Husband Is Being Transferred!!!

I don't have any advice, but I wanted to sympathize. My husband was laid off in February and I'm a SAHM, so he's looking for anything and everything, but the thought of leaving Michigan has me depressed as well. The only job interviews he's had have been out of state (New York, Georgia, Tennessee, California!), so it looks like we may be moving. I wish you the best...maybe you'll learn to love it! :)

Dear E. M.,

I did not want to move to the Holland/Zeeland, MI area back in 1989 when my husband got a job in the area but I said O.K., God, if this is what you want for our family, I know you have something for me, even though it is not what I would choose for myself because I love my church in Muskegon (the East Muskegon Church of God). I found a great therapist for a childhood problem that I had been trying to bury all my life and new doors opened for me. It will never be the same for your son and you after you leave your friends behind, but you have to make the best of it. If you have a computer with a webcam you could talk to friends each week on a pre-planned day and time each week until you don't feel the need any more (if that ever happens). And phone calls if you can afford unlimited long-distance phone calls weekly or daily.

Sorry to hear you have to leave; MI has many lakes to provide lots of water fun but I'm sure that you will make new friends in your new area once you have been there a little while.

Perhaps you can get on the internet and do some research to find out what you will have to entertain yourselves when you get there, what kinds of schools are there, what kinds of churches are in that area, etc. Maybe some realtors in the area would send you some emails and give you a head start on what to look forward to. Try to look on the bright side. Maybe your husband does not want to leave either, but MI does not have a very good economic picture right now and he wants to provide for your family and does not have a choice at this time. This could be a stepping stone that would allow you to move back in the future when things are not so bleak here.

L. C.
Zeeland, MI.

E.,

I have a friend who recently moved to Alabama. She said it's a bit of a culture shock at first but that she LOVES it. She says she will never come back to live in MI. I lived in KY for a bit and I loved it as well. Everything seems like it's so much more easy going. Also...you get WARM winters! Two Christmas's ago we were running around with nothing but a light sweater on...pants too. LOL

It's hard to get over the initial shock of moving to the South, especially if you have never been there. It's not as bad as it sounds. Trust me...I was worried that I would be living in a corn field! Not the case at all! In fact...it's cheaper to live there than MI so you will be able to afford more house, more land, and more activities. There also seems to be more of a sense of community as well. People are always friendly and saying hello. It's totally different but I think if you keep an open mind you will learn to love it as much as I did.

If your son is worried about missing his friends a great idea would be to make sure you get names and addresses so he can keep in touch. Make it sound exciting for him that he will have friends in two states instead of just one, and that he tell his MI friends all about his new life in Alabama.

You should also look online for local attractions and show him all the new things he will get to experience. If you know the city you will be moving to you can contact them...online or by phone. Ask them for info on the city and they should send you a welcome packet filled with local attractions, info about local events, shopping, dining, etc.

Do as much research as you can and you will discover that you may actually enjoy the Alabama! I hope you do.

Best of luck!

First, find a travel guide to Alabama and one for surrounding states. They make one for children (Kids Love Alabama). Look at all the places you can go there. What about SPACE CAMP???!!!

E., begin to concentrate on the POSITIVES, and say them OUT LOUD.

Moving can be EXCITING -- you'll get to see new places and meet new people that you'd have never known, otherwise.

Yes, it's scary because change is scary, but you are tough, you are resilient, and you will be able to handle the changes and so will your son. Remind him of that in a positive way while acknowledging the fear involved in leaving everything familiar. You can certainly try to recreate his bedroom in Alabama exactly the same as it was in Michigan if that creates something familiar and comfortable and safe in the midst of all the changes!

You're going on an adventure -- embrace the excitement!

(I am not from Michigan and while I'd rather be down south -- it's not the worst thing in the world to have to move away, I promise)

Hi and sorry to hear - yet very happy to hear about your situation. Moving is never easy - but remember this: Your son will react how he believes you want him to...and he will take his cues from you. It is up to you to make this a postive experience for you and your son and I can imagine your husband could use a little cheerleading as well instead of feeling like the guy who has made everyone sad... I'm sure you don't want to hear all the motivational things I could tell you, but this is 1000% percent true: Life is 10% of what happens TO us and 90% how we CHOOSE to react to it!!! A world of positive opportunities could await you in Alabama!!! Seize them for your own and make the best of them!! This could be the best thing that has ever happened to you....if you allow it to be :)

Thank goodness you can all still be together!!!

Sandi~

My hubby and I were both born and raised in MI, and if we had the opportunity (if he was offered a job) anywhere down south or even out west---we'd move in a heartbeat. We are tired of the cold weather and the cost of living here. Sure it's an adjustment, but in this economy, consider yourself lucky that he is employed. It takes about a year to get fully adjusted to a job and a move, but if you reach out to the community, it will be alot easier for everyone. I have several friends who are from other countries here and what has made it easier for them is to get involved with the community like playgroups, church, etc.

Good luck,

M.

We just had friends move to Huntsville, AL for work. They have nothing but good things to say about it. They live in Madison, Alabama and it has great schools. We went and visited them and there was nothing bad that we could say about it. They have all the familiar shopping places and a much milder climate than here.
I moved across the country when I was 8 and it was not bad at all. My parents helped to get me excited about little things (my new bedroom, the playground right across the street etc.) Third grade was a great time to make new friends! My 2 closest friends, still to this day, I met the very first year that I moved here.
The most important thing you can do is set a good example of a positive attitude. Your son is very perceptive and knows that you are resisting the move too. You don't know what to expect, so expect the best. When your son hears you talk about the move, let him hear positive things not the negative ones. Kids are resilient at this age and he will adjust.

Best of luck on the move. I hope that you love it.

Hi E., I'm D.. Sorry to hear about your dilemma. My advice comes from the heart, my heart. When I was 8 years old, my parents moved my brother and I from our childhood home and it devastated us. I can actually say it destroyed me. I am now 55 y.o. Please be there for your son, be there to introduce him to new places, new schools, try new things together as a family. Be there when he gets home from school and sit down and listen to what he has to say. Make sure his feelings don't get washed away in the move and don't just dismiss his feelings as "childish". With your awareness and insight I'm sure you will all do well with the new move. I've also heard that Alabama is an upcoming place to go and it's not the place it used to be. Good luck to you and God bless your family.

Hi E., I moved myself and my son when he was 9 yrs old. It wasn't as far but it might as well have been. Please try to only talk about the positives to you son. Keep the worries and negatives for when you are alone with your friends.

I put my son in boy scouts before we moved so that he would have something familiar when we got to the new town. If you have time to do that, I highly recommend it, all the songs are the same, the clothes, everything will be familiar. I met one of my now very close friends at the meetings I took him too, and he is still friends with kids that he met there.

If not that, I recommend something like that, that is a national organization so that it is familiar one state to the next, or something that he likes to do that he can slip right into, sign up online so that you can take him to do something the first week or two. Do the same for yourself, join a club as soon as you get there.

I am sorry that you received so much negative responses, this is a very stressful time for you, please be forgiving to your critics, we are all under a lot of stress with the economy the way it is. God bless and I will pray for your son.

hey E.
yes in this day and age jobs are hard to come by and yes my best friend had to up and move her whole family and was hardest on the kids because they had to leave there friends but if you do it early inthe summer or before school start he will have time to make friends and might even like it better . i here cost of living is alot cheaper there then here i hope your son can find the light of making new friends in a new place good luck

"And of all places they want us to go to Alabama!" I have to say this is very frustrating and a little hurtful to me to read this post and the responses. I was forced to move here from the South almost a year ago. I am so tired of all the stereotypical things Northerners say about the South. No, we are not slow and do not move at a slower pace. How derogatory? Yes, I speak with an accent but that doesn't mean I am any less intelligent than you. I have a Bachelor's degree in Education! The strangest thing for me when we first moved was walking down a grocery store aisle and smiling at random strangers. The looks I got in return were nasty or puzzled. Sue me. I am from the South where hospitality reins! You will be greeted with casseroles and invites to Sunday lunch. My best advice is to leave your stereotypes in MI and enjoy your new home!

E.,

A lot of the posts have some great advice about staying positive and looking for things to do in the area you will be moving to.

I noticed your son is an only child (mine is too) and his concerns also need to be addressed because he doesn't have a sibling to go through the experience with.

When you and your husband are looking for a new place to live (either owning or renting) include your son after you have weeded out the definite "no's". Have him go with you to see the possible places to live and the schools in the area.

Contact a number of churches in the area before you move and talk to the pastors. They may be able to pair you with other families who have children the same age and they may be able to tell you more about the town and surrounding area than you can get from a real estate agent.

Your son will want to keep in touch with his friends, so would it be possible to set up some type of social networking site? Here is an article that lists a number of networking sites you can research with your husband and present as options to your son and the parents of his friends.

http://www.socialmediamom.com/2008/02/february-roundu.html

Before you leave you may want to throw a moving party for your son and his friends. Take lots of pictures and get him a scrap book or photo binder to put the photos into for the future. At the party, ask the parents the best way for your son to stay in contact with his friends.

Lastly, visit the local library after you move to Alabama. Good children's librarians provide lots of programs throughout the year for kids of all ages and participating in those programs will give yourself and your son a chance to meet new people and build a new network of friends.

There are negatives to moving away from family and friends, but your son will handle his emotions better if you can look and talk about the positive side of moving. This can be an adventure and can make your family stronger if you approach it in the right way.

Good luck and let us know how the move goes!

-C..

Try moving from overseas to the US. At a younger age than 8. I think someone needs to explain that this is important for dad and explain a little about the economy and how blessed dad is to HAVE the job. We all have to make a sacrifice now and then. Keep his friends' addresses and emails, etc so he can keep in touch.
I don't regret moving from Europe back to America. I regret friends I left behind and the proximity to other European countries I'd have liked to have seen. But kids adjust.

I can imagine how hard it would be to uproot and move your family..

I can tell you though that I moved several times in my childhood. While it's challenging and hard for a bit, I always made new friends and started to love the new location. It's made it easier for me to adjust to new experiences as an adult as well because it was a normal part of my childhood and I've been all over the U.S. and traveled a bit.

The south is from what I understand the people are very friendly and welcoming. I've heard from some that have moved here from the south that MI people are not as warm (I would beg to disagree!), but my understanding is that in the south there is more of a sense of family and community and a slower pace than here...

Who knows you might find you LOVE it there! Plus I would guess that the cost of living and job security would certainly be better there too!

Hi E.,
I can not imagine any of what you and your family are facing but I can tell you that I went to school in Alabama (Tuskegee, Alabama) and Alabama has it's +'s and -'s like any other state. I do miss the climate, I really enjoyed being warm...plus you will be close to Georgia, Louisiana, Texas, Florida-lastly you will get more bang for your buck down there...may it all work out for you and your family.
Montogomery and Birmingham are really nice so is Auburn.
R.

Justmoved. org is a great website that talks about having to move. There is also a book called "After the boxes are unpacked" that gives LOTS of ideas for preparing for a move and then what happens after you move. It also has Christian devotions for those moving, as well as, support groups located aroudn the world to help bring people who have moved to an area together. It's a great resource and I hope it helps you. I'll be praying that your transition to your new location is smooth anda easy for your family.

I have friends who have moved 10 times in their kids 12 years of life. 2 ideas that they did that helped their boys included calling a local school or church and asking for a pen pal for the kid to write to before the move so that when they got there they had a friend to look forward to meeting. Usually if the pen pal was from a church or schoo, it always ended up being someone on staff's kid or someone who was super active in the school or church's kid so that helped them meet active parents. Also gave the kids an outlet to ask questions about the area from a kids perspective.

Another idea includes getting one of those guides to the state by Foders or similar from the library about stuff to do with kids in the state they were moving. You may have to google search but I'm sure you could find a "Fun things for kids to do in Alabama" book. It helped the kids to find fun things to look forward to doing and also to plan things to do the first few weeks they were there to take away some of the feelings of homesickness and provide breaks from unpacking.

Oh, more more thing, you could ask your sons family and friends to create a small scrapbook page w/ their picture on it along w/ a message toyour son (and your family) and also somewhere on the page include their address and phone number, email, etc. so if your son (or you) want to quickly find their info you have it right there at your fingertips and it's a great keepsake

Hope those ideas help!

I moved here 10 months ago from Chicago. My sons were 10 and 14 at the time and we had to leave all our family and friends and everything that was familiar to us so I know how you are feeling. My husband got a job offer here and we had to go where the work was. The moved has been a good thing for us. We have become closer as a family and have learned to rely on each other. My kids love their schools and made friends fast. Look at it as an adventure. It is exciting and challenging. I miss my family and friends but the move has been a positive experience. Good luck and stay positive.

Hi E.!

My husband and I just moved from Dallas to Mi a year ago. We have an 9 year old and a 5 year old. They were 8 and 4 at the time. None of us wanted to ever leave Dallas....and although hard at times....we certainly miss Dallas and our friends....we have looked at it as an adventure! We are a family....and we made it a fun experience TOGETHER! The kids have done great and we are settled and have met some wonderful NEW friends! The world is a big place and there is lots to experience! Enjoy and embrace your new experience! You might end up loving Alabama! Best of luck to your family!

Hi --how lucky you get to stay employed! We were moved to MI --no friends or family here for us, and my inlaws were so positive. I was devestated (sp?) to have to come here and lose my job and friends. It has been a struggle at times. The are i live in , the people keep to themselves.

My best advice is to get involved in groups - Moms groups, school volunteer, etc.
I can tell you that the people are VERY friendly in the south, and will be outgoing somewhat. The hospitality there is incredible. (get used to smiling)

Just understand that things are going to be different, and embrace those differences. Do some research about the area, and go online to the city you are moving to and try to make a connection through the welcome center. Just having 1 person show you around will be a big help.
Churches are a big help as well, and you can contact your local parish/church to have someone help with whatever you need.

Once you make human connections, it will be a lot easier to adjust.
Good luck!

(ps--I would gladly trade you places. We are 2 professionals out of work now over a year. At this point, alaska is looking good! lol.)