Need Advice on Getting Away from Co-Sleeping/Being Able to Put Baby Down

Updated on May 18, 2009
A.N. asks from Stamford, CT
35 answers

I am a first time mom of a 7 week old little girl. I may be in trouble with developing bad sleeping habits with her. I had a c-section and I am breastfeeding on demand. I have a bassinet (which I have never used) and a co-sleeper next to me, which I have barely used. Because of my c-section and my desperate need for sleep the first couple of weeks, I ended up having her fall asleep much of the time cradled in my arms within a "boppy pillow". It worked initially because she was so small that she wasn't going anywhere and I could get some sleep. If I tried to put her down on her back, as I should, she would scream. Now I sometimes still fall asleep with her on me, once she finishes her last feeding before we go to sleep (she particularly likes the upright position on my shoulder) but the rest of the time at night I sleep with her next to me. She is on her back and I sort of cradle both arms around her so she doesn't really have a chance to move. We have a king size bed and my husband works nights so there's a lot of room, but I know this is setting the stage for her not being able to go in her crib. If I attempt to put her down on her back in her co-sleeper, she inevitable wakes up within 10 minutes. The same is mostly true during the day but I have some success putting her down when she naps for a longer time. She is only 7 weeks old and I don't want to have to "let her cry it out" like my husband would like to do. I know this makes for a needy baby but she is so little I cannot bear listening to her scream. HELP!!!!! What can I do? p.s. During the day, when she is awake, we generally go through the same thing in that she needs to be picked up and held and walked around A LOT! HELP!!!!

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.D.

answers from New York on

Try swaddling her. Babies need that tight comfort around them. read, "The HAppiest Baby on the Block"

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.B.

answers from New York on

Try swaddling her. My daughter would only sleep while being held or swadled until she was 5 months old. Once she learned how to roll over on her own, she started sleeping on her belly and didn't need to be swaddled anymore. Now she is almost 13 months and sleeps great. I agree with other posters that she's too young for crying it out.

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.L.

answers from New York on

Hi A.,

I disagree that 7 weeks old is much too early to develop sleeping habits. I say that because my son (23 months) has slept in his own crib, in his own room, since he was 3 days old, and he's been an awesome sleeper ever since because of it. I never understood why parents cosleep for the first 1 or 2 years, then complain when they can't get the kids out of the bed! What do they expect? I am not trying to sound harsh because what works for my family doesn't mean it works for others, I understand that. But when ALL they've known is to sleep in Mom and Dads bed, of course it's going to be a brutal process getting them out. It's only a natural reaction.

That being said, in my opinion, nip this in the bud ASAP IF you do not want to cosleep at all. It has to be a structured sleeptime method. You can't do a little of this, and a little of that....pick a spot for her to sleep and that's that. Set up a baby monitor- that's what they are for, and put her down. Everyone always said to me "You just got lucky with a good sleeper...." No, I didn't just get lucky. If there's one thing I pat my husband and myself on the back for, it's for how we chose to make sure that everyone gets proper rest and cosleeping was something we didn't see any benefits in.

My son is such a good bedtime guy, that he literally gets his binky and blankie and heads for the stairs at 7:30 p.m. every night wihout a fuss. That ain't luck.

That's just my input, my story, and what worked for us. I hope you find something that helps you soon!

Congratulations!
Lynsey

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.C.

answers from New York on

Hi there. Do NOT by any means let her cry it out, she's too little to understand and plus she needs to feel nurtured and loved right now, not left alone in the dark. Do what feels right, nurture her, hug her, hold her, she's so little I wouldn't worry about it. My ped said when they're about 6 months is when they start understanding and figuring out how to get their parents to do something, so when she's 6 months, you can worry about putting her in her crib, but you have time for that. Who knows, by then, she may want to be in her crib anyway. For example, on occassion when my girl was very young, I would let her sleep with me, if she was fussy, or had diarhea (once or twice) or if I wanted to get some sleep but was still breastfeeding. She's going to turn 1 this sunday, and if I bring her to our bed and try to lay her down in between us to sleep, she'll fuss and fuss and let you know she wants to go in her crib. We take her to the crib and she passes right out. Sometimes, at night, if she's not feeling well (now mostly due to teething), I'll take her into my bed (mostly so I don't have to get up every 10 mins) and she'll sleep with me for a few hours, come down (I think they love the closeness of their mommy) and then I put her back in her crib and she sleeps there fine the rest of the night. So don't worry, you have time for training. For now, just love and nurture your girl, and let her know you're there for her. That's what she needs most at this time in her life.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

