Hi mommas!
I am looking to you for any advice and or past experiences on the subject of being a single mom and joint custody. My ex of 9 years and I have a 12 year old together. He remarried 2 years ago and I am currently going through a break up. We have had joint custody with me being the main residence/school district. Ever since he got married, he has looked for ways to cut the child support way down or off completely to no avail. Right before the holidays he served me with papers to have our daughter go live with them and visit me every other weekend and that i pay child support. First of all he moved an hour away from her school which is a math magnet and an amazing opportunity for her. So, if he wins, she will be pulled out of her magnet and sent to school near them. He says i will be putting her in danger as i will be dating and men she doesn't know will be coming around. Which is not me at all. On occasion, she will be at home alone for an hour or so after school because i work full time. I have friends in the neighborhood to help out so this is a non issue. So, does anyone have any words of advice for me? Do you feel he has a chance because i am single and he is married? Any similar experiences out there? Thank you all!
Since she is 12 they will consider what she wants. Tx is pro mom. So unless you are a junkie with no job living in filth, she'll stay with you. the emotional health of the child is extremely important and if she id thriving then why pull her? Wouldn 't make sense.
First off deep breath and steady. My husband has been yanked around more times than I can count over custody matters with his daughter. It is always stressful and rattling. Shared custody is a tough thing even at the best of times.
The words of wisdom I have heard from attorneys on these matters is the courts like to maintain status quo. In the state of Texas they prefer moms to be the main residence unless there are extreme circumstances or agreeing parties to the contrary. Finally his allegations about your dating habits have no weight if you haven't done anything in the past nine years to indicate otherwise. Remember he's going to have to prove his case. If your daughter isn't wanting to move in with him and you are happy with how things are, then his serving you papers isn't the death sentence it feels like. Your marital status is not what is at stake. The crux of the matter will boil down to two things -what does your daughter want because she is at the age where she gets a say and what kind of daily home life do you provide (safe, stable, loving, etc.). Good luck and don't panic. Focus on the outcome you want and work with a capable attorney to get there.
While anything is possible, I don't think a judge would change a living arrangement unless there was a significant reason (like the child was in danger, etc). I don't think a judge would disrupt her life (make her move towns and schools) for no reason. The judge might ask her her opinion. What would she say?
I love how your ex (and I assume his new wife) think this is the simple solution. Raising a 12 year old is no easy task. Some people would do anything to not pay child support....
I wouldn't get too worked up over this. Your response should be that you want no change to the custody agreement because you do not think it is in the best interest of the child to introduce having her step-mother as her full time caregiver just so they don't have to pay child support. Did he put your daughter "in danger" when he was dating his now-wife? That argument is ridiculous.
They are also in a better position than you are to pay child support, since (I assume) there are two working adults in their home and only one in yours. And utilizing afterschool care for 1 hour a day is not a reason to lose custody.
Talk with your attorney.
A judge would see through his assholishness. Make sure you have a good lawyer and file opposition.
In my experience the courts look at what is working and if the child seems to be in a stable environment, getting an education, etc. There isn't any need to just move her just to move her. I think you will be okay
Just get a lawyer. It is too bad he is so far away or you could do 50/50 custody so you could both see her equal time and forget about child support. But, since that is clearly not the case you need to get a good lawyer to help you keep things as they are. Just because he is married and you are single does not mean he will get custody, but things are not the way they used to be and being mom is not enough to get you custody anymore either, they really do try to look at which home will be the most stable/best for the child and fathers have more rights then they used to. If you really think this is all about child support then offer to let him reduce it if that will get him to back off, but do so only with your lawyers consent and through them. At this point, if he is going after custody, you need a lawyer to guide you.
They are probably go by what your daughter wants.
