Jff--when My Back Was Turned My Kid ________

Recently when I was feeding my 6 month old baby girl my 4 yr old son took a dry erase marker and colored his fingernails, toe nails, eyelids and outlined his lips. lol it was so funny.
The best part he did a really GOOD job!!!!!

also I don't know where he got the lip liner part bc I don't outline my lips

My husband almost had a heart attack. He is so anti girly things for boys.:)

It was great.

taped a kick me sign on my back.
LOL
Seriously. It was just at home though. He'd seen it on a cartoon, lol.

My dd (2 yrs old at the time) used to climb into bed beside me early in the mornings and if it was the weekend I would just snuggle her in beside me and go back to sleep. Well the night before I was trimming a fingernail which had broken and I left my nail scissors on my bedside table. :-( I am sort of dozing but I can hear this snip snip sound but every time I looked she was lying down facing away from me (thought I was hearing things) Next thing I hear snip snip but the sound it makes cutting through hair!!!! Yep she was cutting MY hair!! I shot out of bed and she had also cut her own hair, my bed covers and cut all the way down her pj's. I never left them lying around again. :-)

When my oldest was 2, she was playing on the patio, and I was folding laundry in the living room about 10 feet from her. She said, "Mommy, I ice skating!" and I was like, "Uh-huh, that's nice." A minute goes by and I think, wait a minute, how is she gliding around like that on concrete?? I look outside and see that she has my Prada sunglasses wrapped around one of her little feet, lenses down, and there she is, gliding around the concrete patio... (And ever since, I have bought my sunglasses at Target!)

You'd think I'd learn my lesson about letting 2 year olds out of my sight, but noooo... when my youngest was 2, she had been quiet for about 3 minutes, and I went to find her. She was in my closet, and had lined up all my work shoes in a row, and had filled them with hair conditioner. Yes, really. (And now I buy my shoes at Payless! LOL)

Also, my youngest decided to "brush her teeth" with my mascara one time. That was special.

Oh, and there was the time she dumped a box of crayons into the dryer with a load of dry (WHITES!) laundry and turned it on. I discovered it once the entire box of crayons had melted to the drum of the dryer and the entire load of laundry.

AND the time she used finger paints to paint the cat green.

(And people ask me why I stopped with my youngest! If I had a third child, s/he would burn the whole house down, don't doubt it for a second!)

When my daughter was 2, she colored on each horizontal slat of the blinds to her bedroom that she could reach. She didn't just scribble, she drew our family - mom, dad, the dog, grandparents, etc.... Each slat had a different "story". Her explanation was that when we closed them, she could have her family watch over her while she slept. We didn't clean it off until we sold our house. :)

I fell asleep on the couch and my two year old son took the VCR apart with a butter knife. I couldn't figure out how to put it back together again.

Las summer my son unscrewed a giant bolt and pulled it out of the teeter toter at the park while I was chatting with another mom. I didn't think that was possible for an adult without tools! There were 6 kids on the thing at the time btw!
When he was a bit younger I went to the bathroom (silly me) and while I was gone he opened the pantry and reached for the cocoa powder. It was on a shelf just above his head and the lid was not on very well. He ended up dumping it over his head. We were living in a very white rental house at the time and of course he wandered around touching everything (grrr) And oh, it turns out you can't vacuum cocoa powder. It just shot out the other side of the vacuum and after that the motor died and the thing never worked again.

This is what happens when you let them out number you. Never let them outnumber you.....hee hee.

My eldest daughter poured an entire bottle of Mr Bubbles bubble bath down the toilet because she wanted to show her younger sister how bubbles were made. I was afraid to flush the toilet.

Hubby and I were outside doing yard work and our son, 5 years old at the time, decided to make microwave popcorn. All he knew was that it went in the microwave. He did not take the plastic wrapper off first. He did not hit the pre-set popcorn button, but hit start which was pre-set for 10 minutes on the highest setting. The popcorn actually burst into flames which set the bag on fire too.

Three months later got a new microwave because that one was ruined. The entire inside was black with scorch marks, the turn table had melted, and the smell never went away. Every time we turned it on the smell of burnt popcorn filled the house.

Another time when he was around 1 1/2 years old he and his cousin (same age) were playing in the living room. I thought they would be fine for the 1 minute it would take me to use the restroom. I came back to find them in the kitchen, child-proof cabinet under the sink wide open, and they were covered head-to-toe in Comet cleanser. I wasn't sure if they ate any, so I had to call poison control. They were screaming in the background because I put them in the kitchen sink and sprayed them off, clothes and all. Luckily, they either didn't eat any, or very little and were fine. But after that I kept all poisons in the top shelf of my closet where they were totally out of reach of the little ones.

