Cries a LOT!!

I do family day care in my home and I teach ALL the kids, (no matter the age)babysigns,
my granddaughter was 6 months and could ask for her bottle, the at 11m, ask to eat!, my daycare kids can to!
just type in babysigns and its a nice site
Good luck
D.

Two main things. If at all possible, ignore the crying. When a tantrum begins, warn him in a neutral voice that that is not how to behaive and when he wants to talk like a big boy then mommy will listen. If he throws himself on the floor, step over him and continue doing whatever you're doing. Yes, this can be easily done at home but what about out of the house? Ignore him anyway. (all this is of course nowing that there is a dry diaper, it's not time to eat, etc) I have twins and when this happened while we were out shopping (mortifying!!) I would roll them to a spot in the back of the store or middle of the mall where I could sit down and I would just sit and ignore them. This is not a quick or absolute fix but it does help and when the child realizes he's not getting the attention he wants, it will go away or at least decrease dramatically.

Two, and I found this to be a HUGE help, go to the library and get the 'Signing Times' videos. This teaches you and your child how to do sign language. It is kids signing and they have silly songs and such, but when a kid can communicate better they don't get so frustrated. I started around the year mark with the signing and we had limited tantrums. Watch and videos and learn the basics (more, bottle/juice, eat, all done) and any others that fit you and your child and do it all the time when you say those words. They pick it up so quickly and it is just so helpful.

Good luck
Julie

I have one that is starting to do the same thing. After a bath, just playing and starts crying. Eating and seems happy, just starts crying. I really think it is because they feel they are telling us something and we should understand them and we do not, because they do not make sense. My little one uses sign language and words, but all the words are not there yet. So sometimes he says things and points and we have no idea and then sure enough, he starts to cry. I have no idea how to help this, but you are not a lone, and yes it is very very uncomfortable to watch your child go through this.
Good luck and know you are not alone.
R.

Hi. Our 19-month old has always been a fussy (high needs) baby, but it seemed to get worse around 15 months and is still pretty bad, but getting better. We think it's a combination of frustration from limited communication skills, fear from occasional nightmares and pain from the last of his teeth coming in. When he doesn't get his way, he throws a fit and cries. The terrible twos start way earlier than 24 months. We usually try the Happiest Toddler on the Block method of verbalizing what he wants or why he's upset (if we know why), but then continuing that it'll be ok. I highly recommend the book or video - Happiest Toddler on the Block is a life saver! We're working with him on his speech development, because the sooner he can communicate, the happier he'll be. Good luck. It'll take a lot of patience, but it should get easier in time.

A.,

You're not the only one who goes through that. I also taught my children sign language. My daughter is slightly autistic and had a severe speech delay. It has helped her so much and the tears still come when things don't go her way, but it's easier now. Teach your little one that it's ok to cry, but sometimes it's not really needed and using words/signs will get what he wants a whole lot faster. There is only one downside in that it takes a lot of patience and time to work on this. My daughter is now 4 and still doesn't get it all time. My son is 2 and gets it. Be consistent though. If you're going to use signs, make sure you say the word with it too so they learn both. Don't worry, in no time, your little one will be talking up a storm and you'll wonder where he learned to say "that".

I second the signing. Both my girls have had great success with communication by signing when htey are frustrated. The Signing Times DVDs are great, see if your library has them.
K.

I'm sure you are correct in thinking that his crying stems from frustration at not making himself understood. Have you tried any sign language with him? My grandson is the same age and cries alot as well. I also think that some of the issue is teething. He has learned to use some sign language which does seem to alleviate some of his "moods". You'll definitely want to figure out what is wrong with him and when you can't or he won't stop crying, ignore the crying. Unfortunately if crying gets him what he wants, he'll continue to cry. Good luck- it's a fine line to walk and some days go better than others!

Oh, yeah, this is normal. You're right, he's learning how to communicate more and exactly WHAT gets him what he wants. Please, don't become one of those parents who goes ballistic when their baby starts crying because he didn't get what he wants.

Now is a great time to really start talking with him and, if you're up to learning a new language, sign language basics is great. For example, my youngest started pre-school at 18 months and she can tell me at least a dozen words in sign language.

One good piece of 'learning advice' I got from my mother and yes, she did this to me too, was when I would start crying or throwing a temper tantrum, she would take me to my room to get away from what ever the cause of the issue was and sit me down & speak very quietly. I had to work at hearing her so I had to stop crying. If I couldn't stop crying, she would tell me "Okay, you have your tantrum here in your room. You can come out when you are done, understand? I'll be in the kitchen,".

The first time you try this he's going to follow you out so turn him around & put him back & tell him when he's done, he can come out but not before then. It's not punishment; it's giving him a chance to vent and helping him understand that you (and your husband) don't want to listen to his ranting. Give him his 2 minutes or how ever long he needs and let him come to you. When he does, simply ask him "Are you done?" If no, then he needs to go back to his room for a little while longer. Again, this is not punishment. Tell him you love him but you don't like his behavior. When he is done he can come out. (He'll tell you he's done now but be firm; if he hasn't stopped, take him back to his room).

When he's done, talk with him. He understands probably a lot more than you think. Go over the basics: Hungry, wet diaper, thirsty, play? What does he need?

As he gets older, you can simply tell him "No, I don't like your behavior" and walk away. Let him lie on the floor & throw his tantrum. If you walk away, I guarantee he'll stop. He's going to want an audience. My 4 year old still has her tantrums but every time she starts, I walk away to another room or take her to her room & let her cry it out. When she's done, she'll tell me what she wants. If I say no it usually causes more crying but since she doesn't want to go back to her room, she stops pretty quickly when I tell her to stop or go back.

It gets better, really it does. Talk with your husband about what kind of plan you BOTH will use with your son. It doesn't work if only one of you stands strong. "United we stand, divided we fall" is SOOOOOO true at this stage. Take some time off together, away from your son. Look into some creative parenting classes or Mothers Support groups like MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers). Getting advice from other moms and 'mentor moms' can really help. :)

I think it is just a phase. I have an almost 15 month old and she is crying a lot more. I do think it is the communication barrier as you stated. I also have a 2 1/2 year old son and remember he kind of went through the same thing. I say once he hits 18 months, everything will get so much better because he will learn to communicate better. I am counting down the months until my daughter reaches 18 months!! I know as a first time mom it is hard to ignore the cries, but as long as you know he is not hurting, I tend to just ignore the tantrum or try to have them focus on something else. I know this is easier said than done, but now that I have two kids, crying doesn't phase me much anymore!

Please go with your very good mothering instincts -- he most likely is, as you already say, not able to verbalize all his many and increasing wishes and wants, and is frustrated. He knows what he's after and has no idea how to get it (how would any of us feel trapped inside a body and not able to say what we need or want?). I know this is tough for you but discipline may not really work -- he is still very young, and telling him "you're in time out" or "I'm taking away this toy because you're crying" doesn't compute at this young an age - he just isn't old enough to connect his actions with consequences yet. This is a phase that will pass. I know that is no comfort right now! But it is true and a little time does help. He is close to the age of adding new words to his vocabulary very quickly and that will help but for now, you can try offering things and then distracting him if needed: You may have to offer several choices to figure out what he wants, and then, he may still be frustrated (by then he's also tired and nothing seems right to him). Try distracting him when he gets wound up -- he cries when you've presented several options? Redirect his attention to a totally different activity; move him to another room or go outside; play with him if he's been on his own for a while; or turn away and start noisily and happily clanging pots as you do your own chores etc. and talk, talk, talk to him the whole time. Distracting kids is a perfectly fine way to handle this at this age. Good luck.

I read just the other day in the Supernanny book (to see if I still needed it) that giving a kid that age too many choices confuses them and frustrates them even more. I had a pretty mellow toddler, so I didn't have to get around to it, but I'd try signing in your situation. -S

Hi A.,
My daughter is also 16 months and is doing the same thing. It's a combination of things in her case. One is her back teeth are coming and ever since she's been more agitated. Secondly; she's realizing that I will respond to her cries in ways she wants. So I've changed the way I respond. If she's hurt herself then yes I hold her but if it's a tantrum I first divert her attention to something else by taking her to another room, walking her outside or something like that. I don't talk to her in a high voice but a lower octave and slower so I sound commanding and get her attention but I'm don't sound like I'm yelling. If you get worked up then they do. Finally if she persist; I tell her calmly that if she continues she will have to lay down for a few minutes. The first few times she cried but lately; when I tell her she will have to lay down for a couple of minutes she stops because she understands what I mean. She already knew sign language so that wasn't the problem in my case.

if you think he is frustrated he probably is. toddler can form form more complicated thoughts than they can express and have desires to do things their bodies aren't ready to do. i taught my daughter very early to say, 'need help.' i would try to catch her before she lost it and then i would say do you need help and try to get her to say it with me. it worked very well for us and she is still (almost 3) very good at asking when she needs my help. i personally don't think this is a discipline matter. he needs help to learn how to cope with frustration and to use the limited vocabulary at his disposal to ask for help. good luck!

Just something to think about, but have you brought him to the doctor? My son started having ear infections about that age and he never had a fever and would still sleep at night, but his main "symptom" was getting overly frustrated about things and crying over what I thought was nothing. Finally brought him into the doctor to get checked out when a friend saw him laying down at play group (which I had seen him do before- put his ear to the ground), but he never pulled at the ear or anything. Turned out he had an infection in both ears. I felt so badly that he wasn't able to really tell us what was going on.

He continues to have ear infections for months before we were able to get tubes put in over the summer and he's been like a different child since. It truly is amazing. I hope yours isn't crying due to pain and that it's just a phase he's going through, but if it really seemed out of the blue when he started it and it's been going on for awhile, you might get ease of mind if you bring him in to the doctor to get checked out.

Good luck and keep us posted.
A.