One of my friends is running a scout troop in a conservative city. Some moms were uncomfortable with a new mom and her friend because they act like a couple. So my new friend point blank asked the mom if they were gay and she said no.
I asked my friend why she would ask her and if she was going to kick her kids out of the troop, which I don't think is something the Girl Scouts would approve of anyway. They don't kiss or show affection. They just include each other and text the one who is not at the meeting with videos of what the girls are doing. I think they probally are a couple, but I don't get why she would ask her.
I told her if I were the other mom and someone said "The other moms are uncomfortable because they think you are gay and I must know if you are gay" I would not want to come around, gay or not. The fact that people talked about me and the leader asked me highly personal questions would be enough to turn me off. I would feel like the leader wanted to run me off. What do you think?
My friend is very compassionate towards people with special needs and I haven't heard her say anything against any group of people. She is influenced by others too much and now she created a problem. The mom she asked has two girls and is in the process of a bitter divorce and they don't need to feel any more pain.
My friend is thinking of leaving scouts for a more conservative group that meets at a church and has religious instruction at each meeting. Maybe she was trying to weed out this mom from joining the other group. I don't know. I think she should apologize, but not discuss it further as she tends to be very blunt without realizing how she comes across. She has a lot of social problems because of ADHD and asberger's(autism) as do her kids.
My friend asked me to help her do the paperwork, write grants, and get the word out about her starting a new group for girls. She asked a woman who is living nearer to her to set up a nonprofit bank account even though she is moving away in a few months. She also shared why she wants to leave scouts. I have decided this was the 3rd unnecessary drama this month and I have to distance myself from her if I am going to reach my husband and my goal of being drama free this year. I guess I don't want to feel like I dumped her too and I am not going to be mean to her or tell her off. I am just going to remind her that with my current health problem I can't take on additional stress and this drama exhausts me. Thanks for the feedback. This is my favorite mom site.
Good Lord? So what if the M. was Gay?
Does she ask other moms personal questions about their sex lives with their husbands, boyfriends or strangers?
Totally inappropriate and I am sorry, But I would have spoken out and made it clear that is no ones business.. No tip toeing around..
It is also totally inappropriate for the other moms to be acting like this..
with a GIRL SCOUT TROOP!
Your friend was WAY out of line by asking this. Whether the other M. is offended or NOT, no parent's sex-life the business of any other's.
Since you seem to be asking our personal opinion, mine is that your new friend is lacking in common sense at best, and outright rude and ignorant at worst.
Since sex (hetero or otherwise) has NO PLACE in the scouts, the question did not need to be asked and the fact that such a personal, unimportant question was posed, some apology needs to be made. Would she ask a hetero mother what her favorite position was? My point being of course that someone's sex life is private and has no impact on scouting.
I would report it to the council head.
For lack of a better phrase -I just really can't believe the balls on some people! Seriously? I cannot IMAGINE asking someone this question! Unless I was dating a guy and seriously had thoughts that he was "in the closet," I would never ask anyone. It's no one's business and beyond rude. What would your friend think if that woman had just looked at her one day and said, "Are you married to a man? Do you really like men? How's your sex life?" I really don't think anything else can be served by mentioning this at all to that woman or for any of them to bring it up ever again. Enough damage has been done and anything else said is only going to cause more embarrassment, anger, hurt -you name it.
Wow...my first reaction is that she should resign as scout leader. I personally would not feel comfortable with someone so close-minded having so much influence over my child. Since the other moms are so worried about it though I doubt they feel the same way.
So, my second reaction would be for the scout leader to apologize to the M. and take this as a chance to teach acceptance of differences to the G. scouts. Lead by example and show these other mothers and their daughters that what matters is a person's character not who they choose to make a life with. She has put her foot so far into her mouth the way I see it she has two options: fuel the fire by continueing to gossip and single out this mother and her children, or take responsibility for her mistake and make a life lesson for everyone out of it. If your friend is as compassionate as you say she is (although being gay is NOT special needs) then she needs to model that for all of the other parents. Especially considering what this family already has going on in their personal life, scouts was probably suppossed to be an outlet for her and her children, a place to get some down time and some support from other women and girls. I really hope your friend can turn the tide and make this family feel welcome, I bet that is exactly what they need right now.
