Disciplining My 3 Year Old.

Hi S., I guess by now you are seeing you arent alone. I too am home by myself with my 3 kids. My husband and I both work full time, opposite shifts and he works another part time job on the weekends. I find the best discipline is like another mom said, the 3 strike rule. My kids get their strikes and then they get either time outs, a toy taken away (video game systems for my older two) and sent to bed after so many time-outs. Some days though, boy do you feel you are being ganged up on. I also try to get out as much as possible. Try finding a mommy group or other mommies to hang out with sometimes. Having the kids run around one of the mall play areas is also good. Gives you a bit of a break. Good luck. L.

I agree with what Beth said about establishing that you are the parent and being consistent. Your five year old may even be old to enough to have the conversation with..."I know it's hard when daddy is gone and your used to him being in charge, but our family is changing and things around here...etc". Maybe she can set the example for the younger. And the good thing about teething is that it doesn't last forever. Orajel is a lifesaver. She's only nine months...PPD could still be an issue too if it's not something you've considered in the past, that would make all of these really hard things even harder and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe not, I just throw it out there cause alot of women don't consider it. Anyway, what area are you from? I know being a SAH can be isolating work. I'm always available for chatting, online or on the phone, or even lunch or whatever is convenient, I don't know that many moms around here, so I'm up for it!

I'm sorry, I feel the same way as you. My hubby is going to school and working 12 hr shifts, so he is gone Mon-Sunday (everyday) and we only have 1 car, so I am not only the main care giver of three children but also stuck at home!!
I always make sure when he is home, usually Fridays by noon, that I leave him with all the kids and head into town, by myself. I go shopping or met with friends or family! Do you have that chance? Or do you have family or friends that will be willing to take the kids for a few hours once a week? Very important.
The other thing is chatting on the computer, I have joined some groups thru yahoo, where we can email each other or messanger people, that has been a life saver, you can email me or chat ____@____.com, anytime you need to talk!!
I would first have a serious talk to the 5&3 yr old about thier behavior and tell them that since Daddy is working, it is important they help you out,and listen and behave. There needs to be consquences for thier bad behavior, like time outs and if need be things take away till they start behaving better. It sounds like they are acting out and testing Mom, so Mom needs to be strong, as hard as it is! I would plan some special time with each of them alone, if you can't get out of the houes to do it, try reading to the three year old or coloring togather, and playing dolls with the 5 yr old, they really love to have your attention.
Dad really needs to give 100% when he is home as well, and my Hubby has had a hard time with that but I keep reminding him how much they miss him and he needs to make his time worth while, really make it up to them.
I hope that helps...
-M.

keep strong.. once your little ones get use to there dad being gone they will get to know your rules.. i took my other puter down and put the chair in the corner and that is my 4 year olds thinking chair. if he acts up or isnt listening he goes to that chair for 5 mins. unless he doesnt stay there. one day i think he sat there for 1/2 hour before he did hes 5 mins. now he finally relizes if he dont sit there for his 5 mins he misses out on play time or whatever we are doing. good luck if you have msn you can add me and i will be more then happy to become your online buddy.. ____@____.com good luck and keep your head up..

My husband periodically travels for his job, and it seems like my boys (5 & 2) act up more when he's gone. It's so exhausting! I'm trying to be consistent--when they acts up, they have to sit on the naughty stool (for 5 or 2 min. depending on their age). (I've been watching Supernanny a lot lately.) :) It could just be that this whole thing is so new to your girls that they're having a hard time dealing with the changes.

I'm sorry I don't have a lot of advice, but when I became a SAHM 2 years ago, I felt extremely isolated too. I joined up with a couple great groups; you should look into those too:
Twin Cities SAHMs: www.sahm.meetup.com/87
St. Paul SAHMs: www.sahm.meetup.com/114

I've met some great women, made new friends, taken my kids to a ton of fun playdates...it's been great!

Good luck!

I have a 3yr old little boy and I find that when we are cooped up at home, that's when he misbehaves. I organize a playgroup and when we go to the playdates...he's much better behaved because he gets that excess energy out of his system. If you are interested in the playgroup, here is the url: www.moms.meetup.com/291/ It's a large playgroup with 48 members but our playdates are usually never more than 20 ppl(parents and kids)unless it's a special party. We have playdates 3-4times a week and family events, moms night outs and more. It's really been a lifesaver for me and the boys and the ladies are really welcoming and fun. Please check out our website. It really may help.

So you are basically a single mom while Dad is on the road. I am a single mom of a 5 year old. And I swear the ones and two's were a breeze but the 3's and some of the 4's were terrible. I had to put my foot down hard, and show my daughter I'm the boss and I'm the parent. What I say goes. It was hard but I am now grateful I did that if you don't they only get more and more out of control. You can't depend soley on Dad doing all the discipline. Be consistant and be firm. We can still be friends with our kids but they need to respect us first. I would get down and get tough quick because your younger kids will start to follow the same behavior patterns. The earlier you nip this in the butt the sooner and longer the kids behavior will change.

