Should I Correct Other Children

I know you have gotten a lot of responses already, but I would also like to ad that many times, when a stranger corrects a child, the child listens better than when the parent tries to correct them. I think the stranger kind of scares them into behaving, and as with all the other mom's I don't see anything wrong with it. I'll take any help I can get as long as it is polite & constructive.

I would have done the same thing & told the little boy to stop it. You didn't do anything wrong in my opinion. She needs to teach him better manners. Besides, you didn't yell at him or call him names, you politely asked him to stop. You had every right.

Good for you!! The only thing I have a problem with is the other mother saying that about "creativity"!! What is creative about throwing stuff at people?? That's just rude!! She needs to teach him some manners. That is the only thing I would have done different is corrected her on that, I like to point out other peoples mistakes when they are trying to be all tough and they screw up, that shuts them up pretty quick. But you did the right thing in my opinion.

Some parents seem bound and determined to raise criminals or at the least entitled brats. You had every right to do as you did, but it probably did no good. The mom is the problem and she is the one that should have been disciplined. Instead of speaking to the child, you should have asked the waitress to speak to the manager because the child is still throwing food. I would ask the manager to either ask the mother and son to leave or be moved. I would let the manager know that if I was forced to leave because of the behavior I would not be paying for my meal. You had the right to eat peacefully in the restaurant, and it is the manager's job to enforce civil behavior in their restaurant. It's a shame the management didn't recognize what was going on and handle it proactively.

I'd like to first say your feelings are appropriate and justified. Clearly the kid was wrong, and mom even moreso for not quickly addressing the situation. The ball was in her court. She should have reprimanded the kid and told him his behavior was rude, and then made the child apologize and clean up the mess, and then lastly should have followed up by giving you an apology. Unfortunately, it seems more and more people think allowing children to be selfish and rude is somehow building up their character and initiative. Big mistake..and clearly a reflection of how this woman probably operates in her own daily life.

With that said, I hesitate to agree with everyone on the appropriateness of directly addressing a stranger's child. Whether the mom and kid were right or wrong, I think confrontation of a child is a breach of boundaries. It borders on being equally as rude, and in some cases might even set a bad example for your own children. (Bullying back or sinking to the level of the accoster by lashing out verbally at people in retailiation of rude behavior.) Clearly mom didn't see the child's behavior as disruptive and rude. I think mom's the one who needs to be corrected. The child is only doing what he's been taught by mom.

I guess if it were my kid who was acting up, I would be pretty freaked out if a stranger reprimanded my child. I wouldn't know if the person was a wack-o, or how far the confrontation would go. It certainly would put me as the child's parent and primary protector on the offensive, and depending on the situation, who knows where things would go next. I guess I would say maybe it's better to put the emotions in check, and instead of reaching to the childish level of both this mom and kid, I would have taken on a parental role and shamed them by doing one of the following instead:

1. Flag down the waitress or manager of the restaurant and explain loud enough for mom to hear that the child across the way is throwing food at patrons, and insist that you would like them to talk with the woman about it and even suggest to ask the manager or waitress to ask "her" to move to a different location. In this case, the manager will be forced to either ask her to just go, or will force her to apologize and act as a sort of mediator to resolve the problem, and if she looks like a "nutty-one" leave shortly after so she can't follow you home in your car and cause more trouble! These days you just don't know. LOL.

2. You could announce to your children loud enough for the woman to hear across the way "Don't ever do what that boy is doing. He has terrible table manners, and is being rude to everyone in the restaurant. His mom should buy you another lunch or make her boy clean up and and apologize." Then flag down a waitress and ask her to move your family or hers because the child is throwing food and be sure to explain the mom isn't doing anything to stop it. Bad-mom'll either ignore you, or feel real embarrassed because hopefully everyone else is seeing the hullabaloo..and just leave herself.

3. You could directly address mom and say, "I don't appreciate your child throwing food. Could you please ask him to clean it up and apologize to everyone in the room for being rude?" She probably won't like it, and may even get nasty. But remember, if you can keep your cool, SHE'LL be the one the restaurant manager asks to leave the restaurant if SHE gets aggressive or rude.

