be treated, with loving respect. He's a baby, if you want him to become independent let that happen at its own pace. You get to sleep at night with another person beside you in bed, maybe your baby wants some comfort from having you close by, too. Babies need their mommies even when it's dark outside! Stay away from anything associated with Gary Ezzo, his techniques and books were described by the American Academy of Pediatrics as being the single most dangerous book or program for child rearing they had ever evaluated!!!

Well, sleeping thru the night is not considered 8 hours for an infant....5 hours is what is said to be "thru the night" ugh, I know! My son started sleeping thru the night or 8 hours when he turned 18 months....Please dont let him cry it out, he needs to know you are there....Some children do sleep more.....if he is sleeping more already, you are lucky...good luck!

I liked the book "No Cry Sleep Solution." Personally I have not been able to let either of my girls just cry it out. But know some parents who say it works. You have to find your comfort zone.
Good luck.

B., I am not an advocate of CIO. One time when I was let my first daughter "soothe her herself back to sleep" , I checked on her and she had urped up and was laying all over it. Another time I checked on her, her leg was caught in the slat of the crib, even though ours is code (it is an expensive crib). Also I read in my Parents Magazine about a mother who let her son CIO and went to check on him and it was too late. I don't mean to scare you, but the CIO approach is risky. Babies cry for a reason. The reason a baby stops crying is because it gives up because no one is responding. Things to try: put your baby to sleep on his tummy (he can roll at this age anyway). Babies digest their food better on their tummy. Have you started any solid food yet? If he is waking up, he could just be hungry. Make sure his tummy is full before putting him down. Great first foods are banana, avacado, and sweet potato. Super Baby Food is a wonderful book even if you don't make your own baby food. The book has a excellent guide on what to feed your baby at what age and how much. The bibliography is extensive. The author, Ruth Yarron, has done a tremendous amount of research. We didn't use a pacifier with any of our three babies. There is now controversery about pacifiers because it is plastic. Also, if the pacifier falls out in the middle of the night, then your baby may wake up wanting it. CIO was not the right approach for us and would certainly never work now that we have three children because no one would get any sleep. Good Luck. Hope this helps.

At 4 months, it's appropriate necessary for your son to wake in the night. Babies sleep patterns work that way to protect them from SIDS.

Brain-based research shows that crying it out actually causes brain damage. Dr. Sears (Attachment Parenting doc) said on Dr. Phil, “When a baby screams for 10, 20 minutes, or a half-hour night after night, what actually happens to the baby's brain? The blood pressure goes up. The pressure gets so high, new blood with oxygen can't flow into the brain. So the brain can be deprived of oxygen, you guys. And that's not all. It gets worse. The brain can be flooded with stress hormones, and we know that stress hormones can damage sensitive developing nerve tissue. So, night after night, weeks and weeks of crying can actually harm a baby's brain. That's why we encourage you both to respond to your maternal intuition."

I recommend Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution, & there's a book by Dr. Jay Gordon that I've heard good things about. "Cry it out" has become such a big thing in our quick fix culture, but I've heard from many that it's not that quick, & considering the damage it can do physically & emotionally, it doesn't seem like much of a fix.

Wow!

It's so reassuring to see all these responses from moms who have figured out that crying out is outdated and cruel. I hope you take this advice to heart. As a culture, we have a Puritan background which can have its advantages, I suppose, but in terms of child development, it is what it is... and I'm so glad that from the evidence here, the myth seems to be dying out!
Like other moms have said, nature makes babies cry when they are alone and afraid because its their only defense. They are literally defenseless without an adult, and they have no idea they aren't living in a time when a cave lion could sneak up on them (though there certainly are many other dangers today!)

Please hold and rock your baby as much as he needs, and cherish the time, because after a while he won't let you do it!

Good luck,
G.

i posted this on an earlier question,
The one thing i wanted to say is about him screaming till hes red in the face. I wouldn't do that. But i would not go and get him as soon as i hear him. Depending on if thats his first reaction or if he stirs and works himself up. if its his first reaction sheesh thats a hard one, i would go in straighten him out ( assuming like mine he gets himself into a corner) give him something comforting ( ours is a blanket or a frog) and i would tell mine no in a hard voice and leave the room. I also have a aquarium music thing i press every time i want him to sleep. works well for me but I understand that this might work or it might not work at all.
If he is working himself up i would let him, you know the point where there is just no reason for him to cry that hard and then get him out and do the same straighten him out give him something comforting and tell him no. i would repeat this 3-4 times and if hes still having a fit I would change his diaper do something out of ordinary like give him a bath or take him outside (yes even at 2 am with your pjs and hair in curlers) something that will calm him down and then go back into the room put him down and walk away. i had a hard time with my first one and this is what i would do. Theoretically he should get so tired of having to work himself up so many times to get something that he would act as if it weren't worth it.
remember have a cool head. If your going to scream i suggest calling someone that late and just blowing off that steam. My husband was gone to Iraq when my baby turned 3 months old and i remember going through this alone. i asked permission to call someone really late to have their phone handy so i could tell someone and get some assuredness. and sure thing it turns that alone feeling around. And pray pray pray. You can get through this and have some wonderful advice for someone else later. if you don't have anyone, message me and we will talk about it. I hope you have someone to encourage you.
good luck God bless
~lizzie
i have a 5 yr old and a 4 month old

he is too young to start letting him cry it out...i would wait till he is 6 months but then you could end up with my problem my son is 9months old and wont sleep through the night

