4 Year Old Boy Scared at Night

Updated on October 23, 2012
M.P. asks from Naperville, IL
8 answers

My four and a half year old boy is scared at bedtime every night. He's scared of monsters and ghosts and bad guys. I realize that a small portion of this may be a stall tactic but he legitimately cries, appears frightened and basically chases me out of the room telling me he's scared all by himself. Every night. Most nights, he ends up falling asleep at the top of the stairs so he can still see us and we move him from there into his bed. Several hours later he will migrate to our bedroom in the middle of the night. Every night. It's a little exhausting. Have you experienced this and if so, can you offer any suggestions that could calm him down, make him feel better and make the bedtime routine a little easier. Thanks!

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

Intelligent creative kids, tend to have a lot of trouble with this.

"Monster Spray" and "Dream Coins".

Monster spray is a squirt bottle with water and a little vanilla. Some people add Lavender. Have him go around the room and spray the areas that are scary to him.. He can do this every night or as needed.

Dream coins to you and me look like quarters, but they actually have protection powers. When these talisman are placed under his pillow, they keep nightmares stay away or go away.

My mom taught us that if you have a nightmare. Roll over to your other side and no more nightmares. It still works for me..

And then you can always give him his own flashlight. this way he can control it.

Our daughter liked a Book on CD or quiet music to be played..

Just keep walking him back to his room when he tries to get in your bed.

It is a phase, but he will grow out of it.

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K.W.

answers from Youngstown on

One trick I have heard of is give your son a spray bottle of water mixed with a little bit of glitter. Tell him it is monster spray and he can use it to help him be brave. Good luck, I know it is not a fun thing to go through.

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D.B.

answers from Chicago on

Did you try a nightlight?
What about leaving a hall light or a closet light on?
We leave the hallway light on all night. My girls do not like the dark. I'm sure they get that from me. I cannot sleep in the dark. I have never liked the dark. Even when it's just my husband and I alone overnight at a hotel, I have to leave a light on in the bathroom. I need some type of light. Always have, probably always will. My brother & I had our bedrooms in the upstairs of our house, my parents were on the first floor. I guess I never felt safe? Or maybe my parents left lights on for us as kids & I just got use to it? When my husbands out of town I have to keep the tv on all night so that I don't hear every noise. I'm sure that I have somehow created my kids to be the same way. :( cut him some slack... I feel for all kids who are afraid of the dark and bedtime. :)

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R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

You've received some good advice so the only thing I will add is that I've found the best way to deal with a fear is when a child isn't having it. In your son's case during the day or early evening read with him books about being afraid at night (ask the children's librarian at your local library for age-appropriate recommendations) and engage him in conversation about exactly what he's afraid of. Use logic and facts, but know they won't work when he's actually scared, which is why you need to do it before.

My guy is 3.5 and will occasionally say he's afraid and I'll remind him off what we talked or read about earlier. He'll say, "Oh, yeah!" and go right to sleep :)

Hang in there!

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Developmentally... ALL children go through and have general "fears" of which many of it comprises of night time, fears... the dark, monsters, night time noises, shadows etc.
Some kids, start to have night fears from 2 years old.
EVEN my 9 year old daughter, will still get scared at night of things at times.
Things that to an adult, is silly or not realistic.
But to a child, they go through this.
A child's mind/cognition/imagination... ALSO goes through changes and more development. And we certainly cannot turn "off" a person's imagination. And at this age they do not comprehend abstract things nor the rationale that adults have.

Even myself as a child, I got this way but was older than your son.
My parents, just knew it was childhood things and they never forced me to not be scared.
I slept in my parents bed too... I would creep down our LONG dark scary hallway JUST to be near them. I was close to them. They let me. They got sleep. I got sleep. They did not battle about it. They knew... I would grow out of it and I did. They never told me I was just manipulating them. I was not. But my other sibling, would make fun of me... but she was never close to my parents and was a cold individual.

This is NORMAL.
All kids, go through this.
He will grow out of it.

Also at this age, a child has nightmares. So that scares them too.

For me, I comforted my kids during bouts of this.
We'd take them outside with a flashlight to explain the nighttime noises they heard from outside. We told them its okay, they are kids, kids go through this. We let them keep a flashlight in their bed with them. And TONS of loveys in bed with them too.

Ask your parents, if you ever got afraid of the dark as a child or not?
Most kids do go through this. It reflects their changing developing cognition/imagination.

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B.F.

answers from Dallas on

So been there. No easy solutions. This is about defeating imagination and making his room seem safe and normal and boring. Maybe a white noise machine. It kind of drowns out the normal night noises. Let him leave the light on. Play in his room during the day. Let him clean the room with you so he knows every spot and dark corner. Does he have a friend or cousin who can spend a few nights with him? They can play in his room and make good memories there.
There's always time. We had several years of occasional night visits. I have to say I was at least as bad as a child! My sis and I shared a room and a bed all our lives. When she got married I was 15 and slept with the light on for 3 weeks! Lol!

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S.R.

answers from El Paso on

My daughter went through a phase where a nightlight was not enough. My mom got her this for Christmas last year. http://www.amazon.com/Aquarium-Lamp-Fish-Revolving-Aquati...

It was brighter (although we still kept the night light on) and had fish. Who doesn't like fish?? :) Especially when they're fake and mean you don't have any extra work! She loved this and it helped IMMENSELY with getting her to go to sleep on her own. I turned it off when I went in to check on her before I went to bed, but there's nothing that says it couldn't be left on. Good luck!

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M.E.

answers from Las Vegas on

Does he have a nightlight (maybe a super hero theme).
Does he have a super-hero that he favors that can be by his bedside to look over and protect him? Or maybe a picture of "mom & dad" by his bedside. Good Luck :-)

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