F.A.

answers from New York on

You have had lots of advice, and what you follow will depend on how you feel about e.g. attachment parenting. I personally felt that my friends who went the attachment parenting/co-sleeping route ended up with broken sleep and no privacy for years because they did not establish good sleeping in the early weeks. Some people really don't seem to mind that, and if so, great.
I also agree with those who have said your baby is too little to allow her to cry it out. But there is a middle way between co-sleeping indefinitely and cry-it-out methods. You have to allow your daughter to learn to fall asleep herself by putting her down in her crib/bassinet while calm, fed but AWAKE. Don't let her fall asleep feeding or hold her until she sleeps.
Get her used to falling asleep on her own. One way that worked well for my second daughter was while she was awake and alert but not hungry, I put her into her crib with a black and white mobile above her and some gentle classical music on low, and she would be awake in there for a while then just fall asleep on her own without crying. She was sleeping though the night while fully breastfed at about 2 months. Her sister, who I always put to bed awake in the evening, went through the night from 11 weeks.
It's OK to leave them if they are whimpering a little to see if they settle. I am not advocating allowing a tiny baby to scream, but if you go to them at the tiniest thing then they will learn not to go to sleep without you.
Good luck

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.F.

answers from New York on

Co sleeping is not necessary a bad thing. It is very common in the rest of the world...only in the USA do we view and infants need/desire to be close to its mom as a bad thing. Co sleeping helps facilitate BF, regulates baby's breathing and encourages baby to sleep on their backs ( reduces SID). Co sleeping is safe as long as you have not been drinking, doing drugs and keep fluffy pillows, mattresses, and memory foam away from baby ( memory foam mattresses and mattress covers can be dangerous as the baby sinks in a bit more). Our Ped said to co-sleep as long as we wanted but cautioned that if you do want baby to sleep in the crib... transition them before 5 months old... after 5 months their is more emotional attachment and it is more difficult. That being said highly respected ped's such as Dr. Sears recommend cosleeping long term. Do what works for you and don't be put off by people who are against it. Its a personal decision that may be right for some people and not others.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.P.

answers from New York on

Just a couple of thoughts... this is going to be harder for you than your daughter! We went through something similar with my son- also b/c of a c-section I would let him sleep with us after his 2:00 am feeding. He would fall sound asleep in my arms and then scream as soon as his little body touched his mattress.

What we started doing was putting his Boppy in the crib and laying him in there. I know that this sounds dangerous, but as soon as he was sound asleep, we removed the Boppy gently. Our son seemed to move a lot in his sleep and would wake himself up flailing until he was in a deep sleep. It helped.

You may want to consider a bouncer or something that will allow your daughter to feel snuggled and have some motion at the same time.

7 wks is way to early to let her cry it out, but you should try a couple of different things to get her to sleep in her crib! We had no luck with the Snuggle Nest, but know several people who did. The Boppy worked really well for us and his babysitter rolled-up receiving blankets and "wedged" him in between to give him the same feeling.

Good luck- she will settle into a routine soon and start sleeping in longer intervals.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.M.