Oh, I almost forgot my favorite. My son was around 3 years old and potty trained. He went to the bathroom by himself, and after a few minutes I realized he had been in there a long time. I went to check on him and found him completely naked except for the toilet paper stuck all over his body. He also toilet papered most of the bathroom. But first he dunked the toilet paper in the toilet so it stuck to everything better! I could not help but laugh and took a picture of him before I cleaned it all up.

I was thinking my 11 yo granddaughter was mature enough to leave alone for an hour. We went over what she could and could not do. The major can not do was no cooking on the gas stove. I didn't remember to remind her about not lighting candles. We'd been through that weeks ago and I'd hidden (so I thought) all the matches and lighters. Wrong!

When I got home I discovered she'd roasted marshmallows on the gas stove and found a lighter and lit candles. She didn't try to hide it at all.
Nothing damaged. Whew! But it'll be awhile before I leave her alone.

She did apologize. She badly wants to be thought old enough to be left alone and so knowing she won't be allowed to do so this next week when I have an appointment is her consequence. She'll sit in the waiting room. Bummer!

My son decided we we were late in giving him his allowance. He climbed up on the roll top desk were we keep a change bucket while we were still asleep and fell off. It took a lot of stitches to close the gaping wound in his leg.

I turned my back for a second and my littlest had run in the bathroom and covered himself head to toe in vasoline!!! He greased his head, hair, hands, feet ect. He looked at me like " What are you looking at Mom????: I tried so hard not to laugh, but it was hilarious!

M

We live in a bilevel house. As I was making dinner I heard an ominous thump and I turned around to find that my 18 month old had the sugar and flour canisters out of the pantry and was pitching them over the baby gate down the steps . Of course they came open and spilled everywhere.

When my daughter was 2, I went to the bathroom and came out and couldn't find her. I was calling for her and starting to freak out when I heard my dog barking in the backyard. She had gone through the doggie door and was outside on the swing set. Glad the dog was out with her. :)

My wonderful 2yr old daughter LOVES makeup.

She woke up before me, went into my bathroom, got my makeup out and colored my bathroom walls and the toliet lid with eyeliner. She also took my eye shadow and wiped it all over her face...atleast 10 different colors.

I was making dinner, she was quiet. I went to look for her, and she unraveled 2 rolls of toliet paper and backed up the toliet.

Shes also taken her body soap and dumped/poured it all over the cat. That WASN'T fun! Thank God my cat is declawed.

Theres probably more...but thats just the stuff thats happened in the past 2 weeks .....Oooh I can't wait until the 2's are over lol

I'm waiting for the day she tries to put the cat in the toliet. Why are kids facinated with toliets?!

My second one was the busy one. She has written on the walls with crayon several times, but one time she wrote on the walls, the sliding glass door, the cabinets, the kitchen table, the wallpaper, the wood floor and the fish tank. I "magic erased" forever. Another time it was ink pen on the wallpaper. Magic eraser will erase almost anything, but it takes color out of wall paper, too. One time at my mother in laws she was shiny. She had gotten into my mother in laws expensive face cream and put it all over her face and body. She said she was going to make herself beautiful. She "rained" fruit punch all over her new carpet with a sippy cup. That carpet hasn't been the same since. It got so bad that we would "ping" her. If she wasn't in the same room as us, we would call her name. If she did not answer, we would have to go find her because that meant she was into something.

I thought my daughter was happily looking at books in her room one time and when I went to check on her, she had found the gift pack of baby stuff I had stuck in a drawer. It had baby oil, lotion, shampoo, and powder. She had opened them all and spread them all over her arms and legs. I managed to get a great photo of her. The blanket she was sitting on had to be washed about 6 times before it finally stopped sudsing..
When she was 4 she also went out and drew cute little girl faces down the side of our truck with crayon. She swore she didnt do it, but they all had little bows in their hair and that was her new thing shed learned to draw. besides, our son was 10 and there was NO WAY he would be caught drawing little girls..lol

My daughter climbed up, got some nail polish (one of those tiny bon bon ones) and painted my room in nail polish haha.

Update from a few minutes ago, I thought my darling daughter fell asleep and went up to check on her again to discover her beaming under a milky mess. A whole gallon of milk all over my room, yuck lol. I'll be steam cleaning in the morning and buying a new mattress :(

I also remember when she got ahold of a pen and wrote on my bed sheets and pillowcases.

She also took her sidewalk chalk and wrote on the black coffee table. Thankfully that just wipes off. There's a lot more I'm sure if I can remember.

