Husband and Money - South Bend,IN

Sit down and talk, NOW. Get a sitter (grandma?) and make him aware of how you feel.

This is something I am very experienced with. My first marriage, which meant the worrrrrld to me, went up in a puff of smoke before we ever had kids, over these same issues.

Your anger may build and build until the sex is gone, the fun is gone, and the love is gone. You are probably fairly young with the age of your child and some of the things you've said. Get this corrected right NOW, and get your path straightened out, so you both understand and respect where the other is about things.

Does he think because you don't bring money into the house you have no power? DO YOU feel you have no power?
I have found in my marriages, friendships--hell,even with my sisters and brothers, what you accept from them is what they'll give you more of...you REALLY DO teach people how to treat you.

Get strong J.. Say what you feel and why. Of course he works hard and deserves perks. You work hard and deserve perks too, and the kind of perks we women want many times are new flooring for the bedroom, or a new tree in the front yard.

You said something very telling "I get to do everything EXCEPT work". HA! Get on the phone today. Find out what you'd pay a gardener. Find out what you'd pay to have someone come in and clean, and watch that baby, and cook three meals. get those groceries home and in the cupboard. SERIOUSLY. You won't even believe what some people pay for these services, AND GIRL, SOME PEOPLE DO PAY FOR THESE SERVICES. Write it down, and have it with you when you talk. He may bring home the paycheck and have the profit sharing, but if you died tomorrow X is what he would pay to live the same life when he came home with his sore muscles.

YOU GO GIRL. You have worth, and you need to know it and wear it like a mighty suit.

You're going to get A LOT of responses. You are sooooo not alone.

One last thought? Will he read a book with you? Relationship Rescue. It's a Dr. Phil book--you know he's a no bull guy and he appeals to men too. It really helped us. if he won't, read it yourself.

Keep us posted!
S.

It sounds to me like your husband needs a serious wake up call. He needs to come back to reality. These days it is hard to take care of a child, but to take care of two children, when one of them should be old enough to be a mature father and husband, borders on impossible. I think you should have a serious sit down with him. Tell him what you think. And if it doesn't make any difference, then I think you would be better off just doing it alone. It sounds like you pretty much are anyway. Now there are jobs where you can work at home and some even have a daycare in the building. I know how hard it is to be a single mom. My daughter is 3 months. I would think your family would be MUCH more important than some stupid car. That is the problem with most men. They think since they make the money then they can spend it however they see fit. Not all are like that though. I will give some of them credit. There are some very lucky women that have husbands who are excellent husbands and fathers. That is what we need more of. Men who like to take care of their families. Who put them before cars or tools or useless junk. Sorry if I am ranting. Thought I would give my opinion. I really hope he opens his eyes and sees what an excellent thing he has. I hope everything works out and I wish you the best. Good luck.

I can't really help you with the money situation because my husband and I used up ALL of our savings to buy our home in March. We are living paycheck to paycheck and sometimes that's not enough. So, if it were me I would take atleast half of it and put it in savings. You never know when you are giong to need the extra money and not to mention taking your child to the er can get expensive. If you don't trust yourself with the money you can put it in a cd and have it sit there for a few years and it will collect interest. Now, as for your husband. I am a stay at home mom and it can get stresful when your husband comes home. All I can tell you is to pick your battles. Some are worth fighting about and others as hard as it may be let them go. I think your marriage is really tested when you stay at home. I think they can be jealous because you stay at home and all they have is the weekends for time off. They don't realize how hard it can be. My husband pretty much does the same thing. Shower, eat and watch tv. We have come up with a compromise. He baths our son ever other night. We still urgue over the controls. Because I always watch tv during the day so he should have them when he gets home. Right like that is all I do is watch tv. Sometimes I say you take him for one day and do what I do and he says I know I can't handle it. Dont get me wrong he loves our son but he doesn't have the patience sometimes and can come ungule when he says don't do that and he continues. So, good luck with that. Pick your battles!

You do work, and by the sound of it you work really hard. And because you work you should speak up for what you want. NO better yet demand what you want. It sounds as though you may have lost your voice in the midst of all your duties. You all need to sit down and reevaluate your roles and responsibilities. He should be sharing the duties of parenting and homeownership with you. You deserve something nice so speak up and get it.

I agreet that you need to talk with him ASAP. It sounds like your marriage is heading for a pitfall. Get together a list of what you would like to do to the house and why. Perhaps he just doesn't think the house needs any improvement. Men don't usually see things like that. Also, look into the cost of college for your little one. Maybe you can persuade him to at least start a college fund for her. It will take the financial burden off of you later in life. Not to mention you need to have a little money tucked away in case of emergency. What if something happens to his wonderful new car? LOL.....Good luck to you.

I think you need to give your husband a serious reality check! You work...Being a mom, housework,yardwork....It's your job! The only difference is you do it for FREE... I agree with Alisa! You need to DEMAND what you want and what you feel is best for you and your family...And a mustang just doesn't seem right..Granted he does make money and he doea work..You also have to show him you love and respect him for that..Let him buy something big as long as he starts to help out and be a FATHER...I hope this helps you

Suzanne is right, but I am going to keep it simple-he doesn't need a freaking ride when you have no savings. If you or he is hurt/ill or drops dead, what will happen to the other one and your daughter. Is the house paid for? If your not working and have to get a job, would you have enough money to pay the bills til you find something? I wish one of us got a profit sharing check just to put all the necessary safety nets in place! If something happens to you, he would have to hire help to take care of your daughter or help around the house! I could see blowing one profit sharing check in a year for shits and giggles, but if he is getting one quarterly there are important things to consider.

my hubby is the exact tsame way. he wants to blow every penny have on B.S. when half of our bills are behind. i do a majority of the housework and childrearing(he does help out witht that stuff some) but everyday something hurst or he doesn't feel good and if i want to do something with my friends of family he gets pissy. we you just need to put your foot down. tell him you need the house fixed up and you HAVE to put some $ back. if he gives you the "well i work for a living" speech just tell him you work too...24 hrs a day, you just don't get a pay check for it.

Hi J.!

Wow, this topic is a familular one, since I continue to deal with it from time to time. First, question on who does handle the paying of bills. Is there a budget that your family follows or sticks to? Set one up if there isn't. Put all the money into areas of need to pay (mortgage/rent, utilites, insurance, groceries,other have to living expenses), want to pay (beauty maintence,clothing,household items,toys)and want to save (future things such as, safety net, birthdays, christmas, college, retirement). It's easier said then done I tell you. Yet, once you have those tallied amounts written down, you both are able to see where the money is actually going. Then it will help in making the final decisions with where the money is. With that, he may even think that his "toys" are not so important to being able to splurge on getting a room redecorated or the yard landscaped, to having a very romantic night out with you.

There is no way in telling your husband what to do or how you feel. He may not really listen. Most men do not like to listen to their wifes/significant others feelings and truly understand. They don't hear our feelings, they hear only complaining no matter what tone we use. So, instead of telling him how it is, (don't waste your energy too) which may already surprise you that he truly does know about.....sit down together and make a budget that you both are able to view and discuss, rather then discuss job discriptions and salaries. You both contribute to your household, you both work and hard at it. Unfortnately he is the only one that gets the actual "money". It is for your family and that's all that should matter.

PS: Do you have girlfriends, neighbors or family members that would consider doing a sitting or child swap when you would like to get thing done? That way you can take the time by yourself to do things or errands.

PSS: Enjoy your job. Being a SAHM isn't all that easy, however the rewards are tremendous! God Bless!