answers from New York on

My son is 3 now, but we went through the same thing back at that age. I had the same concerns as you, but let me tell you crying it out is not for this age. Babies under 4 months don't know and can not learn how to self sooth. I spoke to my pediatrician, who is very holistic, and I love him. He said up until 4 months anything can go, but at 4 months you have to start setting healthy sleeping habits or else sleep problems will follow for long time. Though I did transition my son from our bed to his room at 2 months because I was not getting any sleep in fear of crushing him in bed. He would not sleep in his crib, but he slept in the cradle swing really well. The swing did not have to be on, he just didn't want to be flat. At 4.5 months I transitioned him to his crib at nights, as he was always a better sleeper at night than nap time. I did use the ferber method, but did teak it a bit based on my son's needs. I would stay in the room longer and had shorter cry periods. It took 2 or 3 days, and we've never really had any issues since then. My son loved his crib after that, and then the toddler bed. Even now he wonders in our room from time to time, but he does tell me that his bed is better so it's not something he tries often. Good luck to you. If you can put her in the co-sleeper, it would make your life and sleep easier than if she was in bed next to you. Remember healthy sleep habits can be set starting at 4 months when they become aware of their surroundings and can learn to self sooth, however I would not wait much longer than that since I know many people who tried without success at 6 months and older. Congrats

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.S.

answers from New York on

A. - first of all, your LO is way too young to let her cry it out! 7 week old babies cannot self soothe just yet, and they love jiggling to fall asleep. Are you swaddling? That also is super important at 7 weeks.

Second of all, I was in the exact same boat as you with the co-sleeping. I did not have a c-section, but I did have a co sleeper, which my little guy started out fine in, and then every time I would put him back down into it after a feeding, would wake up and cry as soon as I put him down. So, eventually, I too started sleeping with him in the bed, around 2 months old. We slept with him between us, and it was wonderful. Nighttime feedings were a breeze and my husband and I actually slept! We just moved all of the blankets and pillows away from the center of the bed and DS would lay on his back. He actually started sleeping for longer stretches.

Well, DS just turned 4 months and I decided it was time to move him to the crib in his own room. I was so worried I was going to go back to waking up every 2 hours. The transition couldn't have been smoother. He took to the crib in 2 nights. For the first few nights, I gave him my pajama shirt that smelled like me so that he didn't feel so alone. I also gave him a pacifier to help him fall asleep. It's only been about a week and a half, and he's already sleeping 7-8 hours a night! He wakes up for a feeding around 4-5am, but then he'll go back to sleep for about an hour or so. So, you see, it isn't so terrible to sleep in a "family bed." 7 weeks is still too young to set up any "bad" sleep habits.

I suggest for daytime naps, try a swing or a bouncy seat that vibrates. Some babies like the lull of that just as much as rocking. For nighttime, if you don't want to continue co sleeping, try a white noise machine for putting your LO back into the co-sleeper. I tried this, along with a tight swaddle, and it worked.

Also, I don't know if your baby is colicky, but even if she's not, I recommend "The Happiest Baby on the Block" book, which goes through the 5 S's and getting young babies to sleep. My baby was not colicky, but I still benefitted from the information in this book.

Good luck to you!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.J.

answers from New York on

My daughter was the same way with sleeping. She would only nap if you held her and the minute that you put her down she would wake up and scream. Nights were a little better, she would sleep for a few hours. She absolutely loved to be swaddled. I would swaddle her sooo tightly it was hard to believe she was comfortable, but she would sleep when she was swaddled. The miracle blanket was a great purchase for us because she wanted to be swaddled for a very long time. She had no problem transitioning to her crib..as long as she was swaddled. I also did not let her cry it out. She is now 13 months and she puts herself to sleep and sleeps through the night> (I had to add that last little bit because it's very exciting and it was a long time coming!!!) Good luck and enjoy this time with her!!!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.S.

answers from New York on

Don't worry A.. At 7 weeks it's far too early to establish sleeping habits. What you are doing is natural, and your baby needs you there now. In my opinion, putting a 7 week in a crib if they are crying is cruel.

