We have friends whose boys are 10 and 7. Our sons are 8 and 5. They invite our 8 year old to hockey games, sleepovers and playdates but exclude our 5 year old. When our 8 year old invites them to play at our house, we always include both the 10 and 7 year old. I don't think it's right that they exclude our 5 year old. What do you think? What should I do?
Well, the 3 people that offered their responses are in support of my husband's opinion on this matter. Thanks you 3 for your advice. My 5 year old "gets over" his hurt feeling for being left out. We do fun things with him or encourage hime to play with another 5 year old down the street.
But let me ask this...their kids are 3 years apart, as are mine. 10--their oldest-- and 8--my oldest boy-- is the same difference as 7 --their youngest boy--and 5--my youngest. My 5 year old, as the youngest of 3 children, is very athletically mature and socially mature as well. He was riding a Razor scooter at 2 and 1/2, roller blades and ice skates proficiently and rides a 2 wheel bike. Their 10 year old includes his 7 year old brother in his play dates with my son. Why shouldn't I expect them to include my 5 year old when the 10 year old invites my son over?
I think it's fine. My guess is that both of their boys think of your older son as their friend, and your younger son as friends-younger-brother. I would encourage them all to play nicely at your house, and when your older son goes to their house, use it as an opportunity to do something special with your younger one or to set up a playdate with a friend his own age. Good luck.
I think they're inviting the 8 year old because he's of an age to play with both boys. The 5 year old isn't really a playmate for the 10 year old at all, I have a 10 year old and he would not be interested in playing with his friend's 5 year old brother. A 10, 8 and 7 can play really well together, it's a trio. I wouldn't want a 5 year old sleeping over at my house, or having to watch him at a hockey game, when I'm past that point with my kids. I didn't take 5 year olds for these events when I had a 5 year old - I think he's just too young for your friend to want to be responsible for him at these kinds of events.
I'm sorry that you're feeling hurt but playdates aren't necessarily meant for all siblings. Most likely, it's that the 7 year old is inviting his friend, the 8 year old, to play.
I think it's common sense to have children of a similar age for playdates without including older or younger siblings. My grandchildren are 6 and 9. Each one has play dates with children their own age. Yes, the excluded one complains but then when, as it does happen sometimes, when the other sibling is around for their play date, they complain about that too.
At ages 10 and 7 as well as 8 and 5 they have different social skills even if they have similar interests. They also need to learn who they are separate from their sib. They have to play with their brother most of the time. It's their turn on a play date to play without having to include their sib.
My daughter does have play dates with sibs with her 2 children but the children as similar in age. The children staying overnight or playing on Saturday afternoon are 10 and 7. My grandchildren are 9 and 6. The children are at or near the same level of development. The ages 10 and 7 compared to 8 and 5 may not be so compatible. A 5 year old is definitely less likely to have the social skills of 7, 8, and 10 year olds. There is a big difference between ages 5 and 10. What works depends on the children and the parent's ability to manage the time..
If the four are not so compatible it is much more difficult to keep things running smoothly. This may be another reason to split up the sibs. I do include another child when I have one of my grandchildren with me but I will not have 4 children at once. I tried that and was worn out each and every time. Not all adults have the same capability to handle multiple children. This could be another reason.
My daughter at times tries to arrange a play date for one of her children at someone elses house at the same time she has a play date for the other child at her house. The two children in one family of the above example is one that works.
I think it's important to be flexible to allow for individual differences and abilities.
I would remeber your 5 year old is only 5! When he plays with the older kids at your house you can watch out for him. Maybe your friend does not want to be responsible if he gets hurt playing with the older children.7, 8, 10 year old boys play rough. Also keep in mind that your two boys do not need to do everything together. Sometimes a break is needed. Maybe you can find another friend for your younger son to play with while your older one is over there.
