I Need Friends (How Sad!)

Updated on May 30, 2013
A.H. asks from Kingwood, TX
41 answers

Hello ladies,

This is a very difficult question to ask but here goes nothing. During my school years, I was extremely social and always had plenty of friends. When I got married & began working after college, I suddenly found it very difficult to make close girlfriends. I would become friendly with a co-worker but she would always have an established social circle and I never felt that anyone wanted more than a friendly work relationship with me. After putting myself out there and inviting people out, I made a few friends but, after I had my son and stopped working, we drifted apart. My son is almost 4 and I have yet to make a close friend. I miss "girl talk" on the phone and lunches and shopping. I feel embarrassed at my situation and even wonder if there's something "wrong" with me that I honestly don't have a single friend other than my mother, mother-in-law, and 2 sister-in-laws, who are often busy with their own friends. Am I the only one going through this? It sure seems that way just from looking around at other women. I would appreciate any advice. :)

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J.S.

answers from Phoenix on

I am right there with you! My sister and mom live across the country. I used to be a SAHM in a town about 50 miles from where I live now. At that time, I was involved in Mom's Club and made friends there. We had frequent play dates and I made some great friends. But then my life changed. I divorced, moved away, eventually found my love of my life, remarried, and moved again. I've lived in this town for 5 years now and do not have a close friend. I thought I did a few years back but it fizzled out. My SIL has never warmed up to me as she was friends with my husbands ex wife. She must feel like she is betraying her friend so we don't even make small talk at family functions. My MIL lives about 10 miles away. We get along just fine, but we never do anything together. There have been times I've gone to the park with the kids and see other moms hanging out together, and I get so sad. I just wish I had 1 friend I could confide in, go out with, and share my life with. I feel for you and if we lived closer, I would reach out to you!

4 moms found this helpful
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E.B.

answers from Beaumont on

Nope! You're not alone. Just harder to keep those friendships going cause life takes us in SO many directions.

3 moms found this helpful
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S.D.

answers from Philadelphia on

I am looking forward to other responses - I am in the same situation. I moved far away and lost immediate contact with my girlfriends. I miss them terribly and still communicate with them, but there isn't anyone to have lunch with and that makes me sad
You are not alone here :)

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R.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Not the only one. I've had this issue for awhile now. They have this thing called meetup. com, where you put in your interest and they find social groups in your area that "meet up" to share the common interest. I joined a lot of groups, have a decent time, most times, but have yet to form a friendship from it.

It was so much easier in school, I am also shy so it's harder for me to put myself out there. I don't really know what to tell you, other than you're not alone.

5 moms found this helpful
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X.X.

answers from Denver on

You are by far not alone! I have been in your shoes a few times, and here's what I've learned: Making friends as an adult takes a lot work, and maintaining the friendship takes even more work.

Fortunately you've had expereince putting yourself out and making invitations. You need to start doing that again, but work more on the maintenance so you don't drift apart.

I wish someone would create a Match.com for moms looking for friends!

I really didn't make any solid friends until my children were in elementary school and involved in extra-curricular activities. The moms there I've be-friended have remained my friends for a long time. (It wasn't as much work because I saw them all the time.) But now that the kids are getting older and moving to different activities, I find I have to work much harder to maintain my relationships. Some nights I just am too tired to go out, but knowing that it's the only night they can get together gives me the incentive I need. And if I've gone more than a month or 6 weeks without seeing them, I need to reach out and do invites for shopping/dinner/a play, etc.

4 moms found this helpful

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Your child will start school and you can volunteer up there and meet tons of people. The beauty of it is these tend to be like minded ish, and from the same basic background and they have kids the same age.

Win win!