My daughter was tough, but little by little, gradually, we moved her. At 3 months, I moved her from my bed to the co-sleeper next to me. At 5 months we moved the co-sleeper into her room. At 6 months we moved her from the co-sleeper to the crib in her room. By 7 months, and since then (she's 14 months now), she sleeps in her crib with her door closed, no problem. She was okay with those little changes because we followed her kew, and I got an idea of when I felt she was ready. Don't rush, this bonding time is SO important, and at 7 weeks letting your baby cry it out would be neglect. And, as someone said, it's so short lived. Listen to your intuition, and hold your little baby when crying.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.S.

answers from New York on

Hi A.,

You have gotten so much advice that I am sure your head is spinning sorry but I am going to put my two cents in. I am a mother of a 24 and 20 year old, I own a childcare center and have cared for hundreds of infants over the years. I am not a believer in co-sleeping I never did it and studies show due to an increase in co-sleeping while nursing in bed infant mortality has doubled. You can cuddle your baby all day long they do not have to feel your love only by sharing your bed. There is so much risk of them being suffocated, or falling off the bed etc. When my kids needed me I slept in their room even if it was on the floor near their crib so they were not alone but I did not put them in my bed. This was my personal choice because as a stay at home mom I needed my space and time to be with my husband. Trust me it does not make you a bad mother, but it is personal choice. I also am a believer in the cry it out method however your baby is much to young for that. There are many other methods you can do to get them to sleep independently without crying it out. First of all put her in her bassinet when she is fully awake, not overtired, so she can begin to get used to it. Try putting music on I always used music for my kids to sleep. Remember a little fussing is not crying, you can stay with her rub her belly, stroke her head, sing to her just try not to pick her up and let her learn to sleep in her bassinet, or crib alone. The crib is the safest place for your baby. If she does not like to sleep flat is it possible she has some reflux, you can check with the doctor on that. If that is the case then maybe let her sit in her bouncy seat so she is elevated right after feedings to help with that. You can also put pillows or blankets UNDER her mattress so the top is elevated so she can be more comfortable. She is still so young and needy so please do not think you are spoiling her. Babies that small need constant attention and on the plus side she is young enough to break the co sleeping much easier then when she becomes older. My daughter was colic that may also be an issue with her fussiness so I would just keep in contact with your doctor and ask as many questions as you need to. It is all trial and error because each baby is different and you need to find what works best for your family and your baby. I also did bath time at night. I created a routine from when they were a few months old. Bathing at night I think helps them to relax and can help them to sleep better. A nice warm bath can also help settle any gas she may be having. I hope this helps. Good luck it will get easier.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.B.

answers from New York on

Hi A.,
I went through the same thing with my son. As a newborn he'd only sleep well at night if he slept on my shoulder, and since his sister is only 16 mos older, I was so desperate for sleep that I figured it was worth it to get some rest! Anyway, at 7 weeks I finally "remembered" what had worked for my daughter - the swaddle! If you don't have a copy of Dr. Karp's "The Happiest Baby on the Block" BUY IT. I didn't read the whole thing, but his "5 S's" for comforting & getting a newborn to sleep are amazing! (I think they are: swaddling, side-lying, sucking, swaying, & shushing) Try it & I'm 99.9% sure you'll have great results & a better night's sleep! Good luck.
~ E.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.E.

answers from Rochester on

A., A couple of good books for you to get are The Baby Whisperer and On Becoming Babywise. I read the latter and my sister-in-law read the other. Both are very similar in that they stress a schedule and training. Now is the time to start a routine. You have many roles in addition to being a mom to this little girl. You do not want to become so needed that you have nothing else but the care for her. It will make her needy and discontent and you crazy. On Becoming Babywise is an easy read, and not a long book. If you get it, skip to the part about scheduling and get that going before you do anything else. Then go back and read the rest. The Baby Whisperer is great because it has many more details and information to go along with scheduling. I had two baby boys a year apart in Germany and my husband worked strange shifts, long hours while I was home alone. I decided to make things work for me instead of going nuts. You will not be happy if you do not train your little one. She needs you rested and content, and then she will be, too. Both my babies slept through the night by 8 weeks, and 12 hrs. by a year old. They had scheduled naps throughout the day and I could put them down in their own crib awake and they would go to sleep. Once I implemented a schedule, life was good. The accomplishment feels great, too. You can do this. Just start as soon as possible. Congratulations on your healthy little girl! -R.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.J.