I'm sorry this happened. I totally think she's wrong and your're right in your feelings. I guess I'm saying don't let her bad behavior become a negative teaching moment for your children, and yet another opportunity to reward bad mom's bad behavior. Stick to your guns and be victorious all around. I hate to see the bullies get their way. Even when they're grown!

If the other kid was throwing the toast into outer space it would not have been your place to say something. Since it was coming directly at you and your child you had every right to speak up.

It makes me a little sad that you even questioned yourself in this situation. Of course you did the right thing! The only thing I might have done differently was to let the mother know if it happened again, I would get the manager. I'm sure the restaurant would not appreciate having food thrown all over; someone has to clean that up. Any decent manager would politely ask that mother and child to leave. Then you could have continued your meal in peace. The main thing is, though, that more people need to be willing to speak up. We have to stop being afraid of what others will think and just do the right thing!

I just had to respond to this. I am a para in a classroom for kids with EBD (emotional behavior disorder) and I deal with kids who have a hard time controlling their emotions and often act out inappropriately. THANK YOU for standing up for yourself and for your son. I believe that a lot of inappropriate behaviors are LEARNED behaviors. That little boy received positive attention that day for inappropriate behavior. Why wouldn't he do it again? Your son, however, was shown immediately that the boy's behavior was wrong and was not to be tolerated. You can't control how others are going to raise their children. You can hope, though, that the little boy got a message that day at least from you that his behavior was not okay. I can say that I certainly would not have tolerated that behavior either.

It takes a village, and we forget that ALL the time! Good for you. My MO is usually to say something to the child first, model the behavior to my child and sometimes the parent. I am a teacher. I work in an expulsion lab, which basically means that I work with all the kids that get kicked out of their school--the ones that no one else wants to deal with. I am very comfortable disciplining other people's children, especially when it affects my own kids.

I would have turned around and talked to the kid directly, politely but direct. I would have skipped the waitress, but good for her for being your messenger. If they behavior occurred again, which it did, I would have stood up and addressed the parent, in front of the child, and told her what happened, and what I would like to see differently. Then, if change did not occur, I would have taken it to the restaurant, and brought over the manager. Okay, so I have never gotten to step 3, but I would.

I overstep. I know that. But usually dealing with the child directly works best and we do not have to go farther. I like to do it in front of the parent if I can, so that there is nothing underboard, but I will do it with just the child and I separately. Sometimes it makes it better when the parent is absent, so that dynamic can be bypassed, but either way.

At the Twins game the other day there were children throwing sunflower seeds. I did not see parents, so I just gave them " the look" and it seemed to stop. I turned to my son and said, "If one hits you, let me know and I will say something." Nothing happened. We went for a walk in search of snowcones. We were gone for awhile and when we got back, there were seeds in my popcorn bucket. I calmly picked them out, turned around, and threw them directly at the kids who had been throwing them. I faced forward. (Beat. Timing is everything.) I turned and made eye contact with the kids and said, "Those were in my popcorn." (Eye contact with kids, then I notice the parents. Make eye contact. Don't miss a beat.) "I really don't appreciate it." (Maintain eye contact with kids, glance at parents, turn around.) I heard the parents quietly reprimand the kids, and there was no more throwing. Of course, there was no apology either.

So, I would say again, "Good for you!" and encourage you to go further. As long as you are respectful and honest, you are doing the right thing.

I thought that you were very nice about it. I probably would not have said anything to the manager but to the mother. You were not in the wrong at all. Now if that other kid was throwing food at other people, or on the floor, I would have just told the manager right away. But since it was at your son, and it was on purpose, and not just once but twice!! you had every right saying something. But like I said, you were alot nicer then I would have been.. Mothers like the one you met are the reason that there is so many out of control kids running around and doing what ever they want!!!!!

