Potty Training 3 1/2 Year Old Boy

Updated on November 20, 2008
J.S. asks from Lynchburg, VA
13 answers

I have been trying to potty train for a while now and nothing is working. My son is happy to sit on the potty and have me read books to him, especially because I bribe him with letting him use his pacifier while he is on the potty. (The paci is supposed to be for sleeping only now, but that's another issue.) I finally switched him from pull-ups to training pants while we are at home so that he will feel the wetness when he goes. I would let him run around without pants, but he doesn't want to do that. I get him on the potty every 30-60 minutes and he will sit there for up to 15 minutes at time. Sometime he will pee a tiny amount in the potty. But it doesn't seem to matter how frequently I get him to sit - 5 minutes after he is off, he goes in his pants and we have a big mess. I am trying to stay positive, but this is so frustrating! He is very interested in books and videos about the potty, but is not having much success at using it. Any ideas on what to do?

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C.S.

answers from Richmond on

We liked Elmo's Potty Time.

Also, my guy was 3 1/2 before he was potty trained. I think the boys will do it when they want to so don't try to accelerate it.
We went through all the angst too and then one day--whooop! It was all done. Nothing I had done had any bearing on it!

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R.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi,

I have potty trained three kids and two are boys. Boys don't pee sitting down, so I would have them stand in front of the toilet and pee standing up. Throw some Cherrio's into the toilet and have your son aim and try to hit them. Reward him after each successful attempt with a "potty prize". Go to the dollar store and buy some cheap toys, put them in the "potty prize box" and see what happens.
Also, is he continues to pee in his pants, tell him that right when he feels the pee coming to run to the bathroom and finish peeing in the toilet. Reward him for the attempt to get there and finish peeing but not a prize from the potty prize box. Have a jar filled with tooties rolls or some other small candy and give him one piece. Tell him that once all of the pee goes into the toilet, he will get a tootsie and a prize from the potty box. This should help motivate him and at the same time give him positive feedback that his attempts to not pee in his pants are wonderful and that it's ok to occasionally have an accident.

I only used pull-ups at night, I think that going straight to underwear is better. Just my opinion.

Good luck

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T.C.

answers from Washington DC on

don't let him know that he has the power to freak you out about this. it's his power issue and his way of being independent. i know it's impossible, but you have to let him think that you care but it's no biggie if he doesn't do it or has accidents. then he'll want to do it himself and that's when he trains himself. let him pick out some underwear at the store. leave it around so he can see it and ask him a lot but not all the time if he wants to wear them. figure out what he wants in exchange for using the potty; for my son it was getting in the big pool, not candy or watching tv. it took a while for me to figure that out. it took some time of him sitting on there to feel the 'poo-poo feeling' and to be able to control it. i also announced that i had the poo-poo feeling when i needed to go and described what it felt like. but he wasn't potty trained until *he* wanted to use the potty. good luck!

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J.C.

answers from Lynchburg on

It sounds to me like he's like my son-enjoying the control he gets from it. I took away all bonuses-books, drinks, etc, and told him that it was time for him to go on the potty. He knew how, and he was old enough and now he needed to do it. Anytime he went in his diaper, I made him sit on the potty after I cleaned him, telling him that this is what he should have done in the first place, and that once he quit going in his diaper, he'd be able to play more b/c it wouldn't take time for me to clean him and then him sit...it just takes a little time to sit. After he realized that I was sticking to my new potty-time rules (no bonuses during potty time, still bonuses after he went on the potty though), it still took him a few weeks, but he started trying. Another thing, I didn't stay in the bathroom with him. Potty time isn't "have mommy all to yourself time," and that was one of the things he was using it for. Don't know if this would help you, but it reminded me so much of my son, that I watned to share.

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N.R.

answers from Richmond on

J., I first want to give you a WAY TO GO MOM! for taking time off to be home with your son. Thank God you can do that. So many moms just don't think that they can when in reality they CAN be a SAHM.

What worked for my 3 boys with potty training was sitting them on the regular pot backwards. They thought it was cool and it was neat and clean for me. Boys pee when they poop. So instead of it going forward on the floor, it went in the pot.
This worked for my sister's boy too. I watched him one day and just naturally put him on the pot backwards. He loved it and went that way at home from then on.

Not to put you down (please don't think that) I don't agree with going back on your word. Do not tell him that his paci is only for sleeping and then give it to him on the potty. That's too confusing. Mean what you say and say what you mean at all times. This may sound harsh and hard core now at his age but it will save you a ton of correcting your mistakes with him when he gets older. Can you tell I have been there and done that?! LOL

Training up a child is not easy and it is hard work at times. Just remember that with your consistency over time he will grow up to pee and poop in the pot. LOL

Enjoy him and love all over him everyday. He will grow up so fast and before you know it, he'll be driving and dating. LOL

Take Care,
N. :) SAHM homeschooling 3 boys 13, 8 & 2 yrs old and married to my Mr. Wonderful for almost 15yrs. I love to help other moms, who want to become SAHMs, reach that goal!