answers from New York on

Read the book, "The No-Cry Sleep Solution", by Elizabeth Pantley. It is a good book. I never actually got my daughter to sleep on her own until she was over 2 but more for a personal choice. She took a long time to sleep through the night and woke up an average of 3 times as a toddler, so it was my only way to stay sane. Co-sleeping is defintitly not for everyone, but remember, your child will grow up someday, and you will miss those cuddling days!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from Rochester on

i had a similar issue in that my son would only sleep well if he was sleeping in bed with me. when he was about 9 or 10 weeks old....he was getting fussy even in bed with me and wouldn't settle down. i started putting him in his crib and he surprisingly slept great. for the first week or so he would wake up after on hour....i would settle him back down....then after that he would only wake for feedings. I guess he was just ready for his own space.
i also put him in a sleep positioner in his crib and i think that helped, because it makes them feel cradeled. during the day...our napping was horrible. for weeks he napped in the swing or in a sling. but, now, naps just fine in his crib. it just takes time. i know at this stage you might feel like you are starting bad habits ( i felt the same), but remember that you CANNOT spoil an infant and you MUST do what is best for the baby. I hope this helps. you can email me if you want.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.O.

answers from New York on

Two pieces of advice. First, I used the method in the book "Babywise", and it really helped to get my kids sleeping in their own crib, and sleeping through the night. Second, have you tried letting her sleep on her belly? Get yourself a BabeSafe mattress cover (they sell them in all sizes from bassinet to crib to twin bed). Just google it and you'll find sources, mostly midwives. It's a heavy plastic cover that goes over the mattress with venting holes on the bottom. The doctor who developed them is in New Zealand, where they have NO SIDS as a result. He believes that SIDS is from the flame-retardant chemicals they put in mattresses - antimony, phosphorous, and ARSENIC. All are heavier than air, so if the mattress gets wet (from drool, spit-up, etc) and the chemicals start breaking down, the gasses hover just above the surface of the mattress, right where a tummy-sleeping baby's face is. With a properly wrapped mattress, you can feel safe letting your baby sleep on her belly, and all three of my kids would only sleep well, and sleep through the night, once they slept that way. Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.G.

answers from Rochester on

So I could get some sleep I ended up nursing my daughter, laying down in our king size bed (with husband in it). Same thing, when I layed her down in bassinet she would wake up and I just had to sleep! To make it a little safer (and this only worked sometimes) I would put her in an extra changing table pad while still in the bed with us, sometimes I would move it to the floor(sides make it so she could roll out).
She slept in our bed (nursing laying down) till she was about 6 months old and then I started putting her in her crib and going in the nursery to nurse her a couple of times a night (sometimes she would end up in our bed in the morning hours when I was too tired to sit upright and nurse. By 11 months she slept through the night in her crib and is hands down the best sleeper I/my family know to this day at 2 yrs old! She even transitioned to her big girl bed in one night!
I guess my point is do what feels best and even though it does affect him, if he is not the one doing everything in the middle of the night, do what YOU need to do. Dealing with sleeping habits are an onging thing at this point -teething, nursing, you name it:-)contribute to this.
I agree with you that she is too young to cry it out, I couldn't do it till my daughter was 11 months and luckily it only took one night.

Good luck with everything!

H.V.

answers from Jamestown on

http://www.freewebs.com/sidecarcrib/index.htm check out that site, it will tell you how to side car your crib. I have done this and also have had c sections too. makes your life easier at night. sorry I gotta run, baby's tired.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.H.

answers from New York on

Swaddle her. Tight. it really really helps. Good luck

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.A.

answers from Rochester on

Hi A.,

I agree with all of the ladies out there who said things like do not let her cry it out and let her sleep with you. Attachment parenting is how we as humans develop our feelings of empathy for one another. Ever wonder why people can be so cruel sometimes? Because they never attached to anyone so they don't care about other people. Your baby trusts you right now because you respond to her needs. Don't break that trust by letting her cry. When I was a new mom sleeping with my baby, and my mother in law made unkind comments about it I was so happy when my husband put her in her place by saying to her that it is natural for a baby to sleep with its mother. He put it this way: have you ever seen a dog give birth to a litter of puppies and then get up and walk away from them to go sleep somewhere else? If you don't already have "The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears, I highly recommend it.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.S.