4 moms found this helpful

E.N.

answers from Knoxville on

A., you are not alone. I moved to TN 15 years ago. I have aquired a few friends here and there, but not usually more than one or two at a time. For a while a coworker and I would go to art shows, shopping, out to eat etc. Then when I had kids (hers were grown) we didn't spend much time together any more. It wasn't that our common interests changed, but I now have different priorities and don't have a sitter for my girls so I can do grown up things and she is now expecting a grandchild.
I have a couple other friends here. One's kids are teenagers and the other has a daughter the same age as my girls. I have a lot more in common with the friend who's kids are teens than the other, but we do quite a few things together, especially with our kids.
As I am going through a divorce, I am finding that I need a larger circle of support and am having trouble finding people I have things in common and 'click' with. I end up feeling quirky and like an odd ball.
I think I will probably have to break down and start going to church again. I know that sounds bad, but the denomination I was raised in and am comfortable with is about 40 min. away and it's one more morning that I would HAVE to get me and two toddlers ready and out the door. Ugh. I like to sleep in!
Anyway, are you active in church? Are you a member of any club? (Gardening society, ruritans, historical league) Maybe hanging out at a nice park where other mothers go to let their children play would start some natural conversations/ friendships.
And remember, the times you look around and see other women having a "day out", those women may feel just as 'stuck' on most days and are ecstatic to be out without kids! At least I would!

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C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

A.:

Welcome to mamapedia!!

You find a hobby that you are interested in and find out where "groups" are held. If you like to read - check out your local library and find out if there is a book club there.

if you like to garden - most communities have gardening clubs.

Have you tried meetup.com? If not? Try it.

Join the YMCA. Join a gym that offers child care as well - there you will find women who want to get out and have kids.

don't be quick to jump on people....clinging, etc. but do reach out and don't be afraid. I hope that makes sense. You don't want to seem desperate - calling every day, etc. but you want to make contact.

It's not the quantity of friends, it's the quality of friends. Remember that. You don't need a LOT of friends. You need QUALITY friends.

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B..

answers from Dallas on

You know how when you aren't married, they say, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince? It's kind of like that.

You haven't went through enough people yet. It will get easier when you meet your kids friends. Volunteer, find a church, ask questions.
I have a group of friends I met through a prayer group. 5-6 ladies who have each other's back but I have one close friend. That's YEARS of cultivating friendships. They are gold.

You will get there because you Want it. There are some ladies that never want it enough to put in the effort. Give yourself credit for recognizing the need and putting yourself out there to find it! Only by streaching ourselves can we find the really great things in life. You can buy just about anything but real friendship takes the investment of our lives. Good for you for recognizing its rewards!

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K.S.

answers from Denver on

Hi A.- definitely not alone in this. It does get harder to make friends as we get older (not that you're old, but not in school anymore...). It is harder when it seems that everyone has a circle of friends but you, which is not likely the case, but sure can seem that way.

You said your son is 4, so I will say it should get easier once he starts kindergarten. You will meet the other moms and have frequent contact with them. If you volunteer at the school, that gives you even more contact. I had the same gap of friends when my daughter was little, she is 13 now and I am still friends with a few of the moms she started kindergarten with.

But for now, reach out as others have suggested. Does your library have a storytime? That is a great way to meet other moms. It is easiest to become friends with people you have things in common with, so kid related things are usually easier. Or how about joining a book club through the library, church, local bookstore, or meetup.com?

And as someone else mentioned, you may not acquire a huge circle of friends, but having a couple of quality friends will make a big difference.

Good luck!

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A.C.

answers from Madison on

Hi,

I moved to another state 16 years ago, been a SAHM/WAHM for the past 8 years, and have very, very few women I would actually call friends--in that, very few that I've stayed together/in contact enough with that I feel comfortable enough calling them up and getting together for dinner and conversation.

I have discovered that, as I grow older, it is harder and harder for me to find women with whom I have a lot in common with, with whom I like their personality and their ethics, etc. I have a couple women friends who are younger than me and a couple older; that's about it. I don't see them all that often and rarely call them on the phone to talk (I never grew up doing that because when I was in school, talking on the phone with my friends meant calling out of the service area and incurring long-distance charges--which my parents refused to pay. So I never learned how to sit on the phone and talk for long periods of time. I wouldn't even know where to begin to think of things to talk about!). One of them I get together 2x/yr (she lives a ways away from me); the others anywhere from 4-8x/yr.

My daughter is now 13 and going into the 8th grade this fall. She started playing Lacrosse this spring and fell in love with the sport, to the point she told us she plans on playing all the way through high school as the goalie. So I am beginning to meet other moms in the school district through her activities. But I see them more as acquaintances than friends--although I will certainly keep my eyes and ears open for anyone who would like to actually develop a friendship!

