Putting Newborn down to Sleep

Hi,
I have a 3 year old son and a 5 month old baby girl. With both of them when they were newborn, I would hold them until they fell asleep.
Both of them as they reached the 4 and 5 month stage started to be better at self soothing with a silky blanket and that's when I started letting them self sooth for naps. My 5 month old sleeps in her crib for daytime naps and with me at night. When she gets a little older, I'll start putting her in her crib for night time.

I read an excellent book called "Healthy Sleep Habits; Happy Child". It says how when babies start to be sociable at around 4 and 5 months old that they want to play with you and that's why they are crying when you put them to bed when they should not be deprived of sleep. It worked great with my son and all of my friends were amazed at how my 8 month old would go to sleep for nap as soon as I laid him down in his crib, he didn't cry he just rolled over and went to sleep. Shortly after, he slept through the night and we all slept wonderfully.

Good luck

I'm a first time mom, so maybe you wont want to listen to me. When my son was just a few weeks old, up to today and now he's only 3 months... I put him to sleep. Sometimes a bath helps before bed... I started doing that at 3 weeks, and he tires him out. I've spoken with my doctor, and he has said that you shouldn't try to get them to depend on themselves till around 3 months... at such a young age, they need their parents to put them down.. I'm just starting to get my son to soothe himself for his naps, and it's working great. At bed time tho, he needs me to rock him, and sing to him. He just isn't there yet. But at such a young age, I personally think that she is still dependant on you for bed time. Let me know if i've been any help. And i hope it works out for you!!!

I have had 2 babies, and I can tell you that especially at 3 weeks old, they need you to rock them and hold them. That is how your baby will bond with you. Babies love the way your skin feels. Remember, this is all very new to your baby, and she needs you for comfort. I wouldn't worry too much at this point about the "best" way to put her down. Right now, I would do what works at the given moment. I know a newborn can get frustrating and there isn't a whole lot of time for yourself, so it can be hard when you want to put her down, but she wants you. Enjoy it now, because they really do grow up fast. My boy is the cuddle bug. He is now almost 6, and I tried all kinds of ways to lay him down. In the end he has always just wanted to cuddle a while, and then wants his own bed. My little girl on the other hand, will quietly find a spot wherever she wants when she is really tired. sometimes it's her bed and sometimes it's the couch. She is almost 4. I suppose what I am trying to say is that in my opinion, rocking your baby to sleep will not necessarily make her too dependent on you. It will make her happy and feel close to you though. As she gets older, you may need to try different things to see what works. When both of my children were 2, they got their toddler beds and we set the rule about staying in your bed when it is bedtime. It takes patience, but they eventually became fairly independent at bedtime. good luck and remember to enjoy and love every minute with that sweet little girl. She won't be a baby for long.

Right now she is way to little to soother herself, and that is your job. What you are doing is right, rock her, love her and she will be happy. When you meet their needs in the beginning the rest later is a breeze. Remember, you can't spoil a baby, they aren't cognitively set up that way yet. A 1 year old totally different. I reccomend reading the no cry sleep solution, or happy baby healthy sleep habits. Two amazing books. There really is no wrong or right way, it just has to make you feel good and stress free! Good luck!

S. M.
Certified Labor Doula, Postpartum doula, CBE, LE

I remember reading all the books. I made up my own rules when it came to sleep training but endured the first 6 months. I still nurse/rock to sleep at 15 months, the difference is that now I miss it when my husband puts the baby down. I love that sweet time I had with him and wish I never worried once. They figure out bedtime eventually. He actually reaches for his crib now! Thats bigtime for a cosleeping, breastfed toddler. Dont worry, be happy and get a good rocker!!!

I had the exact same questions you did when my son was born. There is so much pressure out there to get your baby to sleep independently, through the night, etc. There is nothing wrong with rocking your baby to sleep and giving her a pacifier (sucking is the only way babies can soothe themselves for the first couple of months), especially when she is this young. That is how I got my son (now 4 months) to sleep for the first 8 weeks.

Once he seemed to be a little more capable of falling asleep on his own (at about 8 weeks), we started putting him in his crib at night when he was sleepy, but not asleep. For the first night I stayed right next to the crib with my hand on his tummy and whispering to him until he fell asleep. The next night I did that for a couple of minutes, and then went and sat in the rocker so he could hear my voice when he started to fuss a little. If he started fussing too much I would pick him up and give him a cuddle. Within 3 nights I could put him down and leave the room. We would have to go in and put the binkie back in his mouth a couple of times (and still do), but he falls asleep on his own. Believe me, it's sooner than you think that she will be too big and squirmy to cuddle up on your chest and sleep and you will definitely miss it!

I am a mother of four children, ages ten through four. I can sympathize with your problem. I rocked three of my children and even co-slept with two of them. Do what feels best for you and remember that the time will come sooner than you wish when they will not want to fall asleep in your arms. And if you feel that you really want your child to fall asleep on her own then follow some pattern consistently.

A child is in what doctor's consider the 4th trimester until they are about 3 months old. It is best to comfort them during this time because the world is so new to them. You can rock your baby to sleep if that's what you feel better doing. I always swaddled my children, as it gave them that sense of security they needed. Keep doing what you are doing and gradually introduce the self-soothing after your baby is a few months old.

I swaddle my baby, feed her, and sing her a lullaby and she drops off til about 7 am. I tried the baby whisperer routine stuff but I was going out of my mind. Anna just didn't want to nap so much etc. We were both miserable. Just follow your babies cues. As long as you are both healthy and sane is all that matters at this point. You can work on any possible bad habbits later. Hang in there, it does get better before you know it!

I have a 5 month old and a two year old. I think it is fine to rock your newborn to sleep. She is too young to try and do it by herself. All the reading I have done suggests you not let your child "cry it out for 6 months". Right now I feel you should respond to her every time she cries. I rocked both my babies to sleep and my two year old is now a great sleeper and lays down and goes to bed every night really easily. She has done since about 8 months. It did work in the end. The other thing that helped me is a really solid bedtime routine. For example... a bath, get dressed, swaddle, feed and then rock to sleep. Do the exact same thing every night at the same time and eventually I found mine would transition easily to sleep every night. My 5 month old now falls asleep nursing every night after his bath... I still rock him if he needs it. They all sleep eventually and you don't have to listen to them cry!

Having a new baby can be so stressful. We are so worried about doing the right things. If soothing your baby to sleep by rocking her feels right, then it probably is. At such a young age your baby is certainly not ready to cry it out. What I have done with all three of mine is soothe them to sleep by nursing, rocking etc until they are 4-6 months old at which point I let them learn to self soothe by crying them out. It has been very successful with all three. At that age they are capable of putting themselves to sleep so the crying is typically manageable. If that is too harsh for you, there are many other ways to do it. I highly recommend a book called Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Marc Weisbluth. It has been the best resource for me and helps you understand the stages they go through so you know what to expect and what a baby is ready for. I wish you luck, and try not to stress out. Just help your little baby to sleep until you are ready to do otherwise. There truly will be no real harm done.

A.

She is ONLY 3 weeks old! Enjoy the cuddle time! I breast feed all my babies at bedtime until they were about 7 months. Even when they were not breast feeding I held and rocked them to sleep. When they were about 1 year that is when I started putting them to sleep on their own. They are now 12,10 and 5.
My only problem is they want to be tucked in, hugged and kissed even at 12 and 10 and they are boys! My 5 year old is a girl and she likes to have me laydown with her until she falls asleep. I did this with my boys too. Once they turned 6 (started school) they had to go to bed by themselves so they could be up and ready in the morning.
Time goes by so fast so remember hold your baby girl as much as you can now! I hope this helps.

I read every book available and when I finally had my son all the knowlrdge and wisdom went out the window. I loved every moment of rocking and even laying beside my children;still do now. I have a 5 and 2 year old. Do what makes you happy. My children sleep in my bed sometimes and I don't mind a bit. Enjoy all the closeness you can get cause they grow up so fast. Do what feels right. It won't hurt them a bit. It is nice not having kids in your bed all the time, but someday they won't even be in my house, and I'll always have the memory of their little breaths and little smell and little noices. Makes me smile just thinking of it.

C...RELAX. This is your first baby. I have 3 kids..ages 8, soon to be 6 and soon to be 2..and our last child is on the way..I'm 24 weeks along. I was very like you..thinking there's someone that had to know more than me about the RIGHT way to do things. I never babysat as a girl growing up and my sibs were boys 8 and 10 yrs older than me. I knew NOTHING about babies so figured I'd read and ask and go from there. But I worried about doing the right thing! It gets overwhelming when you realize you're everything to this child. But after 3 kids...trust me..the best person to decide what's right for your child is you and you'll find that by trial and error. Now first of all (and I think this is probably written in some books too! hehe)...she's only 3 weeks old. Babies that young may not even know themselves what works. Really, I think for us, it wasn't until about 6 months that things got more regular and we had any "real" control. The most important thing to remember..time flies..and don't miss a moment! You'll be so busy being mom with all the "have to" stuff...don't forget to do the "musts" which I consider are things like peacefully holding your baby and gazing down at that wonder you have created. Enjoy the snuggles and the times to just hold her. Trust me..even by the time they hit 2..the snuggle times get less and less. I, myself, don't believe in the cry it out method for young babies....maybe toddlers or such but now is the time to just bond and enjoy her. Let your instincts guide you and trust yourself. There's lots of good info from friends and family and books and even these boards, but take it in, then decide what's best for you. If rocking her gives her peace and you peace, for now, go ahead and do it..it's what's right for you. You'll find that as she grows, you'll change how you do things to adjust to her growing and new needs. And again, you'll be very shocked at how fast the time flies...don't miss a moment!!
BTW, I'm a fulltime professional working outside the home, hubby works fulltime and travels, and the older kids are involved in the sports of their hearts. We're on the go alot so we adapt our lives to what's best for us. Do the same and you'll find how much more content your family is.

Oh you poor dear! I can imagine that you are pretty frustrated by now. This is just my opinion and something I wanted to share with you. It really doesn't matter! My children are now 6 and 8 and I honestly had to think about what we did when they were young. I cant remember! And neither do they. I do remember that once my son was about a year old he decided that he just wasn't going to sleep. We tried rocking (which by the way worked as an infant), we tried driving him around, we tried everything. When we took him out of the crib he was wide awake. Once we had had enough we just put him in his crib to cry it out. Ten minutes and it was over. He put himself to bed that way for a few years and then it changed. My daughter was a totally different child. We thought we would try the crying method and she DID NOT give in. I swear she was so stubborn. She had to be soothed. And still to this day she has to be soothed. We have to turn the lights down, read a book, have a drink of water....What works for you now may not work for you in 3 months from now, or it may mean finding that perfect routine. Children are funny that way. Does the rocking chair work for you guys? If so, go with it. The only way to harm your child is to physically or emotionally neglect her. Bedtime can be a sweet time. By rocking her on your chest you are bonding not harming. How can you over love a child? To ease the stress for you I would recommend a routine even at this young age. Bathe her before her nighttime feeding. Turn the lights low, read her a book and rock her to sleep.Also try playing a soothing tape or CD. By the time your done with the bedtime routine you should be looking forward to the rest too. Good luck and I look forward to hearing how it all turns out!

I think that 3 weeks is to young to try any type of sleep method. At that age the baby needs to be loved and comforted. I would suggest trying the sleep methods again when your child is about 3/4 month old. I nursed my son to sleep every night for the first 6 months or so. At about 6 months we were finally able to put him in the crib and he puts himself to sleep. Every baby is different some of my friends find that staying in the room makes it easier on their child. This just upsets my son. We have to leave and let him cry it out but like I said we did not start this method until he was about 7 or 8 months old.
Good Luck!

Hello C., Congratulation on your new little family member!

It sounds like you have read a lot already. If you haven't read, "The No Cry Sleep Solution," by Elizabeth Pantley, I highly recommend it! Read her book for babies. She covers every type of family preference and gives lots and lots of stories and ideas. I would encourage you to trust your own heart, because it will always guide you with your children.

Personally, I nursed my children to sleep and loved it so much!

I have three daughters, 5, 3, and 9 mos. I absolutely rocked the younger two to put them to sleep and they both grew out of the need around 8 mos. When my 5 year-old was little, she actually preferred to be left alone in her crib to cry herself to sleep. The more I'd try to comfort her, the more frustrated she'd get. Anyhow, like I said, I snuggled and rocked the younger two before bed and cherished every moment of the bedtime ritual. Eventually they would get to the point where I would go to rock them before bed and they would have nothing to do with it. They actually wanted to just lay in their bed and fall asleep on their own. The youngest will cry for about 5 minutes before she passes out. They grow up so quickly and those few minutes of quiet before bed were so special. Bottom line is, do what feels right between you and your baby. There are books written on every philosophy, but most of the time, nothing is more reliable than a mother's instinct.