answers from New York on

She's young and it's really early. Enjoy it while you can and in a couple of months you can start to transition her away. Right now, she barely feels like she's out of the womb! I was just like you - really worried about creating a bad sleep habit where my son couldn't sleep by himself. I just saw so many miserable moms of four year olds who couldn't sleep out of Mom's bed. But you know what, there is a big difference between a 7 wk old, a 4 month old, and a 4 week old. We found that the best way to handle the sleep stuff was gradually and not to get too worked up about what the long term effects of every decision will be. We did a little crying it out when he was 6-8 months, a lot of snuggling and soothing, a little bit of every piece of advice. And now he's really flexible and sleeps well by himself or with us - whatever we need. Swaddling at that age is critical. Keep her warm. Also, if you want to look at a book, I like the No Cry Sleep Solution. She was really balanced, I thought.

P.G.

answers from Elmira on

Hi A.,

I co slept with my daughter in our bed until she was 18 months old. We also practiced attatchment parenting; where I would use a sling or ergo carrier to carry her around during the day, when she was sleepy or napping. She has slept in her own bed since 18 months (the transition was fairly seemless). So, i guess I am saying that it is not a terrible thing to let her sleep with you if that is where she is most secure. It does not promote unhealthy sleeping patterns, as you can transition her into her own bed when you and she are ready. Just think, when she was growing inside you, she was part of you, heard your heart beat and needed you. She still needs to feel that she is part of you and needs that heartbeat to lull her and your warmth to feel secure. She will soon be needing less of you and you will never have this closeness and bond again.
Cheers,
P.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.

answers from New York on

Both my kids were the same way. And now they are both the most amazing sleepers you could ever see. This is exactly what you do... Start off with her sleeping beside you. Then once she's asleep, move her to the co-sleeper. If she wakes move her back. Do this every night. Within a few days, once you move her, she will stay asleep. Just keep trying. After every nursing, once she's asleep, move her. If she wakes, move her back. Then after a week or so of her being able to sleep in the co-sleeper, you can start the whole process of moving her from the co-sleeper to her crib. Do the same thing. Once she's asleep in the co-sleeper, mover her to her crib, and if she wakes move her back. Eventually, she'll stay in her own room.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.C.

answers from New York on

Hi A.,

Seven weeks is WAY to young to let her cry it out!! From what I have read, for the first 4 - 6 months, you do whatever you have to, to get your baby to sleep (my son spent a lot of time sleeping in his swing or bouncy seat due to reflux). Also, for the first 4 months you should go to your baby whenever she cries. She is learning to trust you right now. I am not necessarily against the CIO method, but please wait until she is at least 6 mos old! Congratulations and good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.D.

answers from New York on

I would designate a spot for her to sleep and thats it! Use your monitor. DO NOT let her cry it out yet, she is WAAAY to small for that. You can shush her to sleep, i used to tap my son on the hip lightly and that calmed him, still works and he's 2! There is nothing wrong with cuddling your baby and occasionally bringing them into bed with you but dont make a habit of it...most importantly, give her LOTS of love and snuggle all you can!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.D.

answers from New York on

She is 7 weeks old! You are not developing "bad sleeping habits" with her. This is not possible at that age. What is possible is to make her frustrated and miserable and to interfere with the process of her bonding with you. That will happen if you let her "cry it out" -- a criminal approach to baby care that I would have thought was long forgotten. Apparently not.
To think of a 7 week old as "needy" is totally nonsensical. Of course she's "needy" -- she needs as much comfort as you can give her. She is hardly out of the womb: carry her and keep her as comfortable as you can.
And relax and enjoy her. Take care of yourself and tell your husband that this idea of his about baby care is abusive. Was he hit as a child? Does he think that's ok, too?

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from Albany on

Sleeping with your baby is not making her needy. There's not a 7 week baby on the planet that isn't naturally needy.

Throughout history babies have slept with their families. Especially when you go back to work you will need bonding time. You also need time to do other things around the house so co-sleeping is perfect for re-connecting. Babies need that body warmth. Your body gives off far infrared energy. This is very healing and vital for health. You won't be nearly as tired as you will if you have to get up in the night to feed her either.