The leader owes the mother an apology as it is none of her da^^# business.
I agree with Amanda's reply. This is an opportunity for this leader to learn about acceptance and to lead by example not by ignorance and intolerance. Geez...and I thought my troop daughter's troop had some weird adult dynamics.
So if I understand correctly, the person asking for advice is the Scout Leader who asked the question? I think she should be careful in the future, she's the leader for the whole troop, not just "the parents who have concerns" about something that is basically none of their business. She should be prepared with an apology and an explanation if this goes higher up in the Unit.
I would be horribly offended if i was asked. If I was gay and she asked I dont know if I would feel offended or just Very Unwelcome
I believe she may have asked because the Boy Scouts of America have a rule against gay troop or pack leaders. They were already sued for discrimination but won the lawsuit because they are private and allowed to discriminate. Public places cannot but private can.
Eta: if your friend has aspergers, she deserves a friend who understands what all of that is about. Just because none of us would ask a prying, rude question doesnt mean we should be angry at your friend. People with aspergers do not get a lot of thing socially. You described her as caring. Tell her to apologize to the woman she asked and include in her apology that she is an aspie. If you dont want to deal with her anymore, that is your choice, but it would still be nice if you could try and remember how aspies often offend people and are totally clueless and bewildered when they lose friends over it.
If you know this woman (the one your friend asked if she was gay), it would be really nice of you to say, "Look, I just want you to know that I think that question the scout leader asked you was really inappropriate and you and your girls are welcome here regardless of whether you're gay or not. I don't need to know whether you are because it's not relevant."
I'm really impressed with the other answers you got, I'm glad to see such openmindedness! I've been talking to my 5 year old about a neighbor boy with 2 moms - my daughter first didn't believe me and thought it was weird (to have 2 moms), but now she gets it and even explained it to her little bro.
first of all i am straight. i dont think it matters if you are gay or straight. as long as we treat each with kindness. gay people are probably in most cases very similar to straight couples except the one obvious one. i dont think gay people are going to hit on the straight parents why would they want to make an uncomfortable situation for anyone. also they are not going ( i dont think) start talking about sex with our kids. do our straight friends do that....no.
Some people are more blunt than others and say what they think. Did she ask if the woman was gay or make the comment as you posted? Personally I think the question wasn't horrible but the comment was rude. I don't know I am not a fan of the Girl Scouts, I have found it to be a bunch of rude cliquish woman.
I don't think she can kick a kid of out a troop because she thinks the M. might be gay. I know that Boy Scouts does not allow gay leaders, but as for parents of the kids in the troop, that's another story. It was inappropriate to ask, and before she decides she is going to kick a kid out of the had best be ready for a complaint to council - due to her inappropriate behavior, she might be dis-leadered by council. A troop leader doesn't get to make that sort of decision.
Updated
I don't think she can kick a kid of out a troop because she thinks the M. might be gay. I know that Boy Scouts does not allow gay leaders, but as for parents of the kids in the troop, that's another story. It was inappropriate to ask, and before she decides she is going to kick a kid out of the had best be ready for a complaint to council - due to her inappropriate behavior, she might be dis-leadered by council. A troop leader doesn't get to make that sort of decision.
Do you know, for a fact, that she was trying to weed the people out of the group? Was that her intent on asking the question?
If so, then she should leave the scouts and not seek a leadership position from the other group she is considering joining.
Her social problems combined with ADHD and autism are no excuse for what we call "diarrhea of the mouth". I hope this is a good lesson for her to excercise self control and better manners.
If she just asked a rude question with no intent to harm, then she should apologize and the offended party should let it go.
EDIT* Don't feel bad about not helping her get a new group started! She shouldn't be in a leadership role in the first place if she exhibits so much drama.
