Nanny Not Wanting to Watch Sick Child

I'm shocked how judgemental people are being. Mommy Wars go on I guess. She didn't ask if she should be home with her child when sick. I have worked many times when my children are home sick being well cared for by their nanny. That's one reason I have a nanny versus use daycare. Why are people who have never had a nanny even answering how sick kids are usually handled? Daycare is much different because there are tons of kids who would be exposed. I've had one nanny for almost 7 years and she has never ever questioned working when one of the kids is sick. We've had 2 other nannies share the job along the way and they also automatically worked. Every person I know with a nanny has them come when the kids are sick. How are people who dump their kids in daycare all day w/ much higher ratios of caregiver to child criticizing mothers who pay for more concentrated care by a nanny but have to work sometimes when the kids are sick? If I were a kid, I'd much rather trade a few sick days at home with my nanny than being forced out of my home every other weekday of the year no matter whether I wanted to be home or not. How many daycare kids have the Tylenol affect? In this case, I think it has to be discussed whether or not the nanny works but it is certainly not a given that she doesn't. It would be factored into her pay if I was negotiating this. And I've worked with very well respected, high-end nanny agencies. This is the typical policy.

When I used one for my son (until a little over aged 2), the nanny would not work the very few days he was sick. She did not expect me to pay for that day however.

What a nasty thing, Dana K said, and really, she should be ashamed of herself. People go on this forum to ask a sincere question, and to be met with that nasty-ness is just terrible. GROW THE HELL UP!
About the nanny...did she express any concern about her baby getting sick, and is that her first child? I say text her again, and if she doesn't want to come have someone else....mil, sil, ect watch the next day, then would have a real heart to heart with her, and put down some rules about this.

When my kids have thrown up (at all in the last 24hrs), I don't expect anyone else to watch them... Even though grandma's have anyways.

ETA- I HAVE had a nanny... With her own child too. If her dd was sick, she'd call me immediately and let me know what's going on and let me decide if I still wanted her to watch mine. I did the same for her. I'd let her make that call when mine was ill. Generally speaking, if either (hers or mine) were vomitting, I or my husband stayed home with our son. If it was a cold or bacterial infection, we both realized the kids have been exposed already... So she still watched them. She was on my list of people allowed to take my son into the Dr's (her dd went to the same Dr).

If he was at a daycare he would be expected to stay home for up to 24 hours after he throws up. Since she is bringing another child with her or even the fact that she has another child you should follow those same guidelines. Also I am sure if the table was turned if it was her that was sick or her child you would not want her around your kids.
I know it is frustrating when you get called out of work to take care of sick children but it is part of being a parent and hopefully your employeer is understanding
It does concern me a bit that she did not try to feed him some plain toast like you suggested. Unless maybe he just wasnt ready to eat and she had tried. I know sometimes when I have an upset stomach I dont feel like eating.

you should have sent your husband home or gone home yourself when she let you know about him throwing up the first time. the fact that he threw up a second time would tell me that there was something going on(short lived virus possibly? who knows?)... if i were your nanny(babysitter is more what she sounds like), i wouldn't want to be there either, nor would i want my child around the sick child. if i were you, i would have arranged for myself or my husband to be home that day and the following day, just following the rules of decency for not exposing others until AT LEAST 24 HOURS after the last symptom.

just fyi - if your kid throws up at daycare, fever or not, you better believe you're gonna get a call to come get your child ASAP, and you're still gonna be paying for that day! lack of fever does not mean your kid doesn't have something contagious.

The point of a nanny is that you don't have to take time off when your child is sick. Daycare have the sick child rule so your kid doesn't infect a whole lot of other kids. You've kind of blended the two environment by agreeing to let your nanny bring her 2 yr old with her. I can understand her fear of infecting her daughter. You'll have to talk to her and come to some kind of agreement about sick child situation, yours and hers. You also need to evaluate the cost/benefit of having a nanny BUT still have to take days off when your children or the nanny's child is sick. I'm not talking seriously ill situation like the current one. What about a regular cold? Once you've establish the child simply needs to be monitored while resting you ought to be able to go back to work. Or work from home while she watch the kids.
I've had a nanny for 6 years and I only come home if they develop some illness during the day. And the next day, I go back to work while they recuperate with the nanny. If I stay home every time one of my kids get a cold, I'd be lucky to clock in as a half time employee.

Very interesting and heated debate you sparked here eh? I think your continuation helps clarify for those who seem to have missed the point. First of all, your child is not in day care and you do not pay day care rates, you pay much more. So the day care rules are irrelevant.

What is relevant is the arrangement you made with her. If she said she'd work when your kids are sick and find other arrangements for her own kid, well then she should stick with that. I agree a written contract is a good idea although it does introduce a level of formality that sort of "elevates" things. I'm sure we'd all love to be with our kids all the time but that wasn't your question, your question was about the obligations of the employer-employee relationship, in this case you & your nanny.

