Not Sure I Can Trust My Husband Alone with Baby

wow I wouldn't leave a baby with him for a moment. Do you have a playpen that you can stick her in with some toys? A walker where she will be safe for a few minutes while you do something? That is where I put my grandson when I have to go to the bathroom. when I am cooking I put him in his walker or highchair where I can see him and give him his puffs or a safe toy!!

Hi. I would try talking to your husband when nothing catstrophic is going on so that it's not like you're attacking him. Let him know that your concerns are real and very serious. It only takes an instant for something horrible to happen. I know with me and my husband, part of the problem is that he KNOWS I am there, he KNOWS that I am watching her so he doesn't feel that he has to be super attentive to her. There have been times when he has felt I don't trust him with her and I shared my concerns and now I ASK him to sit and play with our daugther (also 10 mos.) and keep an eye on her while I do this or do that. I let him know that I am not able to watch her and that I NEED him. I do this at night sometimes too when I'm super tired or have a cold and take medicine. That way he is "aware" that I need him to keep an eye/ear out. I think so often the moms are everywhere doing everything that the guys tend to relax a little. This approach has helped us a lot. Hopefully you find a way to communicate your concerns and he understands. It only takes a second for something to happen and if it did, what would be more important the tv show/game he was watching or the welfare of your little one. Also, just an idea....invest in a DVR or Tivo or something...you can record your shows and watch them later, pause tv, etc. Or, better yet, tell your husband to shut the tv off and pay attention to your daughter, these moments are precious now and they are flying by. He doesn't want to have any regrets. Good luck.

This sounds like my husband who used to fall asleep and/or could sleep through anything. The first thing I would do is invest in a good playpen and/or an exersaucer, so that your daughter cannot get into things she shouldn't while "free-ranging" unsupervised. Although our son still managed to get to the Sunday paper on the coffee table once and eat some of it by reaching from the pen. (Poison control said only the colored inks might be toxic, so I am glad it was not that section.)
The other thing is that it sounds like he doesn't know how to interact with her. She is old enough to enjoy games like peek-a-boo and patty cake. Even if patty cake is hand over hand. You can show him that by playing with her and including him in the fun. As in "look what she can do." Then "you try it with her - isn't that neat?". My husband had no clues how to interact with a baby either, but I could get him to do things like that by example.
Also, he may act differently when he is the only one there with her. If you are in the other room, doing whatever, he may think that you know what's going on so it is ok for him to zone out. He needs to be aware that you are trusting him to watch her as you will be unable to for awhile.
Good luck with all of this. You are going to need to be able to trust him to watch over her at times, as everyone needs a break from being there 24/7.

My husband is a zoner outer also, but here's the thing. When WE are home, they assume we're watching the child, even if the kid is in the room with them. They just aren't "used" to having to be the one to keep an eye on them. But, if they're home alone with the baby, and they KNOW THAT, then they become much more responsible and really watch them. You can't just let your paranoia cause you to not let your husband watch her, I mean, he's her father.....Give him a chance.

it is easy to zone out while watching TV or checking your email, or something on the internet...

i would just ask/insist that he not watch TV while watching her. it should be time that he is connecting with her, playing, reading, cuddling, crawling.... something. but not watching TV while she does whatever she wants. that is not watching/caring for her.

Your husband needs to have a friend or someone other than you to tell him it only takes a split second for something just anything that can happen to your baby. He won't listen to you as he already said you are over reacting so have one of your guy friends explain what can and will happen if he continues to watch TV or whatever he does when he zones out. Good luck.

You are not alone - I have this problem with my husband at times too, and we are on child #3. I do think it's something of a guy thing. I often gate the baby in the area I am, even when I'm cooking, because I watch him better while I am cooking than My husband does when watching TV. Also, future tip, when the baby gets older and wants to play outside, your husband probably won't pay close enough attention to actually "watch" her if he's out there doing yard work. I know mine doesn't. Our four year old was outside with him and she went out front to play (he was in back) and when I came out and asked where she was, he thought she had come inside with me. Luckily the neighbor was out front and had been keeping an eye on her.

If you are in an area with the new AT&T Uverse, it has a great feature - you can PAUSE broadcast TV at anytime on the TV that has the DVR equipment. So perhaps he'd be willing to Pause his show and watch the baby for a few minutes while you are cooking/or taking care of other things. You can pause for up to 60 minutes (and then it lets you fast forward through commercials if you've used pause.)

Good luck.

