My 13 Month Old Won't Sleep Through the Night

Updated on December 04, 2006
K.M. asks from Bend, OR
13 answers

Hello, I really hope someone out there has some great advice. I have a 13 month old son who for the past 3 months will no longer sleep through the night. My husband started putting him in bed with us to get him to go back to sleep, which I have never agreed with, so I started making my husband get up with our son. We tried to let him cry himself back to sleep but the crying just never ends and my husband always caves in. It seems like our son has serious separation anxiety and I don't know what to do for him. I just know I don't sleep well when he's in bed with us, but I don't sleep any better when he's screaming half the night. I don't know how much longer I can take these sleepless nights without loosing my mind. Any suggestions for a smoother transition?

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J.D.

answers from Spokane on

It is the age....seperation anxiety is probably NOT the cause here, but more like the realization that there are scary things in the dark...LOL If you want, this is what I did, I put my son on his matress in our room, he didnt sleep in the bed with us. If he woke up, we were there and he settled down, and eventuly he calmed down and slept in his room alone. My daughter...not so much...LOL sheis a little more determined, she just SNEEKS into the room when we are asleep!!!

Also, you can lighting his room and the halls so he can have a view of what is around him. They sell these little blue lighted night lights at Target, they are a little more, but not overwhelming, dont know about you...but I cant sleep with lights in my house, so these were perfect.

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H.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

OK, this advice is not for all... But My son actually gave up his day time naps at 13 months... I tried to force the issue and when I did, then he would not sleep at night, if he took a 2hour nap in teh day he was up at 4:00am ready for teh day and there was no help for it. Finally we went to see out pediatrition cause I was worried about his lack of sleep, and we told some kids just don't need it. They are very far and few between, so I guess I would just asess. Is he up to be cuddled or up for the day??? Other wise somethign that helped for my daughter was after she fell asleep I would put a few toys in her crib, Safe soft toys) and then she could play when she woke up and go back to sleep..... sounds strange I know but she was able to do that.

Good luck!!! and I hope you start to get some rest soon..

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J.P.

answers from Fresno on

My son does the same thing. When I put him to bed he gets up so many times and then finally after like 10 times he goes to bed. And he does get up in the middle of the night and comes to our bed too. But sometimes we put him back to his bed but in the morning he still comes to our bed. So when he get's up the second time take him to his room and tell him firmly to go to sleep. Don't get mad. the third time he gets up don't say anything and put him to bed. Keep doing this until he sleeps all through the night. He just needs to know that your still there for him. I would get so mad but he'll cry and that's not good. So I changed it and did that. Hope it works.

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S.T.

answers from Portland on

I have twin 15 month olds (really 13 months as they were preemies). Neither of them sleeps through the night regularly. When they wake I get them from their bed, nurse them for 5-10 minutes and snuggle for another few minutes. Then I take them back to their bed and rock for a few minutes and lay them gently and put the blankets over them and rub their back a minute or so. Within 15-20 minutes they are asleep with no tears. This happens 1-3 times each night each baby, usually I am up only 3-4 times total for 20 minutes each time. They go to bed at around 7 pm and wake between 7 and 8 am. This is the only peaceful tear-free way to deal with their night-time waking. Occassiaonlly they do sleep through the night. I think they must be teething so they are uncomfortable. Sometimes if they are too hyped, they have to cry to sleep because there is no calming them without them first having a few tears. Then the next time they wake, we get to snuggle back to sleep again instead of having tears. Its hard to not get enough sleep, so the important thing for me is to get to bed as early as I can and to sleep in an extra hour every so often, depending on how much I was up during the night.

It's hard, but I try to remember soon they will grow up and this won't be an issue. The other things in life they will face will be much harder on us, so I try to count my blessings that this is just the beginning. I have a 23 year old daughter, so I know from experience. Motherhood is very tough and we have to be almost warrior-like in our ability to stand things like not getting enough sleep. Give yourself lots of pats on the back for all the hard work you are doing. Not many people seem to give moms congratulations on bearing the intensity adn relentlessness of our jobs.

Good luck!

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D.S.

answers from Portland on

My son did the same thing to me when he was about 11 months. It was hard but I had to let him cry it out. I did everything else I could think of even putting him in our bed to sleep I think that made things worse for me. It took about 3 or 4 days the 1st night when he woke up I went into his room made him lay back down covered him up and then I laid on the floor and sang until he went back to sleep. The next night I went in to let him know I was still there and then left the room and the next 2 nights I just let him cry. It was very hard but you will get through it and your sleepless nights will soon be over. I hope you get some sleep soon

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T.J.

answers from Sacramento on

I am sorry to tell you this but your son is not having separation anxiety, he's learned manipulation. He's discovered that if I cry long enough I can sleep with mommy and daddy. I am majoring in Early Childhood Education and I have a 4yr old and 8yr old. When it first started it was probably because of teething but now its about getting his way. You are gonna have to bite the bullet and let him cry it out for a few nights and when he sees he's not getting in your bed he'll stop it. But I would recommend that you check to see if he's teething. If so give him some teething medicine about 30 minutes before bed and stay in his room until he goes to sleep. A night light and a teddy bear can help him feel at ease also. Then he's on his own. I hope this helps but I know no parent likes to hear their baby cry but you have to set the limits.

