Help with Child's Sleep Disturbance

Therapeutic-grade essential oils, such as lavender, and a blend called Gentle Baby from Young Living are very nice choices for calming children. They're easy to use and do not have chemicals.

Here's a link to an article I wrote on my blog with some essential oil recipes for calming and sleeping:
http://aromatherapy4u.wordpress.com/2007/03/24/dream-swee...

Please remember, when I speak about essential oils and using them I am only referring to therapeutic-grade AFNOR (which is not sold in health food stores). Using lesser quality oils can be quite harmful.

Hope this helps.
E.

My daughter did that while my husband was deployed. I wanted "me time" and she wanted mommy time. It went on for months and made for some ugly evenings. I had some success with gentle massage. That bedtime baby gel from J&J lavender, I would just insist she lay completely still on her tummy and I would rub her down. She was usually asleep in about 10 minutes. Or I would lay with her for 10 minutes. ONLY if she laid still and no talking. That seemed to soothe her too.

My children had a hard time with early bedtimes. So, we made their bedtime later and that seemed to help.

I have a very similar situation with my 5 yr old. It also started with us at birth. In fact, at the hospital, the nurses were concerned because he didn't sleep at all the first 3 days of his life! I should've known then! We are trying everything as well. I wish I had some advise, but it is nice to know I'm not the only one with this issue!

Hi

I have a son with Sensory Intigration Disorder and he has a very hard time winding down. He constantly wants input from everything around him and never wants to stop. He quit napping at 26 months and only sleeps 11 hours a night compared to his brothers 13+.
He really wants us in there with him, we finally got to the point where we were exhausted and had no time together b/c it would take 2 hours to get him to sleep! It took a few weeks, but we finally convinced him he had to stay in his room in his bed even if he didn't sleep. He was allowed a flashlight and whatever books and such he wanted in his bed with him. He finally learned how to put himself to sleep. He did lay down a few of his rules, the door had to be open and the light in the hall on, but that was fine with us. It was NOT easy...I won't lie to you, b/c he had slept with us for 3 years and used us as his "blankie" but once we were ready to make the committment and not give in to him he did learn how to put himself to sleep. I remember during the first week I had to put him back in his bed 17 times one night, but it only lasted a few nights once we were committed.
I did find that there was a magic time for him...if I got past that point, it could take him an hour or more to fall asleep, but if I caught him "before" he was tired then he would go to sleep in 15 min or less.

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Hi D.,
I guess you've read or heard it all when it comes to the few hours before bedtime, right? No t.v., sweets,or stimulation after dinnertime. I am sure you've done and been there. Warm tubby, reading a book to her instead of the t.v. and even some warm milk. Lavendar, lightly scented in her room and even a massage after her bath with lotion, they even have the lotions especially for relaxation. So, I am assuming that these are all things, plus more, that you have explored and used if you're using melatonin. Is her nightly ritual include some carbs before bedtime? Instead of the cookies, perhaps oatmeal? I'm wondering if some quiet classical music somewhere in the house playing. Night time baby classics is what we used for our kids. This is so off the mark, but, when watching the world news one evening they featured a segment on the reaction of 20 very fiesty dogs in a pound. You can imagine, yips and barks, running afer each other....then they played classical music and they all calmed down. It was comical and interesting to us because we swore by that kind of music for the kids when they were small. Little creatures of all type seem to respond to this. I don't know your nightly ritual, but it sounds as if you are, rightfully so, exhausted by this. So, that being said, you probably realize how symbiosis has a part in all of this. When I was nervous, tired, rattled..or exhausted, my first child would pick up on it and that is when she was fidgetty and wouldn't settle herself down. I actually didn't know about this until a friend of mine that is a shrink explained it to me. Exhausting, and not fair at all! If she has done this since birth, could be a very bad habit that compounds itself by the attention paid to her when evening comes. It's familiar and what she's used to, unfortuately. Can you leave her alone to toss and turn while she's winding down? Can you take that time to perhaps enjoy that time with your spouse, away from the sound of her tossing and turning? Maybe a porch, or an area that is safe, but far enough away to allow her to be able to calm herself without your assistance? A monitor would be useful so you can listen but not assist her. It is natural for babies to learn that they are responsible to calm themselves down. It's very hard for a parent to not assist a baby that is crying and tossing, but it is essential in development (as I am sure you know all of this)for a baby to develope the task of calming themselves down alone. So, maybe now you have to take the same approach taken with a smaller child who has to learn to calm themselves down alone. Good luck to you....I feel for you because it's hard to not tend to a fussy child at bedtime.