I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 5 1/2 month old. I didn't start training my daughter to soothe herself to sleep until she was 8 months old and it was so hard. Well, with my son I read this book "on becoming babywise", and I started training my son to soothe himself to sleep since he was about 3 months old and let me tell you I am SOOO grateful to have done it that way. He is the best sleeper now. I just put him in his crib when he's tired and he just lays there happy until he falls asleep. And he sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night and the only reason I know is because he kicks his little music thing and I can hear it playing on the monitor! Ha ha. I know that some moms say "well that didn't work for my kids". And most likely they say that because they don't give it a chance, they stop when it gets too hard, before the results.
And here's something that helped me a lot, and I actually got this from my doctor, not the book. It said babies wake up in the middle of the night out of DESIRE, not NEED for a feeding. So just keep that in mind. The crying doesn't hurt your baby at all. Think about when your little one is about 3 and wants to have a cookie when it's not even snack time, and you say no. He may cry for 10 minutes because you said "no cookie", but the crying doesn't hurt him does it?
I know this is your first baby, and I remember how hard it was with my daughter. But it gets easier!
I really recommend the books "On becoming babywise" 1 and 2
I got the 1st one for about 2 dollars!

B. -

I have to say that all latest research and I do mean "all" says do NOT let your child cry-it-out - go to askDrSears.com for more info on this.

He is only 4.5 months - he will go through various times of waking until he's around 2 years - remember he will go through bouts of teething, illness, growth spurts, etc.. all equate to sleep disruptions.

If a child is fine in their crib at night - give them that space to just be awake and do their own thing. If they are crying before age one, then they need you - they are NOT manipulating anyone and they do NOT think that way. Don't believe all those myths - they are simply not true.

Your job as his parent is to listen to him and help him. Sometimes that involves less sleep for you and that's just parenting. It will pass. He is building trust in you and it is crucial that you work with him on this right now. If you let him cry, then the message he gets is that he is on his own. This is confusing to him and teaches him not to be able to trust those people that he should be able to trust most - you and your husband. He cannot be on his own at this age much. He may stop crying or just fuss a little and then work it out - that is great self-soothing. However, out-right crying is a que for you to help him - it means he needs something. You do not want to let him alone at this point.

Just listen to him - work with him and love him. There will be much time later for him to be independent - when "he" is ready. Until then there are some great ideas - the absolute best for soothing your baby to sleep when they wake at night - both tips for mom and also for dad - excellent source - askDrSears.com - excellent and packed full of good research and info.

Alli

He sounds like he's doing great at night for 4 and 1/2 months! I believe babies that young still need their mommies at night, but you have to check with your intuition. I would also highly recommending Dr. Sears website for information on babies and sleeping.

Best,

A.

i would recommend just praying for a solution you can both live with. i'm not a cry it out mom at all! babies go through different stages of development and teething and just getting used to the world around them and they need to know they can count on you. if you do decide to let him cry, don't leave the room or don't be gone for more than a few minutes. while they may not remember it in the morning (as one post said), it does change them. they learn they can't rely even on their parents and it sets the stage for other issues as they get older.
at a la leche league meeting someone asked this same question of why baby was waking up, teething or hungry. one of the leaders said to give them some baby tylenol or ibuprofen and if they don't wake, it's the teething. if they do wake, they really are hungry. don't try to fill them up with cereals either before going to bed. they don't need anything by breastmilk (preferably) or formula for the first 6 months.
good luck.

Every baby is different, but here's how I handled it. I tried to find a balance between my baby's need to be reassured that I had not disappeared off the face of the earth (which is what they think at that age) and my need to sleep. When I first heard my baby cry, I would check to make sure everything was okay. Then if she cried again, I would wait a few minutes...sometimes they go back to sleep on their own. But if the cries became more pitiful, I would go to her. Make sure your husband takes turns with you, because sleep deprivation can lead to anger. I know it seems like you will never sleep again, but in hindsight these months fly by. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel. When you do go to your baby, keep it simple: comfort him briefly, then put him back to bed. Don't go to another room, turn on TV, radio, lights, all of which signal it's time to wake up.

I know this is a very debateable subject, but I'll just tell you my experiences. I started letting both of my kids CIO at around 4-1/2 months....they are both AWESOME sleepers, at least 12 hours a night. They are not damaged by it, they know they are loved, and they know they can depend on me.

He's 4 months old!!! No! Don't let him cry it out!

Add me to the boat of just don't. We tried it a few times with my oldest, and my husband and I couldn't deal with it. Why? We sat down and really thought about what we were teaching our child. Not to sleep well, but that when he cried, we would not come. I want my child to know that I am there when he needs me, I want him to be able to know that he can trust me completely. As the mama, it is my job to meet those needs.

A 4 month old is not a manipulative monster. He still thinks his arm is attached to your body. He does not have the cognitive ability to manipulate you into caring for him. He wakes up, realizes no one is there, and wants to reassure himself that is not all alone. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that reassurance.