As I've gotten older, I've learned to grow into my own skin. By that I mean, I like myself. I like being with myself; I don't mind my own quietness, my own space, being alone. I have met a few people/friends through various organizations/activities I've been involved with during the years, and those friends have remained with me through many years already. Lately, I've been involved in the alternative medical field and go to a spiritual church, where I've been meeting people of like mind and am forging friendships with people who hold the same types of values, morals, and thoughts/insights as myself.

I have a wonderful extroverted personality that has become more introverted as I've gotten older. When I go out in public/am around people, I have no problem striking up a conversation with them and having the best time ever. Someone looking at me/the group would think; wow, they must be really good friends. Nope. Before that conversation strike up, never met them before in my life.

Lots of times, it's all based on perception rather than what is really happening.

Look for activities and interests that you can explore yourself. Go into it because YOU want to do it or have an interest in it, not because you want to "make friends." Making a friend is the icing on the cake if it happens.

And as your child grows older, you'll find that meeting people and forging friendships/bonds will get easier.

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A.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

Hi A.,

You are not alone. I have very much felt as you do. At 37 when I had my son, I really didn't know anyone my age with children, much less ever hung out with people who really seemed to enjoy having kids around. This, despite my loving kids. Even my best friend at the time, although I saw her somewhat once my son was born, it became less and less and I became the Sunday friend to the weekday friend..
I did feel sad and thought that our friendship would last through anything.. We rarely hang out anymore. That said, now I have other interests like Buddhism (which at my temple, I have met MANY wonderful people) I go to two 12 step programs and while I am still wking on making friends there, at least I feel like I have something in common with others..

I would second what many have written below. Perhaps it's a good idea to join a group of people who share similar interests.. It does take time to make solid friendships .. I know, I am still working on it myself.. It takes time and patience, but definitely try and not become discouraged.. try joining a group, go into it without expectations and see how it goes.

I wish you all the best

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

When going from work to being a SAHM there was definitely a transitional phase for me. My work and "old life" friends weren't having kids yet (and many were still single) so it was an adjustment.
I eventually made friends with a few moms once my kids started school, and now, many years later, I can happily say I have a handful of REALLY good friends. We walk once a week, and some of us recently started a book club that meets once a month. Sometimes we go to lunch or a movie.
But it takes time. These connections grew over the years, we didn't just "hook up."
Most of the women I connected with were women I worked with on school projects and committees. Another way to meet people is to take classes, join a gym, etc. This is a NATURAL way to meet people you have things in common with.
Hang in there, keep putting yourself out there and don't force it. Appearing too needy usually turns people off.
Good luck!!!

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C.G.

answers from Austin on

There was definitely a point when I had my first baby that I felt deficient in friends. I initiated starting a play group on playgroup usa. This site allowd you to find a playgroup or start one. It's been 5 years since I started that playgroup and I am still very close to the girls from that playgroup! http://playgroupsusa.com/

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L.B.

answers from Austin on

I had the same problem. I dove into mommy land. Playgroups, hanging around preschool, parks. It wasn't until my daughter went to elementary and I started volunteering at the school that I made real girlfriends. It will come, try not to dissect yourself too much.

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F.B.

answers from New York on

You are not alone in this. As we get older, pressed for time, and have a network of friends, it is hard to establish new ones. If you can, try going to places that present opportunities for meeting new people, and developing lasting relationships. A coffee shop might not be the right venue, as people come and go, but a knitting class, a scuba class, welding 101 might. Volunteer, get involved in a charity etc. The continued ongoing contact, might present opportunities.

I work full time but now work from home 3 days a week. I miss girl talk and water cooler talk too.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

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C.B.

answers from Chicago on

Nope... you're definitely not alone! My only "real" friends are my mom and sister-in-law. I go out for girls nights every month with a few ladies but other than those scheduled events, where we only talk about our children, I don't see or talk with them. Wish you lived closer... As much as I LOVE my children and wouldn't change my very blessed lot in life, I miss being "me" and having true friends.

Good luck to you! Keep trying. :)

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

You are not alone. Making friends becomes much more difficult as you get older.

Check out the responses to the post entitled "Betrayed" or "Betrayal". You will see that most people believe that you should keep work and social life separate and that friends you make at work are just that "work friends." It's no wonder you didn't make any real relationships with your co-workers.

Since you have a young child, I would suggest finding some mommy groups to join. Hang out at the park with your child; you can strike up conversations and start friendships with the other moms or nannies at the park. Sit outside during warm weather and strike up conversations and start friendships with the women in your neighborhood.