OMG I can't believe she actually said that to you. I would've just said "well if it doesn't stop then I'll be throwing it back at you, with ketchup on it!". lol. I would've also said "no, it's called manners, only an idiot would call food throwing 'creativity'!"
How frustrating! You did nothing wrong and I would not have been THAT patient or polite. I would've LOUDLY asked the staff if I could have another table because this LADY is encouraging her son to throw food at us and thinks it's cute.
Sorry they ruined your meal.
J.
Mom to 4, almost 5 through another adoption and hopefully more :o)

Unfortunately, this mother is setting herself up for some trouble in the years to come. Just wait until his "creativity" infringes on her rights to have a respectable home. She'll realize she made some mistakes. Pray that her attitude does not create a little monster...

Bad Advice Alert!!!

wouldn't it have been so satisfying to pour his little drink over his head and then say "He's not hurt and you can't be mad because I'm just being creative".

****************************8

In all reality I think you were right. If my kids had behaved badly like that I would have expected someone say something. It would have been me saying something and then leaving if they didn't listen and continued to behave badly, but if I hadn't seen the problem I would hope that someone would tell them, calmly, to mind themselves better.

Creativity!!! I guess we are missing how throwing food at a person is being creative! That woman is going to have to deal with her 'creative' son quite a bit when she gets calls from the school because this boy is creatively throwing more damaging items at kids/teachers in school. Or in her case she probably won't care. I'm happy you stood up for your son. I would have done the same thing. It is so unfortunate that some people can't figure out how to teach their children to be responsible members of society. I too would have been mortified if one of my children did this.

I would have explained to the mother in little tiny words that if her idea of creativity is throwing food then she ought to visit the monkeys in the zoo rather than a restaurant where decent people were trying to enjoy their lunch.

You were right, she was wrong. The right response from her should have been to (a) chastise her son and (b) either apologize herself or encourage her son to apologize, or both.

I'm going to stop now before I say something I shouldn't; this topic really gets my goat, as it were. I'm not sure when decency, manners, and good behavior became taboo and acting like an animal became encouraged but you can rest assured my children don't act like that, never have, and the baby certainly won't be throwing things at people in public unless he's in a parade and it's candy.

L.

I say... good for you! It's a shame that this mother does not recognize the importance of manners, and other acting respectful towards other people. You shouldn't have to put up with that kind of behavior.

I see you have pleanty of responses, but I couldn't help Her son was rude, and acted inappropriately. I pretty much hate confrontation, but if I were alone, I would have probably said something. If I was with my DH I KNOW he would have said something.

I see a future, bully in the future for the little boy who was throwing the food.

You were right, she was wrong.

You were COMPLETELY within your rights to say something. The other mother needs to realize that creativity does not involve making another person of any age a target. Being allowed to throw food at another child is not being creative, it is the first steps in becoming a bully. It sounds like you handled the situation very well and set a good example for your child.

I would have done the same thing. That mother was obviously being ignorant about the situation and just because he didn't hurt your son, doesn't give him the right to throw things. I probably would have gotten my head chewed off too, but I wouldn't have put up with it as well as you did. I probably would have fought back a bit by trying quickly to say something witty. I have NO problem parenting other peoples children, especially when it comes to my daughter.

I am so sorry you had to experience this. I don't see that there was a problem with you speaking up for your son. This mother will be sorry someday for not teaching her son right from wrong. She isn't teaching him being creative she is teaching him to be a monster.

You did the right thing. That mother is being lazy and using the whole "creativity" thing as an excuse not to discipline her child. You have every right to protect your child and that is exactly what you were doing. You also have the right to teach your child to stand up for himself. I don't understand parents like her. If her child were to throw knives would that be enough to stifle his creativity? I have spoken to children on a few occasions when they were being mean to one of my kids but in those situations the parents were not paying attention. This mother takes the cake! She is going to have a huge monster on her hands in a couple years.

I agree with a lot of what Nicole S had to say. I wouldn't like someone reprimanding my child. However, if they were being rude and I was not seeing it, someone should be able to stop them from bullying thier own child.

I would have taken the situation up with the manager, not a waitress the second time. You at the very least would have gotten a free meal, and they would have been kicked out.