I rocked my son to sleep until he was about 3 (maybe even 4) months and he goes to sleep just fine by himself now (he's 6 1/2 months). At three weeks they are are their own schedule and need you there to comfort them to sleep. Talk to your pediatrician at every appointment about sleep and they will guide you in the right direction. We didn't let our son cry/wine to sleep until he was 4 months old. It's completely normal for them to cry/wine for 10-15 minutes before they go to sleep at night at 4 months. Only you know your child and know what is best for them! So follow what feels right. Another great book is 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child'. Good luck!!

I think that it's only natural that your 3 week old prefers to sleep in your arms. After all, she loves you and is comforted by you. She just spent 9 months developing inside of you and finds your voice, your smell, the way you move soothing. At 3 weeks, a baby's needs are the same as their wants. I don't think that you can spoil a baby that young. Her only way to communicate is by crying, and she is communicating that she is comforted in your arms. By responding to her needs, you are teaching her that she can trust you to give her what she needs.

Have you tried reading Dr. Sears's "The Baby Book"? He has a great section on baby's and sleep and also on high needs baby's who like to be held a lot. We also really liked "The Happiest Baby on the Block" for advice on the first three months. Our baby likes to be nursed to sleep or held in a sling and walked, so that's what we do. We've come to really love this peaceful time of snuggling and holding him. I also highly recommend getting a good sling or carrier (we have 4!), so that you can pick up the house or go for a walk while keeping her close and happy, and putting her to sleep.

We swaddle and use a co-sleeper for naps and when we put him down at night. After the first 6 weeks, though, we started just bringing him into our bed when he wakes up in the middle of the night. We are all so much happier with this! I can just doze off as he nurses, and we can all go back to sleep quicker without having to rock and swaddle and shush him back to sleep first. This is a life saver, especially after we started back at work!

Hi C.!

I'm the mom of 4 kids (9, 7, 4.5 and 15 months). I, too, read all the books and was petrified of having sleep dependent children. All I can say is, some babies are born self soothers and others are not. There are so many variables and you have to do what you feel is right in your heart. I nursed all my kids to sleep at bedtime until they were weaned and still rock my 15 month old. They've all learned to sleep, quite well, and with very few tears. You'll know when you need to do something different than what you are doing now.

C.-
Every baby is different - for my first one, I had to hold and rock her to sleep each night. Everyone kept telling to let her cry it out - but she would cry for an hour or more and never stop!! It didn't make her more depended as she grew older. In fact, she's my best sleeper and has no problem going to sleep on her own.

My son, and second child, soothed himself almost from the beginning. So, he was easy. I'd feed him and lay him down and he'd be out!

Don't worry about what "they" say. Trust your instincts, you are the Mom and even though you don't feel it all the time, you really do know what's best for your child. Enjoy this time, spend it with your baby - it goes WAY too fast.

Many good wishes and blessings -C.

Your baby is too little to be left alone to cry it out! She needs you right now to hold and comfort her, after all you did so for the first 9 months of her life - she is not ready to go it alone. Throw away any book that tells you to let her cry it out. I suggest you learn more about attachment parenting - The Baby Book by Dr. Sears is an excellent resource.

Your baby will thank you!

As a very new baby, her only way to communicate her needs is through crying. She spent so much time comfortable inside you, now she's in this cold world where everything has changed. If her diaper is clean, her clothing is comfortable and keeping her not too warm or cold, her tummy is full, she's been burped, try swaddling tightly (burrito style like they did in the hospital). This really helped with my babies.
It's also possible that she has painful gas. To help relieve my daughter, I would lay her on her back and rotate her legs so her knees would go up to her tummy, like she was riding a bike upside down. You could also put a small rolled up blanket under he knees when she's sleeping on her back. With the knees elevated, it's easier for newborns to get gas out.

If everything seems fine, maybe she just wants to be cuddled. Let her hear your voice, either talking soothly or singing. As a new mom, I discovered that I didn't really know any baby appropriate songs, so I would start singing what I did know. Even though Britney Spear's "Ops I did it again", isn't the most appropriate song, it did help until I was able to learn a few new songs. If you find yourself in a rut on finding songs to sing your baby, try this link. http://kids.niehs.nih.gov/musicchild.htm

Congratulations on your new baby. It will get easier, but enjoy these early days when she actually enjoys being cuddled.

I totally understand what you are going through right now. I have a 3 month old and have also read "too many sleep books" as my husband says. I truly believe that at 3 weeks up until about 3 months the best thing for your baby is bonding with you and knowing that you are there to care for him/her. Do whatever is necessary to get them to sleep and feel comfortable. Bad habits can't be formed that early on, until they are more aware of their surroundings, at about 3 months. Also, our pediatrician said babies that young are not able to self-soothe so crying to sleep will not work.
We just started this weekend letting our daughter cry at night as she is trying to put herself to sleep. It took 4 nights, 4th night there was no crying with the 1st night being the worst, 20 min of crying.
Trust your instinct and do what is best for your baby and your family!
Good luck.

Infants need to "settle" into a routine. It could very well be that she has her days and nights mixed up which basically means her body clock has not reset itself and settled into a schedule. One thing you can do about the "schedule" is to wake her up at a set time each morning to "start" her day to help her settle into a routine.

Your baby is crying to communicate with you and your response is important. Babies feel whatever is going on around them. If you are frustrated then she will mirror that energy and will too be frustrated. You've already discovered that rocking her to sleep with a pacifier and carrying her to her bed after she falls asleep is working the best for you. There is nothing wrong with that method.

Crying it out is not recommended because baby is crying because it wants your comfort, love and attention. When the baby senses it's not getting a response, then the baby will "panic" and cry harder. The first four years of your baby's life are the most important. The infant's job is to eat, sleep, pee and poop and the only means of communication right now is the crying, cooing and other noises she learns. Enjoy this precious time with your baby. Babies grow at a significant rate and before you know it, she'll be talking.

She'll "settle in" as she feels more safe and secure. Remember, she just left the comfort of your womb a few weeks ago. My daughter would get seriously cranky and finally, we would "swaddle her" and then she would calm down. Swaddling is taking the infant and putting her arms across her chest, similar to how they would be folding in the womb and wrapping a blanket around her tightly so her arms were secure. It helped her feel more secure like she was in the womb.

What we discovered later after paying really close attention, is that whenever she became "overstimulated", she would really get cranky. This would occur especially after family would visit and everybody had to hold her and we passed her around..it was just too overwhelming for her. Once we realized that and began to limit those types of activities at family visits, she seemed to be more calm.

Hi C., I am a mother of three, two boys ages 9 and 10 and a 1 1/2 year old girl. I know how frustrating it is to try to get babies to sleep and be up with them half of the night! Is this book you are reading telling you to let the baby cry it out this young? Your baby is only three weeks old and is dependent on you for everything right now. Letting them cry it out I think is ok for when they get to be a little older. Right now you need to be there for your baby whether it is walking the baby around, holding the baby or rocking the baby to sleep. I know it is a lot of work, but it is part of the gig! I would not worry about what these books are telling you and most likely they are not talking about a newborn baby crying it out. Your baby will eventually start going to sleep on his/her own as they get older. Your baby is still a newborn and needs the comfort of his/her mother.

That's a tuff one. As a mother of two I know exactly where you are coming from. But I've found that it is best to do, especially when they are under 1, what ever makes both mommy and baby happy.
I rocked both my babies and you know they both ended up going to sleep on their own eventually. But letting a 3 week old cry it out is too h*** o* mom and dad. Just love and enjoy every minute!! Those are some of my fondest memories, when my first born was still small enough to curl up on my chest and fall asleep. They grow far too fast to be worried right now. Do what ever makes your family happy and works for you. Every child is different and therefore can't be understood by a single book. Best of Luck!

Hi C.-
We followed 2 books - Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth and also, and perhaps a bit controversial...BabyWise. What I took from BabyWise was this: feed them, play with/keep them awake, and when you see the 1st sign of sleepiness (eye-rubbing, a yawn..), you put them down, sleepy, but awake. Healthy Sleep Habits also supports this method. YOu really, really, really want them to self soothe and put themselves to sleep...I can't stress this enough. I have friends that rocked and cuddled their babes to sleep and still have to do that with their now 4 year olds. You have to look at it like you are teaching them skills for a lifetime. You can't always look at crying as a bad thing...it is the only means of communication a baby has. Of course, they want to be with us and when they are unhappy about that, they'll cry. As long as they aren't hungry, hurt or dirty, crying can be okay. My 4 year old daughter is a great sleeper, and when she wakes at night, she goes right back to sleep. When she was a baby, getting her to nap was our challenge, but with the help of these books, she loves to sleep and I still have a child that naps willingly for 2.5-3 hours. Good luck...it is tough work.
N.
PS. i just noticed that your baby is only 3 weeks old...hold her and rock her and read these books. She is still so young and new, don't worry about self soothing at this moment. But read the books...the sleep training starts around 4 to six weeks, I believe.

I am a cry it out person, BUT, a 3 week old infant is not going to become dependent on being rocked to sleep. Enjoy it! But, you don't want to do it much past three months. I have swaddled both of my babies, and that really seemed to help them get to sleep on their own. Wrap her tightly in a blanket (this will be ok--she can't roll over!) and see what happens.

Hi C.,
I used the techniques from the book "Good Night Sleep Lady". She recommends not to worry about a schedule and self soothing until about 6 weeks. At around 3-4 weeks she recommends trying the self soothing techniques for one nap a day and gradually the child will learn. The only thing i disagree with her is she said some children use thumb sucking as a self soothing. We choose to get up and put the pacifier in our daughter's mouth, but eventually she could find it herself.
Now our 5 week old son is a lot different. He has required rocking, holding and hates swaddling. I just started the one nap a day self soothing and yesterday was good. His personality is totally different then our daughters. So I waited until now to start teaching him to sleep on his own. He is still waking up 2 times at least a night, so hopefully we will get there.
Good Luck
T.

Hi C..

I don't have my "Baby Whisperer" book with me, but I think that it was later in age when she said to start to try the laying her down and picking her back up thing. Defintitely at that young age, you don't want to let her cry it out. I have six weeks in my head as to a number, but it could even be later. I don't think it's right to let them cry it out ever. Go with your instinct. You said it didn't feel right to do it. So don't let people convince you that it's okay. I really think that it can cause them to feel abandoned by you. But I like the Baby Whisperer's philosophy.

If I had to do it again, I would have used the Baby Whisperer technique. Unfortunately, I didn't find the book until she was two years old.

I breast-fed my daughter. She would always fall asleep while feeding. I didn't see any problem with it. But I breast-fed till she was two. By then she basically relied on me to help her fall asleep. When I weaned her, I had to lay in bed with her lying in the crook of my arm till she fell asleep. That went on for a long time. Then I had enough of that. So I decided to start "weaning" her from me. So I slowly did it. At first I sat in the bed, but wan't lying with her. She cried at that for the first few days. Then when she was okay with that for a few days, I then sat on the edge of the bed, and worked my way out of the room. Each time she balked at the move but then got used to it. I started playing music for her so that she could go to sleep. Another mistake. Now at eight, she still needs the music to go to sleep. So if I had known about her technique, life would have been much easier.

Once she's old enough, it may take a few weeks of persistence to get her to be okay going to sleep by herself, but the years of trouble you'll save down the road will be with it. Until she's old enough, it's perfectly fine to rock her to sleep or hold her till she falls asleep.

My sister let her kids sleep in their bed with them, and it took years to get them to sleep in their own bed.

C.,
I did just as you have done and finally a wise old Aif Force wife said "Relax". I say to you, "Relax". They grow up so quickly; hold your baby girl. She was inside you for months and now she's scared, she can't hear you or feel you. You are her best and most secure feeling and she craves that. You will be tired, that's OK, lay in bed with her, you'll get the best sleep this way. It's amazing to have their smell and hear their breathing. It's so relaxing. It's OK to have a family bed, ours is the only country where this is abnormal (are we so independent that we need to keep others away, even our kids?). My daughter was the same way as yours. I held her until she fell asleep and when I transitioned her and she woke, I'd lay with her. My hubby built a toddler bed that sat on the floor, it fit her mattress, and we could lay side by side. She is now three and we have a loving and laughing relationship. She's secure and independant as a child and looks to me for confidence which I gladly share. I give her the words she needs and teach her how to say them. I do not coddle her, but I hold her at every instant that she asks because like I said before, there will be only a couple more years until she's not able to be held or want to be held. I like that she looks to me for reassurance because I always hope to be her first teacher and I hope she'll be able to trust me to always be there for her. I am her biggest fan.
C., being a mom is the hardest and best gift we could ever ask for. Be her friend - even as a baby. She'll never forget this bond when she's big. Don't get tangled up in what sleep experts say, etc. Hold your girl and keep sight of the future - she needs your guidance now and forever.
Congratulations Mom. This is a love that surpasses all.
PS my daughter fell asleep in my arms until she was almost two, then we transitioned to a story, a cuddle, a kiss, and leaving the door open. Yes, sometimes it's a drag, but she's my girl and if that's what she needs then I'm here for her.
Besides, our hubbies like the bamba in other rooms too.
S.