I do think these things are better worked out in a conversation (no texting or emails) as uncomfortable as it may be it will be a clearer outcome. I think the consensus is that the nanny comes no matter what (unless she is sick), that's why those of us who have nannies pay for them!

Good luck!!

If your child was going to a daycare he would not be allowed back until 24 hours after vomitting. As for what to expect of your nanny, these are details that you should have already worked out with her when she was hired. Since she is bringing her daughter, I do understand her not wanting to risk her child getting sick (would you be ok if she brought her child with her if she was sick?). If you haven't already worked out this detail, it definately sounds like you need to now...not just for tomorrow but going forward as well.

It sounds like with no fever, he may just be having a sick day and may be fine.

Since he has vomited, I would try to keep things lite and don't give him milk for a day or two (longer if he vomits more).

When I was a nanny (8 years for one family..and my own daughter was born into that situation and came to work with me every day from the time she was 18 days old until she was 3 years old when I quit to open my home childcare..with 3 months notice of course!).....I always worked when their kids were sick...and mostly when mine was too...

When my own daughter was super sick, they preferred me to keep her away from them...but they were Dr's, and were great about illness things and really my own child and theirs were rarely ill. We all practiced pretty good routines I suppose???

But that was part of having a nanny (vs other daycare or full day preschool situations) for them..having built in sick child care. It was part of my expectations and in my contract.

As a home childcare provider...no..sick kids have a 24 hour rule...but to me, that is different if you are truly paying the premium price of a nanny. JMO~

Daycare is way different than a nanny. One of the perks in having a nanny is exactly for this reason, you don't have to go by the daycare or school rules. Of course it would be nice for mommy/daddy to be there but the nanny is suppose to be the next best thing, IMO.

I defense of your nanny, she probably doesn't want to expose her child to whatever stomach bug your son may have and I'm sure you wouldn't want her to bring her sick kid and expose your family to whatever...And on the flip side, if your kids were at a daycare(or preschool), they would be calling you up to come and get him after he threw up... it's standard practice.

I don't have a nanny, I used daycare for a while. But I assume that the advantage of a nanny is that yes, she should stay with a sick child and this is part of her job. She should have considered this situation when she chose to bring her child to her job. She can try to keep them seperated, but she shoudl come to work.

That said, I think it is so great that one of you guys came home from work when the child was sick. A baby needs mom and dad, and I really respect that you made the effort to be with him. i know not every parent has that flexibility, but I think it is nice that you weren't like, "oh well, tough for the nanny."Some parents are... Likewise, I think if your child is clearly contagious, it is kind to try to keep the germs away from her child if you can get out of work. However, by the time a lot of symptoms appear, both kids are probably infected.

The daycare absolutely made me come get my child when she had a fever or if she threw up (fever or not) or had bad diarrhea (sometimes they were OK if we informed them she was on ABs because that caused the problem).

I think since he did puke, she was right in wanting one of you home. She and her kid are probably exposed now, so expect that she may need a sick day for herself or her own child. I would personally be home with my child the day after such an event (most daycares require 24 hrs fever-free). And, frankly, if my kid got sick, I wanted to be there. I felt badly enough sending her in with a bad sniffle.

I would also take this opportunity to discuss time off - will you pay her when you go on vacation? Will she get any "sick days" for herself? Yes, daycares are open, but they also have multiple people and children and frankly the per hour rate they charged us was not much when you broke it down. I could drop her off without her teacher (someone covered) but if DD wasn't there, the teacher still had to be paid.

What? A nanny not watch a sick child? That's half the point of having a nanny versus using daycare - you don't have to stay home when a child is sick! I think of course she should come (I've had nannies for years and OF COURSE they come and stay) and if the unique situation here is that she brings her child so won't work when your children are sick, you have to decide if what I assume the cost savings over another nanny is worth it. And will she bring her sick child into your home? There's no right or wrong answer depending on the cost/benefit relationship for you, the employer. But this will happen again...

Edit: In terms of a parent being home when the child is sick - I usually go home for a bit etc but kids get sick a fair amount as toddlers and it's great if you have a job that you can stay home all the time but not everyone does. I don't think it's a case of "tough luck" on the nanny - it's part of the job. I have never ever heard of a nanny not working bc a child is sick unless there's some special arrangement. Do you still pay the nanny if she stays home? Our nanny gets a lot of paid vacation as well as her own paid sick days. If I start paying her to stay home whenever a child is sick, it's really not going to be worth having a nanny...

I must be missing something. First, if I had a nanny I would not want her to bring her kid with her. Have you looked at the liability issue if her child is injured at your house? And I would think the purpose of having a nanny is so that you as the parent would not be missing work. Daycare and nannies are completely different. And is she really a nanny or a babysitter? Seem to me she is a babysitter and not really a nanny. Maybe its me and I don't understand the term "nanny". If she is a nanny she needs to deal with the fact that her charge is ill and just inform you.