Humans are quite flexible. Don't worry, you won't have a teenager or college student still sleeping with you! You can have a child start sleeping alone when they're a bit older. Especially since hubby isn't there at night your daughter will not think it's odd that she needs to sleep alone while you have companionship at night.

Whether you agree or not I would highly suggest just reading The Family Bed to understand co-sleeping. You don't have to do it but it's good to know both sides before making a decision. It's available from La Leche League.

I don't think there's an animal in nature who would isolate a young baby. It's only our conditioning from older generations and self-proclaimed experts who recommend otherwise. The bottom line is that you need to figure out what is comfortable and what what feels right for YOU. Our instinct has largely been deadened by the media so don't be afraid to take a bit of time to get it back. Whichever way you go it needs to be a firm decision so as not to confuse the baby.

All the best!

From a Mom who happily co-slept and has a wonderful teen. I can say that everything in The Family Bed was spot on from personal experience.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.M.

answers from New York on

My daughter did the same thing with me and we started out this way for similar reasons (stiches and need for sleep). Do you like having her sleep with you, particularly since you have the room in the bed at night or do you absolutely not want to have her co-sleep? I think you should thinkn about that before panicking. My daughter slept in our bed until she was about 19 months old. She transitioned right to her own big girl bed at that time and it was not hard to do like everyone warned me. I just started with naps in her bed for a few wks then it grew from there. At times I was tired of having her in our bed because toddlers seem to take up more toom than adults, but when she was little it was nice and everyone got more sleep. And read Dr. Sears - it is common in most countries other than here and is not some horrible, dangerous action. Good luck

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.T.

answers from New York on

Hi A.-

While my birthing experience was vaginal, the part of this post that struck me most was the screaming on the back part. I could put my little girl down dead asleep (I mean practically limp!!), but the instant her back hit the bed she was awake and screaming. We made a commitment from the very beginning that she would sleep in her own space so, of course, the waking and screaming part made it hard to stay committed to that.

What I found worked best was using the bassinet (it was a loaner from a friend). This was a small enough space that it kept her cozy the first 6 to 8 weeks. To supplement the coziness and help with positioning, we purchased a slanted/inclined pillow that has side "wedges". I think we found it in Target. It was not fancy or expensive, but it worked for us. The wedges were slightly curved and had velcro. We ended up placing our little girl on her side using the wedges to prop her into position. She usually rolled back into the wedge a bit so she was kinda on her back.

Once she got wiggley and was in her big crib, we used only the wedges as she would slide off the incline. Once she started rolling over (between 5 and 6 months), I gave up on the back thing completely.

I felt like such an aweful Mom for a really long time and the first few nights she rolled over, I slept on the floor near her bed so I could make sure she was ok. What I learned though was that things like being from a smoke-free home, BFing, keeping blankets away especially at night, all helped lower the risks of SIDS. It seemed that it was better for us all to get some sleep than worry about a specific position.

To this day, she never, ever, ever sleeps on her back. She goes down on her tummy. Just be observant and start slow with tranisitioning her out of the bed like starting the night in the bassinet and ending up in bed. Each time make it a longer nap or night time stretch (even post feedings). She will learn what is her space soon enough.

Good luck.
~C.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.R.

answers from Binghamton on

A.,
My first daughter was caulic. My husband and I had to walk the halls with her in Two hour shifts. Do you have anyone to help you at night? A few things that did help was a gas medicine, the two triangle things to put in crib to stop them from rolling (we put her on her left side)the triangle things made her feel as being held with a thin blanket (receiving blanket) wrapped like when you were in the hospital and the best thing and most important thing was a stuffed teddy bear my aunt bought that had a heartbeat sound. It makes the baby hear it as if they were on your chest. I never breaset fed due to all I drank was soda and did not eat right after baby and before pregnancy so baby wouldn't get anything off me. So pediatrician and I agreed for formula. You need to have a family member to spend time at house so you can get some sleep or you will go crazy. And it is good for baby to cry builds lungs up. If you didn't go to pediatrician yet maybe give them a call. Maybe not getting enough milk off you and might be getting gas. It does happen due to you can't see what baby takes in.
Hope helps you out. Please don't be afraid to ask doctors anything and if don't understand them tell them that. Some doctors might just tell you your parinoid. Moms instincts kicks in it usually isn't.