Hi C.-
I am a mother of three, ages 4 to 3 months. I may be off base here, but this is what I did for my kids and thy are all great sleepers. 3 weeks is too early to not rock them to sleep. Your baby needs you to soothe her and it is a great bonding time. Besides, the time will cone when you can't rock her anymore, so enjoy it now! :) Rock away!!! I just swadled them tightly so that when they did sleep, putting them down was more sucessful. I may be wrong, but it worked for me. I didn't worry about nopt rockingf until they started falling into a regular sleep scedule at about 3 months.

Good luck!

Belinda

C.,
As a mother of 3 and one on the way, I can tell you from experience that if you rock your baby to sleep every night or each time they need to sleep, your life will become very difficult, and yes, the baby will become dependent on the rocking to sleep. If as a 3 week old she is crying, she has a need that might not be met. I have found that the best way to put a baby down to sleep is to make sure that she has a clean diaper, and swaddle her nice and tight, put her on her back and let her fall asleep. She will learn, I promise! If she fusses for a few minutes, that's ok; she's learning how to soothe (very important!) but all out crying at this age needs comforting. I also put my babies on schedules right away so that the baby learns when it is time to eat, when it's time to play, and when it's time to sleep. It has made my children less anxious, they know when it's bed time and they know what to expect. Even as babies! This also made my life more manageable because I could schedule things around when I knew that nap time would be. This also helped my babies sleep through the night (10p-6a) at about 6 weeks of age.

Also, as a new mom, I know that it can be overwhelming with trying to learn about your new baby and who she is and what each cry means for her. It can be so frustrating! It DOES get easier! And, it's ok to cry yourself!

I wish you the utmost patience and comfort.

Hi C. K:

I am the mother of 8 children and I can tell you I have tried everything from letting them cry(which made me sick to my stomach)and didn't work, only made them feel abandoned... to nursing and rocking and laying down only to find them waking up a few minutes later. The ONLY thing the did work(my last 4 children slept through the night shortly after they were born) was to have the family bed. Babies are with you during the 9 months of pregnancy and don't understand why they are being put by themselves when born. They need that coddling until they are older to feel secure. My older children were afraid to go to bed when they were young because I didn't know about that then but my last 4 slept with us until they decided they didn't need that anymore and we have never had night time trauma. There is a book called the family bed and when I read it...it totally changed the way I thought. See if you can get it at the local library because it is a life saver. Don't worry about spoiling your baby because they grow up so fast and it will only make them more independent, loving adults knowing they have mommy close by for all their needs. Believe me, they will be on their own in no time. Everyone wants to feel secure and loved...even newborns! Good Luck!

I would absolutely hold my baby till they fell asleep. At that age they haven't learned manipulation so they are crying because they need something. Most likely comfort. The other thing that helped my (I have two and one more on the way) is swaddling, but it wasn't perfect. My 2 year old has always been a good sleeper and never needed me to hold her, until the past month. I decided I would rather hold her for five minutes and give her the comfort she needed instead of listening to her cry herself to sleep for 15 minutes. I know other moms might disagree, but I look at it as the same as reading a book to my 5 year old to help her wind down. It is the time they need from me. Good Luck! T. =)

dont listen to what everyone is telling you! keep holding her and rocking her til she hits 6 months then she is more aware of what is going on then you can let her cry herself to sleep if you have to. my dr is the most awesome dr he really cares unlike some of them only care bout the money and he gave me this advice. it worked with my baby who is 7 months old and now sleeps through the night and i did the 6 month thing with her. you can never spoil a infant.

Oh my gosh. She's only 3 weeks old? You cannot spoil her enough at that age. I rocked my son to sleep until he was about 10 mos. and he has no problem now (at age 4) going to sleep on his own. Your daughter is too young to "cry it out". She will use too much energy crying and then not be able to regulate her body temp. (for example). I have read that up to about 4 months of age you can rock your baby to sleep without causing future problems. Then I would slowly decrease the rocking time until you can put the baby down while she is still drowsy, but not asleep. I hope that helps.

I am the proud momma of a 4 yr old boy and a 2 1/2 yr old girl.

I have 3 children 61/2, 5, & 22 months. My 6 year old was a easy child and would go to sleep easily in her crib or any where else. My 5 year old, for the first 3 months of his life, he would not let anyone else hold him or put him to sleep but mom. It was frustrating, but he grew out of that. My 22 month old, never slept in his crib for more than a half an hour. He always wanted to sleep with mom. He likes to caress my hair when he is trying to go to sleep. When my 22 month old started walking, we got a bunk bed for the boys, and had him sleep there instead of my bed. He took to that well, but I had to lay down with him or sit by the bed until he went to sleep. But he finely grew out of that. The only time I have to sit by the bed is when he is over tired or sick. I don’t see anything wrong with holding or rocking your baby until they go to sleep. I don’t think that it will cause problems in there sleeping habits later. Remember, your baby will only be a baby once. Take advantage of it wile you can.

I keep my babies in my room with me for the first 3 months. When they wake up, I do a diaper check and then hold them/feed them. They usually fall asleep while they're eating..and then I put them back down.

Swaddling helps. When I'm putting them down, I hold them close to my chest as long as I can - leaning way over the crib.

At 3-4 months, my doctors told me the babies are old enough to sleep through the night. That's when I move them to a different room. When I feel they're ready, I do let them cry it out. You watch the clock. After 30 minutes, you send your husband (not you) in to sooth them by patting them/checking their diaper --DON'T PICK THEM UP or turn on the light. Then hubby comes back and holds me cuz I feel rotten. It takes 2-3 nights. But every night after that I'm grateful for how easily the baby falls asleep.

6 months is too old. If you wait that long, you will have problems. 3-4 months is the perfect time to let your baby learn to fall asleep on his/her own.

You have a lot of info and opinions, so I thought I would throw mine in also, I haven't really read anyone else's so forgive me if I repeat! I have 7 kids, five I have given birth to and 2 who came to me very little, I have rocked all of my children until they are asleep and can tell you from my personal expierience that my children transition just fine, they can put themselves to sleep and generally sleep through the night by 2, it doesn't have to be one way or the other, but a little bit of both. I am not a fan of cry it out I think it sends the wrong message to an infant, plus I know that their infanthood and toddler years are such a short amount of time, I look at my 16 year old and wonder where did the time go, somedays I just want to pick him up and rock him, of course that isn't going to happen, he won't let me and he is bigger then me LOL, but even know with my 18 month old I rock and enjoy my brake, somedays it is the only break I get in a day! When my babies are around a year old I start working on the transition, I am including a wonderful sight that has some good ideas I use very similar techniques, I don't need to rock my 18 month old and usually only do it for naps, he can go to sleep on his own with no tears. So to answer your question, and this is in my expierince it doesn't hurt your baby to be rocked and snuggled to sleep, yours is only 3 weeks old she deserves all of mommy and daddys attention! It is what she needs from you guys, give it to her! Good Luck!

http://www.lovegevity.com/parenting/mother/baby_wakes.html

Oh, please C., hold her, rock her, soothe her with your touch right now. I am not judging but I tried the same thing with my second son and it did not end well for him or me. My husband and I have had to pray and work through a lot with him. Success now, but heart-wrenching in the process. But at 3 weeks, they need you, Mom. They need to depend on you right now. I understand and support eventual detachment in the sleeping area (though I would start a bit later...earliest 4 months) but right now you are her only constant and right now that's exactly what (who) she needs. You are special to her even though she can't word that.
Just so you know, starting a bit later with detachment is not any harder than now. In some cases it is easier. When you get to that point, if she's old enough to get out of bed, take her back each time and affirm it's bedtime. If she's just crying in bed, allow it for 10-15 minutes at most and go in, soothe, and lay her back down. It may take a week or a little more but it will work. Until then, just enjoy being close.
-A.

First of all if your infant is only 3 weeks old, she needs all the rocking and cuddeling you can give her. Letting her cry it out at that age will only make her not trust in you that you will meet all her needs. I am a mother of 4, I have 3 teenagers and 1 six month old. I wish I would have held my older children more, brought them to bed with my husband and I and rocked them at night. My 6 month old has been sleeping in our bed since we brought her home. I nurse in the middle of the night and she sleeps fine. We have just recently put her to bed in her crib and she goes right to sleep after a little hug and a kiss and a full tummy. She is not dependant on me rocking her to sleep. She knows her needs will be met because she has learned to trust in the beginning.
I wish you the best. They grow up so fast. Enjoy snuggling with your baby. She is only this small for such a short time.

SHe is a newborn, being left alone, not heldor comforted is so stressfull for them. SHe has spen the last nine months close to you and warmand feeling safe. Dont try and take that away from her or you and your spouse! Holding and rocking your sweet little one is a wonderful bonding moment, so loving and pieceful! You will miss it it goes to fast! I rocked my daugher to sleep everytime till she was old enough to slowly "ween" her off around 9 months. then i rocked her till she was almost asleep and would lay her down.

She's too young to worry about that. Rock her or nurse/feed her to sleep. It's okay right now. Once she hits 2 1/2-3 months, then start laying her down when she's awake so she can learn to put herself to sleep. They don't know how to do that right now. So it's okay to use a pacifier and rock her or hold her. It's tough right now because you really want to sleep, but it will get better!

That is what I did with my daughter for a the first few weeks.
I would pick her up if she cried until she stopped (usually immediately), cuddle for a few seconds after she settled down to a whimper, then put her back down. If she started back up, I would try to console her (lightly) while she was in the crib.
It usually worked, and it resulted in an 15-month old child that I could take to her bed, and put down with no issues.
"Gradual detachment" is what I called it.

Chrisine,
I am a mother of 4 children 15, 13 10 and 2. Enjoy your new baby. Hold her and rock her, this is as good for her as it is for you they grow up so fast and those days are gone. After about 2-3 months you will develope a routine for her. She will be able to understand it. Everything is new and she is going to discover it. My last child is a girl and she went to bed in her crib after a few months with just a music cd playing in the back ground. Now she is older and can climb and get out of her bed and climbs in bed with me. All of my children did this and they all turned out well. Enjoy the youth of a innocent child there is nothing better than cuddling with a newborn. Enjoy and have fun with her. Let me know how you do.
M. W.

As young as your baby is I wouldn't worry over-much right now. She is still getting used to the "outside" world! When my sone was small, we would swaddle him. He wouldn't fall asleep right away, but he wouldn't fuss either. But I also don't see the harm in rocking her to sleep. We did that as well and my son (who is 22 month) will go down just fine with out it. He just gets a little "lap time" before bed to relax, then he's ready for sleep when we lay him down. Hope that helps.

My son is almost 3 months- and it has not been easy either putting him to sleep. Here is the good news (I guess...). Newborns (about up to 2-3 months) are so young, that they can not form habbits at this age. Go ahead! Spoil them! But when they are about 2-3 months, that's when you need to try to let your child go to sleep themselves. But now- it's totally OK to rock them to sleep and let them have the pacifier. They won't get used to it unless you continue to do it. By about 4 months, they should be well on their way to sleeping on their own. I have read that by 6 months, if the child is not sleeping through the night- then it's not the baby- it's the parent. So don't worry for now, but figure out what kind of sleep schedule you want, and then start in a month or two. Good luck!

You're right. There is sooo much advice out there. Here's mine . . . hee hee . . . I found the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" to be wonderful for our daughter. There's a few different strategies, but I think the most important thing is to watch for "sleepy" signs and put your LO down at that moment.

Now . . with that being said, your LO is sooo little that she will not have a regular sleep pattern at this point. In fact, that part of her brain is not even developed at such a young age, so she will have really irractic sleep until somewhere around 6-8 weeks. Then she'll start to switch her day/night schedule. About a month or two after that, her brain will allow her to sleep longer periods. And from there, it typically get's longer and more regular.

Soo . . . because she's sooo young, do whatever it takes at this point. My LO is now 6 months, and I used to do the same as you - rocking, holding and nursing. When she got to be about 4 months, that's when DH and I started to work on her "habits." She doesn't need us to rock her anymore, and the majority of the time, she falls asleep on her own. In fact, we can put her down for naps, turn on her mobile until it goes off (5 minutes) and she will just fall asleep now.

In my opinion, you have to do what feels right to you and baby. I don't think that rocking/holding is necessarily going to develop dependency.

Chrissy

I want to encourage you to breathe deeply & accept my congratulations on your new baby!! WOW!! What a blessing! I see that you are a mother of a brand new baby, & I think that you may be putting undue stress on yourself right now. This is such an important time of transition for both of you. I know that you are tired & probably feeling very overwhelmed right now, but I encourage you to enjoy your little one....these days go by SO fast.
I don't know if you breastfeed or not, but if so, you could try what I did with my son (now 6). I would let him nurse to sleep, & as he became so sleepy that my nipple would start to slip from his mouth, I would quickly pull out, then stick his beloved Binky in his mouth so that he could continue sucking. Then I would wait a couple more minutes & lay him down. He would continue sucking the Bink & continue sleeping. I think that the need to suck, especially at this age, is vital. You could try that. She is too young at this point to successfully cry it out. When she's older, maybe a few months old, try again. Both of my kids had times around 3 & 4 months where I had to just lay them & leave, as they would get so wound up from all the stimulus around them that they needed to get it out by crying & then falling asleep. I hope that helps!