Good luck!

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K.P.

answers from Houston on

I live in Katy, Texas and I have had to join mother's groups to meet other moms. Some churches have great groups and truly this was how I have met the nicest moms who were also looking for friendship. Search for mom groups and try them out, you might be amazed at who you might meet. Also when your son starts school or preschool this is a great way to meet other moms. BEST WISHES and GOD BLESS

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P.K.

answers from Houston on

Oh my goodness. Get thee to a moms' group!! Is there a neighborhood moms group? Many neighborhoods and churches have moms' groups you can join, even if you don't belong to the church. Finding other mothers, especially when you aren't working out of the home, is crucial. It sounds as though you have unintentionally isolated yourself, and sort of thought the work people would be your social circle. Look for new ones. go to a neighborhood park, and chat up other moms. Enroll your little one in a moms day out program a few days a week (he should really be ready for pre-K soon), and meet new families that way. I am sure there are many other moms out there who would love to have you as a friend; I am impressed that you have made it this far as a new mom without your own support system. You already have the skills to meet new people, you just need to find the right group. Other places, like Gymboree and Little Gym, YMCA or health clubs are places to meet other young mothers, although you have to pay to join. Socializing your boy is important, too - who is he playing with? There are many options, just get yourself out there. You can do it.

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J.A.

answers from Houston on

Look up MOMS Club International. It is a group I belong to & love! They have chapters all over based on your geography so you can meet other moms in your area as well as making new friends for your child. It is the best decision I've made since moving to Texas. :)

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A.C.

answers from Austin on

Hi A., my name is A. I live in Rockdale,TX. I have been in your position since late '97. I finally made my first real friend four years ago. She is my 18 yr. old daughters best friends mom. I finally made a second friend a few weeks ago. So it took me 12 yrs. to accomplish this feat, which as a teenager and young adult seems so easy. However, when you get older, especially if you are a sahm it seems to be an almost impossible mountain to climb. The problem is finding someone you have more in common with than just the fact you work together, or that you both have kids.
Having said this, my advice would be to play to your interests. What I mean by this is whatever your hobbies or interests are, try to find a group that is specifically geared toward your hobby or interest. The reason I suggest this, such as a book club, gardening club, ceramics class or even a gym, is because if you do something in a group you are interested in the other people in the group will have the same interests; therefore theoretically you should have common interests with them. Which hopefully will lead to you finding u a close female friend. This is not a guarantee, but it is a start. Also you need to tell your husband or a sister-in-law or grandparent that you need them to babysit on a regular basis, such as one or two nights or afternoons a week in order to pursue your own interests. I say this because as much as we love our children ( I have 3) if you focus solely on your child and family 24/7 you tend to lose yourself and your own identity. See in high school and college you were A. plain and simple. Now you are known as such and suchs mother, or such and suchs wife, not A. the person you are inside. Now I'm not knocking motherhood or being a wife by any means (I'm both). But I have discovered through many years of loneliness for true female companionship, i.e. shopping, lunches, girl talk and girl secrets that you have to separate yourself into two people even if only for an afternoon. You have to spend some time as just A., not mom,not wife, just you.
It may still take you a little while to connect with someone since you have been out of circulation for awhile, but eventually you will meet that person who wants to be your friend and share your ups and downs and be there when you need her, even if it just for coffee and girl talk.
It may be a little tough at first to get your sea legs back, especially after the rejections of the other women in the past. However, it will happen. 😌 I hope this advice helps! I can't absolutely say it will work, but I know it worked for me.
Until then if you would like to talk about anything at all, girl talk, life whatever you can e-mail me at [email protected]____.com. Please don't be shy to contact me, I understand 100% what you are going through having lived it myself. A.

Updated

I will be looking for your e-mail A. I did not make the offer just to be nice I truly meant it. 😄 So chin up and contact me if you would like to. 😋

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L.L.

answers from San Antonio on

Meetup.com
A mops group
There are many mom groups out there for exactly this reason. It's hard for moms, especially until their kids start school & there other to meet other moms. I've met all my mom friends on meetup.com

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L.S.

answers from Houston on

I connected with a group of mamas who had kids the same age as mine. We met at a new mom support group and did playdates with the kids, so both the moms and the kids have a set of friends we "grow" with. We get together for playdates, zoo/museum/park dates, birthdays. And the moms get together every once in a while for Moms Night Out with the girls, where we do kid talk, husband talk, girl talk, and just talk talk. Look around in your community for a local mom group (search Facebook, churches).