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K.L.

answers from Washington DC on

At my son's daycare they basically told me one day they wanted me to send him in underwear instead of a diaper and we never went back. There were months worth of occassional accidents to clean up, sometimes in public, but I think it is the only way. For a long time he didn't seem to care if he had urine running down his leg into his shoes, but eventually he came around. Now he just turned three and he is fully potty-trained for peeing, but still runs and brings me a pull-up when he has to poop. We've had a lot going on because his baby sister was just born a couple months ago. But next on the agenda is to take away the pull-ups and just let the chips (or the poop) fall where they may. I think potty-training is just a messy business and there's no way around that.

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C.G.

answers from Washington DC on

Someone may have suggested this already but have you made him clean up his own mess? It took 2 weeks of this routine but finally my son decided it was easier to go in the potty than clean his own pants and underwear. You get a bucket or use the sink and help minimally with the rinsing and scrubbing and hanging to dry (before you put it in the washer). If he threw a fit and refused he sat in time out till he was ready to do it which was usually only a couple minutes. Like you I had tired everything! Bribes, new underwear, big rewards, little rewards, begging, pleading etc... This is what finally worked.

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A.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I used the no turning back concept as well- i told him they just didn't make pull ups for 4yo's and he had to do it by then, that's just the way things are. It became the topic of his discussions about how he was going to be ready. I also found his 'currency' and he got it every time he did it on the potty. His was tattoo's- he was covered like a biker, but it worked better than a sticker chart because he carried the proof of accomplishment with him all the time and he talked about it alot because people would ask him where he got those tattoos. Conversations with people who actually had tattoo's were great because my son would say, 'Wow ! Did you pee on the potty for that one too???' We would always get a chuckle and a 'Yes i did!'. Find his currency, My friend had a chart that 10 potty's got a this special toy her son saw on tv that he kept asking for. But don't let any expectations of where other folks tell you he should "be" at this point - it's different for all kids- just let it happen and reinforce the positives.

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W.F.

answers from Washington DC on

I used to give my kids all they could drink and then some so....they would have to go. For potty training, I believe in positive behavior reinforcement aka bribery. For my daughter, everytime she went pee she got 3 m&m's (she got to pick the colors) and everytime she went #2 she got one of every color (5). Now when my son came along this method didn't work for him....we had to go a bit further but....it worked like a charm!! Going pee on the potty wasn't an issue for him but when he went #2 we would go to Blockbuster and rent a movie or something kid appropriate. I know it sounds excessive and expensive but I figured that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit so....Anyway, sometimes we were up at Blockbuster 2 or 3 times a day! I told the staff what we were doing (I was worried they would think I was an over the top Mom if I didn't tell them) and they joined in! When we would come through the door, they would all cheer him on! :) WAY TO GO JOE!! He loved it. Needless to say, potty training was quickly accomplished! I guess you could say it does take a village to raise a child. Follow-up, we don't visit Blockbuster as often now, MAYBE 1x a month.
You just have to find what works for your son and run with it. I know others have just let their child go naked around the house and they say that works in 1 day. Good luck!
Wendy

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A.F.

answers from Norfolk on

My son was 2.5, when I decided it was time for him to be out of diapers. I put him in big boy pants and there was no turning back. I told him he was a big boy and big boys wear big boy pants and go to the potty. (We had played with the potty idea before so he had an idea.) I bought construction paper and I wrote Dylan's Potty Chart on a piece, then he colored and doodled on it. We taped it in the bathroom and with anoter piece placed it right under the other one. He got to pick out "Cars" stickers, he got one for peeing and two for poop. (When he filled the paper, we taped it in his room and he got to start all over) After so many stickers we went to dollar tree and he got to pick out a toy (he usually picked out a car). That was his reward. We still have the papers on the wall, but he hardly asks for the stickers anymore. As your son is a little older, I'm sure he understands what he is suppose to do. Don't give him something to go to the potty, but only after he goes. Once he understands he will get rewarded only after, he will start to go on his own. I hope this helps you out. Good Luck to you and your little one.

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B.P.

answers from Washington DC on

I only have a little experience potty training, but I know with my daughter, having a girl cousin who is two years older and already trained was really interesting to her. I think it motivated her to try. Any older boys around that might inspire him? Just a thought. I'm sure the other ladies will be lots of help for you!

B.

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K.M.

answers from Norfolk on

Maybe you could set up this huge craft day because kids loooooooovvveee crafts! Buy him a pack of actual underwear but make sure they're white. Then let him color on them with marker and you color one too. Then show him that if he pees on his new underwear his pretty picture will disappear. If he has his own potty or potty seat thing then let him decorate that with stickers every time he does something in the toilet. Make him a chart with stickers and let him add a sticker on that as well when he's done. It should make him more excited to actually go in the toilet.

Just an idea..good luck!

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F.S.

answers from Washington DC on

You are one of the lucky one's to be able to stay at home. Use this time to have fun with your son and you can take your time with th potty training. Go straight to underpants. He may have accidents at first, but with training pants there are no consequences. My older son was completely potty trained by 3 and my younger one has been completely potty trained since he was 2. Yes they are both boys and I also work full-time so I had to potty train them over the weekend and trust that they would be ready by monday to do it on their own at preschool. Just get him his favorite character underopants throw out the diapers and training pants and tell him he's a big boy now.

Good Luck :)

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