I thought the perk of having someone come to your house was so that you wouldnt need to leave work when your kids were unless you wanted to and could. I watch my friends children at my house with my 2 also. I feel that if they have been together the day before then everyne has already been exposed to the germs. I have had one kid throw up during the day and mom rushed right home when I informed her but I was ok with watching her for the rest of the day which was an hour and a half but mom wanted to be there. I also had my other friend bring her daughter that threw up in the morning (mom has flexible work hrs) she kept her home for a while and she ate and drank and didnt throw up again. She came to me ate lunch napped and threw up in afternoon. One time one kid had a cough for like a month stait mom took her to dr 3times in the month and nothing was wrong was she suppose to take the whole month off of work for a cough? NO. I understand parents have to work if they didnt then they probably would be home with there kids! Good luck discussing things with your nanny.

I happen to agree with Dana K. I don't think she was being "nasty" as Mari L. put it. I think she was simply stating her opinion, which is what Momof2 was asking for. I agree that when a child is sick, that most likely, they want their mama's. We are mothers first. We are employees second. Once our children grow up, these issues disappear, but in the meantime, these are very present issues. I do understand having an employer who is not sympathetic towards sick children and we all have to walk that very fine line.

If possible, I think mama (or dad) needs to care for sick children and if that is not possible, then grandparents. Certainly a nanny can provide care, as well, but a parent is the best solution.

Mari L...relax and allow others to have an opinion different than yours. That is what makes this forum so helpful...we all have different opinions and perspectives.

If she cares for your children why they are sick are you going to have a problem if she can't work due to her or her child vomitting? Sick children should be cared for by a parent not a nanny or daycare provider. The rule for schools and daycare is 24 hrs vomit free. If your child had been sick the day before and she could have made other plans for her daughter then maybe she would have felt differently about being there but with her daughter there I don't blame her one bit. I think you should sit down with her and together come up with a contract that in uses a reasonable sick child plan. Maybe provided she knows the night before that a child is sick so she can find care for her daughter she will be there but if it comes on during the day mom or dad should come home for fever, vomitting, diahrrea, etc if she cannot find someone to take her child. Fevers often don't occumpany stomach viruses and yes fever or not daycares will send home a vomitting child. I would never expect or want someone to watch my sick child nanny, grandparents, daycare, etc if they called and said my child was sick I'd come home even if they didn't ask me.

Every day care I've been in contact with would send the child home if they threw up. Also, if your child were to throw up in school, I'm sure they would be sent home as well.

I also wanted to add, I totally agree with Mechanic Mama when it comes to throwing up I don't expect anyone to watch my child...although Grandma has occasionally done it too.

I have a sitter who comes to my house 3-4 days a week to watch my child while I work. She has a son who she brings along with her. We never actually discussed this issue before I hired her. She is a wonderful sitter and we love her. I give her the same respect that I would want. If my child is really sick, I opt to stay home with her & I text my sitter that she has the day off (I pay her for the missed day). If my child is only so-so under the weather, I call my sitter and explain whats going on and give her the option if she wants to come or not. I don't want her son to get sick. First off, because I would want that same respect back as a parent. Second off, because if her son gets sick then obviously she is going to call off and stay home to take care of her son and I won't have a sitter.

I think your nanny had every right to not want to watch a sick child. But I think you are upset because you say she told you she WOULD watch a sick child when you hired her. That is the real problem here. You feel she went back on her word. I totally agree with you being upset if she went back on her word. You need to sit down and have another conversation with her. Ask her outright how she feels about watching the kids if they are sick. Then go from there and decide if she is the right nanny for you. I hope you get this resolved. Good luck and glad your son is feeling better!

A lot of kids don't get any fever with stomache flu. No one in my family gets fever with a stomache bug. I wouldn't want to watch kids with a stomache bug. My daycare lady calls if my kids throw up and I pick them up immediately. They don't return until 24 hours of no throwing up. That is standard in most daycares.

do you have a contract? if not, you should have a sit down with her since she has been with you for 2 mos. I would talk with her and ask her if she is comfortable with watching your kids when they are sick etc. It doesn't really matter if she is right or not. If you need a nanny who will come if kids are sick or not, you need that sort of nanny. Her answer of saying yes- makes me believe she may not be comfortable watching the children when they are sick. These are details you should have worked out before you hired her--but now you should talk with her and see to what extent she will watch them. If she isn't willing, you will have to weigh the pros/cons of keeping her. Good luck!

M

I think that if you didn't have a clear agreement about sick care that y'all should work one out soon.

For me, excepting a serious illness, that would be the whole point of having child care in my home...not having to come home from work.

Of course, conversely, you'd want her to stay home if she was vomiting, right?

She probably should have stayed and cared for the 3 year old, but again something that should be agreed.

If it is possible for your or dad to be home when your children are sick that the best solution.

On the other hand, you are paying care provider who is allowed to bring her own child to work....that's a good benefit.

I can understand how she would not want to expose her child to other sick children, but it would up to her to find care for own child so she could perform her job.

She's new to you so you need to work it out "in person" not via email or voice mail.

Hope you little one is feeling better.

Blessings....