When my daughter was two she "hid" from me and then fell SOUND asleep. I was sort of freaking out because all the doors and windows were locked but I couldn't find her. Then I looked under our bed near the wall and a window. She sort of made a fort there and would often be there, this was one of the first times.

Another time I took a load of laundry out to the garage. I heard a Pop (circuit breaker) and the dog started barking louder more urgently than I have every heard him. My dauighter was SCREAMING. She had stuck a barrette into an outlet because she wanted to pretend to vacuum. Firetruck and paramedics came because when I called 911 she was screaming so loud and the dog was still barking I couldn't here what I should do and didn't want to drive to the hospital 2 unnerving miles with her screaming not knowing what I should do. Phew!

my daughter smashed a whole thing of pink chapstick in her hands then smeared it all over the walls of her room and her carpet. We managed to get it out of the carpet with much work, but the walls are still shiny in places.

My MIL wears makeup and I dont, so she taught my daughter how to properly apply it. (she's 4, she taught her at 3) One time we were at my grandma's and she came out of the bathroom with really pink lips. Grandma had left her lipstick and powder on the counter, and thankfully, she didnt use it to paint the walls or anything, she just put it on like my MIL had taught her. hee.

When my 2 oldest children were 2 and 4, I was nursing the baby (they knew I was vulnerable then) I started smelling bleach. Well I knew I didn't have any bleach in the house HOWEVER I did have dry Tide with Bleach. So I jump up to find they had dumped and entire box of this stuff in the hall and were 'washing the carpet' for me. Ruined my vacuum cleaner sucking that stuff up.

Same 2 kids, same ages, come into the kitchen to find they had emptied an entire bag of fruit loops (the jumbo ones like Malto meal does) and were dancing on them because 'they make cool noises'.

When my 3rd child was about 18 months old she had a cast on her broken wrist. My then 3 year old son (note: one of the kids from above) was enthralled with that cast. One day I'm in the kitchen making lunch & my oldest daughter says "Mom, Addison wont leave Sarah's cast alone." so I told him to leave her alone. Then I hear 'but Mom, he needs to put it back on." !! So I froze, then looked in the LR and sure enough there he was trying to slip the cast back on. He had taken it off to see how it felt to wear one. Needless to say we made a hasty trip to the doctors office to have a new one put back on.

And let's see. When the oldest was about 6 she had gotten her feet dirty so I told her to go inside & wash her feet. Simple task right? Few minutes later the 3 year old comes out saying 'Mom Amanda can't stand up" and I of course was confused, she only went to wash her feet. She told me that Amanda had fallen & hit her head. SO I ran in the house to find a very naked 6 year old at the bottom of the stairs. Course my first question? Why are you naked? Well she stripped off her clothes, sat up on the sink in the downstairs bathroom and started washing her feet. She lost her balance, fell off & hit the toilet. So felt that back of her head--HUGE goose egg and off to ER we went. But not after getting her dressed of course.

Took our cat to the vet once for check up & the vet asked who had cut it's whiskers. Hadn't even noticed them, but when he said that we looked & sure enough that poor kitty had little stubbles where whiskers were suppose to be. Turned out our 4th precious blessing, Rebekah, thought it would help keep her whiskers out of the water---perfectly logical to me.

That's just some of the antics played out in my home, raising 5 children, LOL. I love yalls stories...I love kids.

@Catherine C., I was seriously laughing SO HARD reading that!

Oh, goodness. I have a lot of these to share..let's see. My son was coloring a piece of paper on the couch and of course the pen ripped the paper and he got ink on the cushion. He drew on the wall with a crayon and a pencil (love Mr. Clean magic erasers). Stopped up these toilet using too much toilet paper. Tried to pour himself a bowl of cereal and dumped about half a gallon of milk. Cut a piece of his hair off while in school. He once left a crayon in the car which melted all over my seat (very strict no crayons in the car rule now!)

The fun one is my daughter. Shes 3 now, so much more to come lol. She got into my makeup and opened my mascara and tried to put it on. she knew that it went on her EYES, so I found her looking like a racoon! She found nail polish and polished her toes. She got her nails, all of her toes and some of the carpet.. Numerous lipstick and eye shadow occurrences. She decided she needed free roam of the fridge and dumped a jar of cherries, spilling syrup everywhere! Drew crayon on my hard wood floor, drew pen on her bed sheets, drew black dry erase marker on the wall AND carpet. She pooped on the floor, and tried to clean it by covering it up with stuffed animals (that was really gross).

Once when I was about 2, I drew in the wall with red nail polish. My mom did not get her security deposit back for that apartment lol.