A bedtime ritual will work. Bedtime same time every night, make her celestial seasoning sleepytime tea with honey. Warm milk during winter months (no chocolate or caffeine at all during day or night, no soft drinks ever). A bedtime story every night and you should be home free. Minimum of 9 hours for her age child.

I would take a two fold approach. 1: Stick to the bed time routine - same thing, same time every night. If she is getting back up, take her hand and lead her back to bed, but use no words. Talking when she gets up is giving her the attention she seeks. If she can't get a response from you, she'll realize getting up is pointless. With our 4-year-old, he got up one night 10 times! My husband and I were ready to pull our hair out! We stuck with it though, after a few days Aiden stayed in his bed. If she's calling for you, I would try letting her know when you tuck her in that it is time for her to go to sleep and that you will not be coming back in until morning. We have used "now is time for you to stay in your bed and sleep, how many hugs do I need to give you to last until morning when we get up?" This topic is discussed further in Redirecting Children's Behavior, a parenting book that is supported by a class taught in the area.
2: When psychology and behavior modification is not enough, try Calms Forte. It is a natural, homeopathic supplement that helps children relax and drift off to sleep. I would never be without them! They work like magic, usually within 15 minutes, no side effects. You can find them at Earth Fare, Deeps Roots, herbal supply/ health food stores. Look for Curious George on the bottle.
GOOD LUCK!!!

Hi D.,

I have a 5yo who is similar with night-time. He is an anxious child, a worrier. For us, routine and reassurance helped, ie the same bedtime process night after night from bath to teeth to pjs to bed to kisses, etc. I was also told that kids with sensory processing disorder often have trouble at night-time. Their bodies are so encumbered with all of the mixed sensory input from the day that they cannot just wind down and go to sleep at night. I know nothing about your daughter, but if she is sensitive to food textures, noises, tactile sensations... check to see if it's a sensory processing issue. If so, you may find things that calm her body before bed and thus help her go to bed easier. I understand the frustration you must feel- there are more of us with non-sleepers out there than you realize!

Sorry to hear this and I don't claim to know the answer. I'm sure you've tried this, but I'd bump her bedtime up a little earlier. My child is much younger, but I know, at the first sign of tiredness (rubbing of the eyes) I try to put her to bed. If I wait much longer (when she's much more tired) it always seems to take so much longer to get her settled down. Also, try a strict nightly routine. Such as: start with a bath, then read a book, then lights out. As you do these activities the mood should get increasingly more calm and relaxed. That may help to signify to her that it's time to wind down (every night at this time).

Hi D.
It is hard when you yourself are losing sleep because your child is losing sleep. If she is still taking a nap in the afternoon it would be good to work on getting her to stay up for the day.
Sometimes people look into foods that could be triggering this type of reaction. My friend removes one food at a time for a few days to see if things settle down.
You also may have a child who needs a real consistant schedule. Doing the same routine as often as possible is the best.
I hope you will find the answer from some of your feedback. Best wishes.

Always keep with a routine. I have 5 kids and each of them have a T.V. in their room. Many will say not to do this but has always worked for us. They have t.v.'s with vcr or dvd, no cable hook-up. We watch one movie to go to sleep with and they are literally out within 20 min. at the max. Long movies work better, they tend to know when a short Barney or something is almost over and will stay up to watch again. They never make it through a hour long movie.
This also works great if someone wakes in the middle of the night. Just pop in the movie and they are out in 5min. tops.
Good luck!!

Dear D.,

If your daughter is eating artificial colors, flavors and preservatives during the day, then nothing will settle her down. These ingredients are made from petroleum and cause ADD,ADHD,OCD and many other disorders. They also super-charge little children. Look up www.feingold.org. Feingold is a 30yr old non-profit organization whose purpose is to inform the public about harmful ingredients in our food supply. Melatonin is a good, safe sleep aid - but a healthy, all-natural diet is what really works. Best of luck.

L. B.

Our child has always gave us problems going to bed at night. We would put him back in bed 10 or 15 times a night. We put a tv in his room and he watches a 30 minute video. He is usually asleep before the movie is over.

