T.S.
I have been to both Disneyland and WDW and I can tell you they are SO incredibly busy it really doesn't matter. If your son doesn't like the whole costume character thing he (and you) will still have a blast! He can watch all the other parents and kids lining up and waiting their turn for whatever character comes out at any given time and place, and then move on to the next fun thing.
There is so much to do and see, especially the shows and parade, that the personal character experience is not really necessary, especially if he's young and shy.
I only recommend the character meals if your kid is DYING to meet a character because honestly it's really expensive, the food is awful, and it's only REALLY worth it to see your little one "meet" their hero, be it Buzz Light Year or Snow White :)