If I think of others, i'll add them on :)

My mother in law was taking a nap and my daughter (then barely 2) was quietly watching cartoons lying next to her on the bed. I decided to take advantage of the "free moment" and go check my email. Suddenly I heard a wail and my MIL's voice scream "Holy Sh**, she hit me with a freakin' hammer!"

Of course I darted into the bedroom, and there stood my daughter, sure enough holding the hammer from my MIL's home toolkit, which she kept stored under her bed, and my poor MIL had a huge egg on her forehead!

I have often joked that someday I might hit my MIL over the head with a hammer (when we aren't getting along well....) but my daughter beat me to it! EEK!

Other things my daughter has done... paint herself with lipstick, and the bathroom with poop....ewww... It is always in the 2.5 minutes I am running to throw laundry in the wash or make the bed and I hear the signal that something has gone terribly wrong- silence. hehehe.

And, I remember back to those days long ago when i said "my child will never..."

Oh well!
-M.

My 2 year old loves dumping pencil shavings down the vent. LOVES it!

My boys will sneak water into their room. I've never quite found out exactly what they do, but it ends up all over the place.
One son cut the charging cable to my ipod and then tried to blame it on the cat (good thing it was the old ipod).
Multiple occasions, drawn all over their bedroom walls, bed, even pillowcase, and/or themselves with marker.

This one wasn't a back turned, but very funny - just turned 8 year old was helping me make a cake. I let him do one egg. He tapped it on the edge of the bowl like he'd seen, but I guess he didn't catch the part about pressure on the spot where it was most cracked. He was pulling and squeezing and it exploded all over. More got on the floor than in the bowl! I could only stand there and laugh for a minute (he wasn't too upset, especially once he realized he wasn't in trouble and he hadn't ruined the cake).

my two year old (now 22) opened the industrial size front load washing machine at the laundry mat....flooded the whole building with laundry soap bubbles and dirty water. PS I found him on the other side of the building laughing say WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (the water pushed him)

My youngest took a red sharpie marker and wrote all over my light tan couches. Shockingly it came out. She also poured grape juice all over her new pink carpet, which was alittle harder to get out. She does this all the time. With an 8 year old who has many crafts, nail polish, markewrs and such its hard to baby proof the house.

My oldest only did one bad thing as a baby, she wrote all over the wall in crayon one time, but she didnt know it was wrong, i had just done a mural in her room and she thought it was supposed to happen.. lol

When my back was turned, my toddler pooped on the floor, and his baby sister (6 months) crawled on over and ate it. Ewwww! Worst ever!

When my back was turned, my 1 year old got into my acrylic paints that were on the table and painted herself blue.

When my back was turned, and we were repainting our house, my 2 year old painted herself head to toe, and my 4 year old painted a freshly painted wall with primer.

When my back was turned, my 1 year old ate a bunch of mud.

When my back was turned, my 2 and 4 year old did the following (all in a 3 week period... it was a horrible 3 weeks!): dumped a case of chocolate milk out on the carpet, emptied a bottle of perfume on the carpet, tried to clean it up with shampoo, colored on the garage with sidewalk chalk, threw poop on the ceiling, painted their walls, window, beds and carpet with butter and some jam, dumped sugar on the floor. They started sneaking out of their room at night to get into stuff. Was really happy when that phase ended.

Wow, I feel like an inattentive mom listing those! To be fair, it was years ago.

When my MIL's back was turned (well, she actually had not woken up yet) her 2 year old (and my now-husband) found the griddle, plugged it in, got out the bacon and cooked it by himself. Yikes!!!!

My son was about 6 months and my daughter was about 2 and 1/2 and I was doing dishes, which is just around the corner from the living room (open floor plan). My daughter comes running in the kitchen laughing and then says "I'm sorry Mommy!" which translates, "I know I did something you aren't going to like." I asked her what she did, and she said she "Colored his face!" followed by giggles. Sure enough, she had gotten a hold of a pen and drew all over her brothers face!
More recently (she is now three) she was in the bathroom for a really long time, she is normally not in there for longer than a minute, and this time it was creeping up on five, so I yell down the hall way asking if she was ok. She yelled back "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!" this can only end bad... She had gotten into the drawers and found an old bottle of nail polish and painted her toes and her fingers! I had to laugh, she didn't actually get it on anything else but her, and I was actually expecting much worse.