Let me start by telling you that there is no right or wrong here. There are only opinions, and your style of parenting. Welcome to the world..I have seen what you talk about, and it is just as unbelievable to me. It's hard to see that the parents don't understand why this boy's behavior will not serve him well, that he will not be prepared for the world, nor for relationships. But, with all that said, you will continue to meet parents who have rose colored glasses on when it comes to their children, and who willneer ever see anything wrong with how Johny is acting. I have 3 boys, and eachof my children has had their own personal bully at school. I've tried working with the parent, but the parents of each child have said, in their own way, "Your child's fault and problem, not mine." So, there you have it. It's up to the rest of us, who know what it takes to make a society work, to raise the children who will be adults tomorrow. Not a pretty future for parents of that boy. But, be assured, they will regret their coddling and holding their child blameless. So, you just keep on keeping on, and showing your child how to make the world a better place. Good luck to you, and I'm encouraged when I read of a parent who actually believes in correcting their child, and teaching acceptable behavior.

I absolutely don't think you were in the wrong. I would have done the same thing.

You had every right to respond the way you did, and parents like the other mother are part of the reason kids are the little, spoiled snots that they are today. Kudos especially for telling the manager about the incident, except it should have been the other mother and child having to leave instead of you and your son!!

Isn't it amazing that some Moms have no problem with their kids' inappropriate behavour? Who in the world would condone throwing food in public?! It's barbaric! I think you did the right thing by asking the waitress to have the child stop then tell him yourself the second time. I'm sure most of us would apologize for our children and make them stop or take them out of the restaurant. As for being reamed out by his mother, what could you have done? There is no point in arguing with someone like that without causing a scene and bringing yourself down to her level - it's pointless because she doesn't understand the difference between expressing creativity and acting inappropriately. Unfortunately your dinner ended on a bad note, but it's best to take the high road. I'm a firm believer in what goes around comes around and believe me, that woman will get her just desserts with that child.

S.

I think you were very appropriate! and i admire you for not saying something more to the mother who should have been embarrassed. I wouldn't have bothered to say anything to the manager -- what is (s)he going to do.

Kudos to you! The mother was obviously on the defense as most mom's would be but you also have the right to defend your son. What that little boy was doing was not right and it's even worse that the mother didn't stop it. In my opinion she should've had her son apologize to your son and then when the behavior continued, THEY should've left. I get so sick of seeing kids doing whatever they want and parents turning a blind eye. BTW, what exactly was so "creative" about throwing food in a restaurant?!?!

I know, it's hard to believe there are children and parents out there like that. I do not think you were out of line to ask her son to "please stop". You expressed your displeasure, stood up for your son, and kept your manners intact. Good for you!

What appalls me is not so much that the kid threw something (even though that's bad enough!) but his mother's response! Since when does teaching your kid manners "stifle his creativity by putting demands on him"?!? And what does it matter whether he "hurt" your son or not? It may not have hurt him physically, but if someone threw food at me in a resturant (especially a complete stranger, and for no reason) my FEELINGS would be hurt! In my opinion that woman is lucky that you are a lady and didn't just clock her one! LoL

Like you I would be mortified if either of my boys acted in such a way!!! Which is why our children probably wont' behave that way. After the way the mother talked to you, is it any wonder he behaves the way he does?

Good for you for standing up for your child--what a great example...unlike the other mother.

Well, I'm not outspoken like you, more the passive to passive-aggressive type. What I would have done was asked to be moved to another table.

I think you handled it well though, as far as speaking to the child. The only problem with your leaving the restaurant was that it only "punishes" your own child by leaving early.

I do sometimes politely ask other children to not do something if it is bothering my son, because I believe strongly we are our children's protectors. In most other situations I will not say anything. I do try to teach my son to stand up for himself too, rather than always coming to his rescue- something I am not very strong on doing for myself.

Some people take the "creativity" thing too far. I think that woman is one of them. I like to foster creativity too, but not at the expense of someone else!

