My almost 16 month old is now hitting, head butting, and pinching and it can really hurt. Frustratingly, she only seems to do this to me. How have others disciplined at this young age? She laughs when I have any other reaction besides to ignore. But, ignoring only makes her hit more.
I appreciate the responses. Obviously there are lots of different ideas about how to discipline. I agree with those parents that firmly tell their children "no" and remove them from a situation and I will try to be more consistent with that.
Personally, I cannot justify correcting hitting tantrums with a smack, swat, spank, whatever. Def not opposed to spanking in the future. It seems like if I am saying that hitting is not a good outlet for her frustration, I should not be using that discipline method for my frustration with her. Just seems like a contradiction.
Discipline is a very personal choice and I respect everyone's methods. I just feel that those that didn't use hitting back are what I could use and feel good about!
Thanks, again!
WHen my son started his very short lived hitting phase, I would get down eye-to-eye with him and very firmly say "we do NOT hit." He would get so sad that I had said something so stern to him ,and then he would kiss my arm where he hit me.
Personal opinion: Dont hit a child for hitting... Its terribly confusing, and I dont see how that can help. Its like screaming at a child to stop screaming :/
First, she's doing it to get your attention and ignoring her will only want her to seek your attention more (often in more destructive ways).
In our house, hitting is not allowed and my 22-month old daughter knows this. Starting right around 16-18 months, I started making her sit down away from me and out of reach of toys if she hit or pinched me. Like a mini time-out. I'd sternly tell her "no hitting" or "hitting is ouchy" and make her sit while I internally counted to 30. She was so sad at being put away from me! Now that she's more verbal, I count to 30 or 60 and then make her say "sorry." It seems to be working for now, but we'll see what happens as she gets older.
I am not one of the people that is opposed to spanking, but in my house, it is solely reserved for the worst of the worst offenses--thereby, the punishment doesn't get abused and lose effectiveness. And for now, my daughter is too young to really understand the real purpose of spanking, so I don't. Plus, she's exploring her boundaries and getting to know the world around her and how to interact with it appropriately and sometimes frustration and stubbornness come out because she's not-yet-2 and doesn't know how to more properly control herself--I just don't feel like that deserves a spanking. Teaching and redirection?...Yes. My 7-yr old son, on the other hand, knows very well about spanking and will do just about anything to avoid getting spanked--he'll even behave! (which is the whole point in the first place!) And he only gets threatened with a spanking is he is perilously close to that edge of "worst" offenses. After testing that boundary a couple times and realizing that we will follow through, he will now heed the warning and make a better choice for his behavior. But there's no way that my young daughter would understand all that yet. So, for now, we'll focus on the sit-down time.
Good for you--don't resort to physical punishment with your child. "Hands are not for hitting" is our rule and that goes for everyone. My son is almost 5 and I have never hit him and I never will. I have taken the time to learn positive parenting techniques that really work and are effective for the particular developmental stage he is in. To do any less and simply strike a child is lazy parenting to me. Remember that everything is a stage and it will change. Just be consistent and firm, "you're hurting mommy", "no hitting" and ignore. It will not be fun for her anymore. Good luck!
At this age, I think a lil' swat on their hands and a firm 'No-No' is what I think works best. I know that A LOT of parents are VERY anti-spanking but I am not one of them...and for the record, a lil' swat on the hand or the butt is what I consider as 'spanking' and all my kids have gotten a spanking at one point in their little lives...but after the initial 1 or 2 'spankings' none of my kids have ever needed any more. So this has worked for me.
~I am not a parent who EVER goes the 'ignore' route. I frankly thinks it is the WORST way to parent a child...it actually hurts my heart when I read all the responses that some Moms give about just walking away from your child and ignoring them, no matter what the situation is. I mean what does that say to your child? Sorry, I do not want to be around you right now or worse I can not be bothered to try to help you work out your problems right now, you are on your own. I do not want my children to EVER feel that I would abandon them no matter the situation...and to me, ignoring a child does just that! I know that 'ignoring' them has become the new passive way of parenting and A LOT of parents on here give that advice for dealing with un-wanted behavior but it is SO not for me.
*I am not trying to be mean or call anybody out on their parenting style, I am merely sharing *my* opinions and *my* parenting style. I do not wish to hurt anyone's feelings.
Mom/Auntie to 6 boys and 1 girl
Karma
both my kids were hitters to me. my son was a pincher and one day i lightly pinched back on his arm just a tiny bit and he never did it again. my daughter is 13 months and LOVES to hit!! she thinks its hillarious and she is so young she dont understand quite yet. i just lightly tap her hand and tell her no or i will gently tought her face and say no hit gentle and she is slowly starting to get it. she will walk up to you at times now and pet your head and say gentle. it is a stage and it will pass.
When my son started going through that pinching/hitting stage, I would tell him "No- we don't hit/pinch people; it hurts mommy" and I would put him down out of reach of me. He learned to say "sorry" pretty young and his feelings would get so hurt just by my words, stern expression and me putting him down....he very rarely hits me at all now (he is 2.5) -- unless he sees his almost 4 yo sister getting out of control -- then he might act out for a few minutes. If we weren't somewhere that I could put him down away from me, I would grab his hands, be very stern, and tell him NO Hitting/pinching. It worked for us.
My memories of this are that you catch them mid flight and tell them to stop it very firmly each and every time. And they are not too young to understand ouch very loudly and how painful it is. Redirect, redirect, redirect. Hope that helps.
Heck yeah! I disciplined all of mine the most diligently between the ages of one and two. That's why they're all sweeties I can take anywhere now at 5, 3 and 2. If you nip things firmly now, you'll prevent terrible two's. She's not starting late. Nip it! One calm (no anger), instructional, "no" with a good swat on the "hitting" hand- or bottom if she's being defiant after a couple of times-will solve it quickest.
If you'd rather hover, distract, redirect, remove etc for months and risk injury to other kids, that's more popular these days, but kids are SHARP, and don't like their hands or butt's stung if they can help it. Is it self control under duress? Perhaps, but self control nonetheless. And when it clicks, it becomes their natural knowledge that hitting is wrong. This stopped all mine in their tracks and it was never an issue.
And I promise you, at 16 months she's not going to ponder the irony of hitting for hitting. She'll be way used to not hitting by the time she's got that type of reasoning. At this age it's all about "what I want and don't want" to a child. Like, I want to hit, kick, pinch, head butt and bite, but I don't want mom to swat me. Check. Not gonna do it. A calm warning is all you'll need.
Believe me, you wont' believe how fast it is. And this won't take away her future ability to think critically either in case you hear that one. It never has in myself or anyone I know anyway. And my 5 year old who almost never needs discipline is an awesome critical thinker.