My oldest son decided to smash a spider on the window with a huge dictionary. New window. My youngest son "somehow" put his rear end through the dry wall in his room. Same son also "somehow" put his rear end through a window in his room. This was in same room as the son with the bug killing dictionary but different window. When my oldest was about 4, the kids were opening Christmas stockings. It was chaos of course, and when I looked at my son, he had almost finished this enormous, thick, solid chocolate star. It was at least a pound of chocolate. Before breakfast of course. My oldest is now 17 and recently "accidentally" ate an entire box of zebra cakes. My youngest is now 16 and decided to dunk the basketball in the outdoor hoop (translate=jump/climb up the pole and hang on the net) and it came crashing down, which caused one of the other teenage boys there to run around laughing his butt off and falling in the middle of the street and skinning his elbow pretty badly. Soooo, those of you thinking the hilarity ends when they get past age 2 or 3, it doesn't. It just gets bigger and more expensive to fix - lol! Yea....fun times.

Here's a good one to stop me getting "Mommy of the year" anytime soon......My 5 year old son got hold of some scissors and cut his bangs almost completely to the scalp, then took a sharpie and drew an arrow on his forehead because he wanted to look like Ang from the Avatar cartoons.
For some reason that is the only one I can think of right now, must have Mommy brain again :)

Oh my gosh! These stories are cracking me up. I have boy/girl twins who are now 11. But when they were about 18 months, I told my husband to keep an eye on them while I got ready for church. So I'm upstairs getting ready, when my daughter comes up to me and her socks are soaking wet. I ask her what happened and she says, "Craig do it." So of course, I'm thinking, Craig did what???? I go downstairs and find him in the bathroom, water past his ankles, flowing into the family room. He's standing at the toilet, flushing it as water is just pouring out. I freak out, because my husband is no where to be found! He finally hears me screaming and comes running in from the garage!!!!! Craig decided to take some wooden ABC blocks and flush them down the toilet!! I just wanted to go to church - LOL Never let my husband live that one down. He had to take the toilet apart completely to get the stinking blocks out of there. And there was another time the darn kid flushed plastic golf balls down the thing. Luckily we caught that one before the house flooded again. :-)

When my daughter was 3 I let her use markers to draw a picture. The phone rang and I had to play hunt and find. When I got back to the kitchen she had drawn all over herself. Her face, arms legs it was on her dress. I said what did you do in a stern voice with hand on hip. She said I, I and poked her lip out. I started cracking up. It was the funniest thing. Luckily they was washable markers and everything came out.

Oh, let's see ... my daughter (5 at the time) stuck my car key in our kitchen electrical socket while I was in another room. I walked into the kitchen, found my keys hanging from the socket, burn marks around the area, and no daughter. I ran around the house screaming for her, beside myself with worry. She was hiding in her closet, crying, but unharmed. Thank God my car key has rubber on the end of it!!! (Blew out the electrical in the kitchen, too)

And just the other day, our now 6 yo was locked in the bathroom w/ the dog. When I asked her to open the door, I found a huge puddle of water on the floor. "Why on Earth is all that water on the floor??" "The dog was thirsty!" she says. (And yes, the dog has fresh, clean water in a bowl in the kitchen)

Ahhhh, good times! :)

When my son was 4 and my daughter was 1, he found a sharpie and colored all over his sister. She had designs on her arms, legs and face.

My daughter got a hold of baby eczema cream (it's thick and greasy) and put it all over her face and hair.

Both kids locked the cat in my daughter's doll crib. The crib has alittle sliding door for storage. They have also put her in a pillow case. One time I found both kids and the cat in the closet.

They have filled the sandbox with water, pulled a bunch of my plants out, put sand in my fountain and clogged up the pump on it. Used chalk to color everything in the basement. My son has gotten a hold of post its and labeled everything in the basement. This was months ago and I still find posts its on things.

One time my son decided to help with dinner and set the table. We were having Horchata (hispanic drink) and I had just made some and it was a full pitcher. I told him I would get it down and to wait. Well he decided not to wait and 2 quarts of it spilled all over my kitchen floor.

I'm sure there's plenty more but that's all I can think of.

Oh my where to start.

I currently have multi colored carpet. I thought she was coloring in her book, I was wrong.

I thought she was sleeping because she was so quiet, didn't even hear her on the monitor. So I took a nap, and woke up to find that she smeared poop on all four of her bedroom walls

Again, thought she was sleeping. We were at my parents house. Four, count them four, adults were there and nobody heard anything. My husband finally heard her making some noise. Went in and she had completely emptied a jar of family size Vaseline on her head, hands, legs, feet...basically anywhere skin was showing...the day before we were going to a wedding. You what? Vaseline doesn't come off...we tried EVERYTHING. She went to the wedding looking like we dipped her head in grease.