We keep the same routine every night. Pajamas, Drink, Potty, we tuck him in and start his movie. If he is out of bed after 2 warnings he loses the movie. He is 6 years old.

We also have a 14 year old with aspergers, who has trouble falling asleep, unless his door is completly open, and the bathroom door is cracked so he can see the light pouring out of it. If all this done, so he feels safe, he falls asleep very quickly.

We had the same problem except we found out that our daughter had a stomach ulcer and esophagitis which was worse when she would lie down. That has since been taken care of, but she still had trouble sleeping. We put her on low dose Clonidine and she now goes to sleep 30 minutes after it is given! We are most thankful!

As strange as this sounds, when my son (almost 6yrs.) is overtired or up later than his bedtime he also has a harder time 'winding down'. I have a few tricks I use and they are: having him lay there as we say goodnight to each and every body part starting with his toes and ending with his eyes. He also has a CD that plays every night called "Transitions: Music for sleeping babies" that I have played for him since he was a baby and now use with my 1 yr. old. It's VERY soothing and calming and very light (you can find it on Amazon.com) My son also likes "white noise" kind of stuff that kind of shuts out any other household sounds. They make alarm clock-type of things where you can choose the sound you want such as rain, music, white noise, etc. Sometimes I would put just a touch of 'Bedtime, lavender' lotion on the back of his hand so he could smell it and told him it's 'sleepy lotion' to help him get to sleep. The other thing is making sure there is at least an hour before bed without TV or other 'high energy' activities. And always have the same bedtime routine with low key voices, lights, sounds, etc. Hope some of this helps, Good Luck!

I had terrible time with my daughter when she was a toddler. I found a great resource in book titled "solving your childs sleep problems" by Dr Richard Ferber, it was wonderful in explaining why children develop sleep problems from infancy through adolesence. His suggestions worked for us.

I may not be much help but my nine year old is the same way I can put him to bed and he will still be awake sometimes 1 or 2 am after putting him to bed at 9pm.we spend days taking him to the park for a picknic then let him play hard till about 1/2 hour befor bedtime then give him his bath and the doctor put him on 5mg rispiridal to help him sleep it helps if hes played hard but he still lays awake if we dont try to tire him out first.if he hasent slept much in two or three days the doctor said I can give him a 25mg benadril so he can get some much needed rest but I wont over twice a week I'm afraid he will get used to it and it will quit working.honestly i'd talk to her doctor and get the doctors input.good luck I know its hard when you dont know how to help.

Have you tried playing soft lullaby music for her all night (repeat play)? My soon to be 6 year old is exactly the same way! I play the music and it helps her get her busy mind where it needs to be...asleep! She is old enough to pick something out herself that would help. I also removed all toys from her room and attached a magazine rack to hold 3-4 books by her bed so she doesn't have to get out of bed to read. It still takes her about an hour to wind down, but we start at 7:30 and by 8:30 she is asleep.

Also make sure you have a bedtime routing. I made a chart for my daughter and she follows it every night...take bath, put pjs on, brush and floss teeth, brush hair, read story, go to bed. It helps her mind get set for bed.

Hope it helps! She'll need it for school. Also don't let her sleep late in the morning. Start now by waking her at whatever time school starts. In a week up it by 15 min until you are 1 hour before school!

My child does the same exact thing. I feel bad for her but I just don't stress out over it anymore. We put her to bed at 8:00 pm and leave the rest up to her. I go to bed at night and sometimes she is still awake. I actually remember doing this myself as a child. She does better on the weekends when she is not at daycare. I know for a fact my child doesn't need naps anymore but of course everyone else is sleeping. I just read these other posts. I know not sleeping is a huge deal but I have dealt with insomnia my whole life and believe sleep aids and pills are not the answer. I have tried every pill out there and it just isn't the answer. I don't want to be judgemental but I am not sure what kind of Ped Dr. would prescribe sleeping pills for a kid. If your child doesn't learn how to get to sleep on their own they will end up like me. I just now started sleeping well for the first time in my life and I am 33.

P.S. Did you know that rispiridal is used to treat Schizophrenia and Bipolar disorder!!!!

