Outside Playgroups

I am that crazy mom that will say to my child in front of everyone "I am sorry sweetie, it's unfortunate that thier parents have not taught them how to share and be a good friend. If he/she does not want to share, than you can choose not to play with them." I expecially enjoy this when the parent is sitting within listening distance. If the parent isn't there, then I would do what another person suggested and tell you children they don't have to share with the children who don't share.
I have also said allowed so that other parents can here (explaining to my daughter) "it is just nice if you leave things at home that you don't want to share with others, and some times people just aren't nice" Parents usually get off their but and do something then, because they don't want to look like thier not parenting.
Good Luck

Hi K.,
That is an ugly situation. I think you should talk to the other parents and ask them why. Isn't the point of a playgroup to share and play? How old are these other children? I don't think that your 2 should be getting the short end b/c they do what they are supposed to be doing. Or maybe a rule is not to have any toys unless everyone is allowed to use them. I think it is pretty silly that these parents are backing up thier children, it is only teaching them to be selfish. Good luck, don't be nervous to speak how you feel! M.

I have an only child, who is almost 4, and he plays and shares well with others. We play with other children in our neighborhood a lot and he shares with them. If he does not share I am the one who gets on to him, and tell him that it is not acceptable. I believe that you can post rules but it is up to the parents to enforce them. If you do not have parents to enfore the rules the children are not going to follow. That goes for a family that has multiple children as well. I believe that most of the problem is making sure that the parents are doing their job. It is how the only child is treated by the parents and allowed to do that determines how well they share and get along with other children.

Hi K., First and foremost, good job on teaching your children to be good friends. I've read a lot of posts that sounds a little childish to me quite honestly and I think that you need to remember that your children learn what they see you doing, so if you say snide remarks to other kids or moms for that matter, your kids will learn that way of thinking. Your kids are old enough to understand when you tell tham that you are proud of them for sharing and being good friends, but unfortunately not every kid in the neighborhood chooses to be a good friend and if they don't enjoy playing with those kids, don't force them to. But, have the conversation behind closed doors. If the parents of those kids ask why your kids no longer interact, explain to them (without insulting their parenting skills) that your kids like to play with kids who are willing to share as they do. Bottom line, always take the high ground, your kids will learn to do the same. When we stoop to smart mouth remarks, our kids learn to be snotty as well. Just my two cents...
Good luck!

This is what I would do (it may sound harsh, but it teaches a lesson). Have your children bring out toys and when the children who are selfish want to play with your kids' toys, tell them they can't b/c your kids can't play with their stuff. Say, "You won't allow Bradlee to play with your frisbee, so Bradlee doesn't want you using her scooter. Can Bradlee use your frisbee? If you let her, she will share her scooter." It's unacceptable for those children to use other childrens' toys, but not share thier own. Just an idea.

Hi K.,

I definitely recommend you step up and get involved in a positive manner with the kids, just like you would do with yours!Congratulations by the way!! Adults supervising is always welcome By that I mean participating and coordinating the way things go: talking to them making them open up and get to know one another and explain to them what that play time is all about, what they could do, SWITCH their negative attitude to a positive one. Kids are sponges and they are eager to discover, experience new things and learn all the time. They need that stimulation that will get them in the right direction...Sharing might not be sthg that thay ever were aware of or introduced to but gradually it can be introduced to them with positive approaches. For example with the child with the frisbee, you could go up to him or her and ask what it is, how they play with it... and start making a coversation, you'll be amazed how they can open up to you! At that point believe me the parents won't say anything as your approach was a positive one, on the contrary they will learn from it themselves! Then you can get the other kids involved and get a little game going where they learn to wait for their turn and play with each other, the really impatient ones can be playing with another toy someone else brought and so on...some of them will be playing with other kids on their own as they will be discovering new toys or new games they will invent, they will go together to the slide if there is a playground or even the bigger ones will teach the little ones how to play with it and so on ...Believe me, you'll see how much more fun and interesting for everybody that can be. With just a little positive intervention and coordination everything will come into place. Parents will eventually probably also participate with you and help out as well as they too will come out of their shells and understand what this is all about and that actually that is why they came at the first place: for they kids to have fun WITH other kids...and that their kids need to be directed and taught positively. You'll see how this will change their kids attitude and their own!!!
The kids might be a little shy at first but soon enough they'll open up and understand what is required from them and they'll enjoy even more those play time.
Plus you won't get a chance to get embarrassed any more! and remember there nothing wrong either to say or get involved in situations positively and firmly even if the kids do not have their parents with them. Remember that you are there for the well being of your kids, be always ready to jump in in any kind of situation, it's just the way it goes. If you wait for the kids parents sometimes to do sthg or have the right attitude on a certain situation: you might wait for a long time and really will be deceived and frustated, some parents don't get it right away (it might be their first child or they've never been around kids, they might be having a bad day or they just simply let it go and have their child have their way just because they do not know better because nobody has pointed out to them what to say or what to do yet: they are waiting unconsciously for you to show them!...) If you show them indirectly and do what you would do with your own kids, they'll even be more thankful and next time they'll be the one to take over positively and have things work the way it should be...
I have a 2 year old son myself and he is my only child and I had to be the one to deal with similar situations because the other kids would not share with my son or would share with their brother or sister, sometimes they would just ignore him,that would never last too long though: Jerry would let them know that he is there(it would be so funny!) and actually they would be playing with HIS toys and he would be the one to try to participate with them, till HE would go get his toy(s) back and say it's mine...So I would intervene and talk to everybody because now the other kids would be upset of course and actually how could I blame my son! You see it goes both ways I sincerely do not think it is a matter of being a single child or not: Kids are kids, they all go through different phases and it is up to us to teach them, guide them and help them understand. It might be a coincidence or not that it seem to happen in your situation with kids that are only childs, that is probably why their parents need your help in a way without realizing it, because they are coming to those playtimes to have them interact with other kids. In my situation it was the opposite in that case, but I never thought that it was because they were kids that had brothers and sisters that they will not share with my son. Education is the key! Adults input is always important and definitely required. I would not let those situations go, no way: I would just step up nicely and positively have them take turn involving my son and show them different ideas and just like magic all the sudden everybody would have so much fun together, coloring together, painting together take turn with the bicycle or the basket ball doing loops... and so on...
Talk to the parents as well, point out how they are playing nice together and how nicely they're sharing and all and joyfull it is....and again get ready to jump in when it involves your children and that the situation needs attention.
Well I could go on and on and on....I sincerely hope that this will help you and that now play time will be a Real enjoyment for everybody.
I would love to know if that worked for you as it did to me in so many different occasion.
S..N