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J.K.

answers from Wausau on

I made my first adult, non-school, non-work friend when my oldest was 4. He went to preschool and I met her there at an open house, with her 4 year old son. Our kids got along well and so did we. It is now almost 9 years later. Our sons are no longer close, but his mom and I are. I've also met other people between then and now, some thought her and she's met some through me.

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L.G.

answers from Austin on

I don't know if MOPS takes a break for the summer but it was an amazing program when my kids were young. MOPS stands for Mothers of Pre-Schoolers (meaning they are not in school yet). The moms all meet together while the kids are cared for in their age group. There is a main speaker that might talk about anything from how to make freezer meals to how to buy the right kind of books for your kids. Then you divide up into smaller groups and discuss the topic. It ends with a simple craft. This is when there was a lot of social chatting and you can find women that you connect with. You had children already in common and you get to know each other well. We met once a week, but some meet twice a month. I highly recommend looking it up for a program in your area.

And no, you are not alone. With all the moving some of us do or all the ways we make our lives so busy, it is harder and harder to meet other moms.

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D.C.

answers from San Antonio on

Look for a mother & child support group. They are a great way to meet other moms. Church is also a great place to meet people and make new friends. Try going to the local park and look for other moms to talk to. One of my best friends is a neighbor I met 30 years ago. We have not lived near each other for almost 20 years now but we are still friends and stay in contact. Good luck!!!! I live on Prince Edward Island in Canada now, but if you are ever coming up here let me know.

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D..

answers from Miami on

Finding a charitable cause to work on will help. I have met many friends this way, though making friends wasn't my goal.

When we give of ourselves to a common goal, people see a part of us they either like or don't like. These endeavors tend to bring out the best in people and the worst. The more I work on committees and boards, the better able I am to discern the best and the worst early on. Find the people who show the best of themselves, and enjoy working with them. Friendship will follow.

It's hard to work the volunteering around your mommy time, but try. It will help you.

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S.F.

answers from Utica on

I didn't even read the other responses but I am right there with you. I have 1 friend that I very seldom girl talk with or ever see for that matter. I have 2 young kids and she has 2 that are quite a bit older than mine so we don't even have that in common. She works I stay at home. Life is crazy busy and its really hard in this busy busy life we all live to make our schedules work around everything that is going on. I have 1 sister-in-law and we don't seem to have anything in common and never hang out. The sad thing is we have a lot of close family and friends that are all starting to have kids and I finally feel like maybe a true girl on girl friendship will stem from having the baby thing to connect with but then I realize that my youngest is 15 months and these girls I mention have literally just had a baby like days ago or are due in weeks/months so.... I know how life is when you have a baby and how busy and consumed you become and with our kids being so off in age it just seems like its not going to work the way I would have liked. Otherwise I am just like you. My Mother is my best friend and I have my Mother-in-law as well who thankfully I adore. And Im sure my husband would LOVE for me to have a girlfriend not just because he knows I would like it but because he is also my best friend but I feel like he feels like I might be smothering him at times - I talk his ear off some nights seeing as how I have no one to get all that out of my system with LOL. Now that I have rambled on I will stop but you should know that you are definitely not alone in the friend hunt
Good Luck

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W.H.

answers from Houston on

Hi!
My name is W. and I'm in the same boat you are! My son is 3 and I'm
A stay at home mom. I live really close to you in Crosby. We moved to houston 3 years ago for my husband's job and I have yet to meet someone to bond with! Your welcome to email me, maybe we have a play date with our kids! My email is [email protected]____.com. :-)

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T.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

It was interesting reading the responses because I am just like you. Seriously. Luckily I have my mom and sister who live just a few minutes away and we do stuff a lot. And, I guess it was, 2 years ago, my neighbor moved back into his house (that he had been renting out for about 5 years) and he brought his girlfriend (significant other) with him and I made friends with her pretty easily. She didn't know anyone and had been (and still is) out of work so I invited her to things that my mom and I would do or go to with my kids and it started from there. It's nice because she is someone I know I can count on. And my husband and I are also close to our other neighbor across the street, and he is also someone we can consider a close friend and rely on. My son is starting kindergarden in the fall so I think I will take some of the recommendations here and volunteer for various activities. But, I have always been a loner so I don't really need girl talk or mind talking to little people all day. So know that you are not alone (and good to know I'm not either)

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A.B.

answers from San Antonio on

College is so different from post-college life. And if you don't go to college, I would guess this happens post-high school. In a setting like college or high school, where bunches of people your age are in the same place at the same time, there are so many opportunities for friendships. Once you are out of that situation, it's a huge difference.