M.R.

answers from Rochester on

Enjoy the snuggling! :) It sounds like you're aware of the dangers of co-sleeping and are modifying accordingly. Attachment parenting works for some people. Your baby spent nine months (give or take) snuggled close to you, hearing your body's sounds, and it is fine for her to want that to continue for a while. You've gotten a lot of advice on here, but one thing I can add that helped us when we wanted the baby to sleep without us is I would lay a spit cloth or receiving blanket under us in bed, nurse in bed, and then move the baby with the cloth under his head to his bed. This kept the coolness of the sheets from shocking him awake and it had my smell on it. It helped both kids stay asleep a little better. He now has a small handkerchief sized silky blanket we snuggle between us, so when I move him to his bed he clutches it and rubs it on his cheek. Many families co sleep and their children are happy, well-adjusted, and easy-going. Do what works best for you and your family! :)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.M.

answers from Albany on

Order an Amazaing Miracle Blanket which is a swaddler that looks a little like a straight jacket. Other brands do not measure up (and no, I don't work for them) and your little one will sleep peacefully. At one time I own 4 of them (2 from my son and then 2 more when my twins were born) and I always give them as baby shower gifts. It will work well until about 4 months old - I realize you only have 2 more months until that time but is well worth it! I had friends who thought it was mean to wrap a baby so snuggly, but they weren't sleeping at night - and neither were their kids. Oh, and I nursed my final night feeding with the swaddler on so that it was straight to dreamland. Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.Z.

answers from New York on

Hi A.,

First of all, there is no need to worry about establishing bad habits in a seven-week old baby. She is far too little and young to be concerned about bad habits. She needs you more than anything else right now and while it is exhausting, it will pass and get much easier. Babies cannot settle themselves down at seven weeks as their nervous systems are still developing, so gently let your husband know that she needs to be rocked and snuggled to sleep at this age. When she is seven months old, then it is a different story. But allowing her to cry-it-out now just isn't an option.

There are several ways that I tried to help get my son to sleep when he was your daughter's age. Have you tried swaddling? Or have you checked to see if she is cold? My son hated being cold when he slept (still does at 2 years old), so we would always put one extra layer of clothes on him before bedtime. It was usually a onesie under his pajamas, and then we would put a sleep sack on as well. He was warm and would occasionally give us longer stretches of sleep at night. I'm not a big advocate of co-sleeping (made me very, very nervous), but have you investigated a co-sleeper bed that actually fits on your bed? Maybe a Moses basket or something similar? Then she has her own space and she's still close to you to easily breastfeed. I would actually just bring my son's bassinet right up to the side of my bed so it was easy for me to sit up and nurse him in the middle of the night.

Lastly, if you haven't gotten a swaddle or a Baby Bjorn, I would HIGHLY recommend one. You can carry your daughter around during the day when she is awake and be hands-free to accomplish other activities.

The first few months are rough, but try to step back and enjoy them as much as you can. Children are only little once and you'll look back at this time and remember it fondly. It's hard, tiring, and frustrating, but there's nothing better in the world than being a mother.

My best to you!!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.E.

answers from New York on

A.,

Enjoy it while you can. They grow up and sleep in their own bed soon enough. My kids are 16, 14, 6, and 4. All of them at one time or another, slept next to me. I always allowed it and didn't mind. I also held my children a lot during the day too. I used a sling. I guess some call it attachment parenting. I'm sure that's not the advice you were looking for, but some moms feel pressured to do something that they really don't want to do. Does it annoy you that she sleeps next to you or do you just think your not supposed to allow it? Sorry, I'm tired and babbling now.

Blessings,
T. E.
www.LiveWellShopSmart.com
www.LovinLifeWithHomeBiz.com
www.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions