Preschool Drama Already? Do All Kids / Girls Do This?

I think it's normal...
This is their first experience really navigating the social scene so I think they really take everything that happens to heart. Most kids don't understand give and take at that age so they tend to come across as bossy. She'll get used to it and won't be as affected by the kids who she feels are doing things she doesn't like.

It's no different than whining. When your kids starts to whine, or complain or talk about who they don't like, it's YOUR job to turn it around.
Oh, sorry you had a bad day,
don't like that,
etc.
Tell me, what DID you like today?
Who did you have fun with?

hmm i taught preschool for a long time, so i guess my answer is it's normal for certain personality types. Your dd sounds like she has a strong sense of what she likes and doesn't like, which can be good since she probably won't get pushed around.

A couple of things off the top of my head. You could ask her more about what art project she did, what they had for snack or what story they heard and try to direct her to how she liked that stuff and isn't it great that you don't do the same art every day and there is a different snack everyday.

You can also role play with dolls or sticks or what ever and see what comes out. Let's play school, you be ( wht ever kid she complains about alot) and i'll be you. put on your hat, Thanks for reminding me, or Opps i forgot, or I like to fasten it myself. or remember we dont' share hats, or you must like my hat alot. Give her some words to use in the situation so she feels more powerful.

It's funny because my 8 you does this alot now, and she has probably done her share of focusing on the negative in the past too. So now i'll need to think how i can help her a bit more. I used to think there were some really bad kids in her class but now i see they are her friends that she plays with alot and she focuses on the bad instead of the three good hours they spent playing.

I guess i think it's just your dd's way of processing a new situation.

Have you had any playdates with either these uncooperative friends or others she maybe hasn't mentioned that might help her be more accepting and it might give you a bigger picture.

Well, neither of my kids was in preschool at that age, but they both started at age 4 (summer birthdays, so just turned 4 when they started). I don't remember either of them doing that.

But, that has been several years ago, and memories fade... so maybe they did more than I am remembering and I am just not remembering it. But I think they tended more to get in the car and I'd ask about their day, what they did, if they were hungry, when they went to the bathroom last (sometimes getting to a toilet was a priority the moment they got into the car). They talked about stuff they did or whatever. They really didn't talk about their friends all that much though, at that age. Other kids were mentioned more often if there was a new kid who just joined the class or something.

I had to pull teeth to get friend's names out of them, my daughter more so than my son. He is almost 15 now, and very social. He craves being social and with friends, and even if no one is around, he has his sister and he misses her a lot if she goes on a trip and he stays home. She, on the other hand, is perfectly happy with her friends, but also enjoys her time alone and can read a book for hours and not speak a word to another soul and be perfectly content. Or go play music on her keyboard (often with the volume low enough that no one outside her room can really hear it) and just be in her room doing her own thing, and be perfectly content. When HE goes out of town on a trip without her, she doesn't seem to miss him at all. She seems to enjoy being completely autonomous with her play time (i.e., no brother asking her to come watch a movie with him, or go outside, or go swim, etc). She will turn 12 this month.

It's just their personalities.
I'd say that maybe it is just part of your daughter's personality to be very caught up in the people she spends her time with and what things annoy her. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I agree with the others that you can play a role in directing these conversations into more positive territory. I always like to ask my kids something good/fun/happy they did or saw today, or something new and interesting that they learned, and also their low point, something they didn't like or made them feel bad or stressed out. I usually ask the bad one first and try not to dwell much on the the negative, except to ask if there is anything they think they can/could do to make it more enjoyable or feel better (prepare for a test?), or whatever... Then we move on...
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oh, and you'd be surprised at the number of times their "low" things they mention have to do with their friends' parents getting a divorce, or are sick (in the hospital sick, not just a cold), or a friend is moving away (lots of military around here). I can't think of once that any of their negative stuff has been something they don't like about other people or "drama" amongst their friends.

It is normal in the sense that children live out what they experience during the day. They talk about it, act it out etc. Some voice it more than others but all live it out in some way. They take it to their sleep. It becomes a part of who they are.

This kind of behaviour is becoming and has been becoming more and more a big part of children's lives. This is what she is hearing and sensing, experiencing during the day. It's too bad that the adults around her don't understand this and accept it as part of ordinary life because this could be changed into something far more enriching and benefical for all the children. Unfortunately this is happening everywhere. At one time this kind of thing didn't take such a precedence over a child's life at such a young age. Usually it would start to be seen around age 7 or 8 and mostly with girls and then become stronger as they entered their teens and for the most part it was never as mean spirited as it is now days.

This is the very beginning of the cliche and all the drama that goes with it.
I've seen it many times.

She is very little and it's too bad she's hearing all this baby drama going on around her. I know she's very young but I would tell her that you want to hear about what she does like. And I would put more sweet and simple and magical things in her life as much as you can. Even the stories you tell and the books you read can make a huge difference. Singing while your in the car instead of talking about this would make a difference too. The Bestow books would be good to get for her and other authors like her. Also, have little or no screen time as it'd make a big difference too.

Try to turn this around.

What goes in must go out, children are like one big sense organ, a huge sponge.

I see you live in Tucson, there is a wonderful waldorf school there and I don't know if they have a day care or not but you may want to check into it as it is much more suitable to the nature of the child in it's truest forms and or phases of development.

The very best to you and your little one

I would say it normal. My DD is also 6. However, she is home schooled but still has many friends in the neighborhood, church etc. There have been many times that she tells me of someone that did something she didn't like and now she doesn't want to be friends with them. That will last until she sees that other child, then they're best friends again.
I think over all it is human nature to look more at the negative than positive, but I would work hard to turn it around.
With my little girl I also try to turn it around and start getting her to talk about what that person has done that has made her happy and try to explain that not everyone is going to get along 100% of the time.
I tell her it's OK that sometimes things might upset her, but she shouldn't overreact, just simply saying "No, I don't want to do that" is enough. I want to change it around now so that when she gets older it hasn't turned into gossiping that will cause her to loose friends for good.
When she starts to list all of the bad that her did, start asking her if that person did anything good. Try to keep it positive. If she still continues ask her if she want you to take her to her friends house so she can tell her friend how much she doesn't like them. That might make her understand more that it's not OK to say something mean about someone that you wouldn't say directly to them.
It will be hard to find the balance that will allow her to get this stuff off her chest rather than bottling it up and making her understand that it's not OK to gossip about other people.
Good luck.

It is normal. She is being exposed to new people, new experiences and is able to verbalize what she likes and doesn't. As she is riding home steer away from like / didn't like by asking open ended questions. What color did you use today? what games did you play, what book did teacher read? was it silly or serious, how was lunch what did you eat? etc .......... when she says so and so won't let her be a princess ask her what does that little girl want to be? ask her who she played with not who she liked.

I think this is normal for certain personality types. I would let her talk about what she doesn't like and acknowledge her feelings. Then I would turn the conversation to things she did like like. What good things happened today? Did you like lunch? Who did something nice today? Who is your friend?

You can guide her toward more positive thinking.

Normal. And though it frustrates you, please try to get used to it, because she is only three; this phase can last up to and through kindergarten for some kids. It is not a big deal; she is working out for herself how she relates to other kids and how they relate to her. She is unused to others coming up to her and sticking a hat on her head, so she interprets it all as not liking the kid, when what she doesn't like is the kid's action. She wants to do what she wants to do, and so does another girl, who tells her "you can't be a princess."

Different kids process this stuff differently. Some kids would do this with tearful "they're mean to me" talk, and yours does it with "I don't like so and so" talk. Is your concern that she is being negative and thinking mostly in terms of "I don't like" as opposed to "I do like"? You can guide her a little by asking her, "Who do you like to play with" or more specificially - because young kids need specifics! -- "Who did you have fun playing with at preschool today?" or "Did you have art today at school? (Yes, mommy) What did you do? What was fun about the paints?" etc. Guide with some positive questions, in terms of what was fun, what did you like, etc. -- not just about other children but about activities.

Take care that you do not over-talk the whole "I don't like" discussions; it's easy to end up lecturing our kids (I know, been there) about "We don't say I don't like people" etc., but at times it is better to not comment and just direct her to talking about something she DID like about her day. Yes, we don't want our kids to be negative or down on others but at her age, over-talking this will give it more weight in her own mind.

You could ask the teacher privately if your child seems negative in other ways -- Does she say "I can't do it" when asked to try something new, even something small? Does she complain about things more than other children, in the teacher's observation? "I'm too hot, too cold, the mulch on the playground sticks into me, Sue was mean, Bobby won't give me the crayon" etc.? Ask the teacher to be frank with you and say you need the teacher's help as you're figuring out who your child is, right now, in the school setting. But also do not get too wound up if the teacher does say, yes, she tends to complain etc., because she is only three -- a lot will change. But keep an eye on her, do not over-talk or lecture, and redirect, redirect, redirect.

By the way, it's also VERY normal at this age for kids to do the whole "you can't play with me today" or "I am only playing with Sally today and can't play with you" stuff. That also can go on up to and into K. Again -- you need to be able to roll with it unless a particular child is really singling out your child. Then it could be a bit of bullying --but not all such talk is bullying, and parents sometimes overreact to it believing it is. The child who says one day, "I can't play with you, I only play with Sally today" could be rejecting Sally for your child the very next day. Fairly normal stuff, and you need to teach your child ways to deal with it -- walking away and playing with someone else.

Even though I don't really remember my kids doing this it sounds "normal" to me. I mean, once you venture outside your family/home into the wider world it seems natural to talk about what and/or whom, you like, or don't like.
Just keep focusing on the positive, ask her about who and what she DOES like, what good/fun things happened that day. As the adult you still have a lot of power to steer the conversation into more cheerful waters!
If she turns out to be a Negative Nelly, well so be it. My older daughter tends to be one, and I still love and accept her, the little scamp :-)

Somewhat normal, even for boys.
After hearing this sort of talk from my son for a few weeks I started asking him to turn it around.
I said you can find something you don't like about just about everyone but it's just as easy to find something you like.
Does the person (he doesn't like) draw pretty pictures or sings well or runs fast or has a nice hair color, etc?
If he was going to complain about someone he had to find something nice to say to go along with the complaint.
I didn't want to shut him down and say 'don't tell me about things that bother him' but I did want to eventually get across the 'if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all' message.
I want him to be able to vent to me but learn to be kind to others and think about their feelings rather than blurt out complaints to classmates faces.

sure! she's learning how to be discerning, and draw her own boundaries. so long as she's not being nasty to other kids, i think this is very positive.
kids aren't born knowing how to define friendships, it's a long learning curve (most of us are still working on it.) this is a very normal and healthy place for a 3 year old to be.
khairete
S.

Very normal unfortunately, I have a daughter in kindergarten & it is a consist topic ( who said they aren't her friend, P said she can't play with her, P said her teeth are rotting that's why they are falling out etc) yes at times I'm like are you kidding me lol BUT after a while I noticed it was always the same little girl consistly being mean. I'm happy daughter did make aware.

I only have 1 girl out of a whole grip of boys (I am a M./Auntie to 6 boys) and my one and only girl, now 5, who just graduated from preschool, where she attended for 2 years, was never like this.

She was also very excited to go and to do all the stuff and there was a lot of talk about her "friends" (I think she thought ALL of them were her friends) and what they did together and how they played but no talk about not liking anyone or not wanting to be friends with anyone.

Even when, on the second day of school, this little boy spit on her, she was like "That was gross and not very nice, huh M."? but she still liked him. <-------I on the other hand thought he was a rude gross little boy!

~Like I said, I don't have much experience with girls so I can't say what's 'normal' and what's not...I am sure other Moms on here will give you some more insight. I will say, my first thought when reading your post was: Is she an only child? Is she used to the world revolving only around her? That is what it sounds like to me. I am sure if you casually address it every time you hear it, like "You know it's not very nice to say mean things about people, especially your friends" OR "You know, just because little Susie didnt want you to be the princess today doesn't mean that she won't want you to be the princess tomorrow"? little stuff like that, I am sure you can get her to outgrow it and see how it's not very nice to be so critical of others.