Overall, I say you did a good job. :)

I would have done the same thing. It is not appropriate for another to laugh at your child's expense.

GOOD FOR YOU!!! You responded in the BEST possible way..Although you should have asked the waitress to MOVE YOU!!!Next time don't cut your meal short because of rudeness!! Tell them "We wish to eat our meal in peace is there another table you can move us to"...(and appologize for the inconvience and maybe tip a little Higher) You did nothing wrong!

Good for you for speaking up! That mother obviously was not correcting her child properly and she most likely felt bad that her child was not behaving, so she had to make up something creative to make it sound better! :) Anyway... I am very soft spoken and probably would not have said anything, but inside I always wish I had the courage to speak up when thing like this happen. That child needs to know that it's not just his mother that he needs to respect, but all other beings as well. So hopefully it taught him a small lesson.

Well what can I say to that. I would have been furious. More at the mom of course than the child. It is amazing how many bad moms there really are. What would I have done...It of course all depends on my mood-it usually changes with how tired I am...With the way I am now, I would have told my son to throw something back at him and say bulls eye...and of course, I would have laughed..I honestly believe people need a little taste of the way they are behaving...That it is not ok to bother,annoy,make fun of,or irritate those around you. And if the mom said anything back to you-you could have just copied her stupid excuse word for word, and maybe she could have heard how pathetic she really sounded.....

Ahhh, isn't some mother's worth their weight in gold? I would have done the same thing you did, but I wouldn't have let it go so easy. If it happened again I would either have asked for the manager to speak to that mother who could have asked her to stop or leave (if he would) or I would have told her that her sons creativity is concidered an assult on your son and children have been suspended from school for the same thing. I don't know how old her son was, but if he was the same age as your son, she has a monster on her hand.

Another thing you could do, but it is childish and I don't think I would do it, but know some women would. Throw a piece of something at her and tell her you are being creative. She wouldn't look at it that way I am sure, but she will get the point.

It is a sad state of affairs when parenting includes the encouragement of destructive or abusive behavior. I applaud your actions. I do not think what you did was rude or infringing on that mother's parental directive. Prior to motherhood, I was a waitress and witnessed many similar events. I had no issue confronting parents then or now especially if their child's behavior is destructive. I would have also firmly, but politely, informed the mother that I also encourage the freedom to express oneself creatively, but, as you had stated within your inquiry, not at the expense of my child. I would have then called the Manager over and asked him to resolve the issue. You had every right to finish your meal and to do so in peace.

Sabra,

Unfortunately, we live in a society where it isn't popular to discipline children anymore. We are just supposed to "be their friend" and let them run wild. And look where we have gone. Anyway, I would have done the same as you and probably would have received the same response.

I don't think I would have left the restaurant and talked to the manager, though, just asked for a different table. Once, I went to pick up my child from a playgroup and found him (under age 2) at the bottom of a dog pile being beat by two other boys who were more than a year older. The mother - who was also in charge of the group - was right there. Without even looking at her son, she said "Don't do that" and continued her friendly conversation with another mom.

I walked over, peeled the boys off of mine, and helped him to his feet. I told the boys to leave my son alone. It didn't go over well with the other mom at all. But too bad. Needless to say, my son didn't return to the group. We found a new one where the children are supervised and disciplined.

Good luck,
S.

YOU GO GIRL!!! I totally agree with the way you addressed it as long as you initially were polite in saying something to the child. Course after it happened twice there would have been nothing nice in the way I talked to the parent - sometimes PARENTS need to get a clue and realize that other people don't need to watch their child acting so rotten! Would love to send my child to Charm School even though she is NOTHING like that! It would be a great thing for all kids - just hearing it from someone else is great! :-) Keep speaking up!!!

You should have whipped a piece of food at her child and see how she'd react. That's just dropping down to her level though and doesn't teach your child the right way.

It's just so easy to say that things are okay when it's not being done to you. How rude! You did the right thing and I'm sure I would have said more to her. Just a simple you should be ashamed of yourself and your parenting to allow such rude behavior out in public. You're violating others space and it's not the point that my son didn't get hurt. It's the point of being disrespectful to others. You're a loser of a mother. I would have then complained to the manager, took my food to go, paid and left.