When I graduated from college and went to graduate school, I learned that most people were already married and had their next 15 Saturday nights already planned. Even if we had a lot in common, there was no time for them to see a new friend. I learned the key to finding a new close friend is to have an opportunity to meet someone who had a transition in his/her life and now all of a sudden has room to devote to someone new. My first best friend in graduate school I met after she and her roommate had a falling out and she was in the process of moving out if her apartment. She had a bunch of newfound time. I met her at work (I had a part-time job in a restaurant. I socialized with people there occasionally, but didn't become really close to anyone until then). She and I didn't have tons in common, but became best friends after having a lot of available time to spend with each other. We were best friends until I graduated and moved away.

The next best friend I met many years later. We actually had lots in common--we were both married and getting ready to have children, etc. I had an opportunity to get to know her at work when someone asked me to share some materials with her. She had moved to the area a few years earlier, and never really found a best friend since moving, so she, too, had time to spend with a new friend. Unfortunately, she moved away a few years ago. :(

Someone else mentioned MOPS. Women's groups and other mom's groups are good places to get yourself out there. If someone new joins the group, they are often doing it to meet people, and those are people to make an effort to get to know, especially if they are new to the area.

I have found that the key is to find someone who is looking for a friend as well. To do that, join groups and get yourself out there so you run into the people looking. Work can be a good place only if there is a lot of turnover and you see new people often. Good luck! It is hard to make friends during adulthood. I am so lucky to have made the best friends I've made. I currently have some terrific friends, but none like the best friends I've had before. My current friends are so busy, we don't see each other often enough, so its not like the "best friend" situations I've had in the past where I could call these friends every day just to talk, or see them on a moment's notice. Right now I'm busy too, and I'm ok with friends I see once every few months. In the future, when life changes, I won't be fulfilled with the friends I can't see much, and I'll be looking again.

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A.S.

answers from Odessa on

I don't have any answers for you, but I can commiserate. I am in the same situation. Since becoming a mom and working, I have been unable to find a close girlfriend, and have drifted away from my old friends. Just know that you are not the only one!

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R.H.

answers from Houston on

Join a church, join Meetup.com, join PTA, join a morning fitness class at a gym and meet the other ladies over OJ after the class, go into cheaper stores like thrift stores and make up conversations with other shoppers. I have found other ladies who thrift shop and have laughs and quick conversations with them.

I had the same problem and I THREW myself into things. I now am BUSY! The ladies are not lifelong friends but more of a meantime group and I am okay with that.

If you can, ask one of your sisters-in-law to evaluate your personality. Get ready for hurt feelings though.

I had 3 friends do it to me. I found that they said I am easily irritated, not willing to go out past 6pm, competitive.

On the good side: I had a loyal heart, was friendly to seniors, and generous with my time for charity.

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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

It can be very hard to make friends, especially when you're a busy mom. I am a lot like you - very social in school, somewhat social at work but totally lost touch after I left the job. Once you're not working and not in school, it is a lot harder to meet people.

Do you and your son take any classes or go to any organized activities? That's how I met all of my mom friends. I joined the local MOMS Club (not sure if there is a chapter near you, but you can try looking at www.momsclub.org) and also took music and gymboree classes. It's definitely hard to take the first step and ask people to do something outside of the organized setting - like lunch or a play date - but chances are the other person is happy to make new friends too.

If you're not involved in anything, then my advice is definitely get involved. Find classes through your local community center or sign your son up for soccer or t-ball. Take him to a gymnastics class or swimming lessons - something where you'll be in a consistent group of the same moms so you can get to know them.

Once you find a few people that you click with, take the time to develop the friendships. Going out to get coffee for an hour after the kids are in bed is a great way to start.