Men! I know exactly what you are talking about except it's the computer around here. I almost always take our 8 month old son with me every where because of this very reason. We have 4 kids so I know things get better and he will interact with him more when he gets to be closer to age 2. I'm not sure there is a solution. Men are generally very compartmentalized thinkers and can't focus on two things at once, so your husband really does need to turn off the TV while he watches your daughter. If he is not willing to do so, then you might need to get a babysitter or mothers helper. Honestly, my 9 year old daughter does a better job watching the baby than my husband. I am more likely to leave him home if she will be there, although he fulfills the adult requirement.

To give him some credit, my husband has lately been taking our son in the backyard and pushing him on the swing. That seems to be his new way of bonding with his son.

Get yourself a play pen and put her in it when you need to do something else.Men all zone out to the TV and your not going to change that.Not unless you go and sell the tv out from under him.

No. You're NOT being picky. Why not turn OFF the TV and interact & play w/ her. That way, she won't BE distracted and eating stuff she shouldn't in addition to creating bonding time. HE'S BEING LAZY and MAKING EXCUSES!

Obviously there are many options there. One a saucer or playpen. And then make a deal with husband that he turns the tv off when he has the baby. DO you have that new stuff for tv's , tivo or I am not sure of the other one. As you can see I am not a tv watcher. But there are things available through your cable provider.

I agree with the comment that when mom is home, it is easy for dad to zone out because mom is "watching" the baby. My husband seems to be much more attentive when he is home alone with our son. My friend just told me about a story that should scare him enough to watch her more closely though. I know it scared me. A 2 year old girl recently ate a watch battery and her parents didn't know. She died within 48 hours because it ate through her stomach and caused internal bleeding. So heartbreaking.

I think a saucer she can stand up in is a good idea. My kids both loved the baby einstein one. Babies r us has it. It is useful when you need to run to the basement to get some laundry, or other things like that.

turn off the TV.... it's the best thing we've done for our family.

Don't let him get away with it being a "guy thing", my husband is very attentive to our daughter, but I have friend whose husband does the zone thing too. It can be dangerous and down the road cause behavior issues. He needs to have the tv off while watching her. Afterall what is more important his daughter or the tv?

You are NOT over-reacting.
At 10 months, your baby is into everything and it will not end anytime soon.
So, I would not leave her alone with himwhen the TV is on.
The time will pass, but right now it is up to you to be vigilant, checking in on her every few minutes.
Appreciate the good about your husband, but keep your eyes on your little girl.

Your daughter's room shouldn't have a TV in it, but should have plenty of fun toys for her (and him) to play with. Maybe start demanding that he watch her in her room, and put a baby gate in her room, so that a.) he won't have the TV to stare off into, and b.) it will theoretically keep the mess of the toys limited to her room (any extra bonus or non-confrontational excuse may help).

It's simple, make him turn off the TV!!! There are plenty of studies showing that TV is bad for children anyway, so you should both get in the habbit of turning off the TV when your child is in the room. Don't get yourself into the trap of useing TV as a babysitter either. We only let our daughter watch 30 minutes of TV a day and it's usually Sesame Street. Good habits start by setting an example so your husband should just turn the TV off. Besides, what's more important? Some show or game or the wellfare of your child?

My husband is a computer geek, and usually is on his computer when he's supposed to be "watching the kids". Our youngest is now 2-1/2, and LOVES to climb on things. He realized one afternoon that he had to quit being oblivious to what the girls were doing when the 2 year old had climbed up on to the kitchen island, and I hear, "OH MY GOD!!!" Of course, I got to tell him, "She wouldn't have gotten up there if you had been paying attention to her."

Plus she also loves to play in the toilet. I don't know why...our 5 year old didn't. BUT she'll unspool the TP, throw it all in there, play with the brush, etc etc until the bathroom and she are wet all over. It didn't take long to realize that if you can't see her or hear her, then it's time to figure out where she is and what she's doing, because chances are, she's doing something she isn't supposed to be doing.

Eventually he'll get the idea - but no you aren't over-reacting, and someone suggested bringing it up at the next dr. appt. so he can hear how important it is - that's a good idea. Any time you are around other couples and can ask, "Did the kids ever do anything they weren't supposed to before you guys realized what was going on?" and those should help instill the importance of paying more attention to her.

Good luck!

The playpen is a good idea, but won't work if you're daughter doesn't like being in it. We used a play yard instead of a playpen, and that worked pretty well until our daughter was about 1 1/2.

Maybe you could have your husband go with you to your next well baby checkup and ask the doctor about it while he's there. That way he could hear directly from 'an expert' how easily a child can get into things they aren't supposed to. I sometimes my husband thinks I'm being overprotective or overreacting, but if he hears the same thing from someone he considers unbiased and an expert, he will take them seriously.