I have had lots of experience with this. I am also a mother of three and I remember clearly going through this with our older son, and I too was extremely frustrated. I would tell those children in front of their parents "ok if no one is allowed to play with your toy than you can't play with anyone elses". The parents of these children would usually say "oh right, you have to share". It is really a way of telling the parents to teach their children to share otherwise their children are going to end up being left out. I am also the owner of an Indoor Playground and have to deal with children like this on a daily basis. Unfortunately it is the parents fault not the childs and when their children go to school it will have an effect on the way other children treat them. So look at it as though you are doing them a favor by confronting the issue (because trust me you are!).

I would definately talk to the parents of the children. I usually tell my daughter that if she doesn't want to share something, she should leave it at home. Or if we are at home, I tell her to put toys up that she doesn't want others to play with. It's very surprising that the parents allow their children to act like that. My daughter is an only child and she loves to share. But, maybe because she younger. She only 2 1/2.

Having a 17 month old daughter with a son due in March I work very hard to get her to share, and most of the time she is very good about it. I am very interested in your story (as I will likely run into such situations). I hope it works out well & would really like to hear what happens. These ladies seem to be giving some great advice.

Hi K.,

I have been in this situation before, I have 2 kids, ages 5 and 3,who always share. I have been in playgrps where the kids dont share and parents back it up saying "Today he does not want to share". I felt the same way, my kids getting the short end of the stick. Often, I would say to my kids, in front of those moms, "We always share with others, and if you dont want to, we need to go in" Sometimes, it works, cos the other moms realise your viewpoint and change their kids behaviour. Others dont get it, and with these, I have slowly stopped associating. I think the bottom line is, the playgrps are for the kids pleasure, if your kid is not happy playing with some kids cos they are never sharing,and if its stressing me, then its no fun for them or me, so stop playing with those friends. Its always worked for me. My kids are both very emotionally mature and very caring kids, and in time, they have realised, especially the 5 yr old boy, that some friends are for keeps ,some are not.

Let me know what you think,
S.

your child are learning life lessons. life does not a set of play rules and you just need to teach your child the best behavior, to share, and how to be around child who do not share.

Going through the same things.. .

ask the parents if it would be okay if your child plays with that item for a bit since you do not own that item.

Encourage sharing. If the parent gets mad they obviously are not paying attention.

If children are unsupervised, it becomes your responsibility to be mediator. If the parent has a problem with that, then you can state that they are welcome to attend.

I do not tolerate other children, grabbing, kicking, screaming at my child. I have disciplined many children whom I do not know, and have no problem when I see that the parent is not being an "active parent" by correcting bad behavior.

As parents we often get sidetracked with our own needs to socialize and be with others that we tend not to carefully watch our children.

At 26, to this day, I have never had a parent confront me in terms of what was done. Most often children know they are doing something wrong.

The rules of the playgroup should be to share. Final answer.

Best wishes,

J.