I HAVE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE, BUT I HAVE 5 KIDS AND AM A STAY AT HOME MOM AND IT IS USUALLY ME AND MY KIDS TO. I USE THE THREE STRIKES YOUR OUT RULE. THE STRIKES CAN BE FOR THE SAME THING OR FOR THREE DIFFERENT THINGS YOU DECIDE.AND A TIME OUT FOLLOWS THE THIRD STRIKE. I PUT A PIECE OF PAPER ON THE FRIDGE SO THAT THE KIDS CAN SEE IT. AND WHEN THEY GET A STRIKE I PUT IT ON THERE. USUALLY AFTER A COUPLE DAYS THEY NO LONGER GET TO THREE. BY TWO THEY USUALLY STOP. THE FIRST 2 DAYS THEY WANTED TO SEE IF I WAS GOING TO DO IT.WHEN THEY REALIZED I WOULD THEY STOPPED. MOST OF THE TIME NOW ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS THATS 2 STRIKES FOR YOU AND THEY STOP.I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR A LONG TIME AND IT WORKS. THEY HAVE STUFF AT THE LIBRARY ON THIS DICIPLINE CONCEPT, BUT I AM NOT SURE OF THE NAME THEY ACTUALLY CALL IT. I JUST TELL MY KIDS ITS THE 3 STRIKES YOUR OUT GAME. I EXPLAINED IT TO THEM AND THAT WAS IT. GIVE IT A TRY. IT JUST MAY WORK FOR YOU. MY KIDS NOW LIKE IT WHEN THEY HAVE NO STRIKES SO IT IS A CONTEST TO SEE HOW LONG THEY GO WITH NONE. WELL HOPE YOU HAVE SOME LUCK, IF YOU TRY THIS OR WITH WHATEVER YOU TRY.

have you tried the Naughty chair. My mother watches our 3rd son and when he misbehaves, my mom does the naughty chair. She even told me that when she mentions naughty chair, he says no grandma no naughty chair. Sorry. He hasn't been on the naughty chair or let's say, she won't put him there but she would show him the chair. At least, he has an idea what this means... don't know if this would work for you.

Hi...I wanted to just let you know that I wish I could give you advice, but I am here to say that you are not alone. I have three boys...4, almost 3, and 6mo. I am going through the same. My husband works two jobs so that I can be home right now. I feel like he is gone all the time and the boys miss him too. I have the worst problem with my middle also. I can't do anything to make him understand. It is also hard because all our family lives an hour away. If you would like to talk more, I am almost your age with the same going on.....my e-mail is ____@____.com Good luck with everything.

I really don't have much advice as far as diciplin as both my kids are going through the daddy is everything mommy is nothing phase but as for adult conversation I am always available.

I know how you feel my husband works 3rd shift so he's hardly ever around. The best thing I can tell you is stay firm time out is time out and as long as you stick to your rules they'll listen. They just have to get used to you giving out the disciplin. I know it can be really hard when your home all day with them.

Hi! Before I became a mommy, I was a family therapist. I would recommend (if you have insurance) looking into some in-home parenting programs. I have some resources for you if you are in the Twin Cities or just north of the Cities. It's kinda like super nanny, but usually the therapist visits 1-2 times per week and helps you develop the right discipline techniques for your kids. It's very personalized, so they can find something that works. If you don't have insurance, many counties offer similar programs. Good Luck!

ohh S. I feel so bad for you! my husband recently started working overnights so hes home but only awake when im at work so i go for days where im only at work or with kids so it drives me crazy since my kids kinda do the same thing they listen way better to daddy. I really have no advice to give you but i do know that we take numerous trips to eden prairie center and playworks a week just to get me out of the house. I had a friend that used to trade off days with me where we would meet at a kids place and either she would leave to do things or i would and it was great even just to get away for an hour. As far as the not listening I have found that doing more fun things and telling them if they want to we have to not fight and just do what needs to get done first. Its a 50\50 when it works or not but we just keep trying. I dont know where you live but if you want to meet up once in a while with the kids maybe then at least it would be some adult conversation. I live in bloomington you can message me if you wish. Good luck hope all gets better

Hi S....I totally relate!! I have four daughters and my husband travels. My oldest is away at college, so I deal with a 15, 6 & 5 year old. It can be REALLY exasperating! Some times I just wanna pull my hair out.

Like others have said, consistency is key. I admit, I've been inconsistent in the past and honestly it is terribly exasperating. The reason: When I am consistent, they consistently KNOW what's going to happen when the disobey. If I am inconsistent, they constantly push the limits to see how far they can go. It's human nature :)

Now I do NOT want to offend anyone here, because I used to go by the "three strike rule" and for me personally, all it taught my kids was, "well I KNOW I can do the wrong things AT LEAST twice before I get any consequences." Then the started getting creative....they'd get two stirkes in one bad behavior then move to another bad behavior for two more strikes and so on... Now, my girls know what I expect from them and they know, "first time, every time, obey". When I am consistent with that, it only takes a day or two for them to fall back in line...when I start slacking off, it only takes a day or two for them to push limits again. Being consistent is hard, because it's usually not convenient, but it's best for them and for you in the long run.

As far as types of discipline, you may have to play around with that for a while to see what's most effective. Could taking away T.V. time be most effective? Or sitting them in a time out in the corner? Or not letting them play with a friend for a day? Each kid has thier own personality and not all disciplines fit all kids. However, make sure the discipline fits the action. If one bites a sibling, for instance, taking away a toy may not be the best approach...perhaps saying, "well now you're going to have to do your sister's chores today because now she has a sore arm because you bit her". Be creative and make the "punishment fit the crime".

I don't know if you're involved in a mom's group, like mops. If not, maybe look for one. It's a great way to get out with other mom's while the kids play :)