My daughter was like that from birth. It didn't really concern me until she started school at age four. She was often very sleepy in the morning. Her teachers were very concerned and blamed me. I took her to her doctor and she said some children are just more active at night. I was told to start a routine, so I put her to bed the same time every night. This was easier said then done. What helped me was getting my daughter to use up her excess energy. I bought a trampoline with a net so she could jump without getting hurt for as long as she wanted. She’s ten now and still likes to jump on it everyday before dinner.

Hi D.,

I hope you are finding lots of helpful solutions. I have a son now 29mths. He is often very hard to get to sleep. I am a very little to non med kind of mother. My son had no meds till he was 15mths old and was very healthy. I have always tried to use natural cures or helps. I have found taht Chamomile Calm for "Herbs for Kids" helps my son when he just can not shut down. I give it to him about 30min before bed and it just helps him relax. I do not do it every night, but the nights he is more wired, I can see that it does help. I hope you find a good solution that you are comfortable with, as we are continuing to look as well.

Our 8 year old has always had a tough time with this as well. We too have tried some of the suggestions in these posts. Making a committment is the biggest one. It is easy to let things go when you yourself are tired. During the summer we let her stay up later but during school we have a set bed time and routine. Something that has helped are relaxation techniques- she counts backwards from 100 by 3s or 7s, she tightens and relaxes each muscle slowly working her way from head to toe (this one works well for adults too), and she does visualization. The other thing we did is take as many distractors out of the bed area. She has a reading corner rather than havning her books in bed. Toys are away and she only has a couple stuffed animals in bed with her. Lastly, we do have a relaxation CD on nights that are harder for her that help guide her through different exercises to relax. We have gone from 2 plus hours to under an hour on most nights without us having to tell her "go back to bed". As far as food/tv it really depends on what time you eat dinner and what time they go to bed. We allow her one show after dinner and then she has to start getting ready for winding down.

Best of Luck

glass of milk before bed or something creamy like stoneyfield vanilla yogurt. It's yummy and good for them. Also a nice slow gentle backrub as you lie next to her. Seems to help relax them. Also a slow gentle head massage along with it. you run your fingers up the back of their neck and up throuh their hair and back down again working your way around to their temples to gently message there and back and up from the neck again. My kids loved it. Sometimes it relaxed me so much doing it for them, I found myself asleep right along with them! Just make sure not to talk as talking stimulates their mind. They need silence or soft humming is ok. I wasn't much of a hummer.

You may have tried these things - since the child is 5 - but they are simple things to do - you may have to stick to a strick routine for a few weeks - towards the end of each day - make sure that she does not have any sodas or tea - water or milk only - have dinner before 6pm - after dinner - set a specific routine of bathtime, brushing teeth - doing something very quiet - reading stories, no tv or music on - sometimes - there is just so much activity and background noise going on in the house it is hard for the child to relax - it may take about two weeks but i promise you, it will make a difference- just taking an hour of relaxing before bed may do the trick - it is good for all envolved - i would imagine that melatonin is a medicine - i would love for you to try the other before you start with the medicine- i am a mother of 3 girls(all
grown) and a grandmother of 3 - when my girls were young, i owned a children's day care while they were growing up.
We had 50 children each day in our home from infant rooms to school age - i had a book that i used to read - "think os something quiet" by clare cherry - great books lots of tips- in our world today - so many noises- with toys that speak to us - make this or that noise - the children can't seem to turn off - you have to do it for them - actually what is really funny - this is the one thing that my daughters have listened to me about their children and they don't have any trouble at bedtime - we have a 9 year old, a 23 month old and a 6th month old - plus- you and your husband need that evening time - just the two of you and this is another good thing - hope this helps - A.