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C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

I guess my advice is join or volunteer for groups with other moms and after you have done it for a while you will kind of know the women you think seem cool. Then the hard part - approach people and invite them to join you to do things. Playdates. Kid activities. Dinner at your house. Meet for coffee. Meet at the park to watch the kids play. Girls night out. Exercising together. Keep at it! Everyone is busy so it takes a while...it's a long slow process. I have met some very cool women by going to the YMCA for the last 3 years. Slowly with time I am getting more friendly with them and they with me. I have met some great women volunteering at my son's school. I've been volunteering for 3 years and finally things are starting to click. Going to the little kid activities around town with my daughter has helped me meet many people. Moms club. Music at the library.Inviting over my kid's friends has helped me to make good friends with a few parents that we just naturally clicked with. Helping by watching a couple neighbor's kids (and they both help me back) and talking at the bus stop has made me a couple friends. If we have a common interest then I call them to go do that activity later...like one of the bus stop moms also likes to mountain bike. Every now and then we go on a ride together. She's busy though so for every 5 times I ask her she can actually go. We have had them over for dinner and they have had us over. We have all (husbands too) met for rock climbing a couple times. Now we are great friends. It's all a very very slow process. Last year I got it into my head that I really really wanted to climb the highest peak in NM. It isn't very high compared to really big mountains but I knew I needed to do it with someone...not alone. No one I knew could do it or wanted to but I just kept asking EVERYONE. A woman I had just met who is younger and does not have kids said she would do it. A friend of a friend said she would do it the night before...I heard through friends. I actually did not know her at all. We met early on a Sat morning and all carpooled to the start of the hike. Three strangers! It was an amazing and fun day and the three of us talked and shared food and really got to know each other. Now they are two really close friends! I guess my advice is to get out around other people often and be friendly and those people who give off good vibes...eventually invite them to do something with you. Don't give up. It takes a long time. Don't forget to smile at people.

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O.H.

answers from Phoenix on

I have a couple close friends and several casual friends, mostly from church. I'm shy when I first meet people but no one that knows me believes that! lol You really have to make an attempt at friendship. I mean, it's so easy to just stay at home but you have to invite people over or out to eat or coffee. Invite other moms to meet you at the park or public pool, etc. When you feel like there is someone that you can be friends with, then you focus more on that person and see if she feels the same (invites you over too). I know its hard but you just have to take steps. Good luck!

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R.E.

answers from Austin on

I am in the same situation. I work and go home to my daughter who is 9 years old. She is all I have. I am 600 miles away from my hometown. My Co-workers all seem to have their own lives out of work. I do go to lunch with this one lady at times but out of work we do not communicate. She is too busy with her kids, who are older. It is good to know that I am not the only one who doesn't have friends. It is sad. :-( Sorry I can't give you advice but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

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G.W.

answers from Austin on

I suggest joining a club. Meetup.com has a lot of different groups that meet for a specific interest. You could join a Mom's group for preschoolers or you could join a group for women that want to get together to socialize. If you are into or interested in fitness, you might consider joining a running group. Several years ago I took a running class, and ended up developing deep friendships with several great people. Whatever pastime you are interested in you may want to try finding a group or a class for that. Even if you are a beginner in that pastime, there are often people who are supportive of new people.

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M.R.

answers from Houston on

I feel you. I am a sahm with a 3 year old and almost 1 year old. I don't have any friends either. No girl time at all. I live in Houston and would be happy to schedule lunch sometime if you would like.

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L.W.

answers from Houston on

No, I've had a similar problem. I have made a lot of acquaintances over the years, but seeming "friendships" were short lived, fell apart, or people moved away, divorced or went back to work. I've found it difficult to find women willing to step outside their social circles and cliques to make and maintain new adult friends. I haven't had much luck with neighbors or social groups like Bunco being anything other than casual contacts. I don't have the time yet to devote to outside groups and activities that require repeated evening time spent together, as that is time away from family. I still have two kids in 9th and 2nd grade. I need some daytime friends, too. I live in the NW area of Houston in a nice planned community, but I don’t devote all my spare time to volunteer work at school, and I’ve heard that neighborhood tennis team is catty and cliquish, so I need better options. I'm a friendly and open person, so I’m at a loss as to my predicament. I understand what you are going through.

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