First of all, let me start by applauding you for trying to get that other child to quit being a little snot!! You had every right in the world to defend your son, and that is exactly what you did!!!

Secondly, if it had been me, and as a matter of fact I have done this numerous times, I would have told my child, in a voice loud enough for the other mother and brat to hear, "I am very proud of you for being good and not responding to that child! I am glad you do not act inappropriately in public like that!! Thank you!!" Then I would have given my child a hug to let them know they did the right thing by behaving properly.

As for the mother and child acting like they did, I agree with other moms on here, and I would have said something to the manager about it. I would have asked the manager to either move the ones behaving unproperly (is that even a word? lol) or I would leave and not come back. I can just about guarantee the manager would make the other people move, since s/he would not want to lose money by me leaving. I dont believe that you should have to move, only because you and your son did not do anything wrong!!!

Your response was COMPLETELY appropriate! If you won't stand up for your kids then who will? Good job! That other mom was totally out of line! If she is worried about stifling her childs creativity I can't wait until he tries something destructively creative to something that she cherishes!
I love the quote from Thomas Jefferson!

Hi Sabra,
ABSOLUTELY!!! If my child was doing something like that I would have been mortified. I have had other people tell me if my child is doing something and I have told other people of my child doing something wrong. You shouldn't go around picking on other people's children but sometimes as a parent you can get caught up in other situations going on around you and not realize what you child is doing and usually are thankful that someone else cared enough to notice. Of course this case is a little different and I think it's awful that a mother would not explain to her child right from wrong for fear of "stifling creativity"!!!
A.

I think it is okay to speak up. What you are doing is showing your own child and hopefully the other that they need to respect one another. You need to be your child's voice if they are not able to stand up for themselves.

this is the most appaling thing i have ever heard in my life.

i certainly would have done what you did.
i also would have probably said something to the mother.. something along the lines of the quote you mention about your freedom ending where my nose begins. thats a good one.

i would have probably also said that allowing her child to be creative does NOT mean that he should be allowed to be rude. i am very anticonfrontational, but i certainly would have wanted to have my son throw something at hers and see how she likes it, but that doesnt make it right... and i know i wouldnt have done it. but maybe i would have said 'what if my son throws food at yours? is that ok with you?' lol

how RUDE!!! i am just appalled! i cannot believe that the mom thought that it would be stifling creativity by making her son act appropriatly in a restaurant. for heaven sake. i cannot believe it.
thats AWEFUL!
wow.

do you listen to bill engvall at all? i think he was talking about some california friends of theirs who believe in the "let the child express themselves" idea. his 'joke' is that "well, is that your child on the roof with a deer rifle just expressing himself??" LOL

I think you responded well. I have a hard time speaking up sometimes, however working in a retail environment many of you would not believe the things I see. I have tried and worked on my own children's behavior, not just in public settings but at home too. Great job on speaking up Sabra, too many parents out there don't.

I have strong opinions on this, however I have a hard time expressing them because of what society considers taboo today.

I have physically taken my child out of stores because of their behavior while I watch numerous parents subject others to their child's rude behaviors.

It is an infringement of other's rights and have they ever stopped to consider what they are teaching their children?

OMG! I didn't things like that really happened. You did nothing wrong other than maybe jammed a bowl of rice in the kids face and told the mother you were just creatively expressing yourself. Just kidding. Would she like it if someone through food at her child? I doubt it, so why would she feel it's okay if her child throw food?

I would have done the same thing you did. I am a teacher - HS, not elementary, but I am all too familiar with parents like the one you ran into. That mother is an idiot. Her child is out of control, and at such a young age to encourage that kind of behavior...I can only imagine what that child will be like in 10 more years. It will be ugly. It's refreshing to me to see parents who actually discipline their children and have boundaries for them. That is what kids want and need, despite what some people think. Thank you for doing the right thing ~ keep up the good work! :)