Dear D.,
I have two daughters. The first one was ADHD. Not severely, but distraction was a big problem. Once we took her out of the crib and put her in a bed, we began putting her to bed early, about 7 or 7:15. We created a ritual cleaning up the toys with a song such as "This is the way we clean up the toys", then "...get in the bed." One of us would lie down in the bed with her, usually me, and read two or three children's books. Her favorite was "Fox in Socks" by Dr. Suess. Reinforcing our Christian and moral values, we sang songs that were a little active, (If You're Happy and You know It, and Zacheus Was a Wee Little Man) with hand motions at the beginning, then winding down to slower songs (Jesus Loves Me). Then we close our eyes (important, this closes the curtain between the world and us) and pray to God, letting the child thank God for all the things that pop into her mind. Make sure she has limited water by her bed. Kiss her softly, and reassure her of your love, being sure to preserve the quiet mood you have just set.
Quietly and quickly leave the room. We left the door just a teeny bit open to alleviate any fears, and took our activity to another room. This is not 100% workable for everybody. However, shifting gears downward little by little was helpful for us. Yes, there were some "Mommy" calls, and "potty" calls, but patience paid off. These were some of the best memories of our children. To my dismay, she didn't adhere to our Christian lifestyle, but now she is 36 and is slowly, slowly, showing signs of wanting to turn that corner of her life. But, God's Word does not come back to Him void. We tried to be faithful in raising her, and we are sure that she will come back to her "roots".
Our younger daughter was a compliant child and fell asleep wherever she happened to be. We found other times to sing together and teach our family values, usually on trips to see Grandmama and Grandpa, which was an hour and a half one way. One we got on the interstate we sang and sang. It didn't matter whether we were on key or not. We arrived at G'ma and G'pa's house happy!
I know a bedtime ritual sounds lengthy. BUT relationships do take time, and our children NEED our love, time, and attention. Once this time has passed in our child's life we can NEVER GET IT BACK. You will have plenty of time to do want you want later in your life.
Wanna discuss this some more? Email me.

____@____.com

Hello D.,
Two of my 3 continue to struggle with settling in to sleep, as I do, as an adult.

1. Have you considered the Family Bed? It worked for us until each child hit 5 or 6, after which we phased into their own beds gradually. All it took was patience & understanding from my husband and the ability make an unpopular, but not unheard-of, choice for me, my girls, and our family. An extra benefit: it helped me sleep more & better.

2. Less TV in evenings, esp. within 2 hrs. of bedtime. Daily exercise, earlier in day, a must.

3. Most sources that advise a nighttime routine describe it as simple, a few steps, taking maybe 5-15 min. Ours took and take longer. I think the longer lead-in and more "steps" help. While on many nights I slacked off or resisted this time spent away from my unfinished tasks, I don't regret a minute of it now that they're older.

3. Quiet music helped one but not the other. A warm bath helps one more than the other. One likes a brighter nightlight; one does better with dimmer, which I go dim after 10 min. or so. You truly have to try different things with different kids. As they grow, they may be able to tell you better what works.

4. Playing the "high-low-high" game gives coveted 1:1 time. It's simply sharing in turn the highlights and a 'low' of the day.

5. Finally, for the years ahead . . . now that my youngest is 8 and in summer we tend to forget to get started, she takes more responsibility for getting ready for bed (vs. dragging out the routine) with the incentive that if she's in bed by a certain time, I'll crawl up there (top bunk) and cuddle, read, or pillow-talk with her for 5 minutes.

Good luck. My favorite idea came from another mom at La Leche mtg. 12 yrs. ago: she decided that children come in "Sleeper" and "Nonsleeper" models. We each had sleepers. And still do. Not the worst problem in the world, esp. once they learn just to lay there, as I did growing up!

M. A.

My daughter also has a hard time going to sleep at night. She has had a sleep study done and they found that she has restless leg syndrome. She also has mild ADD and her mind goes 100 miles and hour all the time. I agree with the other comments I see: 1. discuss this with her doctor 2 make the two hours before bedtime as mellow as possible. 3. make sure her bed is comfortable (sometimes those kids beds are terrible).

Good Luck!

Yeah, I have sort of had that problem. I guess it all depends on how "NOT SETTLED" down you are talking about.
What I do is let him know that this is bed time and then just make him go to bed. Tell him that he don't have to go to sleep but he has to stay in the bed. Try teaching him to read before bed and put a light next to his bed. If he is too young, he can still look at pictures. What about allowing him to watch a tv show or movies or something like that before bed as a wind down time. If he has to go to bed at 8 then start the movie at 6:30 or 7:00 and make him know that if he gets up and not watching it he is going to bed then. Make a believer out of him. If you threaten it, carry it out.
Sometimes people have to have a winding down time. My dad always sat in the bed and read and it made him sleepy. I have a tv in my room and I like to turn it on before bed and I will watch it for a little while and it will make me sleepy.
Another thing that you may try. Give him a little benedryl before bed for a few nights. That will make him drousy and he may be able to go to sleep better and get a better nights sleep. My pediatrician told me to do that one time. It gets them in that habit and then they will do it on their own.
Good luck, I hope you can find an answer.