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R.B.

answers from Portland on

i have two grown children and they don't stay little for long make a bed beside yours he might need to hear you sleep when he is done he will sleep threw the night but enjoy having him need you it doesn't last long

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M.M.

answers from Richland on

hello my daughter use to be that way when she was a baby.but i just had to let her fuss.we tied letting her come to bed with us.then she got to use to that.then she knew that i would come in and rescue her.i know its easier said than done but you just have to let them fuss.dont let them get use to coming to bed with you.its very hard to break that habit.our daughter is now 4 will be 5 in may.and she still likes to come to bed with me i just have to tell her sorry you must go back to your own bed.then they know that you will give in so they keep on hollering and eventually you say i cant handle it.its hard to do but you have to be strong and stick to your guns.

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R.L.

answers from Eugene on

I only have a 3 1/2 month old but I have also been a nanny and have a cousin with twins (now 5) that I help out with... anyhow, we just got "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems" book and let me tell you - while I HATE her tone sometimes, a few of her methods have worked great for us, so far. We've had to pick and choose what works for our son, after some trial and error, but he was a terrible napper and was up every couple hours at night. Now he's started sleeping 5 - 6 hours at a time at night, waking for one feeding, and going back to sleep for another 4-5 hours IN HIS CRIB! It seemed like a miracle to me, but basically we are trying to follow a VERY loose version of her E.A.S.Y. routine (Eat Activity Sleep You) not including the clock watching for feedings. Before trying this routine he was sleeping with us in our bed about 80% of the time, co-sleeper 15% and on one of us because we couldn't get him to sleep for the other 5%.

We do NOT let him cry it out, but again, our son is much younger than your little one. When we put him to bed we do bath first, then a short massage if he'll tollerate it, then PJ's, darken the room and turn on quiet music, nurse (tank him up as much as I can) and then quiet time, pat his back until he's super sleepy and then put him in his crib with his little stuffed bunny and slowly rub his tummy until he's out.

Sometimes if I judge it wrong and he's not quite ready to go down, I have to pick him back up and couple times and calm him but it's working so far. Same routine for night waking, without the bath, massage of course. Try to remember they are only little so long.

Also - for a little background on me - I'm working full-time and exclusively breastfeeding/pumping for our son while my hubby is a stay at home dad, believe me - I know how important sleep is! Good luck!!! :)

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S.K.

answers from Reno on

MY 2 YEAR DID THAT FOR A WHILE. WOULD WAKE AT DIFFERENT TIMES OF THE NIGHT. TRY GIVING YOUR SON A SNACK BEOFRE BED OR TRY FEEDING HIM LATER IN THE DAY. I USUALLY FEED MY DAUGHTER AROUND 6 I LET HER TAKE HER TIME EATING , I GIVE HER A BATH AFTER THAT THEN BED. AND IT WORKS. SO MAYBE ITS JUST THAT HES HUNGRY. TRY IT AND LET ME KNOW.

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M.W.

answers from Fresno on

I have a 12 month old son who has never been a very good sleeper. I am not an advicate for crying it out. If my son needs me he gets me! I don't think he is manipulating me and I do not think I am instilling bad sleep habits in him. I am also not a fan of co-sleeping. We put a futon in his room and when he is having a rough night I will lay on the futon untill he falls alseep. We usually start out by reading books talking and doing some bonding. Then we turn off the lights and he goes to sleep and I leave the room. I figure I don't like falling asleep by myself why should he if he is not the type of child who does it easily. I just do not make him exhaust himself by crying to fall asleep. This works for us and sometime else might work for you. Try some diffrent things find what workd for your family and don't do something that makes you or your husband feel uncomfortable. You are the only one who know what works best for your family.

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W.G.

answers from Medford on

K.,

I am somewhat of a strict mom but in the last few months my 2 yr old crawls in bed with us. We have him pretty much broken of it but it is hard, you have to be consistent and your husband CANNOT cave. Your little guy knows that if he cries long enough someone will give in. All it took for us is a few nights of my little guy crying and now he just goes to sleep when we put him back in bed. I know it sounds harsh, I am viewed that way sometimes but heck, I sleep. :)

Good luck!!!
W.

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R.B.

answers from Seattle on

Hi, K.. Well, I had the same problem with my 7 year old. We would put him down at his bedtime and 2 hours later he would still be wide awake. When he did go to sleep he would only sleep for maybe an hour then wonder around the house at night or constantly knock on our door every 5 minutes.

So after 2 visits with the doctor he finally sent us to an overnight sleep study. I was allowed to stay with him. There is a room with two beds, they hooked him up to a lot of wires on his head (no needles) and turned off the light at his normal bedtime and watched his sleep pattern on the monitors.

Well, they came to the conclusion he has Sleep Apnea. So he can not sleep on his back. So we just rolled up some blankets and put them behind him at night and he does take a sleep aid when we feel he needs it to help him sleep.

Hope this helps some.

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