What a newborn needs more than anything in those first few months is SECURITY and closeness of his (or her) parents. In this day and age, parents seem to think that a tiny one new to this world should know how to put themselves to sleep. "Oh, let them cry", is the ridiculous saying. I truly believe that a few week old child needs all the security they can get.........we learn self security as we get older, not as a newborn. They grow up so quickly that I don't understand the desire to put a baby to bed alone when they do not understand anything but their needs being met when they cry. Love to hold and rock your baby when they are only a few weeks old.... as she gets older she will have more self confidence that it is okay to go to sleep when she is laid down on her own. Sometimes, I read some of these responses and wonder why in the world people have children if they don't want to spent the time nurturing their young. Best wishes...love her, hold her and the time will come to put her down on her own. More secure babie grow up to be better adults and parents.
D. S.

I don't believe in letting babies cry it out. My husband and I tried everything with our first and we couldn't stand to hear him cry and the next day he was an emotional wreck. So, we used to rock him as well. First I would do it and nurse him then Dad would take over if I was at my wits end. They do grow out of it and learn, but it's a slow process. Patience is the key and remember that one day your baby won't even want to hold your hand so enjoy the cuddly momenys. my son is now almost four and falls to sleep easily on his own and my second has been a far better sleeper. I know it's annoying to hear but patience is the key. Maybe try co sleeping. Books by Dr. Sears are fabulous!

3 weeks is so new. She is used to sleeping in side you, with movement, warmth and noise. I say do what works. If needed, work on self sooth when she is older. I rocked my boy to sleep or fed him to sleep until he was older, and now at 5 months, he self sooths and sleeps through the night with no issues. (Has been for a month). Just do what works best for you guys.
Good luck!

Hey C.,

I am a mother of two wonderful children a 3 1/2 yr old girl and an 8 mo old little boy. I want to let you know that I believe it is perfectly fine and good to hold your little one and rock her to sleep, you can't spoil an infant afterall she has been close to you and falling asleep to your heartbeat for the last 9 months to suddenly not have that must be very scary for her. I don't believe she has the ability to self soothe at 3weeks old. I would advise you to hold her and rock her and enjoy this precious time with her because too soon she will be an independent little person and you will wish she wanted you to rock her to sleep. I rocked both my babies to sleep and now my oldest is very secure and has no problems falling asleep and sleeping all night in her bed, as for my youngest I hold him for a little while when I notice he is getting tired and comfort him, then put him down with his blanket and he drifts off and sleeps longer than if I put him completely to sleep. I hope this helps and makes sense. I would reccomend checking out Dr. Sears website and any books that he has written. Blessings to you and you sweet little angel.

I have two sons and both were very different from the start in regard to falling asleep. One needed to be rocked and soothed while the other wanted to cuddle for a few minutes and then I could just put him in his bed awake and he would fall asleep after a few minutes.

I think that any baby under 6 months is too young to "cry it out." I have read that until then their brains are not developed enough to know that you are coming back. Also, the baby's stomach is still tiny and can't hold much food. So leaving him or her to cry could be very cruel. I know no mother would ever want to be cruel.

The things that have worked for me are 1)swaddling the baby tightly(so that arms and legs are almost immobile) in a receiving blanket. At this young age the baby doesn't have control of his or her limbs and the involuntary jerks and wiggles coming from arms or legs are a distraction. Also, the baby is used to being confined in your womb and so being tightly swaddled is comforting. 2)A few minutes of cuddling, breastfeeding or allowing the baby to suck on a pacifier. Then putting him or her in the crib awake (in a calm, sleepy state) and walking away. If he or she cries for a few minutes, it is okay. Usually those are "cries of protest." He's saying "I want to be with you and I don't want to fall asleep yet." But if the crying is persistent and lasts a long time you can go and make sure he or she is not wet, hungry, or otherwise uncomfortable and start again.

Another thing most new moms don't know (this might be in the baby whisperer) is that babies develop a schedule at around 4 months that is pretty consistant (whatever sleep habits you form by then will stick). My babies could only stay awake for 2 hours max and then they needed to be put down. If your baby is overstimulated and is awake for long stretches sleep can be even harder to acheive.

My other advice is to get someone to come over to give you a break so that you can rest if possible.

I hope this helps you. Every baby is unique and I can only say what has worked for mine. All the best!

My daughter (now 6 months) had to be rocked to sleep for all of her naps. Either that or she would sleep in her bouncy. After rocking her, she'd often wake up when I set her down. She spent a lot of naps in the baby bjorn. Around 3 months, she no longer feel asleep while be rocked (except once in a while). She was napping in her bouncy still and occasionally the crib. At about 5 1/2 months she started taking consistent naps in her crib, with no rocking. I do give her a pacifier and occasionally she needs music to help her settle for naps. At night, I put her down right after her last feeding and she has always just gone right to sleep (I just make sure she is changed before I feed her). Hope that helps. Good luck!

First thing to remember, your baby is just too young to worry about at the moment. If your newborn needs to rock right now, that is ok. I put my oldest down to sleep with a binky til he was almost 3. But he was developmentally disabled and he didn't really count, so when my middle was born, I put her to sleep on her own, no bottle, no binkie, no rocking after she was sleeping through the night. So you have plenty of time. If your newborn doesn't sleep through the night by 4 months or so, that is when you should start to try different things... until then just enjoy the cuddle time with your newborn!

C., I rocked my 1st to sleep and am doing the same with my 2nd! I did eventually have to teach my son to go to sleep without being rocked, but it was much easier when he was a little older, then when he was just born. I figured that was the only way he would go to sleep now, so it wasn't like I was teaching him any bad habits! He was born with them! For me it seemed cruel to leave him crying for so long, but when he got a little older he understood better. I know every kid is different, but mommy knows best and you'll know what's best for your baby and it will all work out!

You have a bunch of responses, but I would like to tell you that since your baby is so young, she still needs you a lot! Rock her, nurse her, comfort her, when she is a few months older than start the other things. We just let out daughter cry-it-out for the first time tonight, it was hard, but it only lasted 45 minutes and she is six months old, and I have been rocking and nursing her to sleep for the last six months. So just love her and hold her and enjoy her while she is tiny!

Good luck, it does get better!

Oh my goodness!!! - only 3 weeks old!!!!
You hold and rock your precious little baby as often as she needs it! Are you nursing her? If you are nursing - it is good to nurse her whenever she needs it at this point - around the clock. If you are not nursing, she still needs that Mommy contact of holding and cuddling for love and security. You can not spoil a baby this way.
I have done this with all eight of my babies, and I can assure you my teenagers do not require it any more. Come to think of it - even my one year old (who is still nursing) is much more independent now as well.
About sleeping - I have always nursed my babies to sleep and put them down when I felt they were ready to sleep for awhile. Sometimes this didn't didn't work they way I wanted it to. I have had a lot of fussiness with my babies. One of them hardly ever gave me a break and it was very rough - but somehow we survived.
It may be hard now, but, this first year will be gone before you know it. If your baby responds to the rocking and can sleep by herself when you put her down, then I would say all is well. Sometimes, though, when you both are so tired and exhausted, you both would probably do well to just let her sleep next to you.

Hi C.,
I am a mother of five, and grandmother of three. I am from the "old school" that believes that it is impossible to "spoil" an infant. The more you hold and rock your newborn, the more secure she will be as she grows older, and the bonding that is taking place cannot be replaced anywhere later in life. I held my babies on my hip for most of their first year, until they got too heavy to be comfortable, or too anxious to explore on their own. I was lucky to be a stay at home mom, and my children are well-adjusted and for the most part were very happy children growing up. I breast-fed, and that also plays a major part. But even if a baby is bottle-fed and raised by a babysitter, the main thing is that they know that their needs will always be met...even if it just means holding and cuddling them to sleep... For the past three years I have been working with children who may not have had that bonding with a particular care-giver as an infant, and I could tell you some of the problems that arise as they grow...Let your child know how much she is loved daily and with everything that you do, you will gain such satisfaction from a healthy child.

She's only 3 weeks old! She needs you! Let her sleep with you. Subscribe to Mothering magazine. You'll find lots of good information on this topic. My child is almost 9 and very confident. I did not believe in the cry it out method.

Do ANYTHING you can to get your baby to sleep and to eat for the first three months or so. It is this feeling of safety and comfort that they experience from your being there for them that will allow them to "learn" to soothe themselves later.

You CANNOT spoil a child that is under 3 months.

Do what works for you. We cuddled our babies until they were asleep then would put them down. We did the co-sleeping thing when they out grew their bassenett. They moved out of our bed around 2-2 1/2 years old. My mom did not agree with this situation and voiced her opinion often. They are great sleepers by them selves now, not clingy like my mom said they would be.

One bit of advice... do not have a quite house when the baby is sleeping. That is one consistancy I often see in my friends' kids. If they kept the house quite for the baby to sleep, they always had to have it quite and did not sleep well in different situations. Allow you baby to sleep in different places. She will get used to sleeping through anything and you will love that later.

Snuggle her now, before you know it you will be begging for a hug when you drop her off and it is "not cool", LOL

Hi C.,

we have 5 children and i nursed each one to sleep. Our oldest is 16, our youngest 8. They are independant self confident children. You do what your heart tells you to do.
Congratulations and enjoy that little bundle of joy.

J.

read "good night sleep tight" and remember that consistency is the most important thing. good luck!

I'm sure you've heard from most moms that the 'crying it out method' is frustrating, difficult, harmful, and unnecessary. How True. The dishes will wait, the floors will stay dirty, the meals will be less organized, but the baby will sleep in your arms, softly, gently and lovingly, knowing he(she) holds more importance. manymoms (me included) wear the baby in a sling in front, hands free, close to your heart, snuggle down for a nap in the sling and you can then move (slowly) around the house if you absolutely have to do some chores. This won't last long and this baby won't be 'tied to your apron strings' forever.my closest and clingiest (a word?)until 6 years of age, is now the world traveler, but she always calls home (daily) keeps me close to her heart, as I did her for those few short years, and will be MY caregiver when the time comes. Trust me, it pays off. Don't let others tell you to give him(her) up to an excuse to shortcut this time.
Good Luck. you're a good mom, trust your instincts.

Trust me rock her it not only good for her but you too the more she loves you the more she needs you. If you are important to her then she'll listen to you better later. Besides rocking holding is bonding and a chance to spend time with her. Find a safe place you too can fall a sleep and enjoy!!

Your baby is so young, she needs the extra attention right now. Please don't feel bad about rocking her to sleep. You really don't need to think about sleep rountines until she gets to be 2 or 3 months old. At that time, find out what is best for her and for you. Until then, enjoy your little one's cuddles.

There is nothing wrong with rocking your baby to sleep, they are only little for such a short time! I cherish the time spent snuggling and rocking with my daughter, as I cherish the memories of my mother snuggling and rocking me. My daughter is 2 1/2 and I still rock her to sleep at night, and she is a very independent child. If anything I think it strengthens a parent/child bond more than causing dependence. Good luck, it is your child and whatever you decide, as long as your child is loved and safe it is the right decision!!

I believe that you cannot spoil a newborn. In fact, that is what my daughter's pediatrician also believes. Right now they need to know that you are there for them when they need you. Keep in mind that it was only 3 weeks ago that they were still in your womb where it was all cozy and comfortable. Worry more about how you can keep you child happy rather than what will happen when they get older. In fact, holding them every minute of the day would not spoil them at this point (not that I recommend that). Worry more about spoiling them when she gets 4, 5, or 6 months old. Lastly, do what feels right and try to block out what everyone else tells you. No one knows your baby better than you do. Good luck!!

Congratulations on your new addition. It seems like everyone has advice on how to get a baby to sleep. We went through this with two children and tried several of the mehtods out there. I could not do the cry it out thing at all. It stressed us out to no end. Our daughter had a tough time sleeping and we held her and although we were tired at times that worked for us and eventually she grew out of it and slept on her own. Luckily our second child was a better sleeper, although he didn't like strangers:)
Every child is different and the best advice I can give you is to go with your heart and trust YOUR instincts. You are their mom and you know your baby better than anyone else. It is definitely scary at first but it gets easier every day. Best of luck...

In my opinion, rocking an infant to sleep doesn't make life difficult as they get older, it makes them feel secure and loved. When they get older, they will naturally start soothing themselves to sleep, sometimes with a little help from mom or dad at first. They will feel secure in your nurturing and will have fewer fears and in general be calmer. You will know when they are ready by the way that your baby calms herself at other times. Be in tune to your baby's cues and you'll so all right!

"White Music" worked for me. When my daughter would cry and not want to fall asleep by herslef, i would turn on the vacuum in the hall next to her room. Or turn on a bad radio station (static) no words or music. I also gave her a pacifier. When she was about 4 months old i started turning on soft music for her. She is now 2yrs old and the only time we ever rocked her to sleep was a few times when she was sick. She still falls asleep with soft music, but at least i dont have to rock her. Its awesome being able to put her down even for a nap during the day and not having to rock her. I hope you can find a way to soothe your little one. Good luck.

The best thing for my boys was to sing and rock them, and when they were really drowsy, but not quite asleep, I would gently put them in their bed. That way, they learned to fall asleep by themselves. But I also think that I didn't worry about it when they were only 3 weeks old. They seemed to fall asleep anywhere and at any time, and I just let them. If it was bedtime, I'd move them to their basinette or crib.

I'm all for crying it out, but 3 weeks old is way too young for that. Fussing a little is fine, and i don't remember what age (I think it's 3 months) they say it's okay to start crying out, but at 3 weeks old, your little girl is still learning to trust you. That when she cries, you will come. So you can forget that for a while and cut out that stress!

Sometimes, my boys get into bad habits. Like when they've been sick and have woken up in the middle of the night, I go and rock them bck to sleep or even take them into bed with me. then after they're not sick anymore, they still wake up. So yes, they do get dependent, and yes, it makes life difficult!

Something that went totally against my personality, but I did it anyway, was plotting out when the baby fell asleep and woke up. I found a printable chart online that had a long row of boxes for each hour in the day, with a whole week of days above one another. It was amazing because when I colored in the hours when the baby was asleep, I realized that there really was a pattern to the chaos! And then i could put the baby in his bed and get him used to sleeping there when I knew he would be tired and ready to nap.

I rocked/held my first 2 kids to sleep. When they were old enough to sleep through the night and would wake up they needed me to rock/hold until they fell back to sleep.This went on for the first couple of years! With my 3 child my pediatrician told me to hold her until just before she fell asleep and then to lay her down. She was the best sleeper. When we laid her down she only fussed a little.And then fell asleep she was sleeping all night long at 10 weeks.

I agree that you cannot spoil a baby at this age. 3 weeks is so young. I was worried like you though, because I read "On Becoming Baby Wise" and they insisted you should let them cry it out from day one. It felt so cruel! They need to know they're safe and you will respond to them. I did think there were lots of good ideas in the book and would recommend it too, but you take advice with your own filter of what's best for you and your family.
I have 3 kids and I held and bounced and rocked all of them to sleep for the first month or so (probably a little longer with each one, the youngest is 11 months now) but then, I did lay them down tired and let them fall asleep. You are the parent and whatever works for you is what you need to do. It's such a sweet time to hold them and since you only have one, you have the time to do that. Don't worry, it all works out in the long run- she's blessed to have a mommy who loves her and wants to hold her and it's amazing how fast the time goes.

My favorite advice is to read the book called Babywise. I recommend it to everyone. I had a 6 month old that I rocked to sleep and quietly tip-toed out of the room. Then I read the book. It was challenging to listen to her cry for an hour or so. But in the end it is so worth it. She was my first baby and now I have 4 children total. I've used the babywise system on the other 3 from the start and they all put themselves to sleep on their own and self-soothe. But just the other night, my youngest had to learn a lesson of holding onto his snuggle buddy instead of dropping it out of his bed and having mom come in and give it to him. He cried for almost 2 hours that night. But he is a fast learner (he is 1 year old) and the next night he held onto it. It is worth it to teach them this philosophy. Good luck. Make yourself busy while they are crying. That is how I cope. Maybe turn on some music too. Hope this helps. I just read that your baby is 3 weeks old. The Babywise book you can incorporate when they are about 2 weeks old (if I remember right). It also teaches you how to help your baby sleep through the night between 8-10 weeks of age. I was able to do that with my last three (sleeping through the night meaning 8 consecutive hours). So maybe since your baby is so little still, rock her for a bit, but then put her to bed not totally asleep. I don't know if this helps. I love the Babywise book though.

I rocked my two girls to sleep for the first 6 months they were born. We did the cry it out method once they were about 6 months old, as that's when they're old enough to go through the night without getting hungry (that's what the doc said). And that method would work until they got sick, teething, vacations, etc. So I would rock them to sleep again. My first didn't consistently start sleeping an uninterrupted 12 hour stretch until 18 mos, and my 15 month old still wakes up around 5 am. But just being patient worked best for me. My oldest is 2 1/2 now, and a great sleeper. My youngest is on her way to being one. I think being held and rocked is something babies need, and every baby is different. Some sleep through the night sooner than others. With both of them, I would start putting them down drowsy for their naps, and sometimes they would drift off on their own, other times not. This started when they were about 6 months old as well. The key to this was being really attentive as to when they were getting tired. If they weren't tired enough or too tired, they would cry. So there was a small window I had to catch in order to put them down awake. I also did co-sleeping with my younger one, because she was just more needy and a big momma's girl. It was the only way I got decent sleep through the first nine months. Try different things, and see what works best. You're the mom for your baby, the sleep book authors aren't. Sorry this is a novel, and it seems disjointed. Hope you get lots of good ideas!

Hi C.,

I am the mother of 5 children, and the youngest is 7, so from that perspective, I think that you should hold that sweet little baby for as long as you can. Bond with her, let her nurse, look in her eyes, sing to her, caress her ~ enjoy her. This time will gone so fast. I did this with my babies and they are all normal, well-adjusted children.

I believe that the instinct you have to hold her is God-given and you should listen to it. There is a time for a schedule, but now is the time to spend as much time as you want and as she wants holding her.

We do not deny our babies their physical needs of food and warmth. Why then do we think that the emotional need of being held is less important? Is it less important to you that your husband just has a job and pays for your house and your bills, or is it just as real of a need that he is loving and holds you? (this is not directed at you, just a general question)

Not sure what the current advice is, my children are 11 and 13. When they were infants, the philosophy was you could not spoil them until they were 6 months old. So for the first 6 months, soothe them, hold them and comfort them when they cry, rock them, make them feel secure and loved. I put mine to sleep by rocking them, sitting on porth swing, swinging them, soothing them, singing to them (in a terrible voice) etc for the first few months. This teaches the baby they are loved and their needs will be met. When they are old enough, around 6 months, I then used the baby whisper philosophy and let them cry it out. Took two nights and they were then self soothing and putting themselves to sleep. We also used a swing to help the babies fall asleep and then put them in their crib when they were asleep. Newborns need lots of love and need to know their needs will be met. Swaddling also helped. They loved to be wrapped tightly!

A baby, especially such a young baby, needs to be held a lot. Trying to "let her soothe herself" at this point when she has no skills to do so is pointless. Until 3 weeks ago she was tucked warmly in your womb, hearing your heartbeat, waking and sleeping at her leisure. Now that she's here, she still needs the warmth, comfort, and support of your arms around her keeping her comfortable and feeling safe. Read some books on Attachment Parenting and you'll get a whole new perspective on "letting her cry it out" and worrying about her becoming "dependent" on you. She IS dependent on you, and holding her while she falls asleep is only one of the many jobs you signed up for when you decided to welcome her into the world.

This can be a very challenging time for parents - the first months of a baby's life creates change in a way we never imagined. But it does get easier each and every day as you and your baby get to know each other better and you become acquainted with what works and what doesn't. And just as you figure something out, it changes, and you have to start over again. Right now you should be laying around the house, healing your body, holding your baby, eating healthy meals, and sleeping as much as your baby does. This time is about getting to know each other, loving each other, looking into each other's eyes. Ask your partner, friends and family to help with meals, cleaning, etc. until you are ready to re-enter normal life. Enjoy each and every moment because before you know it, this baby will be asking you for the car keys and if he/she can stay out past curfew!

Talk to other mothers in your circle of friends, or join a new mom's group in your community if you haven't already, so you can talk with this about others. Read some books on attachment parenting to get another perspective. And don't be too h*** o* yourself...this is a tough time for any new parent and it's going to take some time to figure it all out. Good luck to you!

I agree with is Amanda L.'s. I'm a mother of 5, Daycare Provider for 17 years and come from a family of 12. Do what works for you and your baby. If rocking your baby to sleep works let it be. It's an old wives tale that you can spoil an infant.

Hi C.! How I understand where you're at. Our 5 month old daughter still relies on us to help her sleep... as all babies should according to what we have read. Crying it out and spoiling are both ideas of the past. Rather than creating a needy little codependent, by being there with her when she needs you, you are creating a child who always knows she can rely on and turn to her parents. Attachment parenting (and many books by Dr. Sears) has helped us thru the challenging times. And they are rough, even now from time to time. It takes a lot of work, and patience, but the bond we are forming with our lil one is soooo worth it. Hang in there and your daughter will be grateful you did!

Dear C.,
From all I have read and know from my own experience is YOU CANNOT SPOIL A CHILD with too much cuddles until they are 6 months of age.
I have rocked and held my children, all of them, before sleeping. I also have them come to bed with me when they are little so they are comforted. I can't imagine how lonely it would be in a separate room in a large crib!

Babies need to be close to us. Swaddle her- fold up her legs and fold in her arms and wrap her up, and cuddle. You could use a sling for babies, that was something I used a lot, or baby carrier. She is so little and will grow out of cuddling before you realize what happened.

I am not an advocate of making children dependent upon us for everything, but for now, enjoy and spend the time. Too many moms are focusing themselves outside of what is important.
My children have grown too fast. My youngest now is 8 years old and I can't believe how fast it has gone.

When you can, introduce her to her own sleeping place, a crib, bassinet and eventually she will understand. (Before she turns 6 months) Be aware that babies will manipulate, but it is months away. Even if they start to manipulate through fussing at about 5 months or so, just manage it then.

Funny you would feel guilty for doing just what you need to be doing! You are fine and she is probably just a cuddle bug. Some babies are more independent and some more needy, it's often just part of their personality. They love to hear us, smell us and just be near. Some of my children weren't as cuddly as others. Enjoy it for now!

God Bless,
H. B. MOM (mother of many -9)

Hi C.! I usually don't respond to many of the posts, but this one is a subject that I feel strongly about. I, like you, felt very frustrated with the crying it out thing with my first child. I read things, I tried different techniques and even took it to prayer. My peace finally came, when I read an article that talked about how your baby needs to know you are there for them. Making them cry it out just says to them, "when I cry and need my mom, she doesn't come". That leaves a hopeless feeling for them. I now have 3 amazing children and another one on the way. I have never resorted to letting them cry it out. Instead, I enjoyed the time I had with each baby, letting them know they were securely going to sleep. It does take a little more work for the a bit longer. But you will have a confident child who knows you are there for her. My children are not dependant, they sleep through the night and it was worth every tired moment in the rocking chair. I'll do the same with my new baby. There is a quote that I love. It says, "Cleaning and dusting can wait 'til tomorrow, for babies grow up we have learned to our sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs and dust, go to sleep. I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."
I know that doesn't have to do exactly with your concern. But my point is - my 3 children who are older now - I look at them and I am SO happy that I took those moments to enjoy them as a baby, one night in the rocking chair at a time. Ofcourse there are going to be times when she gets older that you have to say, "enough is enough and now tonight I know you are just milking me for all I'm worth" and you have to let her lay there and get it. But that is when she is old enough to understand that you aren't going to sit for 2 hours with her to get her to sleep. When they are old enough to understand, you can explain that you DO have a limit. SOOO many other moms disagree with me. But I stand firm in my belief on this subject and like I said, feel peace with what I've done for my precious one's confidence in me. I hope this helps. You are your babies comfortor. They don't only cry because they don't want to go to sleep. Babies get scared, get tummy aches, get nervous, etc. Your comfort will do more for your little girl than a rigid routine that makes her go to sleep by herself. Good luck to you! And congrats on being a new mommy. K.

I had the same issues with my now 5 year old daughter. We could never get her to sleep without rocking her. It really stressed me out because I know what all of the "experts" say about teaching babies how to self soothe, etc. She now sleeps great at night. She grew out of the rocking when she was about 8 months, so you won't be rocking your baby all of her life. Now that she's 5, I really miss that time that I had with her before bedtime and just holding her as she slept. You can never get those moments back! Don't worry about what other people are doing...do what's right for you. In the end you will both be happier!

I think at 3 weeks old you are not harming your baby by rocking her to sleep and holding her!! She wants and needs your touch and warmth and love...I had to lay with my hand on our youngest for weeks so she would sleep. She wanted the touch but didn't want held and she would scream and toss around, it was ugly...

When we moved our youngest to her crib she would scream for hours before she would fall asleep. Our doctor suggested the "cry it out" with a few changes.

Lay her down with her lovie, pacifier, etc. Leave the room, set a timer or watch the clock for 15 minutes. You need to leave her for the 15 minutes. When the 15 minutes is up you can go in the room, do not make eye contact, do not talk to her, just lay her down, give her lovie, pacificer, etc. leave the room and then reset the timer. Eventually she will fall asleep. It will take a couple of days but the time that she fusses will get shorter each night!

This worked like a charm with our little girl. She is now 3 and is very good about putting herself to sleep.

Good Luck!

I held my son to put him to sleep until he was about 5 or 6 months old and he sleeps on his own like a champ now and he's almost two. I think newborns need more to feel secure than they need to learn to sleep on their own--that will come later. I made the transition by holding him until he was almost asleep then putting him down still slightly awake. We still had to suffer through some crying but it definately got better.
Good luck

Hi C.,

I know it's frustrating but eventually your daughter will find a way to go to sleep on her own. My son was the same way and it took about 3-4 months before he fell asleep on his own. We tried everything too, The Baby Whisperer, Happiest Child on the Block, etc. He is now 2 1/2 and a champion sleeper. Your daughter is only 3 weeks old and she may need you to rock her to sleep for now. Maybe you can try to the methods of falling asleep when she's 3 months old or so. One thing that helped us was the "shush, pat" which I think is mentioned in the Baby Whisperer. Good luck.

Hey C....

I would hold and rock my oldest until he fell asleep, and it was worth it! I was able to hold and love him until he fell asleep and it was nice because i knew one day i would not be able to just sit and hold him like that, and he has reached that point. He is two now and can go crawl into his bed and go to sleep on his own now. Plus, knowing he was asleep before I layed him down helped him sleep through the night from 2 weeks old. I am doing the same thing now with my 3 month old and she is already starting to do better with falling asleep on her own. We tried a bouncer with her for naps during the day and would lay he down once she is almost asleep then bounce her in the bouncer for just a few seconds and she is out...so now at night, i just feed her, burp her and when she is just about asleep i lay her down for the night and she sleeps great. Hope this helps!

with my son we held him while he fell asleep because i took him with me to work and college classes, so he never really had a bed to nap in during the day only the stroller. it got to the point where he would only sleep if someone was holding him. if we tried to put him down he instantly woke up screaming. it was really frustrating and made it impossible to get anything done. we ended up having to let him cry it out. it took my son about two weeks and a lot of crying before he was falling alseep on his own and staying alseep. it was really hard to let him cry it out, but it did work and was totally worth it for us. you might try calming songs when you lay him down. putting babies down at the same times every day really helps too. lay your baby down when you know he's sleepy, but before he actually falls asleep. babies thrive on schedules. good luck with everything!

I think that your baby is too young still. I started at 3 months and by then my little boy was ready. It's just my opinion, but if I were you I would keep rocking that baby to sleep until she is a little older and then try again.

C.,
I also had a lot of trouble getting my son to sleep when he was a newborn...and my best advice is that if something works then do it...at this point you need to sleep sometime too and your baby will eventually be able to go to sleep on her own...let's face it...how many teenagers do you see getting rocked to sleep for the night...we all grow out of it long before we are teenagers...do what works for you and your baby...

Hi C.,

I LOVE Dr. Sears! All of them...there are 5 doctors in his family. They are pediatricians and I love their books and philosophy on children/babies. I breastfed forever, rocked and soothed. I slept with my babies. This method is called attachment parenting. I love this. Both my children have thrived in this and I would recommend it to anyone.

I would read about it and look online for Dr. Sears.

I feel like your baby is too young to understand why her mom in leaving her in her hour of need. Even if she becomes "dependent" on you to go to sleep, you can deal with that when she is older and can understand that mom is not leaving for ever. I have held, fed, rocked or done what ever was needed for all my kids as babies, and I have have 4 kids that go to sleep by themselves now without mom. In fact that last both got to a stage where they didn't need me to help them go to sleep on their own, by about a year. I would just put them in bed, and they were out. I think it is more important to feel assured that you will be there for them when they need you. Then they won't worry about if you will come back for them when they wake. Trust your mom instincts on this one, not all the people telling you what your baby should be doing. Hold your baby. She will not be little forever!!!

I had three babies and they were each different. My first had to fall asleep nursing and be put gently down. When she got a little older it was easier. My second baby was the easiest. He liked to be put down and go to sleep on his own. The youngest one was somewhere in between. I think it had more to do with the amount they were eating. My second baby was 10 pounds so he slept really well. Rocking or holding a baby never makes life difficult. My opinion is that some babies just need to be held more. I don't think you can hold or rock a baby too much.

I have 3 children. My first born had to be rocked to sleep and i loved it. If we went anywhere i could stand and rock him and he would go to sleep. My girls on the other hand are a different story! They HAVE to put themselves to sleep in their bed or they dont sleep. This makes life so difficult. We cant go anywhere around nap time or life is miserable. For me, having that first one that needed to be held to go to sleep was wonderful, I looked forward to that time when it was just us. Hang in there, you will find what will work best for you.

C.

Hi,
I have 4 kids ranging in age from 7 to 15. I rocked every single one of them to sleep. Your baby is so little right now just getting her to sleep is a good priority. As she gets a little older keep rocking, but gradually ween off how far you let her fall asleep before putting her to bed. It took anywhere from 3 weeks to 4 months before my kids were sleeping through the night, and falling asleep on their own. I rocked them until they were at least 6 to 8 months. It is a great time to spend with your baby and time you will never get again.

C. - My heart aches for you! With our first I had to nurse her to sleep for the first few months then started to take baby steps to get her to go to sleep on her own. Our second we started in the hospital and he was much easier. With that being said....I honestly think it is their personalities. No matter how textbook I would have been with our first I don't think it would have worked. The baby steps we took are...Swaddle; then we took rolled up blankets and put them on her sides; we propped up the end of her bassinet a couple of inches and then the crib when we moved her into her crib; we put a fan in her room and turned it on every time she slept. We tried to get her to take a pacifier and she never would. Our son however...We turn the fan on, put his head where he is touching the bumper of his crib and give him his pacifier and leave the room. I'm not sure how I thought to put his head touching the bumper...but that was and still is the key with him. He is almost nine months. I don't think you can spoil a little one but the freedom of just laying them down is a blessing. Please let us know what works for you!

Hi C.!

Having a newborn is a time for adjustments, hormones and lack of sleep, isn't it?!

My thought is that babies definitely need a schedule and definitely, at some point, need to learn to self-sooth. However, I believe this point is definitely later on in their little lives!

If you think about it, she has been INSIDE of you, intimately connected to you for all of her little non-verbal, non-conscious, life! While I'm not making a case for babies remember or being "aware" per se, they still are able to see, taste, hear and feel. She has felt the comfort of your presence ALL around her, literally, she has heard your heart beat and felt it.

Scientists who study babies, brain development and behavior state that babies up to a certain age, have no concept that they are a separate person or entity from you, Mommy. So from birth, we as a culture have a tendency to put a baby, used to all those warm, yummy, comfy things into a cold bed, without anything in it, on their backs, by themselves and say, "Self soothe!"

I say, that tiny new life has no concept of self soothe! And at that age, shouldn't have to! They need their moms to -- as much as possible -- be there and hold them and let them learn that this new world is a safe place.

This may sound hokey, but please hear me out...as a mom of four, I've thought a lot about this & have done things differently for each child (my oldest is now 9). People often say that there's no manual for child-rearing. I beg to differ! While I am a creationist who believes in a loving Creator, I think it's beneficial for us to look at mommies in other animals, like dogs, cats, even elephants. Watch how they handle the raising of their young. It starts to make sense! In the first few weeks and months of life, that mommy is on hand EVERY time her baby squeaks! She's there to nurse and comfort (I'm not making a case for breastfeeding -- each family has to do what's right for them).

After a few months and the babies are a little farther on developmentally (eyes open, starting to crawl), when they squeak, she'll come back & see what's going on, but won't necessarily plunk herself down.

It continues that way until Mom starts to do the tough love thing of refusing the let the little ones nurse, knowing that it's time for them to move on to solid foods without her.

Now it's not an exact analogy, age of the baby being a huge difference! But the principles are very appropriate! And -- I believe -- each family will be different when they start to move into the different phases. Some Moms would go batty without the crib to put baby into to sleep. For me, I prefer having my babies in bed with me.

But my honest and complete opinion is that a baby at three weeks is incapable of being spoiled by being picked up and comforted when she's crying. If you're picking her up and fussing over her when she's even 18 months every time she whimpers, you might have a rough road ahead of you! But in the meantime, soothe your baby and love on her.

The reality, my fellow mom, is that parenting and being a mommy is full of helping your child get over and through tough patches! There's no way to avoid having to deal with her crying her heart out because she doesn't like what's going on! Whether it's you starting to put her down by herself in her crib (at an appropriate age) or whether it's her feeling the crush of her first love gone bad. Can't avoid it, my friend!! So yes, you may have to deal with it later, but developmentally she'll be better prepared to deal with it!

Before you know it she'll be nine and you'll be wondering when you should have The Talk with her or buy her her first bra!

N. in WY

Congratulations on your baby! I know that the first weeks are hard (I have a 6 week old son), but please do not let your newborn cry it out. They do not have the ability to self-soothe until they are about 4 months old, and you cannot "spoil" a baby in the first 3 months of life. I highly recommend reading the book or watching the DVD "Happiest Baby on the Block." It was written by Dr. Harvey Karp, a pediatrician. His website is http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/

Best of luck and enjoy that little girl!! They grow soo fast!

HI. I have a 9 month old baby. I rocked/walked him to sleep until he was around 4 months old. At that point I started trying to wean him off. By 6 months he was putting himself to sleep with a pacifier and I don't have any trouble now. I've heard that you have 4-6 months before you have to worry about getting them "too used" to being held to go to sleep. Hope this helps.

I think you're doing everything right. She's only 3-weeks old. So do what you have to do - rock, carry, pacifier, swaddle, etc. It will be a couple of months before she really starts to be able to fall asleep completely on her own. I didn't let my son "cry it out" until he was 4-months old and was no longer waking up to eat. I nursed my daughter to sleep until she was 13-months old. Every child is different and soon you'll figure out exactly what works for your daughter. Somehow everything seems to fall into place around 2-months old.
Congrats and best wishes.

at 3 weeks there is no way that the baby will get dependent yet. You need to do what ever you can do to help them sleep. Things don't start getting better until around 1 month and not really better until 4 months. A book that saved my sanity with the whole sleep thing is "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" by Dr Marc Weisbluth. It helped me understand that some of the frustrating things are just normal. It will all work out. Just do your best love your baby and get sleep when the baby does sleep.

C. all i can say is do what feels right. My children are adults now and they were rocked and held till they fell asleep and layed down, they seem perfectly fine to me as they get older I think it get easier. I would lay next to them to nap and when they fell asleep I would get up and let them sleep. The only sleep problems I have seen is letting them sleep with you and then trying to get them to sleep in there own room, when they get older. Hold them while you can, some people may not think thats good advice but the years go way to fast. God bless

I rocked my babies to sleep until they were at least 3 months old after that I would rock them while they drank their bottle and then I would put them in bed while they were still awake. Enjoy being able to rock your baby - it's a great time for bonding. You won't regret the time. I think 3 weeks is way too young!

C. - I have been where you are - especially with my first. I read everything & was very confused when nothing seemed to work. I was concerned about forming bad habits that would be difficult to break later on. I'm happy to say that I have 3 fantastic sleepers (4 yrs, 2 yrs & 5 months). After much trial and error, this is what has worked for me. At 3 weeks of age, you're in what I call survival mode. I say whatever works to get them to sleep - do it. Babies this young are too small for them to learn through crying it out (and I am not an anti-cry it out person - in general). So if holding them or rocking them works, go for it. They do need a lot of holding and in the first 3 months, it is not possible to "spoil" a child or hold them too much. That being said, after 3 months or so, they do start becoming more aware and getting used to things. At that age, they can start forming dependency on things like rocking to go to sleep, and it definitely can become a hindrance to them sleeping through the night. (When they wake up between sleep cycles - and they all do - they will need the rocking to go back to sleep.) So keep that in mind and try, occaisionally, to put the baby down when she's drowsy, but awake. If she fusses, that's okay - you don't have to respond every time they wimper - but if she starts to cry, I would definitely respond & do what you need to to soothe her. If you keep trying, eventually they will get to a place where they will learn to soothe themselves like it talks about in Baby Whisperer - but keep in mind it can take a few months. By the time my babies were 4 1/2 - 5 1/2 months old, I went to the Ferber method & it worked like a charm! I started out letting the baby cry for just 2 minutes, then 3 & so forth. My kids were going to sleep by themselves in their cribs & sleeping through the night within a week or so and have been great ever since.

So to sum up, the rocking can definitely cause a problem later on, but at 3 weeks of age I wouldn't worry about it. But if having an independent sleeper as she grows is important to you, I would try to minimize it as she gets to be a little older & more aware (3-5 months old).

The joy about this age is that it is impossible to spoil them. I found a swing in our living room the best tool ever! My daughter would take naps in her swing and be completly happy. I also would rock her in my arms and pat her diaper, somehow this was really soothing to her. Good luck to you. You will find that niche. It really does get easier!

Hi C.,
I would recommend that you read, THE HAPPIEST BABY ON THE BLOCK, by Dr. Harvey Karp. It helped us a lot with our 14 month old when he was brand new. Essentially, the theory is that a newborn baby needs an environment that closley simulates being in the womb until she is at least 3 months old. It teaches about the 5-S's, swaddle, swing, suck, shush, and I can't remember the last one.... Anyway, it matches my personal philosophy that you cannot spoil a newborn. The more you hold and soothe her now, the calmer she will be later. One mental image to keep in mind when caring for your newborn is a kangaroo. After a baby kangaroo is born it hides out in its mothers pouch until it is really ready to be out in the world. Same thing with our babies, we just need to work harder to create that kind of environment for them. As I mentioned, we used this approach with our 14 month old when he was newborn, and then later applied the other sleep techniques when he was older. He now falls asleep on his own (with a lovey) and sleeps throught he night without problems.
Good Luck!

Hi, I have a 3 year old, her name is Iliana she'll be 4 in April. I breast feed her up til she was a year old. I rocked her and held her while she slept. It felt so good to just hold a sleeping baby. The bad thing about it was, she wouldn't take a nap in her room as she got older. She would fall a sleep on the couch and I couldn't move her until she was fast asleep. I have never had her on a schedule like most mothers say is a good idea. Even til this day she doesn't take naps with me only when she's with the sitter. I try to give her a nap but as long as she's not grumpy she's fine staying up. And she's always been an early riser like her Daddy. We're trying to have a second child and I'm thinking I may try letting the baby self sooth also. I guess it's all trial and error. Do what works for you. Every child is different. Good Luck

Hi C.,

I have three children, and rocked and or nursed/bottle fed all to sleep until they were ready to do it for themselves. I think self soothing is a nice way to say letting them work it out for themselves - which I think is hard for little ones. My first two started sleeping through the night at 18 months, but needed very little soothing for nighttime wake ups, and going to sleep was easy as well. My third is only 13 months, and still wakes up at night, but puts herself back to sleep. I still rock her to sleep. All three are happy, confident, social, independent, bright, and fun children. I think they have less anxiety than cry it out children (in general). We, like you, read everything and tried cry it out as well. My children got anxious and clingy during the day after cry it out nights. Dr. Sears supports the thought that keeping children secure at night helps to develop daytime security, and therefore free up their brains for intellectual development, etc. (He says it better!) Anyway, I figure they all develop at their own rate, and if you can do it, it's great to sooth them to sleep. It seems to help them develop confidence in you and themselves. And none of mine are as clingy with the rocking to sleep as they were with the cry it out approach. Good luck, this is a tough one. For me, it makes life easier as they get older to rock them to sleep when they are young. My two older ones no longer need that soothing, and I really enjoyed the snuggle time. They are still super affectionate children, but not clingy. You can feel free to message me if you want and/or have questions. I'm close to you in Pine, CO and would be happy to lend support.
L.

C.,
At 3 weeks of age, your baby is not old enough to be put on a schedule. Some may disagree with me but in my experience and with the vast experience of my pediatrician (I am from a family of 11 kids, I have 58 nieces and nephews, I have 3 kids of my own, and I minored in Early Childhood)...I don't really think there is a lot of point in stressing it until she is about 8 weeks. At this point she is not going to develop any terrible habits that can't be broken. This time goes by so quickly and it if I could turn it back with my first one I would have given myself this advice. Just relax and go with the flow as much as you can for the next several weeks. About 7 weeks is probably the very earliest that you can get her on a good schedule. So, just rock her or nurse her or whatever thing feels best and most relaxing for you. In another month or so, contact me and I have some really great advice for starting to get her on a schedule.

Please don't let your 3 wk old baby cry it out - that's her only way to communicate with you. She will learn very early to trust you if you come when she needs you. The book No cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantly was very helpful to us. Trust your instincts - if it doesn't feel right to hear your baby cry - it's not, especially this young! Teaching your baby to fall asleep on their own is a big commitment if you plan to do it gently without crying. It took us 2-3 years with our children. The pay offs will last a lifetime - they trust us, they can come to us with a problem because they have learned we will listen to their needs!Remember the night waking is a stage and it won't last forever. Good luck.

HI C.,
Follow your gut! You want to rock and hold your baby, then do it! You've been rocking her for 9 months why stop just because she was born? I am about a week away from having my 5th and I have rocked all 4 of my other kids to sleep. Rocking and holding allows you to bond with your baby, it will also help your husband bond with the baby. It also helps your baby to feel safe and secure and learn that mommy is always there to keep her safe and protect her. It didn't make anything harder for me as they got older. When my kids turned about 18ish months give or take a few they started to not need the rocking as much especially for nap times. I could just put them to bed and they would go to sleep and now all my kids go to bed without needing the rocking and honestly I miss it so I will sit at the foot of their beds and sing a short lullabye and rub their backs or their feet to help them relax. I'm not ready for them to be so independant. I can honestly say it hurt when I asked my 2 oldest (ages 5 & 7) what song they wanted me to sing and they said they didn't want a song tonight. So enjoy your baby while you can cause she will grow so fast and you will truly miss this time. Rock your baby, do what feels right. You're her mother and you get to decide what's best for your baby not a bunch of books written by people who don't have kids. Don't stress over the little things, create happy memories not stressful ones.

C. C

Hi C.,
I have an 8 month old daughter (first time mom) and she was also one that needed rocking, etc to fall asleep - never on her own. I bought babywise, etc and the books just drove me crazy. I finally settled on just rocking, sometimes a pacifier and even a bottle for a long time. I could not do the cry method. She sleeps for about 11 hrs now and I still rock her to the point of drowsiness. I dont think they hang onto rocking, etc. I think all babies eventually figure out how to fall asleep on their own. Good luck.

Hi,
teaching your child how to sleep is not so fun I have found. Your baby is still so little though, I would wait a little before I started to "sleep train" her. I know there are a lot of books on the subject, and as you said you have read some too.I have three kids, and when they have been little (like your baby) I have rocked or nursed them to sleep. I haven't started to have them fall asleep on their own until they have been between 3-5 months. We do the cry thing, but we go in from time to time (with longer intervals between going in for each time) to give them the pacifier or calm them down a little.
A book I read with my last one ( he's 5 months now) was "Healthy sleep habits, happy child" by Marc Weissbluth. I found it very helpful.
Hope this helps, and good luck :)

E.

I think 3 weeks is a bit too early to start any sleep training, except for maybe making sure that she puts herself to sleep at least once per day (not necessarily at night).

A book I found really useful is "Good Night, Sleep Tight: The Sleep Lady's Guide..." (long title, but you'll be able to find it on Amazon or BN.com). The author addresses sleep issues by the child's age/developmental stage and is not an advocate of crying it out (which works fine for some, I know, but wasn't right for my family).

My son was 15 mos. and still being rocked/nursed to sleep then waking multiple times a night (oh, what a mistake I made there!), and we "fixed" it in less than 2 weeks!

Best of luck to you!
OL

Hi C.,

I would highly suggest you read "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. It makes a ton of sense! My sister used it for her first baby and I am going to use it for my 4th coming in April. I wish I had had it when I had my other 3. Best of luck

Hi C.,

I have an 18 month old and he was a bit difficult in the early months...I was given a book called The Happiest Baby on the Block, and it became my bible. The 5 s's (swaddling was huge for us!!) really worked. Once I became familiar with this my son truly made a change. Good luck!

Hi C.. We did the rocking and gently placing in the crib thing for the first 8 months of our daughter's life and yes, it made our life SO STRESSFUL. By 8 months, she wouldn't sleep unless we were holding her. Actually HOLDING her. It was awful. So we decided to do the cry it out thing. I know how stressful it is - I think I cried as much as my baby did - but I promise you it will be worth it when your baby is sleeping through the night alone. If you can stand it for about three nights, it will probably go something like this: 1st night - baby cries for 30-45 minutes, 2nd night - baby cries for 20-30 minutes, 3rd night - baby cries for 5-10 minutes. By the fourth night she should be able to fall asleep on her own with very little to no crying.

Good luck. I know it's hard.

R. S.

When we where preggers I to read up on all of the different ways to get a baby to sleep. It all went out he window when we had him. I couldn't let him cry it out it broke my heart. So I swaddled and rocked or bounced him to sleep every night until he was about 5 or 5 1/2 months. Then he was getting heavy and I knew it was time to let him cry it out. It took about a week of him crying himself to sleep but then it was done. We would swaddle him, lay him in his crib and he would go to sleep. Now that he is 8 1/2 months we decided it was time to stop swaddling (he had been taking naps unswaddled for about 2 months, before that he was swaddled for naps or he would only sleep for 5 min then it was all over). he cried all last week (but only for maybe 10-15 min before going to sleep) and now he is going to bed without much crying at all. This all worked out well for us. I was ok with him crying himsslf to sleep at 5 months but I couldn't handle my newborn doing it. Don't get to stressed. Do what will work for you and adjust along the way.

I am a first time mother of a now 3 month old. I have read all of those books that say to let you baby fall asleep on their own too. The newborn stage is very different. I was also told that at the the early stages there is nothing wrong with holding, rocking, walking your baby to sleep.I found that there were times I could lay my daughter down throughout the day where she would drift off on her own but when she struggled I was there to help soothe her into sleep. Being a new mom with a newborn is such a big adjustment in itself. I found the best way for me was to take what I read as a guide and develop my own guidelines of what to do from there. A parent quote on www.parent.com I pulled - "What if your infant has trouble sleeping? Do whatever it takes: Nurse or rock baby to sleep; let your newborn fall asleep on your chest or in the car seat. "Don't worry about bad habits yet. It's about survival" - and I agree.. plenty of time to work on the falling asleep on their own in the months to come

I used the Baby Whisperer with great success, but I started maybe two months or more into it. I think it's alright for the baby to be dependent on you at first. You can do the cry it out method later. It's so crazy at the beginning, whatever works, works! Things will become more predictable later.

One piece of info we were thankful for was that you should put the baby down before they get too tired. Then sleep will come easier. To know that, you need to know what is typical for your baby's age.

At 3 weeks old a baby needs lots of holding and loving. Just think, she has come from a place that is nice and warm and where her tummy is always full. Fussing to put herself to sleep is one things, letting one this little cry it out will only teach her no one is there to take care of her. Wait for a few months before you worry about anything else. Some babies just need a lot to keep them comfortable. But eventually it gets easier.

A little about me: Mom of 4 grown children, a couple of them quite difficult. BS and MS in psychology.

I think when they are really little what you do doesn't carry over to be habit forming. I let my son sleep in bed with me for the first couple months because it was just easier that way, then I transitioned him to his crib. I tried to put him down when he was sleepy but not asleep, but sometimes put him down asleep. Just follow your instincts, every kid is different. He's been sleeping in his crib, through the night since he was two months old even though I let him sleep in my bed at first. Besides who doesn't want to hold and rock their newborn? Pretty soon they'll be too busy running around to let you cuddle them so you might as well enjoy it while you can! Good luck and congratulations!

We followed the book "Sleeping Through The Night" and it works wonders. The author is a sleep doctor, not just a pediatrician. She really has some great techniques and honestly, people can't believe that my kids (now 18 months and 5) go to sleep around 7 and 8 (respectively) every night and sleep through the night...If my daughter (18 months) wakes up she puts herself back to sleep most of the time. I love that book! A few of my close friends have done it also and their kids are great sleepers as well. I think it says in there you should wait until your baby is a certain age or certain amount of pounds before you start the bedroom techniques and routines.

I just want to say that she's only 3 weeks old. I ended up letting my two daughters cry eventually. With my first I did at 6-months and with my second at 10-months. I believe that I did it with compassion and care and that they understood. I prepared them for a couple of days with telling them how things will be different. Anyway, I got the specific method with a sleep consultant. But really, what I wanted to say, is she's too young right now. Things really shift around 3 or 4 months. Until then I've only heard to do what the baby wants. They often need to be rocked at this age. Or nursed, or given a pacifier. Keep listening to your heart. I cannot imagine letting a baby cry at such a young age. We all do our best and we need to balance our baby's needs with our own. Your needs will become clearer to you and you will do whatever you need to in order to be happy and in order to be the best mom. I live in Boulder. If you do too and would like the name of the sleep consultant I'd be happy to give it to you. -R.

We read the books too, and decided that letting our son figure out how to fall asleep was what we believed in. Hearing your little person cry is hard, and honestly makes my heart race, more so than my hubby's. But for us, we figured getting our son to sleep on his own in his own bed was going to be a challenge, whether it occurred at birth, at two, or at five. We decided it would be easier on us to do it from the start. Thankfully, it only took a couple weeks, and now he goes to bed on his own (he's eight months now) every night, and most naps, too, without any fuss. Plus, if he fell asleep in our arms, it was soo hard to put him down without waking him. Now, when he wakes up over night, sometimes we hear him moving around, or he'll turn on his music box, and he goes back to sleep on his own. We're really pleased that we stuck it out and kept trying. Good Luck.

Your baby is only 3 weeks old. You can spoil him/her a little bit at this stage. My baby is 5 months and I still rock him to sleep. It's relaxing and great bonding time with him. If you want your baby to fall asleep by themself, wait until he is really, really tired. All babies are different, as you probably already know. Hope it helps.

Babies are meant to be dependant on us when they are little! Attatchment parenting is based on the idea that if you mother your baby completely when he/she is a baby, your baby will become more independant in the future and not always crave the mothering he/she was denied as an infant. I nursed/rocked/held/cuddled my little guy to sleep for the first couple years. He is now a happy, independant nearly 5 year old who happily goes to sleep on his own. For more information please go to http://www.mothering.com/discussions and look at the nighttime parenting discussion board.

I don't believe that holding a 3 week old until they are asleep with hurt anything. This is your bonding time, especially if you are nursing. You are right, each child is different but you get to try what works for the baby. After the baby is asleep just lay them down, that should not harm anything. As the baby gets older then yes, lay them in the bed and tuck them in so they still feel that security that they all need and find what works for you. Don't forget to run the vacuum and have music so they learn to stay asleep when you have any noises in the house too. If my memory serves me, I held all of my children at that age, especially since I was feeding them as they fell asleep anyway. I didn't want to put them to bed with a bottle, because they say that the milk harms their teeth. My girls turned out fine. Kay

Hi C.,
At 3 weeks, it's still pretty young to start sleep training. Personally, I'd do what works for now and then try different things as she gets older. I have a friend that the Baby Whisperer worked for her at 6 weeks, I have other friends that it never worked for. You might try the no-cry sleep solution, that might have some techniques to help at that age. Sorry I am of little help, but I wish you luck

Hello C.,

I have a 2 1/2 year old girl. I personally believe you should follow your instincts and find what works for you and your child. My girl did need rocking and carrying to help her sleep. She also had a pacifier that we took away a few months before she turned 2. As she grew older she was able to go down with only her paci but once in a while dad and I would still rock and carry her.
I think with newborns and little babies one can just not spoil them enough and rocking is such a natural beautiful thing to do with your baby. Plus as she gets older you can still rock her for a few minutes and then lay her down and tell her she's okay now and you will leave her room, that she is safe and will be fine. She may still cry for a bit, but eventually will learn to fall asleep on her own.
In my case reading about philosophies and approaches didn't work that well. Following my instincts and getting to know my baby, plus my mom's advice was the best approach personally.

I can say that keeping the little one in her crib and not having sleep with us regularly did help her get used to her own private little space. We would breastfeed in our bed of course and then move her to her crib when she was done or fall asleep.

Hope this helps a bit. I remember having some of the same questions when mine was just born :)

G.

Hi C.!!! I have a 5 month old baby boy and when he was a newborn I held him and rocked him to sleep. Sometimes I would hold his belly(it was comforting to him)while I rocked him because maybe he had an upset tummy. Now when I put him down to sleep I first rock him until he gets drowsy and then lay him down. And even now sometimes he gets tired of being held and just wants to be down. Remember babys need to be touched, held and snuggled it lets them know you love them he or she will let you know when they are tired of being held. I hope this helps!!!

I've read that you can't spoil a baby before 4 months of age and that you really shouldn't let them cry too much because they are usually crying for a reason. My baby is almost 3 months now, and we've found that to be true. We swaddled him for the first 5-6 weeks of life and he loved it. We never let him "cry it out" and at about 2 months of age, he started sleeping through the night. (So, don't worry about spoiling him!)

You need to get a handle on this ASAP. I have a friend that rocked her baby to sleep every nap time and bedtime and she is having to lay with her son to get him to go to sleep alone. He is now 5 years old. I vowed that I would not do that with my kids and what I did worked really well. In fact, my mother-in-law stayed with us for a few days and was shocked how I was able to just lay our daughter in her crib and leave the room and she would be asleep within 5 minutes. I just layed her down and left the room. If she started to cry I would go and tell her she was okay and mommy was still here and then leave the room again. If they are still crying then repeat it every 5 minutes but DO NOT pick them up, just let them know that you are there and you love them. If you pick them up it is all over. After a few times going in the room they usually fall asleep because they know you will not pick them up. It is hard hearing them cry, but it is the only solution to this problem.

Your baby is still very young and has not yet established a pattern of sleeping. I have 3 boys ages 2 to 8yrs. What I found is all babies have to have an adjustment period to their enviroment which includes the tummy.Your baby is born with no flora in her intestines. This is gathered through touch and the air and this is what some people call colic. I just see it as a neccessary step to being a whole person. Some babies do this quick and others longer.
Just remember that this period of time won't be forever and crying is a natural part of it...Tight swaddling helped for my winter babies and jiggling helped either in your arms or a boucy seat.....Hang in there it gets better

At this age I would definately not attempt the "cry it out" method. Personally I don't think that babies have the ability to sooth themselves this early. I am the mother of four (youngest is 8 mos, oldest is 8 years) and from experience I would say that they all learn to go to sleep at different times/ages. Every baby is different and you just have to do what feels right to you. Don't worry about what other people say. Listen to what your baby says and pay close attention to what your baby resonds to.

I can see you have a lot of advice. Let me just say I did this with my son and he never learned to go to sleep on his own. He is now almost 3 years old and we are still having problems getting him to sleep on his own. If I could go back in time I would lay him down and let him cry it out. It is better to do it now then when they are 3 trust me! I know it is hard, but every night the crying will be shorter. Good Luck I really know how hard it is!

C., I was there also and PLEASE DON"T let other information or people influense what YOU feel is right!!!! I will not let my daughter cry it out and some babies just take longer to to sleep through the night or go to sleep. My daughter is 11 months and I still rock her or BF her to sleep (but it only takes me 15-20 minutes now) and i put her down still kinda awake (sucking her finger) READ "no cry sleep solution" Awesome book. Remember you can drive yourself nuts with everything, but what is right for you may not be believed to another but it is NOT wrong!!! I am learnign this also. You are doing great.... listen to your baby and yourself.

I know how difficult it is to have a newborn not go to sleep. What worked for me is I would try my best not to let my son nap 4hours before bed time. I would give him a bath, play with him keep him up until bed time, then I would put him in a swing for 30 minutes and follow through with a warm bottle and he would be out, all on his own. The hardest part was keeping him up for the 4hours. When giving him a bath wipe his eyes a couple of times with a damp wash cloth, and make this routine, it'll give baby a secure feeling.

Just rock and hold her, when she gets a little older you can work on letting her "cry it out" (say 3 mo). I was way to obsessed w/ this when my kids were little and eventually they fell asleep on their own. In the meantime I wasted the joy of just letting them fall asleep in my arms. I liked babywise but don't worry about it for a while. Its a nice guide if you like structure (like me)

Stop reading books and do what feels natural to you. You have natural mothering instincts and it is ok if they don't follow any of those books written by 'experts'. I have rocked all of my babies (5) and I'm not going to tell you it is always easy-but the older ones sleep great now and they are happy and secure knowing they have a mommy they can trust and come to when they are scared in the night or have questions about life. When you make your child cry to sleep who is that really benefiting? Other children may be different, but for my children I felt that would only benefit me. I believe little babies need to be held and nurtured as much as possible. You can't spoil a newborn. Enjoy that little one-they grow so fast.

I am the mother of three ... 16, 13, and 11. I loved on them all I could when they were small (and now). They were nursed to sleep while I rocked them. When they were weaned at about one year, I rocked them and sang them a song. Then they were kissed and put to bed. They are all happy, confident young ladies. None of them clung to me when I dropped them off at preschool or kindergarten. Babies were meant to be loved and rocked ... really, it goes too fast.

Hi C., and congrats on your new baby! I don't know that my response will be helpful, but at least it will hopefully make you feel better. We have a 15 week old son, and to make a long story short, he is sleeping at night with us and just starting to nap on his own in his crib. The truly helpful book we read was "Happiest Baby on the Block" which talks about really young babies like yours. We also read "Baby Whisperer", "Baby Wise", "Our Babies, Ourselves" which were less helpful, but gave us some ideas of what to try. We tried everyting for the prescribed 3 days, and a lot of the time, all three of us ended up crying. Finally, we found that waiting until our baby began yawning, then rocked him until he started being droopy eyed, then putting him in the crib worked best. He wakes up when we lay him down and I just stand over the crib and pat his back and smile at him. I also found that sitting by the crib on the rocker ottoman (I read books) to hold his little hands when he wakes up midnap really help. The good news is that I have decided that it isn't really important to me that he follows someone else's idea of how he should fall asleep (etc.). That has been really liberating, as has the realization that if I continue to work towards a child who can self soothe that he will eventually learn, and not end up being a (needy, clingy, overly dependant, put adjective here) kid who is unpleasant to be around. Enjoy that baby!

My advice is to do what works best for you. There are so many people out there that claim to be a parenting expert, but they have no idea of each unique situation. I don't believe you can hold or rock children too much. Enjoy this time while you can as before long they are moving so fast they hardly have time to cuddle anymore! My daughter had reflux disease for the first few months so we spent many a night sleeping together in the recliner or she would fall asleep in her swing. Even when she did sleep in her crib it was usually after I rocked her to sleep and then put her in there. She is now an independent, wonderful 4 year old and I don't see any problems that have lingered due to her early sleeping arrangements. The best thing to do is to truly listen to your heart/ instincts- they will lead you in the right direction! Best of luck and congratulations on your new bundle of joy! There's nothing like it!

Since baby is only three weeks old I would do just as you are doing and hold and rock her until she falls asleep. She is still needing that protection of feeling secure as if she were still in the womb. As she gets older continue trying to put her down. Eventually she will fall asleep without you rocking her, but why would you want to stop rocking her? I only wish I could still rock my children. Enjoy your new baby. They grow so fast.

I rocked and held my baby as sleep because if I didn't she would get hysterical and throw up. She went to bed just fine by the time she was 2 years old. She is 8 years old and has no sleep problems. I also rocked my second and third children until they were about a year old. They can also put themselves to sleep just fine now (the younger of the two just turned 18 months).

Hi C., I know how hard it is to let baby "cry it out" and learn to soothe herself. I held my baby for the first month (transition from womb to real world) Then would allow her to cry for a while, rubbing her back, talking gently, and getting her calmed down. She will eventually get the hang of it. I didn't do that with my first son and I was a prisoner to him! Having to tiptoe out of his room and basically not wanting to make any noise!! Argh, I became very frustrated with that, although he slept better alone as an older child where as his brother did not. Little sister is still growing, we will see about her. Good Luck and remember, you are the parent-if she is changed, fed, and comfortable, she will be just fine!

Congrats on your new baby! I too, have recently had a baby. She is 6 weeks old. I have no previous experience with newborns but have done a lot of reading on the topic of the best ways to get them to sleep and how that may affect their sleep later. I believe that babies should never be left to cry it out until they are much older (around 6 months). At this stage your babe is so dependent on you. She was in your womb for 9 months and is learning what it is like to be out in the big wide world. It's a scary place for someone so vulnerable. I would say that the most importnat thing you can do right now is hold her and love her. Let her know you are there to take care of her. This means good old fashioned rocking and soothing. I do this with my daughter each night. It sometimes takes a good hour of soothing and rocking (and bouncing and gentle singing!) but it works in the end. She doesn't have to cry and I know that she is feeling safe. And yes, I am exhausted and get frustrated with the whole thing.

I have read a great book on the subject that I can recommend. It is called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." It talks about sleep for each stage of your child's life and how a good foundation early in life can help build good sleep habits later. Your baby is way too young to be learning to manipulate and start bad habits. As my midwife said, "You can always trust them at this stage. They only tell you what they need."

Good luck with this!

Another sleep deprived mama. (M.)

Three weeks is way too old to try to train her to sleep! Enjoy this time with her! You will regret it later if you don't use this time to bond and cuddle with your baby as much as possible. Worry about traininag her in a few months. Just enjoy her now, and let Dad help too! He'll bond faster.

Hi C.. did your doctor tell you not to hold and rock her to sleep? your new baby is just 3 weeks old. hold, love and be with her as much as you can. There will be a time that you need to just let her cry but I don't think it is at 3 weeks. probably more like 3 months or more. ask you doc. that is the best advise I can give you besides enjoy your time with your new love.

L. :)

Hi C.:

I went through the same issues with my son, who is now 2, when he was an infant. The best advice I got was to get a DVD called the Happiest Baby on the Block, and it also comes with a book. The author is Dr. Harvey Karp. The entire thing talks about the right ways to sooth a new born. It saved me and my husband so much agony and sleep. I know you can get it on Amazon, or just look up Dr. Harvey Karp. Or you may even be able to get it at your local library. Best of luck with your new little one. H. P.